Aired 23 July 2010, Los Angeles, USA
And thank you so very much and good night.
Oh, Jason Alexander, you are such a treat.
You know, I was expecting you to be just dreadful.
Well, in all fairness, I was basing that on everything you've ever done, but-- But isn't this just wonderful?
I mean, all you youngsters getting together to tell naughty jokes.
It's like the great roasts I went to in the good old days.
Of course, you wouldn't have been allowed in, Nichelle.
Oh, we had our fun.
You know, I've been a huge Trekkie ever since the show first aired.
And that's why I'm so thrilled to see Nichelle and George Takei here tonight.
'Cause, let's face it-- we all know Shatner's nuts.
But George has actually tasted them.
Oh, it always makes me laugh when I see Artie Lang onstage, knowing I'm gonna outlive him.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, but you know who I love.
Look at that Patton Oswalt.
He's like a plump little troll.
Backstage I caught him going up on Farrah Fawcett.
Oh, Farrah, you know I don't mean any of this.
I feel such a special connection to you, Farrah.
I'm in my 80s, and that's the last decade you mattered.
And who else is here tonight?
Uh, where's Spock?
And James Spader?
And Bones and Scotty and...
Oh, Bill, all your friends are either dead or they hate you.
To be fair, I'm a little of column A and a little of column B.
But you look great.
You know, they make 1% milk now.
Darling, you were supposed to explore the galaxy.
Not fill it.
All joking aside, Bill can be quite a charmer.
I'm not ashamed to say that I once had sex with Bill Shatner.
[cheering] Oh, you should have seen him sweating and grunting and so red in the face and wheezing.
Finally, I said, "Bill, you better hurry up and finish.
In two minutes, they're gonna start the roast." Of course, I'm still joking.
Bill is a happily married man.
I caught the bouquet at Bill's wedding.
And I hope I'm still around to catch the cock ring at Sulu's.
Bill, the truth is, I dearly love you.
I've always admired you as an actor.
I think you're funny and smart and kind.
And I was so excited when I found out I'd be working with you onBoston Legal.
Till I worked with you onBoston Legal.