May 2008, Pittsburgh, USA
Good evening everyone.
My name is Ed Clarke. And I was lucky enough that Joe chose me to be his best man. On behalf of these newlyweds, I’d like to thank everyone for being here today. I’d like to thank the parents, Mr and Mrs Seafort, and Mr and Mrs. Dick, because without them I’d probably be doing this speech in a # park right now.
Specifically I’d like to thank Bev, for the daily lectures the past three months, on not screwing this speech up.
And I’d also like to thank the bridesmaids for looking so good tonight.
I’ve known Joe for a pretty long time now.
It all started out, one summer afternoon before our fourth grade. We were playing some football in the front yard with some neighbourhood kids, and unfortunately that day Joe wasn’t on my team.
And I say this because Joe was a really big guy.
Before the game was over I must have made Joe pretty mad, cos he hit me from behind, knocked me over my brick wall, face first on my concrete porch.
He did this all in front of my father.
That day would soon be known as ‘the day Joe Dick was banned from my house for life’.
Needless to say that ban didn’t last very long. Needless Because over the years, whether it was growing up in Bathal or going off to IUP , living together freshman year, which I vowed never to do again, to living together again senior year, to graduation, and off to Pittsburgh to start our careers.
This is generally the point in the best man speech, where the best man would humiliate the groom with drunken stories of craziness.
Unfortunately at IUP, when Joe was out getting drunk and crazy, I was in the library.
And after graduation, when Joe was down the south side getting drunk and crazy, I was working late.
So I can’t help you with those stories of humiliation, but I think these guys to my left, if you really want one, they can tell you about it later.
One thing I can tell you about Joe is this.
I don’t have a person in the world, that I would call before Joe. Because he is always there for you when you really need it.
And I‘ve needed it a few times.
And that’s why I have no doubt that Joe’s gonna make a terrific husband, and Molly, you made an excellent choice.
Speaking of Molly, I remember when Joe and Molly first started seeing each other, I got a call from Joe that said, ‘hey Ed, I’m seeing this new girl, I want you to come down and meet her’.
Now I don’t know if it’s a guy thing, or just me and my friends, but there’s a rule that you actually can’t like somebody that you’re buddy is dating.
So I went down, walked to the sports bar down in the strip district, ... sports rock ... thanks Tony ... give it up for Tony ... so I walk in and see Joe, he says ‘come in I want to introduce you to Molly.’ I think at the time Molly was talking to a couple of her friends. Walked over, Molly introduced herself to me, and I thought, ‘wow she’s hot!’ But my second thought was ... I wonder what’s wrong with her.
Well over the next several months, whether it was hanging out at Joe’s house, or going over to the bars, or late night Sheetz runs for NTOs, I found out that not only is Molly a beautiful woman, but she’s a great person.
And anyone who can put up with Joe for this long, gets my blessing.
Now for those of you who know me, I enjoy my singlehood. But looking at these two, and not just today because everyone should look happy and great at their wedding, but whether it’s hung over on Sunday morning, those two sitting on the couch in their sweat pants, I can tell how much they mean to each other, how much they enjoy each other’s company, how much they love each other.
And that gives me hope.
That wasn’t supposed to be funny.
Hope that one day I too can find someone special.
And on a side note, if there are any single ladies here tonight, that would like to give me a jump start on finding someone special, I can be found near the bar after dinner.
But in all seriousness, before Bev cuts me off,
Bev - And I’m ready to
To Joe and Molly, and the two of you have a lifetime of happiness together. The best is yet to come.
I love you guys.