Fran Drescher: 'We are labour, and we stand tall!', SAG-AFTRS press conference - 2023

13 July 2023, Los Angeles, California, USA

Thank you. Thank you, Duncan, and thank you everybody for coming to this press conference today. It’s really important that this negotiation be covered, because the eyes of the world and particularly the eyes of labor are upon us. What happens here is important because what’s happening to us is happening across all fields of labor by means of when employers make Wall Street and greed their priority, and they forget about the essential contributors that make the machine run.

We have a problem, and we are experiencing that right at this moment. This is a very seminal hour for us. I went in in earnest, thinking that we would be able to avert a strike. The gravity of this move is not lost on me, or our negotiating committee, or our board members who have voted unanimously to proceed with a strike. It’s a very serious thing that impacts thousands, if not millions of people, all across this country and around the world. Not only members of this union, but people who work in other industries that service the people that work in this industry. And so it came with great sadness that we came to this crossroads, but we had no choice.

We are the victims here. We are being victimized by a very greedy entity. I am shocked by the way the people that we have been in business with are treating us. I cannot believe it, quite frankly, how far apart we are on so many things. How they plead poverty, that they’re losing money left and right, when giving hundreds of millions of dollars to their CEOs. It is disgusting. Shame on them. They stand on the wrong side of history at this very moment.

We stand in solidarity, in unprecedented unity. Our union and our sister unions and the unions around the world are standing by us, as well as other labor unions, because at some point the jig is up. You cannot keep being dwindled and marginalized and disrespected and dishonored. The entire business model has been changed by streaming, digital, AI. This is a moment of history that is a moment of truth. If we don’t stand tall right now, we are all going to be in trouble.

We are all going to be in jeopardy of being replaced by machines and big business, who cares more about Wall Street than you and your family. Most of Americans don’t have more than $500 in an emergency. This is a very big deal and it weighed heavy on us. But at some point, you have to say, “No, we’re not going to take this anymore. You people are crazy. What are you doing? Why are you doing this?” Privately they all say we’re the center of the wheel. Everybody else tinkers around our artistry, but actions speak louder than words and there was nothing there. It was insulting. So we came together in strength and solidarity and unity with the largest strike authorization vote in our union’s history. And we made the hard decision that we tell you as we stand before you today.

This is major. It’s really serious, and it’s going to impact every single person that is in labor. We are fortunate enough to be in a country right now that happens to be labor friendly. And yet, we were facing opposition that was so labor unfriendly, so tone-deaf to what we are saying. You cannot change the business model as much as it has changed and not expect the contract to change too. We’re not going to keep doing incremental changes on a contract that no longer honors what is happening right now with this business model that was foisted upon us. What are we doing—moving around furniture on the Titanic? It’s crazy.

So the jig is up, AMPTP. We stand tall. You have to wake up and smell the coffee. We are labor and we stand tall. We demand respect and to be honored for our contribution. You share the wealth because you cannot exist without us. Thank you.

Lyndon Johnson: 'We will stand in Vietnam', press conference escalating war - 1965

28 July 1965, Washington DC, USA

My fellow Americans:

Not long ago I received a letter from a woman in the Midwest. She wrote:

Dear Mr. President:

In my humble way I am writing to you about the crisis in Viet-Nam. I have a son who is now in Viet-Nam. My husband served in World War II. Our country was at war, but now, this time, it is just something that I don't understand. Why?"

Well, I have tried to answer that question dozens of times and more in practically every State in this Union. I have discussed it fully in Baltimore in April, in Washington in May, in San Francisco in June. Let me again, now, discuss it here in the East Room of the White House.

Why must young Americans, born into a land exultant with hope and with golden promise, toil and suffer and sometimes die in such a remote and distant place?

The answer, like the war itself, is not an easy one, but it echoes clearly from the painful lessons of half a century. Three times in my lifetime, in two World Wars and in Korea, Americans have gone to far lands to fight for freedom. We have learned at a terrible and a brutal cost that retreat does not bring safety and weakness does not bring peace.

It is this lesson that has brought us to Viet-Nam. This is a different kind of war. There are no marching armies or solemn declarations. Some citizens of South Viet-Nam at times, with understandable grievances, have joined in the attack on their own government.

But we must not let this mask the central fact that this is really war. It is guided by North Viet-Nam and it is spurred by Communist China. Its goal is to conquer the South, to defeat American power, and to extend the Asiatic dominion of communism. There are great stakes in the balance. Most of the non-Communist nations of Asia cannot, by themselves and alone, resist the growing might and the grasping ambition of Asian communism.

Our power, therefore, is a very vital shield. If we are driven from the field in Viet-Nam, then no nation can ever again have the same confidence in American promise, or in American protection.

In each land the forces of independence would be considerably weakened, and an Asia so threatened by Communist domination would certainly imperil the security of the United States itself.

We did not choose to be the guardians at the gate, but there is no one else.

Nor would surrender in Viet-Nam bring peace, because we learned from Hitler at Munich that success only feeds the appetite of aggression. The battle would be renewed in one country and then another country, bringing with it perhaps even larger and crueler conflict, as we have learned from the lessons of history.

Moreover, we are in Viet-Nam to fulfill one of the most solemn pledges of the American Nation. Three Presidents--President Eisenhower, President Kennedy, and your present President--over 11 years have committed themselves and have promised to help defend this small and valiant nation.

Strengthened by that promise, the people of South Viet-Nam have fought for many long years. Thousands of them have died. Thousands more have been crippled and scarred by war. We just cannot now dishonor our word, or abandon our commitment, or leave those who believed us and who trusted us to the terror and repression and murder that would follow.

This, then, my fellow Americans, is why we are in Viet-Nam.

My fellow Americans:

Once again in man's age-old struggle for a better life and a world of peace, the wisdom, courage, and compassion of the American people are being put to the test. This is the meaning of the tragic conflict in Vietnam.

In meeting the present challenge, it is essential that our people seek understanding, and that our leaders speak with candor.

I have therefore directed that this report to the American people be compiled and widely distributed. In its pages you will find statements on Vietnam by three leaders of your Government--by your President, your Secretary of State, and your Secretary of Defense.

These statements were prepared for different audiences, and they reflect the differing responsibilities of each speaker. The congressional testimony has been edited to avoid undue repetition and to incorporate the sense of the discussions that ensued.

Together, they construct a clear definition of America's role in the Vietnam conflict:

the dangers and hopes that Vietnam holds for all free men
the fullness and limits of our national objectives in a war we did not seek
the constant effort on our part to bring this war we do not desire to a quick and honorable end.

What are our goals in that war-strained land?

First, we intend to convince the Communists that we cannot be defeated by force of arms or by superior power. They are not easily convinced. In recent months they have greatly increased their fighting forces and their attacks and the number of incidents.

I have asked the Commanding General, General Westmoreland, what more he needs to meet this mounting aggression. He has told me. We will meet his needs.

I have today ordered to Viet-Nam the Air Mobile Division and certain other forces which will raise our fighting strength from 75,000 to 125,000 men almost immediately. Additional forces will be needed later, and they will be sent as requested.

This will make it necessary to increase our active fighting forces by raising the monthly draft call from 17,000 over a period of time to 35,000 per month, and for us to step up our campaign for voluntary enlistments.

After this past week of deliberations, I have concluded that it is not essential to order Reserve units into service now. If that necessity should later be indicated, I will give the matter most careful consideration and I will give the country--you--an adequate notice before taking such action, but only after full preparations.

We have also discussed with the Government of South Viet-Nam lately, the steps that we will take to substantially increase their own effort, both on the battlefield and toward reform and progress in the villages. Ambassador Lodge is now formulating a new program to be tested upon his return to that area.

These steps, like our actions in the past, are carefully measured to do what must be done to bring an end to aggression and a peaceful settlement.

We do not want an expanding struggle with consequences that no one can perceive, nor will we bluster or bully or flaunt our power, but we will not surrender and we will not retreat.

For behind our American pledge lies the determination and resources, I believe, of all of the American Nation.

Second, once the Communists know, as we know, that a violent solution is impossible, then a peaceful solution is inevitable.

We are ready now, as we have always been, to move from the battlefield to the conference table. I have stated publicly and many times, again and again, America's willingness to begin unconditional discussions with any government, at any place, at any time. Fifteen efforts have been made to start these discussions with the help of 40 nations throughout the world, but there has been no answer.

But we are going to continue to persist, if persist we must, until death and desolation have led to the same conference table where others could now join us at a much smaller cost.

Let me also add now a personal note. I do not find it easy to send the flower of our youth, our finest young men, into battle. I have spoken to you today of the divisions and the forces and the battalions and the units, but I know them all, every one. I have seen them in a thousand streets, of a hundred towns, in every State in this Union--working and laughing and building, and filled with hope and life. I think I know, too, how their mothers weep and how their families sorrow.

This is the most agonizing and the most painful duty of your President.

There is something else, too. When I was young, poverty was so common that we didn't know it had a name. An education was something that you had to fight for, and water was really life itself. I have now been in public life 35 years, more than three decades, and in each of those 35 years I have seen good men, and wise leaders, struggle to bring the blessings of this land to all of our people.

And now I am the President. It is now my opportunity to help every child get an education, to help every Negro and every American citizen have an equal opportunity, to have every family get a decent home, and to help bring healing to the sick and dignity to the old.

As I have said before, that is what I have lived for, that is what I have wanted all my life since I was a little boy, and I do not want to see all those hopes and all those dreams of so many people for so many years now drowned in the wasteful ravages of cruel wars. I am going to do all I can do to see that that never happens.

But I also know, as a realistic public servant, that as long as there are men who hate and destroy, we must have the courage to resist, or we will see it all, all that we have built, all that we hope to build, all of our dreams for freedom--all, all will be swept away on the flood of conquest.

So, too, this shall not happen. We will stand in Vietnam.

Anna Bligh: 'We are Queenslanders', response to flood disaster - 2011

12 January 2011, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Well, Queensland is reeling this morning from the worst natural disaster in our history and possibly in the history of our nation. As we look across Queensland and see three quarters of our state having experienced the devastation of raging floodwaters, we now face a reconstruction task of post war proportions. That is how we are seeing it and that is the sort of steely determination that it will require to overcome what we have seen in the last three weeks.

As we have all watched with awe at the power of Mother Nature here and Ipswich and in Brisbane we are also very mindful that in the regions of Queensland people are still facing rising floodwaters.

Here in the southeast I think a number of people have woken up to some good news and some relief this morning but I have to stress that authorities in the south east are still on full alert. This continues to be a very dangerous situation.

But we also know that this morning, thousands of people in the southeast, literally thousands, have woken to the unbearable agony of their homes have been devastated, their businesses, their workplaces have been devastated and for some people it's been both their workplace and their homes, washed away.

For many others, they may not have water in their backyards but they have woken to the devastation of parts of their city. I don't think there is any more a powerful symbol than what's happened to the modern city of Brisbane than the sight of our floating walkway drifting down the Brisbane River this morning. The floating walkway is a much loved part of Brisbane. It is the modern face of a thriving, sophisticated capital city. It is a loss that we will all experience and there will be other experiences just like it. In neighbourhoods where people watched their parks, their swings, their recreational spaces, possibly their schools all devastated. So there's a lot of grief and there's a lot of pain, not only here in the southeast but in other parts of Queensland today.

Here in the southeast I wanted to acknowledge that overnight we had no emergency rescues. That is a great tribute to the people of this region. I am very proud of them. They did what we asked. We said 'please be sensible, make sensible decisions, move to higher ground, don't stay in dangerous situations' and they followed all the warnings, they co-operated with our emergency staff and I am very, very proud of our staff who were out there on the frontline last night. We had an enormous army of police, fire and rescue and emergency staff. They were assisted by about 400 defence personnel right across this region. It was an incredible effort overnight and I am very grateful to all of the people who heeded our warnings and helped our emergency staff keep us all safe.

When an event like this happens, you see the best come out in people and we've seen it already on our streets, people out there helping their neighbours and doing everything they can and what we're now seeing is an avalanche of people wanting to volunteer for the clean up, not only here in Brisbane but across the whole of the state.

But we'd also encourage people, please help your neighbours, your friends and your family first. If we help the people we know around us then that will make the task for the authorities that much easier. As I said at the start, we have seen here in our capital city a devastating event but it is no more devastating than those that we have seen in towns and cities right across regional Queensland for the last three weeks.
Debris in Grantham township in the wake of the 2011 floods.

Can I say to Queenslanders everywhere: Wherever you are and there are so many places to list, if you are in central Queensland, if you're in southwest Queensland, if you're in western Queensland, if you're in the Burnett Region, the Darling Downs, Toowoomba, the Lockyer Valley, Ipswich or Brisbane, all of those places have been affected by floods and I say to every one of those people in those areas and to Queenslanders in other parts of the state: as we weep for what we have lost, and as we grieve for family and friends, and we confront the challenge that is before us, I want us to remember who we are.
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We are Queenslanders; we're the people that they breed tough north of the border. We're the ones that they knock down and we get up again. I said earlier this week that this weather may break our hearts and it is doing that but it will not break our will and in the coming weeks and in the coming months we are going to prove that beyond any doubt. Together, we can pull through this and that's what I'm determined to do and with your help, we can achieve that. Thank you."

Malcolm Turnbull: 'We need a different style of leadership', Leadership challenge to PM Tony Abbott - 2016

14 September 2015, Canberra, Australia

Thank you very much. A little while ago I met with the Prime Minister and advised him that I would be challenging him for the leadership of the Liberal Party, and I asked him to arrange or facilitate a meeting of the party room to enable a leadership ballot to be held. Of course, I've also resigned as Communications Minister.
Malcolm Turnbull's challenge in full

Malcolm Turnbull announces his challenge to become Prime Minister and makes his case. Doorstop in full.

Now this is not a decision that anyone could take lightly. I have consulted with many, many colleagues, many Australians, many of our supporters in every walk of life. This course of action has been urged on me by many people over a long period of time.

It is clear enough that the Government is not successful in providing the economic leadership that we need. It is not the fault of individual ministers. Ultimately, the Prime Minister has not been capable of providing the economic leadership our nation needs.

Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull arrives to address the media and announce that he is challenging Prime Minister Tony Abbott for the leadership.Credit:Alex Ellinghausen

He has not been capable of providing the economic confidence that business needs. Now we are living as Australians in the most exciting time. The big economic changes that we're living through here and around the world offer enormous challenges and enormous opportunities.

And we need a different style of leadership. We need a style of leadership that explains those challenges and opportunities, explains the challenges and how to seize the opportunities. A style of leadership that respects the people's intelligence, that explains these complex issues and then sets out the course of action we believe we should take and makes a case for it. We need advocacy, not slogans.

We need to respect the intelligence of the Australian people.

Now if we continue with Mr Abbott as Prime Minister, it is clear enough what will happen. He will cease to be Prime Minister and he'll be succeeded by Mr Shorten. You only have to see the catastrophically reckless approach of Mr Shorten to the China-Australia free trade agreement.

Surely one of the most important foundations of our prosperity, to know that he is utterly unfit to be Prime Minister of this country and yet so he will be if we do not make a change.

The one thing that is clear about our current situation is the trajectory. We have lost 30 Newspolls in a row. It is clear that the people have made up their mind about Mr Abbott's leadership.

Now what we also need to remember, and this is a critical thing, is that our party the Liberal Party has the right values. We have a hugely talented team here in the Parliament. Our values of free enterprise, of individual initiative, of freedom; this is what you need to be a successful agile economy in 2015.

What we have not succeeded in doing is translating those values into the policies and the ideas that will excite the Australian people and encourage them to believe and understand that we have a vision for their future.

We need to respect the intelligence of the Australian people

We also need a new style of leadership in the way we deal with others whether it is our fellow members of Parliament, whether it is the Australian people. We need to restore traditional Cabinet government. There must be an end to policy on the run and captain's calls. We need to be truly consultative with colleagues, members of Parliament, senators and the wider public.

We need an open government, an open government that recognises that there is an enormous sum of wisdom both within our colleagues in this building and, of course, further afield.

But above all we have to remember that we have a great example of good Cabinet government. John Howard's government most of us served in and yet few would say that the Cabinet government of Mr Abbott bears any similarity to the style of Mr Howard. So that's what we need to go back to. Finally, let me say something about Canning. Now this is an important byelection and I recognise dealing with this issue in the week before the by-election is far from ideal.

But regrettably, there are few occasions that are entirely ideal for tough calls and tough decisions like this. The alternative if we were to wait and this issue, these problems were to roll on and on and on is we will get no clear air.

The fact is we are maybe 10 months, 11 months away from the next election. Every month lost is a month of lost opportunities. We have to make a change for our country's sake, for the Government's sake, for the party's sake.

From a practical point of view a change of leadership would improve our prospects in Canning, although I'm very confident with the outstanding candidate we have that we will be successful.

Now you'll understand… please, you'll understand that I now have to go and speak to my colleagues. I trust I've explained the reasons why I am standing for the leadership of the Liberal Party. Motivated by a commitment to serve the Australian people to ensure that our Liberal values continue to be translated into good government, sound policies, economic confidence creating the jobs and the prosperity of the future.

Remember this, the only way, the only way we can ensure that we remain a high wage, generous social welfare net, first world society is if we have outstanding economic leadership, if we have strong business confidence. That is what we in the Liberal Party are bound to deliver and it's what I am committed to deliver if the party room gives me their support as leader of the party.

Thank you very much.

Malcolm Fraser: 'We will use the power vested in us to delay the passage of the government's money bills through the Senate', press conference - 1975

15 October 1975, Canberra, Australia

In the House of Representatives this morning, I asked the prime minister for the second time whether he and his government would resign. For the second time, he said that he’d not. The Opposition now has no choice. We will use the power vested in us, by the Constitution and delay the passage of the government’s money bills through the Senate, until the parliament goes to the people.
In accordance with long established Constitutional practice, which the prime minister has himself acknowledged in the past, the government must then resign.

Bill Clinton: 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman', Press Conference - 1998

26 January 1998, White House, Washington DC, USA

Thank you.

Now I have to go back to work on my State of the Union speech, and I worked on it till pretty late last night, but want to say one thing to the American people, I want you to listen to me, I’m going to say this again, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky, I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never. These allegations are false, and I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

Jimmy Kimmel: 'The President is completely unhinged', Monologue to Trump supporters - 2017

16 August 2017, Hollywood, California, USA

I want to apologize in advance, because we had so much fun stuff planned for you tonight. We worked on it all day, we had Bachelor in Paradise, kids going back to school, there was a horrible new pair of Uggs we were gonna discuss—I even thought, “Hey, maybe we won’t talk about Donald Trump much tonight.” And then he opened his mouth and all manner of stupid came out. And I’m not joking when I say I would feel more comfortable if Cersei Lannister was running the country at this point.

This press conference today, I don’t know if you saw this, I know a lot of you are here on vacation. It started—it was supposed to be a conference about infrastructure, and it ended with our president making an angry and passionate defense of white supremacists. It was like if your book club meeting turned into a cockfight—it really was remarkable. I don’t know who decided it would be a good idea to send him out there to talk to reporters today, but whoever did obviously misread his state of mind and the mood in this country right now.

The president—I feel like I can say this with reasonable certainty—the president is completely unhinged. The wheels are off the wagon and hurtling towards the moon right now. I have some clips to show you, and before I do, I want to say, clips are one thing—they’re edited down, we choose them for content, but if you get a chance, go online and watch the whole press conference from beginning to end, it’s astonishing. The only thing I can compare it to is, remember when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off? And then he bit his other ear off? This was the presidential equivalent of that. Trump wasn’t even scheduled to take questions today. He was supposed to give a brief update on an executive order he signed to boost infrastructure, but reporters wanted to ask about his weak response to what happened in Charlottesville, and things went infra-struckin’ nuts from there.

Trump: Honestly, if the press were not fake, and if it was honest, the press would have said what I said was very nice, but unlike you and unlike—excuse me—unlike you and unlike the media, before I make a statement, I like to know the facts.

That’s right. He’s very careful about that. Like the fact that Ted Cruz’s father killed JFK and Obama was born in Kenya—he’s a stickler for the facts. OK, so when they got to his statement about putting the blame for the murder and the hate crimes in Charlottesville on “many sides,” not just the Nazis and Klan members—a statement he tried to soften yesterday by specifically denouncing those groups—not only did he go back to his original statement, he doubled down and actually defended their actions:

Trump: When you say the alt-right, define alt-right to me, you define it, go ahead.

Reporter: Well, I’m saying, as Senator—

Trump: No, define it for me, come on, let’s go, define it for me.

Reporter: Senator McCain defined them as the same groups behind—

Trump: Ok, what about the alt-left that came charging in—excuse me—what about the alt-left that came charging at the, as you say, the alt-right. Do they have any semblance of guilt? What—let me ask you this—what about the fact that they came charging, with clubs in their hands, swinging clubs, do they have any problem? I think they do.

I think we do. I think we might need an alt-president right now.

Trump: I will tell you something. I watched this very closely, much more closely than you people watched it, and you have, you had a group on one side that was bad, and you had a group on the other side that was also very violent. And nobody wants to say that, but I’ll say it right now.

Don’t say it right now, don’t ever. So he put blame on both sides, but he also had kind words for both sides:

Reporters: Neo-Nazis started this thing. They showed up in Charlottesville to protest—

Trump: Excuse me. Excuse me. They didn’t put themselves down as—and you had some very bad people in that group. But you also had people that were very fine people on both sides.

“Very fine people on both sides.” Let’s look at some of the very fine people on the Trump side there. This is from the rally on Friday:

Marchers: Jews will not replace us!

Yeah. So here’s the thing. If you’re with a group of people and they’re chanting things like “Jews will not replace us,” and you don’t immediately leave that group, you are not a “very fine person.” And by the way, today, David Duke, who is a very fine former Grand Wizard of the KKK tweeted, “Thank you, President Trump for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about #Charlottesville.” When David Duke thanks you for your honesty and courage, something has gone awry.

And then after all this, after fifteen minutes of unprecedented insanity—and you really should watch the whole thing—our president, as he left the podium, said this:

Trump: Thank you all very much. Thank you. Thank you.

Reporter 1: What about the Nazis who support you?

Reporter 2: Do you plan to go to Charlottesville, Mr. President?

Jake Tapper: Good afternoon, and welcome to The Lead, and—wow, that was something else. Oh, he’s still talking, let’s stay listening.

Trump: I own a house in Charlottesville. Does everyone know I own a house in Charlottesville? Oh boy, it’s gonna be—it’s in Charlottesville, you’ll see.

Reporter 2: Is it near the winery or something?

Trump: It’s a—it is the winery. I mean I know a lot about Charlottesville. Charlottesville is a great place that’s been very badly hurt over the last couple of days. I own, I own actually one of the largest wineries in the United States, it’s in Charlottesville.

He can’t resist the plug, he just can’t! “My wine is fantastic, especially the white. There are some very fine bottles.” This is so crazy. You know, everyone’s asking if Trump’s gonna last four years. I’m wondering if any of us are going to last four years. I haven’t screamed at my TV this much since McDreamy died, I mean, really is the last time. The only person who’s happy right now is Sean Spicer, he’s doing backflips wherever the hell he is.

I’ve been thinking about this, and I want to speak to those of you who voted for Donald Trump. And first of all, I want to say I get it, I actually do. You were unhappy with the way things were going, you wanted someone to come in and shake things up, you didn’t want business as usual, nothing ever seems to get done, it’s always the same, these candidates make a lot of promises that go nowhere, it happens over and over again, and you’re sick of it. And so this guy shows up, riding down a golden escalator. He’s not part of the political establishment. In fact, he’s the opposite of that. He’s a billionaire—maybe—he’s written books, he’s not politically correct—he’s not even correct, usually—he talks tough, he wants to drain the swamp, sometimes he can be funny, he rips into his opponents in a way politicians never do, have never done before, and you thought, “You know what? This guy’s different, and that’s what I want: different. Let’s roll the dice, let’s get him in there, have him run the country like a business, cut the dead weight, toughen everyone up. Let’s shake the Etch-A-Sketch hard and start over.”

So you vote for him, you pick him over Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz and John Kasich, and a dozen other Republicans whose names we forgot, and ultimately he beats them. He strolls in, he beats all of these guys, these guys who’ve been in politics forever. And then he beats the ultimate political insider, Hillary Clinton. A woman who’s been running for office—a woman who ran for president of her mother’s uterus in the womb—forever. He beats her. Everyone said he couldn’t, everyone said he wouldn’t, but he did, and it’s exciting, cause this is your guy. You picked a horse at like 35 to one and somehow it paid off.

So now he’s the president. And it starts off ok, he meets with President Obama and they seem to have a nice conversation, then he moves into the White House. Right off the bat, he’s angry at the media for reporting that the crowd at his inauguration was smaller than he thought it was, which was weird, but not important really. And he claimed it stopped raining when he was speaking at his inaugural address, which, everyone could see it was raining, but okay, it was his first week, you give him a break.

So he gets in there, hires his daughter, hires his son-in-law, demands an investigation of voter fraud even though he won the election. He calls the Prime Minister of Australia and hangs up on him. He won’t shake Angela Merkel’s hand. He doesn’t know Frederick Douglass isn’t alive. He claims he can’t release his tax returns ’cause they’re under audit, then says he’s not gonna release them at all. He signs a ban on Muslims that he claims isn’t a ban on Muslims. He compliments the president of the Philippines for murdering drug addicts. Hours after a terror attack in London, he starts a fight with their mayor. After criticizing Obama for playing golf, he plays golf every weekend. He accidentally shares classified intelligence with the Russians. He tweets a typo at midnight, then wakes up and claims it was a secret message. He praises Jim Comey in October, calls him a coward in June, he fires him. He lashes out at his own attorney general for recusing himself from an investigation. He hires the Mooch. He fires the Mooch. He bans the transgendered in the military without telling anyone in the military he’s doing it. He plays chicken with Kim Jong-Un. And that’s just some of the list—if I went through all of it, it’d be longer than the menu at the Cheesecake Factory, it would be huge.

So he is, by every reasonable account, and I’m using his own words here, he is a total disaster. He screws up royally every day, sometimes two or three times a day. We can’t keep up with it. Things come out of nowhere. Every day, there’s something nuts. But you’ve been trying to ignore it, because you don’t want to admit to these smug, annoying liberals that they were right. That’s the last thing you want to do. But the truth is, deep down inside, you know you made a mistake. You know you picked the wrong guy. And it isn’t getting better, it’s getting worse.

So you can do one of two things. You can dig in like Chris Christie at a Hometown Buffet, or you can treat the situation like you’d put Star Wars wallpaper up in the kitchen. “All right, I got caught up, I was excited, I made a mistake. And now it needs to go.”  Well, now he does need to go. So it’s time for, especially you, who voted for him, to tell him to go. Please think about it. He doesn’t even want to be president! He’s miserable! But he won’t resign ’cause his ego is too big, he can’t do it.

So either we impeach him, which could happen, but it might not, or we do what he would do in this situation: We negotiate. We make a deal. And I know this is gonna sound nuts, but I have a deal, so hear me out on this. I think this could solve all our problems. We’re all gonna have to be on board with this.

Instead of president, we make Donald Trump king. OK? We make him the first King of America. Think about it: England has a queen. She lives in a palace. Everyone makes a big deal when she shows up. She has no power at all. In the morning they put a crown on her head, she stands there and waves, she goes back to bed, that’s it. If the queen were to walk out on her balcony and open her shirt, nothing over there would change. The queen could be completely bonkers, it would make no difference at all. She’d still be queen, it would still be fine. That’s what we need to do with Donald Trump: We need to set him up in a castle, maybe in Florida, lead him to the top, and then lock the door to that castle. Forever. Everyone can call him Your Highness. Maybe we give him a scepter that he can hold. He can sit there watching Fox and Friends, maybe chip golf balls out of the window of his tower. There’s no way he turns that deal down, if we tell him he’s going to be the king.

We gotta get creative here, because enough is enough. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And I’m asking you, the people who supported Donald Trump, to step in and help for the good of this country. Mike Pence is ready. He’s boring. He’s relatively sane. He looks like a neighbor you might borrow a lawnmower from—let’s get him in there before it’s too late. Let’s Make America Great Britain Again.

Trump (with a crown Photoshopped on his head): There has never been a greater division, just about, than what we have right now. The hatred, the animosity. I will bring people together. I’m gonna bring people together. You watch. We’re gonna bring people together.

Well, we are watching.

John F Kennedy : 'Even though we never like it', On the importance of the press to a free society - 1962

December 1962, Washington DC, USA

President Kennedy had been on the end of much press criticism for the botched Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961. 

Sandor Vanocur (NBC): You once said that you were reading more and enjoying it less. Are you still as avid a newspaper reader, magazine—I remember those of us who traveled with you on the campaign, a magazine wasn't safe around you.

JFK: Oh, yes. No, no, I think it is invaluable, even though it may cause you—it is never pleasant to be reading things that are not agreeable news, but I would say that it is an invaluable arm of the presidency, as a check really on what is going on in the administration, and more things come to my attention that cause me concern or give me information. So I would think that Mr. Khrushchev operating a totalitarian system, which has many advantages as far as being able to move in secret, and all the rest—there is a terrific disadvantage not having the abrasive quality of the press applied to you daily, to an administration, even though we never like it, and even though we wish they didn't write it, and even though we disapprove, there isn't any doubt that we could not do the job at all in a free society without a very, very active press.