• Genre
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search
Menu

Speakola

All Speeches Great and Small
  • Genre
  • About
  • Contact
  • Search

Geoff Lemon: 'Hey Shane Watson, let's go over the rules of the DRS', Lord's rant - 2013

February 2, 2016

19 July 2013, Lord's, London, UK

This video was produced as part of a 2013 Ashes tour diary writer Geoff Lemon was doing for The Roar.

Hey Shane Watson, let’s go over the rules of the DRS.

If you get given out, and you think you’re not out, you can review it, and then maybe you won’t be out.

If you’re not out, you keep the review.

If you are out, you lose the review.

That means, it’s good to be right. You may choose to remember this with the acronym, IGTBR, or the useful pneumonic, I Grow Tomatoes Bro, Respect!

The thing is, you’ve got two reviews,  and eleven batsman.

Mathematically that works out to LESS THAN ONE REVIEW PER BATSMAN.

The conclusion on that, you should base your reviews on evidence, not just preferring not to be out.

Let’s just have a look at the DRS analysis of your reviews, Shane.

GRAPHIC - DECISION: Terrible, WICKET: Early; IMPACT: Negligible; BITCHING; Outside off

See any problems here?

Hey Shane Watson! Let me pitch you a hypothetical. Let’s say you’ve got a batsman who gets nailed LBW every innings, and then has a review on a 50-50 call, in hope, and then he’s always out, and then his opening partner gets a really terrible call, but he’s not game to use a review, because he’s not a selfish dickhead, so then he’s out, so then you’ve got two batsman out, and one review wasted, and the rest of the team goes down for 100 in the rest of the day, and Chris Rogers was going to get a century, we could see it in his eyes, and what do you think about that, Shane?

Here‘s a question for you: Shane was inducted into the Hall of Fame on this ground today. What do you think he would have done? Do you think you’re worthy to share the eight letters you have in common with his name?

You know when’s a good time to use DRS? When you get out, but you KNOW that you’re not out!

Then, you’re probably going to end up not out.

You know when’s a bad time to use DRS?

When you’re out, BUT YOU JUST KINDA WISH THAT YOU WEREN’T!

Stop acting like it’s beach cricket Shane!

Stop acting like it’s a centre wicket practice session for your benefit!

Stop acting like ... Shane Watson!


Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNDElnx3hu...

Enjoyed this speech? Speakola is a labour of love and I’d be very grateful if you would share, tweet or like it. Thank you.

Facebook Twitter Facebook
In BROADCASTER Tags GEOFF LEMON, ASHES, SHANE WATSON, DRS, RANT, LORD'S, CRICKET
← Jim Telfer: 'From now on, gloves are off. It's bare knuckle f***in’ stuff', Lions tour, Forwards meeting - 1997 Alex Marcou: 'Fabulous at the Lodge', Spirit of Carlton luncheon - 2012 →

Featured political

Featured
Deval Patrick: 'Just words', gubernatorial campaign speech - 2006
Deval Patrick: 'Just words', gubernatorial campaign speech - 2006
Esteban Gonzalez Pons: 'Europe is not a market, it is the will to live together', speech on Brexit, European Parliament - 2017
Esteban Gonzalez Pons: 'Europe is not a market, it is the will to live together', speech on Brexit, European Parliament - 2017
Fannie Lou Hamer - 'All of this is on account of we want to register, to become first-class citizens', DNC Credentials Committee Testimony - 1964
Fannie Lou Hamer - 'All of this is on account of we want to register, to become first-class citizens', DNC Credentials Committee Testimony - 1964
Thabo Mbeki: 'I am an African', On adoption of new South African Constitution - 1996
Thabo Mbeki: 'I am an African', On adoption of new South African Constitution - 1996

Featured eulogies

Featured
For Ben Cowen: 'My husband had a magical cape', by Lahra Carey - 2016
Jan 20, 2017
For Ben Cowen: 'My husband had a magical cape', by Lahra Carey - 2016
Jan 20, 2017
Jan 20, 2017
for Michelle McNamara: 'She hasn’t left a void. She’s left a blast crater', by Patton Oswalt - 2016
May 5, 2016
for Michelle McNamara: 'She hasn’t left a void. She’s left a blast crater', by Patton Oswalt - 2016
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016
Featured
For Keith Rule: 'Solomon in a singlet', Andrew Rule - 1998
For Keith Rule: 'Solomon in a singlet', Andrew Rule - 1998
For Chris Daffey: 'I’m not ready for goodbyes when the jokes have run out', by Tony Wilson - 2014
For Chris Daffey: 'I’m not ready for goodbyes when the jokes have run out', by Tony Wilson - 2014

Featured commencement

Featured
Larissa Martinez: 'America can be great again without the construction of a wall built on hatred and prejudice', McKinney Boyd High School - 2016
Larissa Martinez: 'America can be great again without the construction of a wall built on hatred and prejudice', McKinney Boyd High School - 2016
Ursula Le Guin:  'We are volcanoes', Bryn Mawr - 1986
Ursula Le Guin: 'We are volcanoes', Bryn Mawr - 1986
Mark Zuckerberg: 'Finding your purpose isn't enough', Harvard University - 2017
Mark Zuckerberg: 'Finding your purpose isn't enough', Harvard University - 2017
Helen Mirren: 'No good can ever come from tweeting at 3 a.m.!', Tulane University - 2017
Helen Mirren: 'No good can ever come from tweeting at 3 a.m.!', Tulane University - 2017
Peter Dinklage: 'I am happy to talk about the parallel lineages of the Targaryens and Lannisters later at the bar', Bennington College - 2012
Peter Dinklage: 'I am happy to talk about the parallel lineages of the Targaryens and Lannisters later at the bar', Bennington College - 2012
Ellen de Generes: 'You’ve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you?', Tulane University - 2009
Ellen de Generes: 'You’ve already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you?', Tulane University - 2009

Featured sport

Featured
Bob Uecker: 'My mother and father were on an oleo margarine run to Chicago back in 1934', Fricke Award, Baseball Hall of Fame - 2003
Bob Uecker: 'My mother and father were on an oleo margarine run to Chicago back in 1934', Fricke Award, Baseball Hall of Fame - 2003
Scott Quinnell: 'And those dragons this year, I am convinced are going to breathe f*cking fire!' School of hard Knocks documentary - 2012
Scott Quinnell: 'And those dragons this year, I am convinced are going to breathe f*cking fire!' School of hard Knocks documentary - 2012
Alex Marcou: 'Fabulous at the Lodge', Spirit of Carlton luncheon - 2012
Alex Marcou: 'Fabulous at the Lodge', Spirit of Carlton luncheon - 2012
Angela Pippos: 'Being bad at sport doesn’t give you license to belittle it', Ian Potter Debate - 2014
Angela Pippos: 'Being bad at sport doesn’t give you license to belittle it', Ian Potter Debate - 2014

Fresh Tweets

  • Tony Wilson
    The x in AFLX stands for the yet to be quantified number of seconds the concept will survive after the first ACL.
    about 23 hours ago

Featured weddings

Featured
Bill Murray: 'Take that person and buy a plane ticket', advice to bachelor party - 2014
Bill Murray: 'Take that person and buy a plane ticket', advice to bachelor party - 2014
Kerryn Baker: 'But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for', Gabe and Gabi's engagement - 2016
Kerryn Baker: 'But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for', Gabe and Gabi's engagement - 2016
Alan Kohler: 'Likes yum cha and Chinese on Sundays, tick!', for daughter Phoebe and Leigh - 2015
Alan Kohler: 'Likes yum cha and Chinese on Sundays, tick!', for daughter Phoebe and Leigh - 2015

Featured Arts

Featured
Brian Eno: 'Singing: the key to a long life', NPR essay - 2008
Brian Eno: 'Singing: the key to a long life', NPR essay - 2008
Bette Midler:  'Shut that crap off!', Best Actress Tony Award - 2017
Bette Midler: 'Shut that crap off!', Best Actress Tony Award - 2017
Larry David: "I not only hate writing the shows, I hate all kinds of writing", WGA Awards, Paddy Chayefsky Laurel Award - 2011
Larry David: "I not only hate writing the shows, I hate all kinds of writing", WGA Awards, Paddy Chayefsky Laurel Award - 2011

Featured Debates

Featured
Napoleon Beazley: 'No one wins tonight. No one walks away victorious', Last words before execution -  2002
Napoleon Beazley: 'No one wins tonight. No one walks away victorious', Last words before execution - 2002
Shelli Whitehurst: 'I live in a place of constant unknowing, and that's what cancer feels like', Tour de Cure Snow Ball - 2015 ',
Shelli Whitehurst: 'I live in a place of constant unknowing, and that's what cancer feels like', Tour de Cure Snow Ball - 2015 ',
Rich Bartlett: 'The constant charade that was my life had become too much', Pride Assembly, Melbourne Grammar School - 2017
Rich Bartlett: 'The constant charade that was my life had become too much', Pride Assembly, Melbourne Grammar School - 2017
Lupita Nyongo'o: "What is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion", Black Women in Hollywood event - 2014
Lupita Nyongo'o: "What is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion", Black Women in Hollywood event - 2014