May 2015, Montverde Academy, Montverde, Florida, USA
Jack Black agreed to the high school speech because his stunt double's kids were in the graduating class
I'm going to use a microphone. I just wanted to show I didn't need it
I'm here for Jack and Zac Weightman.
I’ve known these kids since they were little ones, as you’ve heard my good friends Jimmy and Michelle, have been in my life for a long time, and yeah, Jimmy rescued me, on the set of a movie, I was in a movie called Tropic Thunder, and I had to ride a water buffalo, and it was a bucking bronco it turns out, and it threw me off. And i had a flipper view ... and Jimmy just kind of ran up ... what do you call that talent ... you’re like a miracle man. You saved me many times. He dresses up like me and jumps off of buildings. What, I’m going to say no? [when asked to speak]
But I told you, I don’t do these.
So wish me luck.
Just going to get a quick photo ...
[Selfie to cheers]
Just had a birthday, I got a seven and nine year old, and now they can see what they have to look forward to.
Um ... I wrote down a speech.
I’m going to read it from my iPhone because I can’t remember it.
Finishing touches this morning. It was a page one rewrite. The whole thing was garbage until this morning and now it’s awesome.
Hello, I’m Jack Black, and I’d like to offer my congratulations to the Montverde Academy graduating class of 2015 ... you did it!
You focused hard, you learned, you turned, you changed, you grew.
And all the while you were counting the minutes to this magical moment of freedom, yes ... freedom! This is real. Breathe in that big sigh of relief.
You put the time in, you kicked butt ... you know what, you’re parents aren’t in charge any more. You kicked ass.
It’s a cuss word.
It’s a swear word. But you’re graduates now, you can say that.
But I’m not here to drop a-bombs all day. I’m here to give you some golden nuggets of wisdom on how to move forward with the rest of your lives.
Your headmaster paid me 10 million of your tuition fees to speak, and I plan on giving you your money’s worth.
Golden nugget of wisdom number one: Take a minute and just enjoy life. Sniff those roses, you guys. Sniff deep, don’t just rush into life’s next chapter. You just climbed a mountain. Twelve years of nose top the grindstone. Don’t you want to just chill for a minute. Don’t you want top just chill for a minute? And by a minute, I mean, like, five years. Maybe ten. You need to just stare off into space for a while. Do a little fishing, questing, and catch up on the old Xbox, and recharge the batteries, and by batteries I mean these batteries [points to chest]. Soul batteries. Mom and dad have plenty of room, just stick around as long as you need.
Golden nugget of wisdom number two: Don’t go to college. It’s super expensive, and super hard. I slept through the whole thing. You know what they do? They make you sit in a movie theatre, but they don’t show movies! You got to listen to an old guy talk about crap, for hours! Seriously, don’t waste your time and money in college, unless you want to be a doctor ... the I totally get it. Nobody’s going to let you take out their spleen unless you’ve got a degree.
The rest of you, go read some books!
Golden nugget of wisdom number three: fake it until you make it.
Figure out what you want to do for the rest of your lives. .. that’s the hard part. But once you’ve figured that out, do a little google research, and then if anyone asks you if you have any experience in the field, ALWAYS SAY YES!
Never say no.
That’s the key. You figure it out along the way, I’m the master. That’s the key. Do you think Einstein knew what he was doing before he solved the riddles of the universe? Hell no he didn't. He faked it. Fake it until you make it!
Golden nugget of wisdom number four: and this is the most important one. Do not listen to me. I don't know jack diddly squat about nothing, I'm just a really good looking rocker that stumbled into a tremendous acting career. Never listen to dudes like me ever. My ego is so big I don't even realize I'm talking until I hear the applause.
You gotta listen to your parents, you gotta listen to your teachers, you gotta listen to your friends ... everyone who helped you to get to this magical moment where you are right now.
Listen to those people, because they’re going to help you move forward.
And never forget this moment. This moment right here, this is the most important moment in your lives. You will get married, you will get promotions, you will have babies, but nothing will measure up to this because this is the only time in your lives that Jack Black will toss you some nuggets ... it’s your high school graduation!