August 2012, Spirit of Carlton luncheon, Melbourne, Australia
Thank to Jamie at spiritofcarlton.com.au for sharing this hilarious speech with us. Alex Marcou was a champion rover in Carlton's 1981-82 premiership teams. The late Malcolm Fraser was number one ticket holder and Prime Minister of Australia at the time. Tamie is his wife, now widow. They are both present in the room for this great speech. Language warning.
Malcolm and Tamie, how are you, you probably won’t remember this night but it was a very fruitful occasion for myself and Fabulous.
Before the start of the 81 grand final, David Parkin gave all of us a ra-ra. We’re about to run out of the race, and Parko stopped us and said, ‘guys, the number one ticket holder, the Prime Minister of Asutralia Malcolm Fraser would like to say a couple of words.
So we’ve all stopped there, and kept quiet, and Malcolm turned around and said, ‘boys, if you win today, I’ll personally fly yers up to the Lodge Monday afternoon’.
Everyone’s gone, ‘Fuck, the Lodge, beautiful!’
So we won the game.
We’ve enjoyed the Sunday. Monday Peter McConville’s rung me. They’re getting organised, they’ve all got wives and girlfriends, I had no one.
He said to me, ‘who are you taking up there?’
I said, ‘I dunno,
And he goes ‘you better find somebody, becasue you’re going to be by yourself, so -- I knew a girl in Reservoir called Fabulous. She was known as Fabulous for a couple of reasons but ...
So I rang her up and I said, ‘Fabulous, would you like to come to the Lodge?’
And she goes, ‘Where’s that?’
And I go, ‘y’know Canberra, Parliament, the Prime Minister’s place ...’
Yeah I’ll come, what do I gotta wear?
I said, ‘a dress’.
So I picked her up that afternoon in the car, Carlton football club, there’s a bus waiting there with all the players, wives, Parko, and his ex, on the bus, couple of beers, to the Melbourne airport, Qantas jet waiting for us on the tarmac, champagne, up, to the Lodge.
Fantastic. You know, I’m from Thomastown, going to the Prime Minister’s – how many people here have done that?
Got off the plane, buses there waiting for us -- off to the Lodge.
And we’re all in line now. I’m down the back with Fabulous. Up the front were Malcolm and Tamie Fraser, Parko and Lyn, they were introducing everyone as they came through. I think I was probably the last one through, and Parko has turned around and said, ‘Malcolm and Tamie, this is Alex and Fabulous’.
And Tamie's said, ‘Fabulous ... mmm ... okay ... ‘
We’ve walked in, now like I said, Fabulous was from ...
[to Malcolm and Tamie] you probably don’t remember this ... you might as I keep going ...
Fabulous was from Reservoir, and she was so excited she was at the Lodge, so she started drinking copious amounts of wine.
I’ll just explain the Lodge to you a little bit. As you walk in there’s a couple of beautiful little rooms at the back, there’s a beautiful thick staircase going up, couple of toilets on either side ... [to Malcom and Tamie] true yeah? ...
We’re all having dinner. Fabulous decided to go to the toilet.
So she goes, ‘Where are the toilets?’
I go, ‘I dunno, they’re up there somewhere.’
Cut a long story short. She’s done what she had to do. She’s basically so excited she’s hung off the balustrade going up the stairs --
She’s fallen flat on her back. Broke her fucken ankle.. Her dress up around her neck. Her Reg Grundys showing everywhere. Screaming –
‘I’VE BROKEN MY FUCKEN ANKLE’
Tamie Fraser has run over to her. And I’m sitting at the table, going, oh this is fucked. This is bad news.
So Tamie’s down on her knees. She’s calling the waiter, the chauffeur, there’s a wheelchair comin’ out and she says, ‘who owns this woman?’
[puts his hand up]
‘Well you better get down here.’ Yeah I’m comin down. So I’m down on the floor with Tamie and Fabulous is screaming at the top of her voice, ‘I’VE BROKEN MY FUCKEN ANKLE!’ This is at the Prime Minister’s residence, mind you ... so I’ve got my hand over her mouth, going ‘shut the fuck up, I can’t hear what Tamie’s saying ... ‘
[Shot of Tammy in fits of laughter]
Anyway, got her into a wheelchair. Tamie’s gone, ‘come on, they chauffeur is out the front there.’
We put her in the back of the car. Tamie’s on one side. You remember this Tamie? I’m on the other side. Straight to Canberra hospital. Tamie’s trying to talk to me, and Fabulous is screaming at the top her voice, ‘I’ve broken my fucken ankle!’
Straight into Canberra hospital. Nobody’s in emergency. Straight into theatre. I’m about to walk in and Tammy goes, ‘Look Alex, you go back and enjoy the party, I’ll look after Fabulous’
I said, ‘you sure?’
She goes , ‘yeah.’
I said, ‘Oh beautiful.
So I’ve taken the limo back to the Lodge, the driver, I think it was John said, ‘there’s some Scotch in the back there, Al, go for it!’
So zipping back to the party, we’ve had a great night. Fabulous came back with Tamie about an hour later, in plaster. On crutches. Onto the plane back to Melbourne.
The next night, we’re still celebrating. Had a couple of the boys waiting for me outside. About to go out into the car and the phone’s rung. And I’ve gone, ‘shit the phone, gotta answer this’
So it’s gone ‘hello’
‘Oh this is Tamie Fraser from the Lodge.’
And we [the boys] used to stir each other all the time, and I’ve said, ‘Get fucked, it is not!’
She’s gone, ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘I’ve gone, ‘If you’re Tamie Fraser, I’m Bob Hawke, who in the fuck’s this?’
She goes, ‘No Alex, it is Tamie Fraser. I just want to know how Fabulous’s ankle is?’
I’ve gone, ‘oh fuck, Tamie, I’m so sorry.’
[Tells follow up story about visiting the Lodge in 1982 and players stealing cutlery]
The last minute of the video below shows the Carlton players being introduced to Malcolm and Tamie Fraser at the Lodge. Alex Marcou and Fabulous are in the last seconds of the video.