Uploaded August 2006, United Kingdom

Firstly I’d like to thank John for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids.

I’m sure they’ll thank you personally later.

I’m sure you’ll agree, they look absolutely gorgeous.

Ladies and gentlemen, every now and then we get such a rare opportunity to speak about a man who is witty, charming, intelligent and good looking.

Although I really shouldn’t talk about myself because this speech is about Jon.

I’m sure you’ll agree it’s been a fantastic day so far.

But unfortunately, every single lining has a cloud, and that comes in the form of me.

For those of you who don’t know me , my name is Raj and I’ve known Jon for well over twenty years. Since we met one fateful day at primary school.

I approached him in the corridor, held out my hand and said hi.

He took my hand in turn, and said, ‘Hello chocolate man!’

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Jon for asking me to be his best man here today. It really is an honour to be asked and a pleasure to fulfil this role.

And for him to be finally admitting after all these years that I actually am the best man.

I do have to tell you here today that I am actually rather nervous which is very uncharacteristic of me. Just to put it in perspective how nervous I am. This is the fifth time I’ve risen from a warm seat to put a piece of paper in my hand.

It’s a bit graphic. For later maybe.

Jon wasa bit worried about the speech. He was under the strange impression that I might give his in laws the wrong impression about him somehow, or reveal some facts that he’d rather remain hidden.

So he gave me a list of some subjects he’d rather not mentioned.

I’ve got them here.

Paros 98. Tenner Reef 99. Rankin area 03. Rankin area 04. Rankin Area 05. At sea the village mule, English produce. Guy Forget. So you get the idea, I’ve got a short list ... [long list rolls out]

Part transcript