21 May, 2011, USA
[Enters to 'Old Time Rock n Roll']
My last day of high school went a little like this.
7am Waking up in the morning. Gotta be fresh. I gotta have my bowl! I’ve got to have cereal. I’ve gotta to get to the bus stop to get my bus. Wait! I see my friends. [inaudible] in the front seat, [inaudible] in the back seat. I gotta to make up my mind. Which seat can I take? As I try to make this life changing decision I thought to myself, ‘it’s Friday’. Good Friday. I’ve got to get down on Friday. Everybody is looking forward to the weekend. Friday. Friday. Partyin’! Partyin! Yeah! Fun, fun, fun, fun. Looking forward to the weekend. Time was running by so fast and then I remembered, ‘I have a speech to write for graduation’. Yesterday was Thursday - Thursday - which makes today Friday, Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday, and then Sunday comes afterwards. Only a couple of days left until the biggest moment in our high school careers.
We’re so excited. We’re so excited! Looking forward to the weekend.
Saturday came around I thought of all the times we’d never said never. Class of 2011, I’m going to tell you one time! Your world has been my world. Your fight my fight. And your breath has been my breath. And we’ve needed some Tic Tacs along the way. You know you love me, and I know you care, so just shout never and I’ll be there. Only for games, or just a text, I’ll be in college soon so I won’t have time or money to drive to some [inaudible].
Um, eeeny meeny, miney, mo - Ryan. [singling] You smile, I smile.
Guys I know we’re all very charming, so I’m going to need a tally. I mean I can put me down for at least one [inaudible] girl. Spencer, can I put you down for a two a week? We all should just pull our weight on this one. I know we’d rather study but it’s a sacrifice we should make. For all the girls.
As I imagined today’s speeches, that were going to be given, I thought ‘that should be me holding her hand’, figuratively of course, that should be me making you laugh, that should be me staying so sad, that should be me, that should be me.
I wrote this next part as a tribute to my favourite math teacher. ‘Never never never never never. I never thought that I’d see so much homework / I never thought that I’d be bored to tears /And there’s just no turning back / I really don’t dig this math / I gotta give everything I have /It’s trigonometry!’ You know I’m just joking Mr Edgar. You’re not really my favourite math teacher.
No but seriously, I’d like to share a dream I’ve had with you. A dream that has been reoccurring over the years. Don’t worry, not that dream. This is a dream where I stand in front of my friends, my family and my academic adjudicators, and congratulate the class of 2011 on a job - done. Today that dream of mine has become a reality. So congratulations class of 2011 -
[singing] ‘Looks like we made it’
Oh I forgot to mention. I dream in musicals.
It’s as [inaudible] says, ‘Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, and so is tomorrow.’
And now, for a man who needs no introduction.
[walks off to laughter]