Grace Tame: 'To my fellow survivors – it is our time', National Press Club - 2021

3 March 2020, National Press Club, Canberra, Australia

In April of 2010, I was battling severe anorexia. Truth be told, I still am.

This illness had nearly taken my life the year prior, and seen me hospitalised twice. Bone thin and downed in fine down hairs from malnourishment, I was picked on for the way I looked. My mum was eight months pregnant at 45. I was a 15-year-old student at a private girls’ school in Hobart.

I arrived later to discover the rest of my Year 10 classmates were attending a driving lesson off campus I had completely forgotten about. Lapses like this weren’t uncommon – I was barely there. One of the senior teachers saw me walking around aimlessly in the courtyard. He was very well respected, the head of maths and science at the school for nearly 20 years. He taught me in Year 9. I thought he was funny. He told me he had a free period and asked me to chat with him in his office. He asked me about my illness, I talked, he listened. He promised to help me, to guide me in my recovery.

As a teenager with no frame of reference, and thinking nothing odd of this, I told my mother about the conversation. My parents had a meeting with the school principal, requesting the teacher stay away from me. In (a) meeting I then had, I think to apologise to him for putting him in this position in front of the principal. I was told I had done something wrong.

Thus, the first seeds of terror, confusion, and self-doubt were sewn in my mind. Indeed, it didn’t make sense. In secret, he was adamant I still come to see him. To talk. My parents were against me, he insisted. I was not to tell them because they wouldn’t understand. Pregnant women, he said, were full of hormones. That must be why my mother and I were arguing.

He gave me a key in his office, where it was always music playing, and the same music always, Simon and Garfunkel. Over a period of months he made me feel safe. I was sexually abused as a six-year-old by an older child who told me to undress in a closet before molesting me. He told me he would never hurt me. Until he did. By way of a masterful re-enactment I didn’t see coming. With a closet. And an instruction to undress.

Most of you know the story from there. That is, how I lost my virginity to a 58-year-old paedophile and spent the next six months being raped by him at school nearly every day on the floor of his office. When I reported him to police, he found 28 multimedia files of child pornography on his computer. As per the lasting impact of and manipulative grooming and a four months after the abuse, I effectively defended him in my statement. I was terrified he would find out I betrayed him and he would kill me. He was two years in jail for maintaining a sexual relationship with a person under the age of 17.

Repairing myself in the aftermath of all this was not a simple, linear undertaking. For every step forward, there were steps back and to the side, and some almost off the edge. I saw counsellor after counsellor. But I also abused drugs, drank, moved overseas, cut myself, threw myself into study, dyed my hair, made amazing friendships, got ugly tattoos, worked for my childhood hero, found myself in violent relationships, practised yoga, even became a yoga teacher.

I starved, I binged, and I starved again. One of the toughest challenges on my road to recovery was trying to speak about something we were taught is unspeakable. I felt completely disconnected from myself and everyone around me. Many people didn’t know how to respond. That said, the ones who listened, the ones who were eager to understand, even when they couldn’t, made all the difference.

Still, the doubt lingered. How could I have been so stupid, as to not see what this man was doing from the outset? Was it my fault? Should I have known it was a lie when he said he learned more from me than any of his other students? Maybe I should have been more alarmed when he asked me if I knew where my clitoris was. It was when the perpetrator was released after serving 19 months for abusing me, correction, maintaining a sexual relationship with me as a 15-year-old, and then spoke freely to the media about how awesome it was, I realised we had this all around the wrong way.

Add the fact this man was awarded a federally funded PhD scholarship to the only university in my state. My mother was studying there. She soon dropped out because of his presence. In fact, he was put in student accommodation. Despite multiple reports to police by fellow students of his predatory behaviour, and once again convicted and jailed for his vulgar public comments during his PhD tenure, he was eventually awarded a doctorate.

After all this, it became quite obvious to me why child sex abuse remains ubiquitous in our society, while predators retain the power to get what they want, to objectify their targets through free speech, the innocent, survivors and bystanders alike, are burdened by a shame-induced silence.

I connected with groundbreaking fellow survivor and journalist, Nina Funnell. I needed to raise awareness and educate others about sexual abuse and the prolonged psychological manipulation that belies it. After months of recounting, retraumatising details, tearfully transposed by Nina, we discovered we were barred by section 194k of Tasmania’s evidence act, that made it illegal for survivors of child sexual abuse to be identified by the media, even after turning 18, even with their consent. Nina created the Let Her Speak campaign to reform this law. We were then joined by 16 other brave survivors who lent their stories to the cause. The law was officially changed in April last year, almost 10 years to the day from the beginning of my story.

It is so important for our nation, the whole world, in fact, to listen to survivors’ stories. “Whilst they’re disturbing to hear, the reality of what goes on behind closed doors is more so. And the more details we omit for fear of disturbance, the more we soften these crimes. The more we shield perpetrators from the shame that is resultedly misdirected to their targets. “When we share, we heal, reconnect, and grow. Both as individuals and as a united strengthened collective. History, lived experience, the whole truth, unsanitised, and unedited, is our greatest learning resource. It is what informs social and structural change. The upshot of allowing predators a voice but not survivors encourages the criminal behaviour.

Through working with Nina, finally winning the right to speak, and talking with fellow campaign survivors and countless other women and men who have since come forward, it has become clear that there is the potential to do so much more to support survivors of child sexual abuse to thrive in life, beyond their trauma. And more so, to end child sexual abuse. It is my mission to do so. And it begins right now. As a fortunate nation, we have a particular obligation to protect our most vulnerable. Our innocent children, and especially those further disadvantaged through circumstance, being part of a minority group, or geographical location. And there are three key areas that we can focus on to achieve this.

Number one, how we invite, listen, and accept the conversation, and lived experience of child sexual abuse survivors. You have heard me say it before, it all starts with conversation. Number two, what we do to expand our understanding of this heinous crime, in particular, the grooming process, through both formal and informal education. Number three, how we provide a consistent national framework that supports survivors and their loved ones, not just in their recovery, but also to disempower and deter predators from action.

So, what is it that we must do? First and foremost, let’s keep talking about it. It’s that simple. Let’s start by opening up. It is up to us as a community, as a country, to create a space, a national movement where survivors feel supported and free to share their truths. Let’s drive a paradigm shift of shame away from those who have been abused and onto abusive behaviour. Let’s share the platform to remind all survivors that their individual voice matters amongst the collective. Every story is imbued with unique catalytic educative potential that can only be told by the subject. Let us genuinely listen, actively, without judgment, and without advice to demonstrate empathy and reinsure it never was our fault. Further to this point, while I must express my unflinching gratitude for this new-found platform, I would like to take this particular opportunity to directly address the media with a constructive reminder – the need for which has become starkly apparent to me this past month.

Hosts, reporters, journalists, I say to you – listening to survivors is one thing – repeatedly expecting people to relive their trauma on your terms, without our consent, without prior warning, is another. It’s sensation. It’s commodification of our pain. It’s exploitation. It’s the same abuse. Of all the many forms of trauma, rape has the highest rate of PTSD. Healing from trauma does not mean it’s forgotten, nor the symptoms never felt again. Trauma lives on in ourselves. Our unconscious bodies are steps ahead of our conscious minds. When we’re triggered, we’re at the mercy of our emotional brain. In this state, it’s impossible to discern between past and present. Such is retraumatisation.

I cried more than once while writing this. Just because I’m been recognised for my story doesn’t mean it’s fair game anywhere, any time. It doesn’t get any easier to tell. I may be strong, but I’m human, just like everyone else. By definition, truths cannot be forced. So grant us the respect and patience to share them on our own terms, rather than barking instructions that take us back to your darkest moment, and ‘tell us about being raped’. The cycle of abuse cannot be broken simply by replaying case histories, we cannot afford to back track. Else, we’ll go around in circles, trapped in a painful narrative, and we’ll all get tired, both as speakers and listeners. We’ll want to switch off and give up. And retreat once more into silence.

On average, it takes 23.9 years for survivors of child sexual abuse to be able to speak about their experiences. Such is the success of predators at instilling fear and self-doubt in the minds of their targets. More so than they are masters of destroying our trust in others, perpetrators are masters of destroying our trust in our own judgment. In ourselves. Such is the power of shame. A power, though, that is no match for love. When I disclosed my abuse to another of my teachers, Dr William Simon, his absolute belief in me was the only assurance I needed to tell the police. It helped me recover a little of my lost faith in humanity. There certainly isn’t a single rigid solution. Solutions will naturally come in due course by allowing and enabling voices to be heard.

Certainly, talking about child sexual abuse won’t eradicate it, but we can’t fix a problem we don’t discuss, so it begins with conversation. Which brings me to my second point: from there, we need to expand the conversation to create more awareness and education. Particularly around the process of grooming.

Grooming – it’s a concept that makes us wince and shudder and as such, we rarely hear about it. To the benefit of perpetrators. While it haunts us, and we avoid properly breaking it down, the complexity and secrecy of this criminal behaviour is what predators thrive on. In turn, we enable them to charm and manipulate not just their targets, but all of us at once, family, friends, colleagues and community members, and this must stop. Our discomfort, our fear, and resulting ignorance needs to stop giving perpetrators the power and confidence that allows them to operate.

As a start, we should all be aware of what has been identified as the six phases of grooming, that certainly ring true in my experience. Number one, targeting. That is, identifying a vulnerable individual. In my case, I was an innocent child, but I was anorexic, with significant change happening at home. Number two, gaining trust. That is, establishing a friendship and falsely lulling the target into a sense of security, by empathising and assuring safety. For me, that is what I thought was listening to my challenges. Empathising with my situation, and providing me a safe space to retreat to when I needed it. Number three, filling a need. That is, playing the person that fills the gap in a target’s mental and emotional support. In my case, although I was surrounded by an incredibly attentive family and team of medical professionals, most of their support came in the form of tough love. The teacher thus assumed the role of sympathiser, telling me what I wanted to hear. Number four, isolating, driving wedges between the target and their genuine supporters. This involves pushing certain people away, but exploiting others. I remember studying the film Iron Jawed Angels in history. The main character is force fed, much like I had been. Aware of my distress upon seeing this, my history teacher quietly led me out of the classroom. I said nothing. But she took me straight to his office. Where she left me with him. Panicked, in tears. It wasn’t until many years later I questioned why she and other staff would take me to him when I was upset. Staff he privately mocked and referred to as ‘the menopausal virgins club’. He must have told them. Number five, sexualising. That is, gradually introducing sexual content as to normalise it. In my case, in conjunction with subtly explicit conversation, I was carefully exposed to material that glorified relationships between characters with significant age differences. There was one film in particular he made me watch, called The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, the last line of which, ‘Give me a girl at an impressible age, and she is mine for life’.

And remember how I said Simon and Garfunkel was always playing? Their music was the soundtrack to The Graduate. He made me watch that too. It was, both literally and figuratively, The Sound of Silence. You know the lyrics. The vision that was planted in my brain, still remains, within The Sound of Silence. Number six, maintaining control. That is, striking a perfect balance between causing pain and providing relief from that pain. To condition the target to feel guilt at the thought of exposing a person that also appears to care for them. Abusers scare you into silent submission. At over six foot, he towered above me. He once told me a story about a friend of his who sought revenge on a woman by digging her eyes out with a spoon. He told me he killed people as a soldier. He’d also sit outside on my street at night in his car, to watch me undress through the window. I was already embarrassed by my shape as a young teenager in eating disorder recovery. I remember standing naked behind his desk after he had just raped me, and asking him if he thought I was fat. He looked me up and down and said, ‘You could do with some more exercise’. Like I was a dog. But he also told me I was beautiful. See, how it is all stiflingly, painfully complex?

But as we talk more about child sexual abuse, our lived experiences and what we know, our understanding of this premeditated evil will continue to develop. We need to warn our children, age appropriately, of the signs and characteristic behaviours, while educating how to report it, should it happen to them, or to those around them. This is a serious enough topic, unfortunately too common in occurrence for us to hope that kids know this. So I challenge our education system to look for ways to more formally educate our children. Because we know that education is our primary means of prevention.

And finally, to my third point, we need structural change. A national system that supports and protects survivors and deals with crimes in proportion to their severity. Let’s start by considering the implications of linguistics related to offences. Through Let Her Speak campaign efforts, we saw the wording of my abuser’s charge officially changed from maintaining a sexual relationship to a person under 17, to the persistent sexual abuse of a child. Think about the difference in the crime according to the language of both of these. Think about the message it sends to the community. Think about the message it sends survivors. Where empathy is placed, where blame is placed, and how punishment is then given. We need to protect our children not just from the physical, mental, and emotional pain of these hideous crimes, but from the long lasting sometimes lifelong trauma that accompanies it. Whilst national structural change is no small feat, nor is educating our children on the dangers and the complexities of grooming, it is work that needs to be done and we need to start somewhere.

Let’s start by reviewing our linguistics and agreeing between ourselves. We have eight different state and territory jurisdictions and eight different definitions of consent. We need to agree on something as absolute as what consent is. We need a uniform, state and federal, national standard definition of consent. Only then can we effectively teach this fundamentally important principle consistently around Australia.

Since I was announced as Australian of the Year just over a month ago, hundreds of fellow child sexual abuse survivors have reached out to me to tell their stories. To cry with me. Stories they thought they would take with them to the grave, out of shame for being subjected to something that was not their fault. Stories of a kind of suffering they had previously never been able to explain. Stories of grooming. I am one of the luckiest ones. Who survived, who was believed, who was surrounded by love.

And what this shows me is that despite this problem still existing, and despite a personal history of trauma that is still ongoing, it is possible to heal, to thrive, and live a wonderful life. It is my mission and my duty as a survivor and as a survivor with a voice to continue working towards eradicating child sexual abuse. I won’t stop until it does.

And so, I leave you with these three messages – number one, to our government – our decision-makers, and our policymakers – we need reform on a national scale. Both in policy and education. To address these heinous crimes so they are no longer enabled to be perpetrated. Number two, to my nation, the wonderful people of Australia – we need to be open, to embrace the conversation, new information, and take guidance from our experiences so we can inform change. So we can heal and prevent this happening to future generations.

Number three, and finally, to my fellow survivors – it is our time. We need to take this opportunity. We need to be bold and courageous. Recognise that we have a platform on which I stand with you in solidarity and support. Share your truth. It is your power. One voice, your voice, and our collective voices can make a difference. We are on the precipice of a revolution whose call to action needs to be heard loud and clear. That’s right. You got it. Let’s keep making noise, Australia.”

Grace Tame: 'Let's make some noise', Australian of the Year acceptance -2021

25 January 2021, National Arboretum, Canberra, Australia

Straight to the pool room!

Firstly I'd like to acknowledge and pay my respects to the traditional owners of this land, there are still voices yet to be heard.

Prime Minister, fellow nominees, mum, dad, Oscar, the rest of my family and friends, Max, Let Her Speak creator Nina Funnell, the campaign partners and the 16 other brave campaign survivors, thank you.

All survivors of child sexual abuse, this is for us.

I lost my virginity to a paedophile. I was 15, anorexic; he was 58, he was my teacher.

For months he groomed me and then abused me almost every day. Before school, after school, in my uniform, on the floor.

I didn't know who I was.

Publicly he described his crimes as 'awesome' and 'enviable'. Publicly I was silenced by law. Not anymore.

Australia, we've come a long way but there's still more work to do in a lot of areas.

Child sexual abuse and cultures that enable it still exist. Grooming and its lasting impacts are not widely understood.

Predators manipulate all of us. Family, friends, colleagues, strangers, in every class, culture and community. They thrive when we fight amongst ourselves and weaponise all of our vulnerabilities.

Trauma does not discriminate, nor does it end when the abuse itself does.

First Nations people, people with disabilities, the LGBTQI community and other marginalised groups face even greater barriers to justice.

Every voice matters.

Just as the impacts of evil are borne by all of us, so too are solutions borne of all of us.

I was abused by a male teacher. But one of the first people I told was also a male teacher, and he believed me.

This year and beyond my focus is on empowering survivors and education as a primary means of prevention.

It starts with conversation.

We're all welcome at this table. Communication breeds understanding and understanding is the foundation of progress.

Lived experience informs structural and social change.

When we share, we heal.

Space to play or pause, M to mute, left and right arrows to seek, up and down arrows for volume.

Yes, discussion of child sexual abuse is uncomfortable. But nothing is more uncomfortable than the abuse itself. So let us redirect this discomfort to where it belongs: at the feet of perpetrators of these crimes.

Together we can redefine what it means to be a survivor.

Together we can end child sexual abuse; survivors be proud, our voices are changing history.

Eleven years ago, I was in hospital; anorexic with atrophied muscles, I struggled to walk. Last year I won a marathon.

We do transform as individuals. And we do transform as a community.

When I first reported, I was shamed and ridiculed by some.

But now my truth is helping to reconnect us.

I know who I am, I'm a survivor. A proud Tasmanian.

I remember him towering over me, blocking the door.

I remember him saying, 'Don't tell anybody.'

I remember him saying, 'Don't make a sound.'

Well hear me now. Using my voice, amongst a growing chorus of voices that will not be silenced.

Let's make some noise, Australia."

Rachael Denhollander: "So, I ask, how much is a little girl worth?", victim impact statement, Larry Nassar sentencing - 2018

24 January 2018, Ingham County Circuit Court, Ingham County, Michigan, USA

I do want to thank you, first, Judge Aquilina, for giving all of us the chance to reclaim our voices. Our voices were taken from us for so long, and I'm grateful beyond what I can express that you have given us the chance to restore them.

There are two major purposes in our criminal justice system, your Honor: the pursuit of justice and the protection of the innocent. Neither of these purposes can be met if anything less than the maximum available sentence under the plea agreement is imposed upon Larry for his crimes. Not because the federal sentence he will already serve is lacking, but because the sentence rendered today will send a message across this country, a message to every victim and a message to every perpetrator.

I realize you have many factors to consider when you fashion your sentence, but I submit to you that the pre-eminent question in this case as you reach a decision about how best to satisfy the dual aims of this court is the same question that I asked Judge Neff to consider: How much is a little girl worth? How much is a young woman worth?

Larry is a hardened and determined sexual predator. I know this first-hand. At age 15, when I suffered from chronic back pain, Larry sexually assaulted me repeatedly under the guise of medical treatment for nearly a year. He did this with my own mother in the room, carefully and perfectly obstructing her view so she would not know what he was doing. His ability to gain my trust and the trust of my parents, his grooming and carefully calculated brazen sexual assault was the result of deliberate, premeditated, intentional and methodological patterns of abuse -- patterns that were rehearsed long before I walked through Larry's exam room door and which continue to be perpetrated I believe on a daily basis for 16 more years, until I filed the police report.

Larry's the most dangerous type of abuser. One who is capable of manipulating his victims through coldly calculated grooming methodologies, presenting the most wholesome, caring external persona as a deliberate means to insure a steady stream of children to assault. And while Larry is unlikely to live past his federal sentence, he is not the only predator out there and this sentence will send a message about how seriously abuse will be taken.

So, I ask, how much is a little girl worth? How much priority should be placed on communicating that the fullest weight of the law will be used to protect another innocent child from the soul shattering devastation that sexual assault brings? I submit to you that these children are worth everything. Worth every protection the law can offer. Worth the maximum sentence.

The second aim of this court and our criminal justice system is to pursue justice for the victims that have already been harmed. And this aim too can only be realized by imposing the maximum sentence under the plea agreement and in reaching this decision too, we also must answer the question, how much was a little girl worth? How much were these young women worth? This time however, the little girls in question are not potential victims. They are real women and children, real women and little girls who have names and faces and souls. Real women and children whose abuse and suffering was enjoyed for sexual fulfillment by the defendant.

I believe sometimes, your honor, that when we're embroiled in a legal dispute the words of our legal system designed to categorize and classify and instruct can inadvertently sterilize the harsh realities of what has taken place. They can serve as a shield against the horror of what we are really discussing. And this must not ever happen. Because if the truth about what Larry has done must be realized to its fullest depth if justice is to ever be served.

And so for a moment, your honor, I, like every woman who's come before you, want to take a moment to drop that shield. Larry meticulously groomed me for the purpose of exploiting me for his sexual gain. He penetrated me, he groped me, he fondled me. And then he whispered questions about how it felt.

He engaged in degrading and humiliating sex acts without my consent or permission. And Larry enjoyed it. Larry sought out and took pleasure in little girls and women being sexually injured and violated because he liked it. And as I and so many other women and little girls were being violated, Larry found sexual satisfaction in our suffering. As we were being sexually violated even as very young children, as young as 6 years old, Larry was sexually aroused by our humiliation and our pain. He asked us how it felt because he wanted to know. What was done to myself and these other women and little girls and the fact that our sexual violation was enjoyed by Larry matters. It demands justice and the sentence you impose today will send a message about how much these precious women and children are worth. You have seen our pictures, your honor -- moments in time captured when they were young and vulnerable and violated.

I think of the young girl that I was and the little girls and young women all of these survivors were every day. I feel like I see them in the faces of my two precious daughters. When I watch my daughters' eyes light up as they dance to The Nutcracker, I remember the little girl that I and all of these women used to be. The sparkle their eyes must have had as mine did before their innocence was taken. I watched my daughters love and trust unreservedly and I remember the long road that it has been to let myself love and be loved without fear. I think of the scars that still remain for all of us.

One of the worst parts of this entire process was knowing as I began to realize what had happened to me how many other little girls had been left destroyed, too. I was barely 15 when Larry began to abuse me and as I lay on the table each time and try to reconcile what was happening with the man Larry was held out to be, there were three things I was very sure of. First, it was clear to me this was something Larry did regularly. Second, because this was something Larry did regularly, it was impossible that at least some women and girls had not described what was going on to officials at MSU and USAG. I was confident of this. And third, I was confident that because people at MSU and USAG had to be aware of what Larry was doing and had not stopped him, there could surely be no question about the legitimacy of his treatment. This must be medical treatment. The problem must be me.

And because I had friends who were physical therapists who practiced legitimate internal pelvic floor techniques, I also knew at 15 that to practice this you must have specialized training and certification. Surely anyone who had heard that Larry was penetrating little girls would have demanded to know where he got his training, and if there was any question he would've never been allowed near me.

And so, I lay still and on the first two points, I was right. It was something he did often. And others had described Larry's treatment before. In fact, though I didn't know it at the time, four girls and women had described in detail to three different athletic departments at MSU what he was doing and his penetration and their belief that they had been sexually assaulted. It was reported to Kathie Klages, MSU's head gymnastics coach, to a track coach and to multiple athletic trainers and supervisors years before I walked into Larry's door.

But I was wrong in my third belief. I was wrong that surely, if someone had been made aware of what Larry was doing they would report it and ensure it was legitimate before ever allowing him near another child. I did not know when I was 15 that in 1997, three years before I walked into Larry's exam room that MSU's head gymnastics coach, Kathie Klages, had waved a report form in front of Larissa Boyce after being told by two separate gymnasts of what Larry was doing and told Larissa there would be consequences for her if she reported.

I did not know that Tiffany Thomas Lopez had reported the penetration and sexual assault to athletic trainer, Destiny Teachnor-Hauk, and to other athletic trainers and supervisors two years before I walked into Larry's door.

I did not know that Christie Achenbach had reported the penetration and sexual assault to her track coach and her athletic trainers and had also been silenced a full year before I walked into Larry's door. I did not know that Jennifer Bedford had also reported to Destiny Teachnor-Hauk and asked if she could file a report that Larry's treatment made her feel uncomfortable and that she had also been silenced.

I believed the adults at MSU surrounding Larry would do the right thing if they were aware of what Larry was doing, and I was terribly wrong. And discovering that I could not only trust my abuser but I could not trust the people surrounding him has been devastating. It is part of the consequences of sexual assault, and it needs to be taken seriously.

I did not know that at the same time Larry was penetrating me, USAG was systematically burying reports of sexual assault against member coaches in a file cabinet instead of reporting them, creating a culture where predators like Larry and so many others in the organization up to the highest-level coaches were able to sexually abuse children, including our Olympians, without any fear of being caught.

I did not know that, contrary to my belief, the elite gymnasts whose pictures were plastered on Larry's wall were far from protected. That USAG, rather than supervising Larry, was allowing him to treat these girls in their own beds without even having a medical license in Texas.

I did not know any of these things, and so as Larry was abusing me each time, I assured myself it must be fine because I thought I could trust the adults around me. My misplaced trust in my physician and my misplaced trust in the adults around me were wielded like a weapon, and it cost me dearly. And it follows me everywhere.

I would like to take a moment now to address both organizations whose failures led to my sexual assault because it is part of the consequences that I now carry. ... MSU, we have been telling our stories for more than 18 months, and you have yet to answer a single question I have asked. Every time I repeat these facts about the number of women who reported to employees at MSU and were silenced, you respond the exact same way. You issue a press statement saying there is no cover-up because no one who heard the reports of assaults believed that Larry was committing abuse.

You play word games saying you didn't know because no one believed. I know that. And the reason everyone who heard about Larry's abuse did not believe it is because they did not listen. They did not listen in 1997 or 1998 or 1999 or 2000 or 2004 or 2014. No one knew, according to your definition of know, because no one handle(d) the reports of abuse properly.

Victims were silenced, intimidated, repeatedly told it was medical treatment and even forced to go back for continued sexual assault. You have stated in a motion to dismiss our civil suit that, ironically, is being heard right now in court as I am speaking. That the reports that were given in 1997, '89, ;99 and 2000 to track coaches, head gymnastic coaches and athletic trainers and supervisors don't, quote, count as notice because these teenagers didn't report it to the right official. The 14-year-old didn't go to the right person.

You have stated that no reports of sexual assault count as notice unless it is reported to a person who is capable of firing the alleged perpetrator. This entirely contradicts the letter that president Simon sent all 11,000 MSU employees in 2012 reminding them that MSU policy requires them to report any suspected child abuse and any allegations of sexual assault against someone at MSU. So, MSU, which is it? Do your employees have a duty to protect children or not?

It has been 18 months, and I am still asking the same questions hoping that the little girls that come after me will have adults that they can trust. And I've been getting the same answer for a year, and so I am asking point-blank again, when Kathie Klages humiliated Larissa Boyce and the second gymnast, greatly compounding the trauma of their sexual assault, and waved the report form in front of her telling her there would be consequences if she reported.

Is this the right way or the wrong way to handle sexual assault allegations on MSU campus? When Tiffany Thomas Lopez reported her abuse to athletic trainers and supervisors and the trainers used the emotional pain tiffany was in after her father's death to convince her it would be too exhausting and painful to bother filing a report, was it the right way or the wrong way to handle a report of sexual assault on MSU campus?

When Christie Achenbach reported the sexual assault to her track coach and athletic trainers and was also silenced, was it the right way or the wrong way to handle the report of sexual assault on MSU's campus?

When Kyle Stevens parents reported Larry's sexual abuse of their daughter to a MSU psychiatrist and he brought Larry in to talk into her parents instead of reporting as he was mandated to do by law, was it the right way or the wrong way to handle a report of sexual assault on MSU's campus?

When Amanda Thomashow reported to the Title IX office and Larry could hand pick the four colleagues to be interviewed to determine whether his treatment was legitimate, was that the right way or the wrong way to investigate a claim of sexual assault on MSU's campus?

And after all this, when I came forward in 2016, I brought an entire file of evidence with me. I made a police report and a Title IX report, and I brought with me to those reports my medical records showing that Larry had never tried pelvic floor techniques. I brought medical records from a nurse practitioner documenting my graphic disclosure of abuse way back in 2004. I had my journals showing the mental anguish I had been in since the assault. A catalog of national and international medical articles showing what real pelvic floor treatment looks like. I brought a letter from a neighboring district attorney vouching for my character and truthfulness and urging detectives to take my case seriously.

I brought a cover letter going point by point through Michigan law and case law explaining how every element of first-degree criminal sexual assault was met and could be proven.

I brought a witness I had disclosed it to in 2004. I brought evidence of two more women unconnected to me who were also claiming sexual assault. And I have the names of three pelvic floor experts willing to speak on my behalf. And the MSPD. handled it beautifully, but MSU officials were a different story, because the response of Dean William Strampel was to send an email to Larry that day and tell him, quote, good luck, I am on your side. And when my video testimony to the Indy Star came out, graphically describing the abuse that Larry perpetrated disclosing horrific details to the world that no one was ever supposed to know that I had never told anyone, even my own husband, until that point, Dean Strampel forwarded that video testimony to the MSU provost, and he locked it.

He called it the cherry on the cake of his day. President Simon and board of trustees, is this the right way to handle disclosures of abuse on MSU's campus? When Brooke Lemmen, one of the doctors Larry was allowed to hand pick to clear himself in 2014, was interviewed for my investigation, she said I hadn't really been penetrated -- I only thought I had because quote, when I am a 15-year-old girl I think everything between my legs is my vagina. I only thought Larry had put his fingers in me for up to 40 minutes at a time for a full year. I was just confused. Sounds eerily familiar to what Amanda Thomashow was told in 2014 that she, quote, didn't understand the nuanced differences between sexual assault and a medical exam.

It sounds eerily familiar to what every single woman was told all the way back to 1997. We were all wrong. We were all just confused. Board of trustees, is this the right way to handle disclosures of sexual assault on MSU's campus? And if that were not bad enough, when I finally joined the civil suit five months later, after waiting for almost half a year for MSU to do the right thing, the vice president of the board of trustees, Joel Ferguson, went on television and gave a press interview in which he claimed those of us who have filed lawsuits were ambulance chasers who were looking for a payday.

In fact, I know that at least one other high ranking MSU official has specifically called me out by name and said I'm in it for the money. This has never been contradicted, retracted or refuted. MSU, you need to realize that you are greatly compounding the damage done to these abuse victims by the way you are responding. This, what it took to get here, what we had to go through for our voices to be heard because of the responses of the adults in authority, has greatly compounded the damage we suffer. And it matters.

We have waited 18 months to be told no, this is not how we handle this on MSU's campus. But instead everyone has doubled down on the claim that nothing was done wrong and the only conclusion that can be reached is that no one truly sees anything wrong with any of this. And that is terrifying. And it leaves me terrified for the little girls of the future, who we are here to protect. And because of this willful ignorance, victim silencing and mishandling of sexual assault reports against Larry in '97, '98 and '99, I walked through Larry's door in 2000 and never walked out the same.

Not long after I stopped seeing Larry I transitioned from athlete to coach. And every day that I nurture those baby gymnasts, I wondered if any of them would find their way into his exam room.

When one of my little girls was finally referred to him, I took a chance and I spoke up and I was kindly cautioned for my own sake to remain silent. My little baby gymnast was sent to Larry before I even knew a decision had been made to do so. Her family moved away almost immediately thereafter and I wept for that little girl and I prayed to god that she was under the age range that Larry preferred. She was 7. But when I filed my police report, Kyle Stevens came forward and she was 6 --a year younger than my little girl. And I cried in my kitchen, and I don't know yet if that little girl walked out the same that she walked in.

I transitioned from coaching to working in public policy, and I fought fear every time I had to commute or work close quarters with my male colleagues. I dreaded working on current event or legislation on sexual assault because I knew the memories that would come with it., I still watched gymnastics, but I looked away whenever the cameras panned to the sidelines in case Larry would be there.

I wondered almost daily if there was ever a chance my voice would be heard. I began law school was I was 19. And I wrapped up in blankets every time I studied torts or crimes related to sexual assault and I hoped my face wouldn't betray me in classroom discussions.

I researched internal pelvic floor procedures and I tried to find out what had happened to me. and I watched for any sign that I would ever be believed.

I met my future husband and I told him what I never wanted to tell anyone and I wondered if he would walk away and he didn't. But I couldn't even hold his hand or look up at him because closeness wasn't safe and trust wasn't safe. We got married, and my 25th birthday came and went and I sat up for nights before, believing my ability to file a police report would end on that birthday. I didn't know the statute of limitations had been lifted.

I woke up the morning I turned 25, and instead of feeling joy at a milestone I only felt hopelessness and grief because I thought my chance to stop this man was over. I thought daily about all the little women and girls walking in his office and I wondered if it would ever, ever end.

I became a mother three times over, and the fear that hung over each birth knowing I would be vulnerable in a medical setting cast a horrific shadow over what should have been an occasion of pure joy.

And I watched for a chance to be believed and I waited. I held my first born and then my two daughters and each time I did,

Larry, I remember the day you brought Carolyn into your office so that I could hold her. You knew how much I loved children and you used your own daughter to manipulate.

Me and every time I held my babies, I prayed to god you would leave your abuse in the exam room and not take it home to the little girl born with black hair just like her daddy. And then the Indy Star story came out about the rampant cover-up at USAG and I knew this was the chance and I wrote them immediately.

But because of what Larry did, the cost of making it end has been incredibly high. And the effects of Larry's abuse has been redoubled in the effort that I took to stop him.

Choosing to live those moments over and over, daily, releasing every shred of privacy that I had, living with the reality that not only didn't I get to choose what you did, but now I didn't get to choose who knew about it.

Even my status as a sexual assault victim has impacted or did impact my ability to advocate for sexual assault victims because once it became known that I too had experienced sexual assault, people close to me used it as an excuse to brush off my concerns when I advocated for others who had been abused, saying I was just obsessed because of what I had gone through, that I was imposing my own experience upon other institutions who had massive failures and much worse.

My advocacy for sexual assault victims, something I cherished, cost me my church and our closest friends three weeks before I filed my police report. I was left alone and isolated. And far worse, it was impacted because when I came out, my sexual assault was wielded like a weapon against me.

Often by those who should have been the first to support and help, and I couldn't even do what I loved best, which was to reach out to others. I was subjected to lies and attacks on my character including very publicly by attorney Shannon Smith when I testified under oath.

I was being attacked for wanting fame and attention, for making up a story to try to get money. Your honor, since these attacks were made on my character very publicly on public record, I would like to take an opportunity briefly now to correct them. ... Out of the two women in question that day, Ms. Smith and I, who were attempting to communicate through either questions or answers, I would like to note that only one of us was taking pictures of the courtroom on her cell phone. Only one of us posed for the press and said, quote, I feel like I should say cheese. And out of the two of us, only one of us was making money off her court appearance that day. I don't feel the need to say anything else. I think I've communicated completely.

... The cost, emotional and physical, to see this through has been greater than many would ever know. And Larry, I don't need to tell you what the cost of your abuse has been to me because you got to read my journals, every word of them. Because those had to go into evidence to make this happen.

I want you to understand why I made this choice knowing full well what it was going to cost to get here and with very little hope of ever succeeding. I did it because it was right. No matter the cost, it was right. And the farthest I can run from what you have become is to daily choose what is right instead of what I want.

You have become a man ruled by selfish and perverted desires, a man defined by his daily choices repeatedly to feed that selfishness and perversion. You chose to pursue your wickedness no matter what it cost others and the opposite of what you have done is for me to choose to love sacrificially, no matter what it costs me.

In our early hearings. you brought your Bible into the courtroom and you have spoken of praying for forgiveness. And so it is on that basis that I appeal to you. If you have read the Bible you carry, you know the definition of sacrificial love portrayed is of God himself loving so sacrificially that he gave up everything to pay a penalty for the sin he did not commit. By his grace, I, too, choose to love this way.

You spoke of praying for forgiveness. But Larry, if you have read the Bible you carry, you know forgiveness does not come from doing good things, as if good deeds can erase what you have done. It comes from repentance which requires facing and acknowledging the truth about what you have done in all of its utter depravity and horror without mitigation, without excuse, without acting as if good deeds can erase what you have seen this courtroom today.

If the Bible you carry says it is better for a stone to be thrown around your neck and you throw into a lake than for you to make even one child stumble. And you have damaged hundreds.

The Bible you speak carries a final judgment where all of God's wrath and eternal terror is poured out on men like you. Should you ever reach the point of truly facing what you have done, the guilt will be crushing. And that is what makes the gospel of Christ so sweet. Because it extends grace and hope and mercy where none should be found. And it will be there for you.

I pray you experience the soul crushing weight of guilt so you may someday experience true repentance and true forgiveness from God, which you need far more than forgiveness from me -- though I extend that to you as well.

Throughout this process, I have clung to a quote by C.S. Lewis, where he says, my argument against God was that the universe seems so cruel and unjust. But how did I get this idea of just, unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he first has some idea of straight. What was I comparing the universe to when I called it unjust?

Larry, I can call what you did evil and wicked because it was. And I know it was evil and wicked because the straight line exists. The straight line is not measured based on your perception or anyone else's perception, and this means I can speak the truth about my abuse without minimization or mitigation. And I can call it evil because I know what goodness is. And this is why I pity you. Because when a person loses the ability to define good and evil, when they cannot define evil, they can no longer define and enjoy what is truly good.

When a person can harm another human being, especially a child, without true guilt, they have lost the ability to truly love. Larry, you have shut yourself off from every truly beautiful and good thing in this world that could have and should have brought you joy and fulfillment, and I pity you for it. You could have had everything you pretended to be. Every woman who stood up here truly loved you as an innocent child, real genuine love for you, and it did not satisfy.

I have experienced the soul satisfying joy of a marriage built on sacrificial love and safety and tenderness and care. I have experienced true intimacy in its deepest joys, and it is beautiful and sacred and glorious. And that is a joy you have cut yourself off from ever experiencing, and I pity you for it.

I have been there for young gymnasts and helped them transform from awkward little girls to graceful, beautiful, confident athletes and taken joy in their success because I wanted what was best for them. And this is a joy you have cut yourself off from forever because your desire to help was nothing more than a facade for your desire to harm.

I have lived the deep satisfaction of wrapping my small children up in my arms and making them feel safe and secure because I was safe, and this is a rich joy beyond what I can express, and you have cut yourself off from it, because you were not safe. And I pity you for that.

In losing the ability to call evil what it is without mitigation, without minimization, you have lost the ability to define and enjoy love and goodness. You have fashioned for yourself a prison that is far, far worse than any I could ever put you in, and I pity you for that.

And this is also why in many ways, your honor, the worst part of this process was each name, each number who came forward to the police with each Jane Doe, I saw my little girls and the little girls that were. The little girls who walked into Larry's office that I could not save because no one wanted to listen. And while that is not my guilt, it is pain I still carry and pain I share with them.

I cried for them, and with every tear that fell I wondered who is going to find these little girls, who is going to tell them how much they are worth, how valuable they are, how deserving of justice and protection?

Who is going to tell these little girls that what was done to them matters? That they are seen and valued, that they are not alone and they are not unprotected? And I could not do that ,but we are here now and today that message can be sent with the sentence you hand down you can communicate to all these little girls and to every predator to every little girl or young woman who is watching how much a little girl is worth.

I am asking that we leave this courtroom we leave knowing that when Larry was sexually aroused and gratified by our violation, when he enjoyed our suffering and took pleasure in our abuse, that it was evil and wrong.

I ask that you hand down a sentence that tells us that what was done to us matters, that we are known, we are worth everything, worth the greatest protection the law can offer, the greatest measure of justice available.

And to everyone who is watching, I ask that same question, how much is a little girl worth? Larry said in court that he hoped education and learning would happen from this tragedy, and I share that hope, and this is what we need to learn.

Look around the courtroom, remember what you have witnessed these past seven days. This is what it looks like when someone chooses to put their selfish desires above the safety and love for those around them and let it be a warning to us all and moving forward as a society, This is what it looks like when the adults in authority do not respond properly to disclosures of sexual assault.

This is what it looks like when institutions create a culture where a predator can flourish unafraid and unabated and this is what it looks like when people in authority refuse to listen, put friendships in front of the truth, fail to create or enforce proper policy and fail to hold enablers accountable.

This is what it looks like. It looks like a courtroom full of survivors who carry deep wounds. Women and girls who have banded together to fight for themselves because no one else would do it. Women and girls who carry scars that will never fully heal but who have made the choice to place the guilt and shame on the only person to whom it belongs, the abuser. But may the horror expressed in this courtroom over the last seven days be motivation for anyone and everyone no matter the context to take responsibility if they have failed in protecting a child, to understand the incredible failures that led to this week and to do it better the next time.

Judge Aquilina, I plead with you as you deliberate the sentence to give Larry, send a message that these victims are worth everything. In order to meet both the goals of this court. I plead with you to impose the maximum sentence under the plea agreement because everything is what these survivors are worth. Thank you.

Olympic and Michigan State University medical officer Nassar was sentenced to between 40 and 175 years behind bars for his crimes.

Aly Raisman: 'We are here, we have our voices, and we are not going anywhere', Testimony Larry Nassar abuse case - 2017

19 January 2018, Lansing, Michigan, USA

I didn’t think I would be here today. I was scared and nervous. It wasn’t until I started watching the impact statements from the other brave survivors that I realized I, too, needed to be here. Larry, you do realize now that we, this group of women you so heartlessly abused over such a long period of time, are now a force, and you are nothing.

The tables have turned, Larry. We are here, we have our voices, and we are not going anywhere.

And now, Larry, it’s your turn to listen to me. There is no map that shows you the pathway to healing. Realizing that you are a survivor of sexual abuse is really hard to put into words. I cannot adequately capture the level of disgust I feel when I think about how this happened.

Larry, you abused the power and trust I and so many others placed in you, and I am not sure I will ever come to terms with how horribly you manipulated and violated me.

You were the USA Gymnastics national team doctor, the Michigan [State University doctor] and the United States Olympic team doctor. You were trusted by so many and took advantage of countless athletes and their families. The effects of your actions are far-reaching. Abuse goes way beyond the moment, often haunting survivors for the rest of their lives, making it difficult to trust and impacting their relationships.

It is all the more devastating when such abuse comes at the hand of such a highly regarded doctor. Since it leaves survivors questioning the organizations and even the medical profession itself upon which so many rely.

I am here to face you, Larry, so you can see I’ve regained my strength, that I’m no longer a victim. I’m a survivor. I am no longer that little girl you met in Australia, where you first began grooming and manipulating. As for your letter yesterday, you are pathetic to think that anyone would have any sympathy for you.

You think this is hard for you? Imagine how all of us feel. Imagine how it feels to be an innocent teenager in a foreign country, hearing a knock on the door, and it’s you. I don’t want you to be there, but I don’t have a choice.

Treatments with you were mandatory. You took advantage of that. You even told on us if we didn’t want to be treated by you, knowing full well the troubles that would cause for us. Lying on my stomach with you on my bed, insisting that your inappropriate touch would heal my pain. The reality is you caused me a great deal of physical, mental and emotional pain.

You never healed me. You took advantage of our passions and our dreams. You made me uncomfortable, and I thought you were weird. But I felt guilty because you were a doctor, so I assumed I was the problem for thinking badly of you.

I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that the problem is you. From the time we are little, we are taught to trust doctors. You are so sick that I can’t even comprehend how angry I feel when I think of you. You lied to me and manipulated me to think that when you treated me you were closing your eyes because you had been working hard when you were really touching me, an innocent child, to pleasure yourself.

Imagine feeling like you have no power and no voice. Well, you know what Larry, I have both power and voice, and I am only beginning to just use them. All these brave women have power, and we will use our voices to make sure you get what you deserve, a life of suffering spent replaying the words delivered by this powerful army of survivors.

I am also here to tell you to your face, Larry, that you have not taken gymnastics away from me. I love this sport, and that love is stronger than the evil that resides in you and those who enabled you to hurt many people.

You already know you are going away to a place where you won’t be able to hurt anybody ever again, but I am here to tell you that I will not rest until every last trace of your influence on this sport has been destroyed like the cancer it is.

Your abuse started 30 years ago, but that’s just the first reported incident we know of. If over these many years just one adult listened and had the courage and character to act, this tragedy could have been avoided. I and so many others would have never, ever met you.

Larry, you should have been locked up a long, long time ago. Fact is, we have no idea how many people you victimized or what was done or not done that allowed you to keep doing it. And to get away with it for so long. Over those 30 years, when survivors came forward, adult after adult, many in positions of authority, protected you, telling each survivor it was OK, that you weren’t abusing them. In fact, many adults had you convince the survivors that they were being dramatic or were mistaken.

This is like being violated all over again. How do you sleep at night? You were decorated by USA Gymnastics and the United States Olympic Committee, both of which put you on advisory boards and committees to come up with policies that would protect athletes from this kind of abuse.

You are the person they had “take the lead of athlete care.” You are the person they say “provided the foundation for our medical system.” I cringe to think that your influence remains in the policies that are supposed to keep athletes safe, that these organizations have for years claimed “state of the art.”

To believe in the future of gymnastics is to believe in change, but how are we to believe in change when these organizations aren’t even willing to acknowledge the problem? It’s easy to put out statements talking about how athlete care is the highest priority. But they’ve been saying that for years, and all the while this nightmare was happening. False assurances from organizations are dangerous, especially when people want so badly to believe them. They make it easier to look away from the problem and enable bad things to continue to happen. And even now, after all that has happened, USA Gymnastics has the nerve to say the very same things it has said all along.

Can’t you see how disrespectful that is? Can’t you see how much that hurts?

A few days ago, USA Gymnastics put out a statement attributed to its president and CEO, Kerry Perry, saying she came to listen to the courageous women and said, “their powerful voices leave an indelible imprint on me and will impact my decision as president and CEO every day.”

This sounds great, Ms. Perry, but at this point, talk is cheap. You left midway through the day, and no one has heard from you or the board.

Kerry, I have never met you, and I know you weren’t around for most of this, but you accepted the position of president and CEO of USA Gymnastics. And I assume by now you are very well aware of the weighty responsibility you’ve taken on. Unfortunately, you’ve taken on an organization that I feel is rotting from the inside and while this may not be what you thought you were getting into, you will be judged by how you deal with it.

A word of advice, continuing to issue statements of empty promises thinking that will pacify us will no longer work.

Yesterday, USA Gymnastics announced that it was terminating its lease at the ranch, where so many of us were abused. I am glad that it is no longer a national team training site, but USA Gymnastics neglected to mention that they had athletes training there the day they released the statement.

USA Gymnastics, where is the honesty? Where is the transparency? Why must the manipulation continue?

Neither USA Gymnastics nor the USOC have reached out to express sympathy or even offer support. Not even to ask, how did this happen? What do you think we can do to help?

Why have I and others here, probably, not heard anything from the leadership at the USOC? Why has the United States Olympic Committee been silent? Why isn’t the USOC here right now?

Larry was the Olympic doctor, and he molested me at the 2012 London Olympic Games. They say now they applaud those who have spoken out, but it’s easy to say that now when the brave women who started speaking out back then, more than a year after the USOC says they knew about Nassar, they were dismissed.

At the 2016 Olympic Games, the president of the USOC said that the USOC would not conduct an investigation and even defended USA Gymnastics as one of the leaders in developing policies to protect athletes. That’s the response a courageous woman gets when she speaks out? And when others joined those athletes and began speaking out with more stories of abuse, were they acknowledged?

No. It is like being abused all over again. I have represented the United States of America at two Olympics and have done so successfully, and both USA Gymnastics and the United States Olympic Committee have been very quick to capitalize and celebrate my success.

But did they reach out when I came forward? No.

So, at this point, talk is worthless to me. We’re dealing with real lives and the future of our sport. We need to believe this won’t happen again. For this sport to go on, we need to demand real change, and we need to be willing to fight for it.

It’s clear now that if we leave it up to these organizations, history is likely to repeat itself. To know what changes are needed requires us to understand what exactly happened and why it has happened.

This is a painful process, but it’s the only way to identify all the factors that contributed to this problem and how they can be avoided in the future. This is the only way to learn from these mistakes and make gymnastics a safer sport.

If ever there was a need to fully understand a problem, it is this one right now. To accept that problem is limited to just what we know now is irresponsible, delusional even. Each new day seems to bring a new survivor. We have no idea just how much damage you caused, Larry. And we have no idea how deep these problems go. Now is the time to acknowledge that the very person who sits here before us now, who perpetrated the worst epidemic of sexual abuse in the history of sports, who is going to be locked up for a long, long time, this monster was also the architect of policies and procedures that are supposed to protect athletes from sexual abuse for both USA Gymnastics and the USOC.

If we are to believe in change, we must first understand the problem and everything that contributed to it. Now is not the time for false reassurances. We need an independent investigation of exactly what happened, what went wrong and how it can be avoided for the future. Only then can we know what changes are needed. Only then can we believe such changes are real.

Your honor, I ask you to give Larry the strongest possible sentence, which his actions deserve, for by doing so you will send a message to him and to other abusers that they cannot get away with their horrible crimes. They will be exposed for the evil they are, and they will be punished to the maximum extent of the law.

Let this sentence strike fear in anyone who thinks it is OK to hurt another person. Abusers, your time is up. The survivors are here, standing tall, and we are not going anywhere. And please, your honor, stress the need to investigate how this happened so that we can hold accountable those who empowered and enabled Larry Nassar. So we can repair and once again believe in this wonderful sport.

My dream is that one day everyone will know what the words, “me, too,” signify, but they will be educated and able to protect themselves from predators like Larry so that they will never, ever, ever have to say the words, “me, too.”