24 March 2016, Frankston, Melbourne, Australia
For Robin Williams: 'This guy comes in and we're like a morning dew, he comes in like a hurricane', by David Letterman - 2014
Well, thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.
I guess like a lot of us, most of us, I've been thinking about Robin Williams, I believe we found out a week ago that he had died. Many things come to mind in a situation like this. And of course, more questions are raised than can possibly be answered, but I started reflecting about it.
I knew Robin Williams for 38 years. 38 years, which in and of itself is crazy. How time...
I met him at The Comedy Store. He and I were kids along... It was myself and Jay Leno and Tom Dreesen and Tim Thomason and Johnny Dark and Elayne Boosler and on and on and Jimmy Walker. We were all out there at The Comedy Store and we wanted to make people laugh. We wanted to get on The Tonight Show. We wanted something because we all felt that we're funny. In those days, we were working for free drinks. Some were working for more free drinks than others, but.
So what you would do is you would go on stage and then you do your little skits and then you would come off stage. If there was a new guy coming on, you'd want to stick around and make fun of the new guy.
Paul: Sure.
David Letterman: Because we were all worried that, "Oh, somebody else is coming in who's really funny." And then we'll have to go back, in my case, to Indiana.
Paul: Yes.
David Letterman: I can remember the night my friend, George Miller and I, who was a very funny comic and was on this show many times, we were at The Comedy Store and they introduce Robin Williams. For some reason in the beginning, he was introduced as being from Scotland. They said he was Scottish.
Paul: I see
.
David Letterman: Now we're stumped. We don't know. There's a Scottish guy, really, coming to the United States? So we were feeling pretty smug about our position right away, because it's going to be haggis and that kind of crap. So we're relaxed. We're ready to go. All of a sudden, he comes up on stage and you know what it is. It's like nothing we had ever seen before. Nothing we had ever imagined before. We go home at night and are writing our little jokes about stuff. And this guy comes in and we're like a morning dew, he comes in like a hurricane.
Now, the longer he's onstage, the worse we feel about ourselves because it's not stopping. And then he finishes and I thought, "Oh, that's it. They're going to have to put an end to show business because what can happen after this?" And then we get to see this night after night after night. We didn't approach him because we were afraid of him. Honest to God. You thought, "Holy crap, there goes my chance at show business because of this guy from Scotland."
And then like a shot out of a cannon, he goes and he's on the Happy Days show. And then from the Happy Days show, he gets to be on Mork & Mindy. Now, there's some structure to his life. He's not at The Comedy Store every night because he's got an actual job. So the rest of us can pretend that it never happened. But yet, then he goes from Mork & Mindy and then he starts to making movie after movie after movie. He's nominated four times for an Academy Award. It wasn't really until Paul and I started the NBC version of this show, which by the way, is still running in Mexico.
Paul: It is.
David Letterman: Very popular. But it wasn't until then that I sort of got to really know Robin Williams, because he would come on to promote movies or concerts or whatever he was talking about. He was always so gracious. We would talk about the old times and never did he act like, "Oh, I knew you guys were scared because I was so good." It was just a pleasure to know the guy. He was a gentleman and delightful. Even in the old days, he was kind enough to ask me to appear on his Mork & Mindy show. Now, this is a double edged sword because he did it only because he was trying to help other fledgling, starting out comics.
Paul: Make sense.
David Letterman: Right. The other side of the sword is I had no business being on that show. I have no business being on this show. But he was nice. He gave me a job. So in those days, jobs were hard to come by. And there I was, and I was on Mork & Mindy. I can remember between the dress rehearsal and the actual taping of the show, the director of the program, Howard, Howard, Howard Shore-
Paul: Howard Storm.
David Letterman: Storm. Howard Storm comes up to me and he says, "Well, you've been trying all week." He says, "This is your last chance."
So even to the detriment of the show, Robin was kind enough to invite me to come on because he thought, "Why can't I spread this around and have some of my friends sharing my success," which is exactly what he did. He then was on our show, the show, in the old show, a total of nearly 50 times.
Paul: Total of 50 times?
David Letterman: 50 times. 50 times. Two things would happen because Robin was on the program. One, I didn't have to do anything. All I had to do was sit here and watch the machine. And two, people would watch. If they knew Robin was on the show, the viewership would go up because they wanted to see Robin. Believe me, that wasn't just true of television. I believe that was true of the kind of guy he was. People were drawn to him because of this electricity. This, whatever it was that he radiated that propelled him and powered him.
And then he came on when I came back after my heart surgery, Robin was nice enough to come on that night. And it was very, very funny and very, very appropriate. Here's a picture that I will now cherish even more than I had previously. There are four people right there. Two of which wildly funny, insanely funny, two are not.
The handsome woman there is Mitzi Shore. She owned The Comedy Store. We all, the three of us, worked there. I think Robin and I, it'd be safe to say, we started there. Richard Pryor was already Richard Pryor, but he would work there. The guy in the middle, I trimmed hedges.
Paul: Yeah. Oh, well.
David Letterman: So we would like to... We put together a segment of Robin Williams appearances. Moreover, more than anything, it will make you laugh. Really, that's what we should take from this is he could make you laugh under any circumstances. Here he is on our show.
[Clips]
God bless you, my friend.
Well, what I will add here is beyond being a very talented man and a good friend and a gentlemen, I'm sorry. Like everybody else, I had no idea that the man was in pain, that the man was suffering. But what a guy. Robin Williams. We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
For Daniel Solomons: 'The loss of Daniel has left a hole in my heart', Memorial Scholarship Dinner, by Sandra Solomons - 2015
30 April 2015, Sydney, Australia
I would like to begin by lighting a candle in Daniel’s honour. Our family decided to have the Memorial event tonight. It was a toss between 29th or 30th April. Somehow, the 30th April was chosen. Recently, I opened a letter from the Great Synagogue informing us that Daniel’s Yahrzeit falls on 12 Iyar, which this year commences on the evening of Thursday 30th April 2015. His Hebrew Memorial day coincides with this event. You will come to learn that I don’t believe in coincidences. Rather divine intervention. We light a candle with the intent for individuals to take time to remember, honour and celebrate the life of a loved one. It is said that the spirit of the person fills the room for 24 hours. This flickering flame is symbolic of Daniel’s eternal light. As beautifully expressed by Shaw “Life is a splendid torch which I’ve got hold of for a brief moment and I want it to burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to a future generation.”
Grief, suffering and the loss of Daniel has left a hole in my heart. The grief ebbs and flows each day, each week and throughout the year. The pauses between these feelings fluctuate but his loss to suicide is difficult to come to terms with. I will never understand why and I have come to understand that I need to let go of trying to make sense of suicide. The whys, what ifs arrest the healing process. Rather, I live in hope that one day I will to come understand the blessings of a broken heart.
The healing process has been a journey and I feel grateful to friends, family and Ashurst for giving our family an opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate the short, but colourful life of Daniel.
I will give you reflections of his life on behalf of my beautiful and loving family: David, Michele, Bruce, Rebecca and Gregor. I will also extend the appreciation, love and friendship to Daniel’s extended family and friends. You were all special to him and filled his days with joy. Life is at times colourless without the presence of Daniel. Somehow we need to look for the colour despite his absence. That is the challenge of our grief. Back to Daniel’s colour ….He was the story -teller. His imagination, command of language and timing were faultless. You knew you were in for a treat, as he told his story or you were swept along with his drama. He often started his conversations with…’actually or do you know?’ His arresting, blue eyes would sparkle even more and one had to steel themselves for the vivid, colourful and often challenging debate to follow.
I know we all miss him and that sadness and emptiness is a companion at times but aren’t we all fortunate that he was part of our lives even for such a short time. The memories and stories live on.
My story or journey begins…as I was sitting in a café reminiscing about Daniel.
Daniel loved eating out at restaurants…. The ceremony of the outing filled him with anticipation of a delicious meal and companionship. Delicious was one of his favourite words, or quirkier still ‘deliciousness’. Only Daniel could get away with this transgression. I began to pen my recollections as I sat in a trendy Eastern suburbs café. I was reading ‘A Private Life’ by Michael Kirby, a book I found so engaging and meaningful. You could say, I was surrounded by Daniel as his favourite album was playing in the background. ‘Dreams’ by The Cranberries was pulsing through my veins. Daniel’s presence was palpable. I delved into the book and the words discussed in our meetings with Michael Kirby came to life and echoed the background music. Personal courage and enlightenment came to foreground. Justus Kirby you have triumphed in your journey and enlightened many, many people on a personal and professional level, especially David and I. I feel as though Daniel has been tapping me on the shoulder, guiding me on my journey and opening me eyes as I learn to understand and come to terms with my grief. As I have said before don’t believe in coincidences. Somehow David and I were lucky enough to meet and have meaningful discussions with you, Michael in your offices. It was a privilege and Daniel is looking on smiling. I could just imagine the banter, that could have of unfolded between the two of you in your office, but sadly this did not come to be. Even though, Daniel lost his life to suicide, I feel that the words Personal Courage and Enlightenment are true for him too. Daniel was loved and admired by so many. He was a fine young man, exuding tremendous personal qualities. Daniel was a wonderful son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend and mentor. He had personal courage and the spark of enlightenment. Despite his junior position as a lawyer he stood his ground and would advise and guide senior colleagues on difficult points of law. Somehow, he could see beyond the ordinary. These powerful attributes of Personal Courage and Enlightenment must live on in Daniel’s honour. Learning, education and the love of law were Daniel’s passion. He thrived at UNSW and met a new set of friends. He loved them as people but also he loved studying and debating contentious issues of law during tutorials. So once again Daniel is tapping my shoulder, rather strongly, watching over me and guiding our decision process for his Memorial Scholarship. It took some time but here we are. We feel we are on the path now. Pay it forward shine the light, pass on the legacy of living, loving and respecting the law. So the scholarship has been created and with generous donations from tonight it will hopefully have a ‘long life’. Our dream is that it will become endowed. Jordana Wong, the Development Manager from UNSW Law has been simply amazing. I am so pleased you are here tonight assisting our guests. Finally, we can fulfill the dream to have a Memorial Scholarship that Daniel would endorse.
Reflecting back to his younger and formative years Daniel was bewitched by the character of Dorothy as she followed her adventures in the Land of Oz. Daniel followed his own enchanting road in Oz land. Life was full of colour, friends and adventures. We were mesmerized by Daniel’s passion and enthusiasm and travelled along his magical pathway. At the end of the journey, the heroine and hero discover all one seeks was inside all along. So home for Daniel is within our heart now and always. The memories, the stories are embedded within and give comfort during times of sadness.
Daniel has left many legacies. Yes he was a writer, an academic, a passionate learner a learned and sensitive man. He penned only a few reminders of his talents- shorts stories, journal articles and a Chapter in Australian Corporate Finance. But for me his overwhelming legacy is that his work was not yet completed. Our family has taken the challenge to awaken his light and shine this on others. Despite overwhelming grief and sadness we wanted to remember and honour Daniel in a fitting way. So the concept of a dinner was mooted and here we are tonight remembering a fine young man. Once again Daniel’s presence is palpable. I have come to understand his love of Ashurst. I have met and been assisted by his generous colleagues. I have walked Daniel’s steps as I take the Rose Bay ferry to Circular Quay and enter Grosvenor Place. I travel up the same lifts he did to the reception level for all my meetings. You are all sitting here tonight in the Boardrooms of Ashurt, a place Daniel knew well. It is hard to take these steps, but who doesn’t do hard for someone they love and cherish. Oscar Wilde, one of Daniel’s favourite authors wrote… “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. So back to Daniel, tapping my shoulder, guiding me forward. I met and worked closely with the professional team at Ashurst. I know they represent the other Ashurst colleagues that knew and respected Daniel. Emanuel Poulos you are the rock who believed in Daniel and this function. You were his voice and mine. You introduced me to the team: Kate Cato, Tahnya Seifman and Remonda Sukkar. I feel so connected to you and feel blessed that I had the opportunity to work with such caring and conscientious individuals. We worked together to create this event. You have helped make this the best ‘Daniel’ event. A heartfelt Thank You!
You are the ambassadors for Ashurst. On behalf of my family and friends I thank Ashurst sincerely for being the gracious host for this evening and event. Your generosity is received with gratitude.
I would like to acknowledge the unwavering love and devotion of my family, immediate and extended. We have cried together, comforted each other, reminisced and laughed together. My friends are also my family. I could not have travelled this road without you. We share a bond that has stood the test of time. Finally, Daniel’s friends are now part of our lives. Together we can live in hope and use this challenge of loss to find our inner strength. Let his story and legacy continue.
Finally, our family wish to acknowledge the generous donations for the auction and raffle tonight. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you to family, friends, colleagues for joining us here tonight to honour and remember Daniel. Your presence tonight has made this Memorial Scholarship Dinner launch truly memorable.
Mark Lipson, my dear nephew has worked tirelessly on this beautiful snap shot DVD of Daniel. How can one sum up such a unique, amazing young man!! A challenge for all of us!! Mark you are the true professional, your focus was to do the best by Daniel and you did!! You held my hand compassionately, listened to my tears and tried to hug them away.
Daniel, we miss you deeply, you are irreplaceable. We pray that your dear soul rests eternally in peace. I will conclude with a quote from Einstein as it sums up Daniel, “The pursuit of knowledge for its own sake, an almost fanatical love of justice… these are the features of the tradition which makes me thank my lucky stars that I belonged to it.”
For Jade Barker: 'You are loved by all, we are incredibly sad that for a moment you lost sight of this love', by Maree Angus - 2018
25 July 2018, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
Maree is the mother of Jade
Good morning. Thank you all for joining Jade’s family to celebrate her life. Our thanks also to Jill and the Millingtons for their efforts in ensuring today’s service is just right. Jade would have it no other way.
As her Mum...and her senior English teacher, I am very aware of how eloquent Jade was....and am feeling a little pressured...as I know how well she would have spoken if our roles had been reversed… as we had always expected.
So I’m sorry Jade…I’m not speaking with just a few dot points jotted on a piece of high quality paper, as you would have done… …and I may even read quite a lot…but Jade, know the words come from a place of love…they are from everyone who has reminded me of your strength, your conviction, your passion and your many other skills. A common observation from so many has been how much love and care you have always given to others, we worry that perhaps you didn’t take enough time to care for yourself.
Phil, thank you for allowing me to pay tribute to Jade on behalf of you, Ben and Eliot, Jade’s grandmother Marjorie and her sister Katie, your Mum Leonie, and although he is no longer with us, your father Graeme, Jade’s father Vynn and partner, Chrissie, my partner, Denis and each of our extended families.
As Phil and I have discussed, Jade’s passing cannot define the life of a wife and Mum, a granddaughter, a daughter and daughter in law, a sister and sister in law, a niece, a work colleague, a volunteer and a friend. As each of you know, Jade was so much more than the darkness that has sometimes overcome her throughout her life and obviously became too much for her to bear last week.
I’m sure since losing Jade, we have all reflected on our times with her, the fun, the discussions…ok ..discussion may be an euphemism for heated arguments about issues and causes Jade passionately believed in… the placards…the marches… the great food…the themed parties...the quirky costumes, the black tie fundraising balls …the dress up nights… and the very, very clever facebook posts that we all read and loved ...and wished we could emulate.
Some of you have probably seen or received one of her beautifully bound holiday organiser booklets…each day carefully planned, costed and timed ….Lonely Planet Guides don’t hold a torch to Jade’s productions. You may even have been with her in October or April and had to try to explain what to do with the clock when we changed to or from daylight savings…for a very bright women, she never quite understood THAT concept… You may have once mentioned to Jade that you needed help to organise something…and then found that a few days later she had not only organised everything for you… she had also provided you with a colour coded manual to ensure everything ran smoothly. ….and even if you haven’t been there in person, I’m sure you have at least seen a photo of the Barker/Millhouse clan in their Christmas outfits…although I’m still not 100% convinced that Phil wasn’t the ideas man for that annual tradition.
Let’s not let the manner of Jade’s passing overshadow the joy she bought to each of us. We must hold firmly to our memories ....replay them as often as we can ...and share them with Jade and Phil’s sons Ben and Eliot every chance we have. Because these memories are what really define Jade’s 40 years of living, not the tragedy of last week.
I know many of you have sat at that big timber table at Jade and Phil’s home, enjoying Jade’s amazing cooking topped off by Phil’s decadent deserts. At that table you have been embraced by the love and laughter that their home has always exuded.
Sitting there this week thinking about the many occasions that Jade and Phil had bought together friends and family, I recalled my first memory of Jade preparing food for others.
I was at teacher’s college and came out to the kitchen early one morning to find 6 year old Jade standing on top of two sandwiches...one foot on each. She had got up early...sliced the bread....fairly thickly...and made lunch for her sister, Katie and herself. Even at that young age Jade realised that food made with love needed to also be aesthetically pleasing. She clearly understood that a sandwich 10cm high didn’t quite look right...particularly for school and day care lunch boxes!
However......already solution focussed...tiny Jade had worked out that by wrapping the sandwiches in cling wrap and carefully stepping on them to flatten them out, the sandwiches would be much more appealing. And they were.... Katie had a lovely lunch, Jade’s creative skills in the kitchen were unleashed…and her mother began to buy the sliced bread Jade actually preferred!
It will come as no surprise that although Jade went to a number, at each of her schools she quickly made friends, was elected to leadership roles, joined sports teams, performed in plays and musicals and captained the debating team, competed at regional level in swimming and state level for athletics.
Even as a child Jade was a strong believer in “If I’m going to do it...I’m really going to do it…and I’m really going to do it well”.
Jade was a beautiful swimmer and although the stroke wasn’t pretty at first, she could swim the width of the pool before she turned two. When she returned to the coast to live, Vynn encouraged and supported her swimming and most mornings she would head off to swim training in the dark before school.
Those of you have seen Jade swim will know that the training paid off….particularly if you weren’t quick enough to say that you would “just make a donation” to the cause she was raising money for and had foolishly sponsored her for each lap she swam! Often a very costly exercise.
In addition to fundraising, highlights of Jade’s adventures in the water were swimming with her grandmother, Marj and the Winter Solstice Nude Swim…she loved both! I too love Marj, so can understand the joy of spending time in the pool with her…I’m still unsure of the appeal that nudie swims in the middle of winter this close to the south pole hold.. Perhaps that is just because I’m a mainlander!
When she lived on the Gold Coast, Jade was a coastie …she has always embraced the community she lived in…she wore Billabong clothes, owned the rip curl school bags and loved the beach. The one thing Jade couldn’t manage as a coastie though ...as any of you would know if you have been to the beach or pool or an outdoor activity with Jade...was a suntan… a beautiful shade of very hot pink…no trouble…Jade could become beetroot red simply sitting under an umbrella with a rashie on if the sun was shining.
When she came to western NSW to live Jade again embraced the lifestyle...”if Im livin in the country..Im going to ride horses, muster cattle, catch wild pigs and compete in dressage… and I’m going to be a country girl, I’m going to look the part...in a very short time the billabong and rip curl were gone and Jade was rocking the RM Williams boots, the turned up collars ..the pearls and the Akubra hat. I often wonder if this was the beginning of her lifelong love of dress up!
Kate reminded me that it was around this time that Jade began to really enjoy the challenge of running. Like most kids when they come home from school, Jade’s first stop was the fridge …she would open the door…check out the fridge contents…and then work out how many ks she needed to run before eating. Pavlova was usually a 5 ker across the paddocks…and off she would go. We both obviously cooked too much as Jade quickly became an accomplished long distance and cross country runner.
When Jade left school it was time to travel...she tried Sydney and Melbourne...again...if I’m going to do a city ...I’m going to do a real city...and we got phone calls to say “I’m off to London in three days”....and off she went. Jade lived in London for two years and like most Aussies working in London spent many short breaks doing Europe and loved the snowfields, the shops, the food and the parties. Jade seized these opportunities with both hands and really enjoyed her time working overseas.
Eventually Jade returned to Australia but decided that she would spend time in the West. Ben was born there. She was incredibly proud of Ben and of being a mother. This has never changed. And Ben, I know she would be particularly proud of your courage and of all that you have done in the past week. You and Eliot are a credit to your Mum and Phil, and to your extensive network of family and friends.
Not only is Ben a great son, he was also the impetus for Jade to head east and come home to Tasmania to be close to her Dad and her grandparents.
.....and then along came Phil...and as those clever Facebook posts continually affirmed, Jade had found her great love and with Phil and her sons Ben and Eliot the “best years “ of her life began.
I understand now the romance may have been a little tentative at first…simply because Phil was a very wary of one of his workmate who also happened to be Jade’s Dad, Vynn.
Despite this wariness, Jade and Phil’s romance quickly blossomed and Katie and I were very curious to meet this wonderful man…who was just sooo amazing and sooo amazing with Ben. I’m not sure if you remember, Phil, but we met you at Darling Harbour before you both went to a Powderfinger concert. Den, Katie and I all decided there and then you were a keeper…Jade had obviously already decided that she loved you and that you were a keeper…so you were actually a goner!
The birth of Eliot was another great milestone and Jade and Phil were now a family of four. Ever the romantic, Phil proposed on the beach in Bali…when somehow they had managed to have a quiet walk …not easy when three couples and four kids are holidaying together.
At Jade and Phil’s wedding, the speeches, although written separately by very different people all had a common theme…Jade and Phil’s deep love for each other and for Ben and Eliot, their strong partnership, their tendency to “dress up” and how their very different personalities and interests complemented each other.
Jade and Phil’s strong, loving relationship provided both with the safety net to allow them to step out of their comfort zone and try new things. I know Jade didn’t love the abseiling down the Gordon Dam…I think words like terror and fear were used…but she loved Phil so much that she mastered them…or at least lowered the decibels of her screams.
My favourite photo of Jade and Phil together is when they marched in Mardi Gras. I am sure that prior to meeting Jade, parading down Oxford Street bare chested and in a kilt was not on Phil’s top one hundred…however because Jade wanted him to, Phil joined in…and although it wasn’t on his “to do” list…I now know he actually loved it!! (Phrases like “looking buff and feeling like a rock star” may have been used…I know that was certainly the social media response to Phil’s participation in the march)
We all know that Jade had a very strong sense of social justice. The majority of her career choices and her volunteering have centred on this. Jade not only believed in, she fought and worked tirelessly to ensure everyone was cared for and treated justly. Jade gave up many hours of her time to volunteer on the boards of Women’s Health and TASCARD. She spent countless hours door knocking for the Labor party candidates and organising events to raise awareness and money to fight AIDs, to combat discrimination and to promote not just acceptance but celebration of diversity… to name just a few of her endeavours. Although like most of us, she didn’t support the plebiscite; Jade was overjoyed when the marriage equality act was passed.
Whatever she did, Jade did because she cared. She also did it because she wanted to ensure the world that their sons, Ben and Eliot would grow up in was one full of love, tolerance, equality and respect for everyone.
Jade adored Ben and Eliot …and adored her role as their mother. The boys were an enormous part of her happiest years. Phil and Jade’s house was made a home not just by the love shared between the four of them, but by the physical messages of love and inspiration, the quirky and beautiful personal touches, like the photo books, the carved rocks and the endless cushions. She was constantly thinking of how she could make things better for their sons. Jade generously threw herself whole heartedly into school activities and fundraising and the boys’ many sports. Jade didn’t hesitate to manage the soccer team, be the taxi for the boys and their friends…or host an awesome birthday party for Ben and Eliot. Their holidays whether to Bali or Noosa or Bruny were all planned around what the boys would enjoy. Ben and Eliot were the centre of the universe. Phil and Jade grabbed every opportunity they could to go to Bruny with the boys and family and friends and she loved it there. She also loved social media. I’m sure I’m not the only person who waited with bated breath for the next instalment that provided a window in to the lives of the Big one and the Small one! Ben and Eliot… many people know you well because your Mum loved you so much and proudly shared her joy in all that you did with the rest of the world on facebook.
The messages of condolences all refer to the importance Jade placed on her love of the boys and Phil. Eliot and Ben, Mum loved you dearly and the love you gave to her in return made her incredibly happy.
Phil, Ben and Eliot, this past week has been tough on everyone, but particularly on each of you. Our world has been turned upside down.
We all have many questions that may never be answered. What I do know, and what those of us who have known Jade her whole life know, is that her time with Phil, Ben and Eliot and the “Millhouses” has been the best 10 years of her life. Phil, I thank you for the love, the joy and stability you and your family have given Jade in your time together. I know that you have been told countless times by many people that she loved you, Ben and Eliot . I need to say it again.
In and beyond this room are people who love and care for each of you. Phil, yours and Jade’s warmth, love and friendship have created the village required to successfully raise wonderful young men. We wish we could help ease your pain, and we want you to know that we are all here to help you in the future.
Jade you are loved by all, we are incredibly sad that for a moment you lost sight of this love. We miss you and we love you. We hope that you now rest peacefully.
Jade died on 18 July 2018.
For Danny Frawley: 'Like Danny, there was a time when I thought I was fixed', by Wayne Schwass - 2019
18 September 2019, Kingston Town Hall, Melbourne, Australia
We live in a world that expects men to be tough to be strong, to be stoic, resilient but also unemotional. A world that judges, criticises, labels men who show vulnerability, sensitivity, insecurity and their emotions.
Being emotional as a man is often seen as weak or soft, that somehow you’re not a man, you’re not man enough and even good enough.
The male mantra harden up, suck it up, man up has been handed down from generation to generation, like it’s some sort of badge of honour, that teaches us from a very early age that to be a man, a real man, you need to be tough, you don’t cry, talk or show your emotions.
These messages are damaging and destructive and in my opinion are contributing to a growing number of males from young boys to older men across our great country who are in pain, hurting and are perhaps paralysed by the suffocating fear of being judged, seen as weak or losing respect.
Some of us choose to stay silent because of fear, fear of losing everything. Even if that means it’s at the expense of your own health and well-being.
It’s time to challenge the old way, a narrative that no longer serves us. It’s not about blame or shame, it’s about responsibility and opportunity.
To quote Danny “Manning up in the past was to suffer in silence, manning up now is to put your hand up.”
Fellas it’s okay to be in pain. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to be sad. But it’s no longer okay to suffer in silence
If you don’t think this is important, that’s okay but I strongly disagree. It’s never been more important for our boys, the next generation of men, husbands, fathers, uncles, brothers, coaches, teachers, leaders and future role models.
To be allowed, encouraged and supported to be emotionally connected and expressive.
To be vulnerable, and to be empowered to cry without fear or judgement.
It’s time for a new narrative.
Like Danny, there was a time when I thought I was fixed, that I’d beaten my mental health conditions. I used to tell people that I was fixed. But this implies that I was broken and needed fixing. I’m not broken and I don’t need fixing.
I’m on a 26-year mental health journey that will continue for the rest of my life, and I’m comfortable with that. You see my health and well being is ultimately my responsibility. it’s up to me to stay healthy and well.
There is a reason why I no longer drink alcohol. There is a reason why I exercise. There is a reason why I prioritise sleep. There is a reason why I try to eat well. There is a reason why I see my GP regularly. There is a reason why I’m engaged and constantly talking to my support network.
When necessary, there is a reason why I take medication. Those reasons are all the same: because my mental health and wellbeing depends on it. If I don’t do the things I need to do every day then ultimately I will pay a price. My mental health suffers. And it’s simply not worth that.
It’s a daily responsibility and commitment to my ongoing mental health and well being.
So to anyone here today who has, or who is living with a mental health condition I want you to make a similar commitment, I want you to make a similar commitment to your mental health and well being. Please don’t compromise your mental health. Please put your wellbeing first, please eliminate the things that don’t help you, please start investing in things that are good for you and your mental health.
Please, please, please follow the advice of your GP and your clinicians, invest the time into your recovery and even when you think you’ve recovered, please keep investing, keep working. Keep learning new tools and strategies that will help your mental health.
Mental health conditions are insidious and invasive, and a life with mental health conditions can be difficult. Very challenging. Exhausting. And at times completely overwhelming.
But life can be great again.
You can get healthy again, happy again, and the colour can and does come back into your life. But it takes hard work, perseverance, and a lot of patience.
To anyone here today who has or is supporting a loved one living with a mental health condition, it can be a thankless task at times. Thank you for picking us up. Thank you for not losing hope. And thank you for keeping us connected.
Daniel Patrick Frawley, aka Spud was known and respected for the courage he displayed on a football field. But courage comes in many forms, and it was his courage to fight his own mental health conditions using those experiences to share his own journey, in the hope of removing stigma, and encouraging others going through similar experiences to ask for help, that I admired most.
Even in his darkest days in recent weeks, he was still championing his message. That no man should ever have to walk alone. That you don’t have to suffer in silence. And that you should ask for help.
That’s courage. That’s strength. That’s selflessness from the ultimate team man and team mate. .
Spud, you were a beautiful man who I cared about deeply.
You were a great mate who I unashamedly loved. You were and will always be a loyal, loving, supporting and encouraging friend who I will love forever.
I’ll miss our chats, our deep conversations, the practical jokes, your infectious laugh, your spirit and your passion.
I’m so proud of you, Spud. I’m proud of how hard you fought. I’m proud of how hard you worked to overcome these insidious conditions the first time around. And I’m incredibly proud of you for helping countless others.
We may have lost this battle, Spud, but my promise to you, Anita, and your three beautiful girls is we won’t lose the war.
There are two things that I will cherish most, Spud. The first was your love. Whether it was an emoji loveheart at the end of a text, or you saying ‘I love you Schwatter’ at the end of one of our many phone calls, and the second was your trust. You trusted me to listen. You trusted me to talk. You trusted me to ask for help. And you trusted me to allow me to offer my support.
Spud, what I’d give to have one more conversation, brother. I’d tell you like I always did. It’s okay mate. We’ve been here before. We’ll get through this together. And we’ll do it again. I believe in you brother. So let’s keep doing the work.
Until then my beautiful friend, you’re free to fly with the angels. I love you Spud.
Wayne Schwass is a former champion AFL footballer and a mental health advocate for PukaUp. For urgent assistance please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24 hour counselling, information and referrals) or the Beyond Blue Support Service 1300 22 4636.
For Kurt Cobain : 'He's such an asshole', by Courtney Love - 1994
10 April 1994, Seattle Center, Seattle, Washington, USA
I don't know what to say. I feel the same way you guys do. If you guys don't think... that I used to sit in this room, when he played the guitar and sang, and feel so honored to be near him, you're crazy... Anyway, he left a note, it's more like a letter to the fucking editor. I don't know what happened. I mean it was gonna happen, but it could've happened when he was 40. He always said he was gonna outlive everybody and be a hundred and twenty. I'm not gonna read you all the note 'cause it's none of the rest of your fucking business. But some of it is to you. I don't really think it takes away his dignity to read this considering that it's addressed to most of you. He's such an asshole. I want you all to say "asshole" really loud.
[crowd: "asshole"]
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and embracement of your community, has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something, for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things - for example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the love and adoration of the crowd.
Well, Kurt, so fucking what - then don't be a rock star you asshole.
Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact, I can't fool you, any one of you, it simply isn't fair to you or to me. The worst crime I could think of would be to put people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.
No Kurt, the worst crime I can think of is for you to just continue being a rock star when you fucking hate it, just fucking stop.
Sometimes I feel as I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do. But it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive. Oh, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation of all the people I've known personally, and of fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt and the empathy I have for everybody. There's good in all of us and I simply love people too much.
So why didn't you just fucking stay?
So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. Sad little sensitive unappreciative Pisces, Jesus, Man...
Oh shut up, bastard. Why didn't you just enjoy it? I don't know. Then he goes on to say personal things to me that are none of your damn business; personal things to Frances that are none of your damn business.
I had a good marriage, and for that I'm grateful. But since the age of seven, I've become hateful toward all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy.
Empathy?
Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody person and I don't have the passion anymore. So remember...
And don't remember this, cause this is a fucking lie!
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
God! You asshole.
Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.
And then there are some more personal things that is none of your damn business. And just remember: this is all bullshit... But I want you to know one thing: that '80s tough luck bullshit, it doesn't work. It's not real. It doesn't work. I should have let him we all should have let him have his numbness. We should have let him have the thing that made him feel better, that made his stomach feel better. We should have let him have it, instead of trying to strip away his skin.
You go home and you tell your parents, "Don't you ever try that tough love bullshit on me, 'cuz it doesn't fucking work." That's what I think.
And I'm laying in our bed, and I'm really sorry. And I feel the same way you do. I'm really sorry you guys. I don't know what I could have done. I wish I'd been here. I wish I hadn't listened to other people, but I did.
Every night I've been sleeping with his mother, and I wake up in the morning and think it's him because their bodies are sort of the same.
And I have to go now. Just tell him he's a fucker, OK? Just say "fucker." "You're a fucker." And that you love him.