8 April 2024, Town Hall, New York City, USA
Good evening. My name is Fredrik Backman.
I’m here tonight because my agent said that this would be good for my career. She said I need to learn how to speak in front of people.
‘It’ll be fun,’ she said.
So I told her that I write books. I spend eight hours every day locked inside a room with people I have made up. If I was comfortable talking to real people, I would have a real job.
But my agent said, ‘Just go up there and talk about the life of a writer.’
And I said, all right. Being a writer is the best way I know how to get paid for being insane.
Don’t applaud. I only have four minutes.
My brain and I, we are not friends. My brain and I, we are classmates doing a group assignment called Life, and it’s not going great.
So my agent, upon hearing this said, ‘Maybe you can talk about how you suffer from creative anxiety, Fredrick.’
And I said, I don’t suffer from creative anxiety.
And my agent said,’ Well, everyone around you suffers.’
So I explained that I don’t have creative anxiety. I just have normal death anxiety. And sometimes I have panic anxiety if I’m in a hurry and need to have a lot of anxiety all at once. But I don’t have creative anxiety. I never get writer’s block. And the secret is easy; it’s procrastination.
I don’t want to brag, but I’m very good at procrastination. I’m going to have writer’s block, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I am am so good at procrastination that the only reason that I am here tonight is because I’m supposed to be finishing a book right now.
But my anxiety is not creative. My anxiety is Scandinavian because I am from Sweden. In America, Sweden is often confused with Switzerland, but we are very different. In Switzerland, they have chocolate and watches. In Sweden, we have Ikea and depression.
Swedish depression is just like American depression, but it’s cheaper, and you have to assemble it yourself. Some parts may be missing. So if someone in here is depressed tonight and you don’t know why, then you might be Scandinavian.
Of course, some of you will think that because I am Scandinavian I must write crime novels, but I find murder to be too much work. So instead, I write novels about characters who could murder someone, but they haven’t gotten around to it yet.
I wrote this speech on the airplane from Sweden to America, which was great because of the time difference. Americans call that jet lag. I call it a procrastinator’s dream because Sweden is six hours ahead of New York.
So I left home Sunday evening, and when I arrived here, it was still Sunday evening. The customs official asked me where I was traveling from, and I answered, ‘The future.’
So in conclusion, I am here tonight, with all of my anxiety, because I know that in this room there might be someone who is dreaming about writing a book, dreaming of becoming an author. So I’m here to tell you that I am obviously an idiot. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I have become an author anyway, so you can too.
And I hope that one day I will be able to tell my agent that the reason that my next book is not finished yet is because I was busy reading yours.
Thank you very much.