2010, Shaw Hill Golf and country Club, Lancashire
To be honest, I am a little surprised that he is getting married to a lady today, because there was always rumours going around the family that, y’know, that Rob might not be ... well we thought he might be gay. So I was trying to sum up some of the stories, but instead I put it into a bit of a song, so if you just bear with me.
What’s up Rob? It’s only a bloody song.
Think you’re outdoing me, pal?
So I’ve done it to the tune of ‘Matchstalk Men, and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs’. I know it’s a favourite of some people here, so we’ll er, we’ll go with it.
So here we are, it’s 2010
A beautiful bride by the name of Jen,
Fantastic day so far’s been had by all,
I hate to be the one to say,
I always thought, that Rob was gay
Did no one read the warning signs at all?
Well it started sat on Santa’s knee,
I was six, our Rob was three
An action man was my polite request.
Then Rob sat down with his list in hand
On Santa’s lap, in this wonderland
And said, ‘I’d like a Barbie doll the best’
So here’s to Rob and Jen, on your wedding day
You were made for each other in every way
Well Rob you’ve got a beautiful wife
And I wish you a happy life
But I still believe that our Rob could be gay.
Well I was flabbergasted, struck with shock,
I couldn’t believe that Rob liked ... [laugh]
Frocks.
But I was a modern brother of the day.
There’s nothing wrong wearing comfy shoes
And meeting men in public loos,
But he’s our kid and we’ll love him anyway.
So here’s to Rob and Jen, on your wedding day
You were made for each other in every way.
Well you know you’ve got more friends than most
Raise your glasses to a toast,
To Rob and Jen, on their wedding day.
Well over twenty years have been and gone,
And here he is saying Jen’s the one,
If anyone can turn him, Jen it’s you,
He’ll steal your products to his hair,
And prance around in your underwear,
But at least he leaves the seat down on the loo.
So here’s to Rob and Jen, on your wedding day,
You were made for each other in every way,
Well Rob you’ve got a beautiful wife,
And I wish you both a happy life,
But in the laws want grand kids by the end of May.
So here’s to Rob and Jen, on your wedding day,
You were made for each other in every way.
Well charge your glasses to a toast ...
To Rob and Jen, on your wedding day.