At the same event in 2019, comedian Matt Quartermaine penned this speech: ‘Thinking About You West Coast Eagles’

27 September 2019, Old Melbourne Hotel, Melbourne, Australia

(With apologies to Martin Flanagan... again)

Thinking of you 2019 AFL season, the 30th year of Australian Rules football under the AFL banner.
Thinking of you water boys, who can only come onto the ground now after a goal, or as it’s called on the Gold Coast; dehydration.
Thinking of you Joel Selwood a Captain who bleeds by example.
Thinking of you Nathan Buckley the most likeable Collingwood coach since...
Thinking of you Roaming Brian hoping your next segment is called Silent Brian.
Thinking of you stab pass, the only kick that sounds like a Game of Thrones location,
Thinking of you AFLX, especially when I need to cure my constipation.
Thinking of you Goal square. What are you doing here? Why do you even exist? What is your purpose anymore?
Thinking of you Kevin Bartlett and never ever forgetting Finey.
Thinking of you Premiership quarter especially all those teams that won the premiership quarters but not actual premiership.
Thinking of you AFL theme rounds because next year the AFL will expand the theme rounds to honour teams not going into the finals in the See Ya Round Round, the Italian community in the Rissole Round and the sexually ambiguous in the Bye Round.
Thinking of you GWS or as I like call you a team made up of players that could have been in my team.
Thinking of you sacked coaches, throwing empty tinnies at the TV, watching his ex team win the very next game with all the same people except him.
Thinking of you concussion.
Thinking of you concussion.
Thinking of you National Anthem when 90,000 people stand as one, bow their heads and think of their team winning.
Thinking of you Hawthorn GWS Snow game in Canberra, because that was the most snow in Canberra since the Christopher Pyne’s going away party. “(Sniff) Who wants to buy some guns?”
Thinking of you Dusty, a player so famous he’s known by only one name like Beyonce, Drake and Gasometer.
Thinking of you behinds. No not the football ones
Thinking of you Collingwood supporters... but only when I need cheering up.
Thinking of you Steve Smith, because if they drug tested him, he'd piss runs!
Thinking of you Willie Rioli, who has made coaches everywhere terrified of the Gatorade shower.
Thanking you 2019.

This was performed at John Harms’ The Footy Almanac’s Grand Final Lunch as a follow up to last year’s ‘Thinking About You West Coast Eagles’. The site is sportswriting written by fans, for fans. It’s motto, ‘Sport. From the Heart’.

28 September 2018, Melbourne Hotel, Melbourne, Australia

Eagles devotee Matt Quartermaine performed this peice for The Footy Almaanc Grand Final Lunch. The Alamanc is a community of writers and sports lovers started by sportswriter John Harms (author Play On, Malarkey Press) . The piece is a parody of Martin Flanagan’s beautiful Thinking About piece, performed by Martin on SEN a week earlier.

Thinking of you West Coast Eagles who came to Melbourne in 1987 the same year as me.

Thinking of you my brother Simon, who was one of the Eagles fans who chartered a plane in 2015 when their Grand Final was over in the first quarter.

Thinking of you Ross Glendinning - barrel-chested champion and first Eagles captain who has a medal named after him and WILL decide who gets it.

Thinking of you John Worsfold Premiership captain, premiership coach and Chemist, hired by Essendon to fix their drug culture.

Thinking of you Paul Peos because no one else will.

Thinking of you Brett Heady who they nicknamed Jobby because... it's a football team.

Thinking of you Ben Cousins, a player so shy he'd rather swim across the Swan River than talk to a policeman.

Thinking of you Scott Cummings because you now look like you ate half your team mates.

Thinking of you Bon Scott - choking back the tears and a little bit of vomit.

Thinking of you Michelle Sweeney - who has nothing to do with the Eagles but she was the prettiest girl in primary school and I still think about her.

Thinking of you Perth the most isolated city in the world because Adelaide is 2,200kms away and they want to know if they can be more isolated.

Thinking of you Barry Cable trapped under a tractor and didn't have a footy to handball into the gear stick to move the tractor forward.

Thinking of you Polly Farmer the footballer and the freeway with easy east/west travelling across the city of Perth.

Thinking of you Chard Haywood- because only in Perth would Dudley from Number 96 get a chat show.

Thinking of you Lillee when you caught Marsh sneaking a ciggie behind the nets and both of you went to put a bet on.

Thinking of you Kim Beazley governor of WA who I spotted after the 2005 grand final wearing a Sydney Swans scarf. Boo.

Thinking of you booing because it gives everyone over East the irrits.

Thinking of you Sir Charles Court premier of WA 1974 to 1982 who pronounced the state WEStern Australia and sent a convoy of drilling rigs and police across a picket line to drill on sacred Noonkenbah land and start the mining boom.

Thinking of you Jan De Jong, Dutch underground war hero, former chief instructor to the SAS and at who's Ju Jitsu school I trained and still got beaten up by bullies.

Thinking of you Rolf Harris the boy from Bassendean- Who tied a kangaroo down sport and then may or may not have interfered with it.

Thinking of you Indian Ocean where the water is wee warm.

Thinking of you Karl Langdon - Na I'm not really thinking about Karl Langdon.

Thinking of you Winged keel of Australia II which won the America's Cup and enabled millionaire owner Alan Bond to bypass building codes and construct a monstrous hotel right on the Scarborough beach foreshore.

Thinking of you Dirk Hartog, Dutch explorer, who in 1616 landed on Dirk Hartog island. Coincidence? I think not.

Thinking of you Skylab which NASA chose to crash a to earth in WA where it wouldn't hurt anyone.