for Zarese's 21st: 'So we can see here that speeches with graphs are just as awesome as speeches with embarrassing stories', by Jeremy - 2009

February 2009, unknown, Australia

I've only known Zarese for less than 2 years and there are many people here tonight who have known her for much longer and those people are the ones that have all the awesome embarrassing stories that you've been waiting for up to 21 years to be able to tell, in this very situation, to a room full of people like this.

And its true, speeches with embarrassing stories are generally more awesome than those without embarrassing stories, as you can see here.

(Such a geek!)
Yes, I'm a huge nerd and I'm using graphs in my speech but who of you who know me are actually that surprised? So we can see here that speeches speeches with graphs are just as awesome as speeches with embarrassing stories and both are definitely more awesome than speeches without embarrassing stories.

But speeches with *3D* graphs are even more awesome!

I'm not going to talk about how Zarese and I met, but I feel obliged to give a shout out toforward slash / Zarese But seriously, without I would not be here making this speech.

Tonight is about Zarese, and tonight is a celebration of the amazing young woman she has become and the journey she has taken to get here. As I said before, I've known Zarese for not even two years, but even so there is a lot I can tell you about her.

She's intelligent, she's funny, she's caring and she loves singing. (That's very generous on the singing!) I'm pretty sure she loves singing, because I've always got a live backup singer next to me in the car and she's looks like she's always having a good time.

Most of you already know that Zarese loves singing right? And as you can see she's doing pretty well against the average person, except for singing, but most of you know that as well.

What most of you wont know, but some of you will know very well, is that Zarese is an independent womana very independent woman.

And to quote Beyonce and friends in one of my personal favourite tunes of all time, Independent Woman Part 1. Not to be confused with Independent Woman Part 2, which is also awesome.

The shoes on my feet, I've got it.
The clothes I'm wearing, I've got it.
The rock I'm rockin', I've got it.
Because I depend on me.

Now as we can see here, Zarese is very independent There's 'Stuff I've Got' - the shoes on her feet and the clothes she's wearin'. But she's not into bling and all that stuff, so this is the stuff she doesn't want but could have. It's no lie, Zarese is an independent woman but when I've had a bad day, which thankfully isn't too often, she's always there to say the right thing to make me feel good at the end of the day.

And because of my pretty hectic lifestyle I eat a lot of McDonalds and other bad but so so tasty fast food, but Zarese is always there trying to get me into the kitchen and cooking a good meal to keep me healthy. She's a full-time Uni student and she's supporting herself, living in her own place which is more than I can say for myself when I was going through Uni.

And on top of that, she's getting better marks than I did too and there's no doubt in my mind that whatever Zarese sets her sights on she will achieve. Zarese is amazingly organised in all aspects of her life and I think this is why before you today stands someone who's grown from an amazing young girl to an amazing young woman at age 21.

If she's already come so far by 21, who knows how far she'll go?

Thanks to the power of graphs, I think I've got it worked out.

This is Zarese up to age 21.  And Zarese at age 21 is an amazingly mature young woman and has 1 1/2 years of university left before she graduates and takes the world by storm. And for reference I've compared her with someone else.  (Yeah Zarese! Wooooo!)

Sarah Palin, age 21. Loves mooses, just left university to attend community college, and that's not a joke. She loves mooses and at age 21 she actually quit university to attend community college. So by age 44, Sarah Palin, the red line, was almost vice-president of the USA. So according to this graph, at age 44Zarese would probably be ruling the planet earth or at least be vice-ruler of the planet.

And it would probably look something like this
(peeps are shouting out mad love for Zarese right now)

(For realz yo.)
So let's all raise our glasses for Zarese

Happy Birthday, the world's in front of you, it's yours to take it.