20 October 2018, Dunkirk Hotel, Pyrmont, Sydney, Australia

When I knew that I was going to become a parent I was quite apprehensive, even more so as time passed and it became apparent that I was going to be the father of two sons. I was a little overwhelmed by the realisation, or the expectation, that I was supposed to set some sort of example for these young lads to follow.

What I never expected, and what has been the great joy of my life over the past few years in particular, is that – far from having to be the teacher - I have been able to learn an amazing amount about what it takes to be a good man from my sons.

And although tonight is of course, first and foremost, a celebration of Ben having reached a significant milestone, and a chance to hopefully heap a fair bit of shit on him, I would like, very briefly, to acknowledge another young man whose 21st birthday a couple of years ago unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for him?, coincided with our second honeymoon – as a result of which we never really got to celebrate with him in the way that we would have liked to.

Tim has had a very challenging year; probably none of us can fully appreciate how tough it has been for him to deal with the health issues that have presented themselves over the past six months or so. So Tim, Mum and I just want to say how proud we are of how you have handled that difficult situation, and how much we are hoping that you are now out the other side of it, and on the road to recovery. What have I learnt from Tim? Well a fair bit about humility; and that it is indeed possible to go through life without making any enemies. I’ve also learnt that a 4-seater lounge is a 1‑Tim Cordner lounge. And if by some miracle you do manage to get onto that lounge with Tim, you better have a nose peg, no sense of smell, or a very strong stomach. The boy stinks bad.

But enough about Tim. Tonight is primarily about Ben, Benaud, Benny boy, Benny and the Jets, Benjamin, Banjo Man. So what have I learnt from Ben?

I have learnt that the secret to a happy and fulfilling life is to keep yourself busy; the idle mind is a playground for the Devil they say. And the best way to make sure your hands are full at all times is to wrap one hand around your phone, and the other hand firmly around your junk.

I have learnt that “Bitches” is a term of endearment. At least I hope it is, because that’s what he calls his parents 9 days out of 10.

I have learnt that copious amounts of toilet paper is compulsory, but that flushing is optional.

I have learnt that hair product is compulsory, but that socks, and knees in your pants, are optional.

I have learnt that someone who has a shower when they get home from a night out is almost certainly shitfaced.

I have learnt that there are now apparently three acceptable types of floor covering for a bedroom; those being (i) carpet, (ii) floorboards, and (iii) discarded clothing.

I have learnt that the most commonly used letter in Ben’s vocabulary is, somewhat surprisingly you may think, the letter U (not E or I), closely followed by the letters C, F and K.

On a more serious note I’ve learnt from Ben that if you enjoy doing something you must give it your absolute best effort. And that if you do, the results are likely to be outstanding.

I have learnt that there is no reason whatsoever not to tell and show the people you love that you do.

But most of all I’ve learnt that nothing, absolutely nothing in this world means more to Ben than the company, the love and the support of his many close friends.

One thing parents have very little control over is the people their kids choose to hang around with as they grow old enough to make their own choices. But if we could have chosen, we’d have chosen all of you.

So many of you have become our friends, and we are so grateful for that, and for the part that you have played, and will, no doubt, continue to play in Ben’s life. He is genuinely happy; and that is, quite simply, because of you.

So thank you for all that you do, and for being part of tonight’s celebration. Our lives would not be the same without you.

But most of all – Happy 21st Birthday Ben. We love you mate with all our hearts.

The unbelievably tragic postscript to this speech is that Ben died just a few months after his 21st birthday, on Australia Day 2019. Speeches from his father Geoff, and mother Linda are in Speakola’s eulogies section.

Geoff Cordner keeps a blog in memory of his son called Tapping The Beniverse.