At the same event in 2019, comedian Matt Quartermaine penned this speech: ‘Thinking About You West Coast Eagles’
27 September 2019, Old Melbourne Hotel, Melbourne, Australia
(With apologies to Martin Flanagan... again)
Thinking of you 2019 AFL season, the 30th year of Australian Rules football under the AFL banner.
Thinking of you water boys, who can only come onto the ground now after a goal, or as it’s called on the Gold Coast; dehydration.
Thinking of you Joel Selwood a Captain who bleeds by example.
Thinking of you Nathan Buckley the most likeable Collingwood coach since...
Thinking of you Roaming Brian hoping your next segment is called Silent Brian.
Thinking of you stab pass, the only kick that sounds like a Game of Thrones location,
Thinking of you AFLX, especially when I need to cure my constipation.
Thinking of you Goal square. What are you doing here? Why do you even exist? What is your purpose anymore?
Thinking of you Kevin Bartlett and never ever forgetting Finey.
Thinking of you Premiership quarter especially all those teams that won the premiership quarters but not actual premiership.
Thinking of you AFL theme rounds because next year the AFL will expand the theme rounds to honour teams not going into the finals in the See Ya Round Round, the Italian community in the Rissole Round and the sexually ambiguous in the Bye Round.
Thinking of you GWS or as I like call you a team made up of players that could have been in my team.
Thinking of you sacked coaches, throwing empty tinnies at the TV, watching his ex team win the very next game with all the same people except him.
Thinking of you concussion.
Thinking of you concussion.
Thinking of you National Anthem when 90,000 people stand as one, bow their heads and think of their team winning.
Thinking of you Hawthorn GWS Snow game in Canberra, because that was the most snow in Canberra since the Christopher Pyne’s going away party. “(Sniff) Who wants to buy some guns?”
Thinking of you Dusty, a player so famous he’s known by only one name like Beyonce, Drake and Gasometer.
Thinking of you behinds. No not the football ones
Thinking of you Collingwood supporters... but only when I need cheering up.
Thinking of you Steve Smith, because if they drug tested him, he'd piss runs!
Thinking of you Willie Rioli, who has made coaches everywhere terrified of the Gatorade shower.
Thanking you 2019.
This was performed at John Harms’ The Footy Almanac’s Grand Final Lunch as a follow up to last year’s ‘Thinking About You West Coast Eagles’. The site is sportswriting written by fans, for fans. It’s motto, ‘Sport. From the Heart’.