25 March 2000, Michelton Winery, Nagambie, Victoria, Australia
Note from Richard: What I love about this speech is that it is so my brother: minimal effort put in (he wrote it in the car on the way up to Nagambie), very brief, cheap laughs
This is the first time I’ve been a best man. Thinking about it makes me wonder what the record is for being best man the most number of times. Personally I have no ambition to compete for that record. My satisfaction is in performing the function for my brother.
I have enjoyed it so far. That’s probably because I haven’t stuffed anything up yet, at least none that you’ve noticed.
The vital part, I’m relieved to say, is successfully completed. I managed to steer Richard to the right wedding, at the right time, and get him married to the right bride.
And the ‘right’ in front of ‘bride’ is the most meaningful.
Kerri, you know the saying, ‘Behind every great man there’s... an even greater woman! And I’m sure that’s where Richard would like to think he is - in front. Unless there’s house duties to do, like setting the table — knife, fork, spoons ... where he may lag behind somewhat.
Richard, I’m sure you were fearing this speech because it’s supposed to disclose things about you that you don’t want disclosed. Having known Rich all my life, I could talk about embarrassing moments when he was young, school memories from old report cards —Physical Education. Quote “Natural Athlete— can’t put a foot wrong’ followed by Maths — ‘cant put a foot right’ and to this day Richard still thinks a square foot is a physical defect. Drinking Sessions, who can ever forget the epic tale of drinking Scotch with Fanta — to improve the taste! And even talk about old girlfriends .... but this isn’t a 21st speech.
Speaking of girls —and some special ones at that — they are the bridesmaids, to whom Richard has complimented this evening. It’s my privilege to acknowledge your kind words on their behalf.
Right before I sit down, let me finish off by saying I’m extremely proud and pleased to see you marry the lovely Kerri, who I’ve grown to know and love.
Kerri and Richard, I echo the wishes of everyone who knows you when I wish you all the happiness in the world in your future together.