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Madonna: There are no rules - if you're a boy', Billboard Woman of the Year - 2016

December 19, 2016

10 December 2016, Los Angeles, California, USA

  First of all I want to say thanks to Labyrith, that was an amazing performance.

Can I put this down. Seriously? It’s better this way.

Madonna accepts, adjusting microphone stand between her legs.

It’s better this way. I always feel better with something hard between my legs.

[Crowd laughs.]

Thank you for acknowledging my ability to continue my career for 34 years in the face of blatant misogyny, sexism, constant bullying and relentless abuse.

When I started there was no internet, so people had to say it to my face. There were very people I had to ‘clap back at’, because life was simpler then.

When I first moved to New York, I was a teenager. It was 1979 and New York was a very scary place.

In the first year I was held at gunpoint, raped on a rooftop with a knife digging into my throat. And I had my apartment broken into and robbed so many times I just stopped locking the door.  In the years to follow, I lost almost every friend I had to AIDS or drugs or gunshot.

As you can imagine, all these unexpected events not only helped me become the daring woman that stands before you, but it also reminded me that I am vulnerable. And in life, there is no real safety except self belief. And an understanding that I am not the owner of my talents. I am not the owner of anything. Everything I have is a gift from God. And even the totally fucked up things that happened to me, that still happen to me, are also gifts. To teach me lessons and make me stronger.

I’m receiving an award for being woman of the year, so I ask myself what can I say about being a woman in the music business, what can I say about being a woman? When I first started writing songs I didn’t think in a gender specific way, I didn’t think about feminism, I just wanted to be an artist.

I was of course inspired by Debbie Harry and Chrissie Hynde and Aretha Franklin, but my real muse was David Bowie. He embodied male and female spirit and that suited me just fine. He made me think there were no rules. But I was wrong.

There are no rules — if you’re a boy.  If you’re a girl, you have to play the game.  What is that game?  You are allowed to be pretty and cute and sexy.  But don’t act too smart.  Don’t have an opinion.  Don’t have an opinion that is out of line with the status quo, at least. You are allowed to be objectified by men and dress like a slut, but don’t own your sluttiness. And do not, I repeat, do not, share your own sexual fantasies with the world.

Be what men want you to be.  But more importantly, be what women feel comfortable with you being, around other men.  And finally, do not age.  Because to age is a sin. You will be criticized, you will be vilified, and you will definitely not be played on the radio.

When I first became famous, there were nude photos of me in Playboy and Penthouse magazine.  Photos that were taken from art schools that I posed for back in the day to make money.  They weren’t very sexy. In fact I looked quite bored. I was. But I was expected to feel ashamed when these photos came out, and I was not, and this puzzled people.

Eventually I was left alone because I married Sean Penn, and not only would he would bust a cap in your ass, but I was taken off the market. So for a while I was not considered a threat.  Years later, divorced and single — sorry Sean — I made my Erotica album and my Sex book was released.  I remember being the headline of every newspaper and magazine.  And everything I read about myself was damning.  I was called a whore and a witch.  One headline compared me to Satan.  I said, ‘Wait a minute, isn’t Prince running around with fishnets and high heels and lipstick with his butt hanging out?’  Yes, he was. But he was a man.

This was the first time I truly understood women really did not have the same freedom as men.

I remember feeling paralysed. It took me a while to pull myself together and get on with my creative life — to get on with my life. I took comfort in the poetry of Maya Angelou, and the writings of James Baldwin, and in the music of Nina Simone. I remember wishing I had a female peer that I could look to for support. Camille Paglia, the famous feminist writer, said that I set women back by objectifying myself sexually. So I thought, ‘oh, if you’re a feminist, you don’t have sexuality, you deny it.’ So I said ‘fuck it. I’m a different kind of feminist. I’m a bad feminist.’

People say that I’m so controversial.  But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.

[Crowd applause]

What I would like to say to all women here today is this: Women have been so oppressed for so long they believe what men have to say about them. And they believe they have to back a man to get the job done. And there are some very good men worth backing, but not because they’re men — but because they’re worthy.

As women, we have to start appreciating our own worth, and each other’s worth. Seek out strong women to befriend, to align yourself with, to learn from, to be inspired by, to collaborate with, to support, and be enlightened by.

As I said before, It’s not so much about receiving this award as it is having this opportunity to stand before you and really say thank you a s a woman, as an artist, as a human.  Not only to the people who have loved and supported me along the way, so many of you are sitting in front of me right now, you have no idea…you have no idea how much your support means.

But to the doubters, the naysayers, to everyone who gave me hell and said I could not, that I would not, that I must not — your resistance made me stronger, made me push harder, made me the fighter that I am today. Made me the woman I am today.

So thank you.

Source: https://medium.com/makeherstory/transcript...

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In MUSIC Tags SEXUALITY, FULL TRANSCRIPT, SEXISM, PRINCE, BILLBOARD, POP, CELEBRITY, GENDER EQUALITY, WOMAN OF THE YEAR, MADONNA, MYSOGINY, FEMINISM, SPEAKOLIES MUSIC
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Tina Fey: 'Only in comedy is an obedient white girl from the suburbs a diversity candidate', Kennedy Center Mark Twain Award - 2010

October 27, 2015

9 November, 2010, Kennedy Center, Washington DC, USA

Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Thank you all for dressing up. God. Listening to all of these speeches and performances for the last two hours, I cannot help but feel grateful that I put a bag of pretzels in my purse.

I want to thank everyone involved with the Kennedy Centre, or as it will soon be known, The Tea Party Bowling Ally & Rifle Range. It's gonna look good, we can get about nine lanes in here. I want to thank everyone at WETA, and PBS, not just for televising this event, but for showing The Benny Hill Show so much when I was a kid. I don't know how that qualified to be on PBS -- we may never know.

I promise to put this award in a place of honour to make sure that my daughter does not pretend that it is Barbie's older husband, who lost his body in an accident.

I never dreamed that I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humour. Mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

I never thought I would even qualify for the Mark Twain Prize for American Humour, I mean, maybe the Nathaniel Hawthorne Prize for Judgmental Nature, or the Judy Bloom Award for Awkward Puberty or the Harper Lee Prize for Small Bodies of Work. But never this. And yet, I hope that like Mark Twain, a hundred years from now, people will see my work and think, 'wow, that is actually pretty racist'.

Apparently I'm only the third woman to ever receive this award, and I'm so honoured to be numbered with Lily Tomlin and Whoopee Goldberg, but I do hope that women are achieving at a rate these days that we can stop counting what number they are at things.

Yes, I was the first female head writer at Saturday Night Live, and yes, I was only the second woman ever to be pregnant while on the show. And now tonight I am the third female recipient of this prize. I would love to be the fourth woman to do something, but I just don't see myself married to Lorne.

I'm so grateful to my friends who came here tonight to perform. Some people came all the way from Los Angeles, and I know that you are all very busy people with families and it means so much to me to know that care about show-business more than you do about them.

I want to thank Alec Baldwin for not coming tonight. I already have a reputation as a liberal elite lunatic, I don't need that guy followin' me around. Johnny-Huffington-Post. Actually I do want to thank Alec genuinely for staying in New York tonight, to continue to shoot at 30 Rock, so that I could be here, so thank you Alec, I love you.

I'm not gonna get emotional tonight, because I am a stone-cold bitch. But, I want to thank my family. They say that funny people often come from a difficult childhood, or a troubled family, so to my family, I say, 'They're giving me the Mark Twain Prize for American Humour, what did you animals do to me!' Yeah.

I know my Mother and Father are so proud of me tonight, so this is probably a good time to tell them, I'm putting you both in a home. We'll talk about it later.

I met my husband Jeff when we were both in Chicago and I had short hair with a perm on top and I would wear oversized denim shorts overalls, and that is how I know our love is real.

At some point in the future, our daughter Alice will find a DVD of this broadcast, or I don't know, download it into the sub-dermal iPhone in her eyelids, I don't know how far in the future we're talking about. But, I hope that it will make her laugh, and it will explain to her why her parents looked so tired all the time.

The one person without whom I really would not be here tonight, except of course for my Mother who is pretty sure she delivered me even though she had a lot of twilight sleep, the other one person is Lorne Michaels.

In 1997 I flew from Chicago to New York to have a job interview for a writing position at Saturday Night Live. And I was hopeful because I'd heard the show was looking to diversify, which, by the way, only in comedy, is an obedient white girl from the suburbs a diversity candidate. But, I remember, you know, I came for my job interview and the only decent clothes I had at the time, Lorne was right, was I had a pair of black pants and a sweater from Contempo Casuals. And I went to the security guard at the elevator at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, and I said 'I'm here to see Lorne Michaels' and I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, 'I'm here to see Lorne Michaels'.

And I went up to the 17th floor and I had my meeting with Lorne, and the only thing anyone had told me about meeting with Lorne, having a job interview, they said; whatever you do, do not finish his sentences. A girl I knew in Chicago had done that and she felt like it had cost her the job, and so, whatever you do, don't finish his sentences. And I was there and really didn't want to blow it and Lorne said, 'So, you're from...', and it just was hanging there, 'So, you're from...', and I found I couldn't take anymore, and I said, 'Pennsylvania, I'm from Pennsylvania, suburb of Philadelphia', just as Lorne was finishing his thought and said, 'Chicago', and I thought, That's it. I blew it. And I don't remember anything else about the meeting, because I just kept staring at him thinking, this is the guy from the Beatles sketch! I can't believe that I'm in his office.

And you know I could never have guessed that a couple years later I would be sitting in that office until 2, 3, 4 in the morning thinking, if this meeting doesn't end I'm gonna kill this Canadian bastard.

The last time I that was in Washington was in 2004 to take this Life magazine cover photo with John McCain. And Senator McCain gave my husband and me a tour of the Senate, and we all spent a lovely, busy afternoon together. And I have it on good authority that this picture of Senator McCain and myself has been hanging in his office, by his desk since 2004. And he has been looking at it every day since 2004, getting ideas. So I guess what I'm saying is, this whole thing might be my fault.

I would be a liar and an idiot if I didn't thank Sarah Palin for helping get me here tonight, my partial resemblance and her crazy voice are the two luckiest things that ever happened to me.

Politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women — except, of course, those who will end up paying for their own rape kit and stuff. But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years. Whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know — actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster.*

All kidding aside, I'm so proud to represent American humour. I'm proud to be American. I'm proud to make my home in the Not Real America. And I am most proud that even during trying times, like an orange alert, or a bad economy, or a contention election, that we as a nation retain out sense of humour. Anyway, I don't wanna go on and on, because I know we still have to talk about the other four nominees, so thank you and good night.

* it was widely reported afterwards that this paragraph was censored from the PBS broadcast.

 

Source: http://flavorwire.com/226488/10-hilarious-...

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In COMEDY Tags TINA FEY, KENNEDY CENTRE, MARK TWAIN AWARD, ACCEPTANCE, FUNNY, FULL TRANSCRIPT
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