For Emma and Mark: 'Mark is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double", by Alan Cooper - 2013

15 November 2013, Adelaide, Australia

Hello.

As father of the bride on behalf of the Emma’s mother, Jan, the groom Mark’s mother, Jeanette and her husband, Rob and the grooms father, Mark, I extend a warm welcome to all the relatives and friends who have joined us to celebrate this occasion.

I know that many of you have travelled long distances to be here. Thank you all for coming to help celebrate this very special day. Although it evokes a touch of sadness, I cannot let this moment pass without mentioning those loved ones who cannot be with us. Special mention should be made of Mark’s grandmother who died earlier this week. How they all would have loved to be part of today's celebration. Wherever they are, I'm sure our absent friends and family will be looking down on us and are very pleased and happy for Emma and Mark Please be upstanding and raise your glasses in a toast ……….to absent friends and family……

Today, I look at my daughter and I see an intelligent, independent, attractive, elegant, stunning young woman…. she obviously takes after her mother. The child that was a non stop chatterbox has grown into a beautiful, sensitive and caring woman.

Whilst preparing this speech I reflected on Emma’s childhood. From the day of her birth with her doting brother and sister Marcus and Sarah so keen to see their new sister that Marcus ran onto Anzac Highway and got hit by a passing car, resulting in a broken leg and about 6 weeks in ½ body plaster cast. It was a hell of a start.

Walking and holding intelligent conversations at 10 months of age, Emma has been in a hurry all her life.

Except for getting to school on time.

The 500 metre walk to OLSH school was always left to last minute resulting in Emma’s home group teachers total frustration.

When in Yr 9 walking home from school one afternoon, Emma clicked into her other love - her love of animals. In the bushes next to the intersection of Main North Rd and Regency Rd, she came upon a small black bundle of fur covered in vomit and blood. Today, about 14 years later, Henry’s old and deaf but still enthusiastically greets visitors into the yard today.

At 16 with a drivers licence in her hand, my car was no longer mine. I astounded me how often Emma needed to drive to school. At least it was more difficult to find stray animals.

I am really fortunate that my Emma has met her Mr. Right. Of course, marriage isn’t just about finding the perfect partner, but also about being one. Emma has made such a success of her life and career so far, that I’m sure her marriage to Mark will be just as successful. I must admit that I am the proudest dad in the world to have accompanied Emma today. I think that you will all agree that she looked stunning. Every Dad hopes his daughter will find a reliable, sensible, and considerate partner and as much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope your children will make the right choices in life. Emma chose Mark.

Mark, we are delighted to welcome you into our family. Any man who is prepared to gut his house…. literally, …and then proceed to rebuild it personally with new timber floors… polished, new ceilings…painted, new kitchen..fitted etc.. only months before his wedding has demonstrated his commitment. or does he just need to be committed. Has the paint dried yet Mark?

Even so, when you see how stunning Emma looks today, it proves one thing I’ve come to know about Mark– he is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double, but nonetheless a man of vision who’s been lucky enough to find my daughter. Plus when I saw he had a passion for motorbikes that earned him points in my book. So it’s a pleasure, Mark to formally welcome you into our family.

So onto the next part of the speech……offer bits of advice Mainly for Mark really:

I suppose that after 32 years of marriage I ought to be able to manage something a bit constructive. Mark just remember these 3 words …all, only and just. You will hear them many times. Such as all you need to do is, it only costs this much and it will just take 5 minutes. These are all gross understatements but as a great philosopher or was it a comedian said,”women are to be loved and not understood”.

Mind you, helping around the house is not a bad idea. I believe from the crime statistics that there has never been a case of a wife shooting her husband while he was doing the washing up. When you are wrong admit it, whenever you’re right…just shut up! There is no challenge in a marriage that can’t be overcome by one or more of the following: I was wrong! You were right! And ….yes dear I love You!

And finally remember: Marriage will teach you many things — loyalty self restraint…obedience. Jan says that I’m in the remedial class . Well we come to the last of my duties and that’s giving the toast to the bride and groom … Ladies and gentlemen, we have a radiant bride. We have a charming and handsome groom. If you could charge your glasses and be upstanding. Emma put out your hand and Mark take hold of it…..now Mark remember this moment because trust me it will be the last time that you ever have the upper hand [or Married 3 hours and Emma already has the upper hand]

May they be blessed with happiness that grows and with love that lasts. We wish them enjoyment for today, the fulfilment of all their hopes and dreams for tomorrow and love and happiness always. To the bride and groom…..Emma and Mark

for Zoe and Martin: 'The secret ingredient is LSD', by Ken Wilson - 2017

12 November 2017, Exhibition St, Melbourne, Australia

Good evening everyone.

On behalf of Sue and I, thank you all for coming to help us celebrate this wonderful occasion. I know some of you have travelled long distances to be here today and we really appreciate you making the effort.

Unfortunately not everyone we love could make it. Zoe’s grandfather Bernie was unable to join us, but I have no doubt that we are in his thoughts and he would have been thrilled with how the day has gone.

A lot of planning has gone into making today perfect and Zoe and Martin have done a fantastic job. I know a number of you have also contributed to the day’s success, so thank you.

Now today is about celebrating the marriage of two young people, who love and adore one another, but it’s also about the coming together of two families and we are delighted to welcome Nick, Pauline and the rest of the Doran’s into the fold.

It’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know you — albeit the Irish accents have stumped us occasionally, as you might have gathered from the blank looks on our faces!

We look forward to sharing many more happy family moments with you in the future, both here and in Ireland.

ZOE

Looking at you it’s hard to believe that 30 years have gone by. I can still see you as that vibrant little girl playing in the back yard doing her darnedest to master the handstand.

And now here you are, all grown up, sitting beside the man you love as you begin the next exciting chapter of your lives together.

Fathers are naturally biased about their daughters, but I’m sure you’ll all agree that Zoe looks absolutely beautiful.

Although Zoe might say: how could I be any more beautiful than I usually am!

I must admit to a little tear in my eye when I saw her for the first time in her wedding dress. Although I’m not sure if it was because I was caught up in the emotion of the big day, or I was reminded of just how much that dress cost… Perhaps a little bit of both.

Now I’m so supposed to add a bit of comic flair to my speech and share a few horror stories about the bride growing up, but I wouldn’t want to embarrass her — although it’s virtually impossible to embarrass Zoe!

Case in point, when Zoe was a student at the Star of the Sea school she had to give an impromptu performance and Zoe and troop chose childbirth.

Well Zoe did not hold back. She got right into it, knees up, screaming and thrashing around on stage. It was enough to put you off having kids but the audience was in stitches and it’s still one of the funniest memories I have of her.

Growing up Zoe was never really any trouble. Sure she could be outspoken and hold a good argument, but she was also lots of fun with a fantastic “can do” attitude and took whatever challenges in her stride.

I remember years ago she decided to take up tennis, which she seemed to enjoy, and to get her practice in she would hit the ball against the wall at home. Unfortunately for her we lived in a weatherboard house so the most responsive wall she could find was the back gate. Not terribly satisfying or successful, but that’s all there was so that’s what she used.

Then there was the time Santa brought Zoe a bike that Sue and I had had painted and tarted up for her. It wasn’t at all what she wanted and she cried in the beginning — we all did — but then in true Zoe style she got on and rode it like the champion she is, until she received a new one on her birthday seven weeks later.

As well as being able to make the best of any given situation, Zoe is effervescent with a sharp wit and cheeky sense of humour and this has seen her gather many friends over the years — as we can see here tonight — and her wide circle of friends bears testimony to the wonderful person that she is.

Zoe, you have grown into an exceptional young woman and your mum and I are so very proud of you.

You deserve all the happiness in the world, and with Martin, we are confident that you will find it.

MARTIN

Which brings me to my new son-in-law, Martin. Some call him Noddy, and Ned, as has been pointed out on Facebook he does bear more than a passing resemblance to Ned Kelly.

He’s quick-witted with a great sense of humour, he loves his sports, his ink and his drink and he swears as well as a good Irishman should.

Quite simply, Zoe couldn’t have chosen better and most importantly, he adores our Zoe and we are delighted to welcome him into the family.

BUT, that’s not to say he’s perfect. After all he is a Carlton supporter and that’s something I’ve struggled to come to terms with. If I had my way he’d be wearing yellow and black! But if Zoe has her way, he’ll be a Geelong supporter in no time. Although having watched Richmond dismantle Geelong with Brendan and I in the preliminary final this year, I think I know which way Martin is leaning!

Now many of you will know Martin can hit a pretty mean golf ball. Many of you might also have heard of what is referred to as the “son-in-law shot”, that is when you hit the ball - it’s not perfect, not what you wanted, not hoped for, but it ends up better than you thought so you take it anyway. Well that’s Martin!

Martin, every father hopes his daughter will meet someone worthy of her love and you are all that and more. You complement each other well and I know you will make each other very happy.

Now it’s traditional for the father of the bride to share some pearls of wisdom with the happy couple, and I’m reminded of something my father said to my sister at her wedding many years ago, that has always stuck with me.

According to my father the secret ingredient in a successful marriage is LSD. Not the hallucinogenic drug — although that would certainly make things interesting, no the LSD he was referring to is love, sincerity and devotion.

They are more than just three words – it is Love that is sustained by action, Sincerity in communication and a pattern of Devotion in the things we do for each other every day. If you can keep these three things as the cornerstone of your relationship you’ll be well on your way to a long and happy life together.

It’s also worth remembering that marriage is also about the fine art of compromise, Martin admit that your wrong and Zoe will agree. You’ll find it works every time!

On that note, ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses, stand and join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

To Zoe and Martin!

For Gabe and Gabi: 'The photo that really counts hasn’t been taken yet', by Mark Baker - 2016

4 December 2016, Melbourne, Australia

Gabe and Gabi were married just months after Mark’s wife and Gabe’s mother Kerryn died from cancer. She spoke beautifully at their engagement and that is on Speakola.

’When thinking of speaking today, all my family felt it was too hard. They didn’t want to get too sloppy and emotional in public – so I put up my hand and here I am. It’s not everyday that my darling son becomes engaged – autocorrect – married - to the most beautiful girl in the world.’

The problem is, as most of you know, those aren’t my words. They were spoken by Kerryn, who was always the brave one in the family; the one who killed the spiders in our house, stamped on the cockroaches, changed the lightbulbs, took my mother on shopping expeditions, and chased a burglar down the staircase while I hid under the covers.

I’m not here to eulogise Kerryn, but I also can’t leave her to a paragraph of acknowledgment in the middle of a speech, which is why I’ve been accepting those whisky shots even though I can’t stand the taste of hard spirits.

As you know, neither of us believed in souls that live on after death, and while I accept the sentiments of all those who grope for words of comfort, I don’t believe that Kerryn is looking down on us from the heavens, or that we will be reunited any time in the future. But Kerryn’s afterlife has been more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. Those of us who loved her - her children, her siblings and extended family, her friends, and me – her husband – carry her inside us and can’t let go of her. I go to bed at night staring at the emptiness beside me, but conjuring her shape as if she is still there, and then I wake at odd hours, because I feel the covers being tugged to one side, and for a second I think it is her.

There are recurring dreams, some too horrifying to share, but one which I dreamed this week, not for the first time. In it, she is still alive during her illness, and she turns to me and says, Marky, when I die, I want you to plant photographs on my grave. I toy with her and say - and you can plant them in mine too - but she won’t let me get away with it. No really. I negotiate: What about a video? and she shakes her head and so my mind drifts to the mound of earth in the cemetery which me and Gabe visited two weeks ago, covered with photographs from her head to her toes.

In my dream I don’t see the images on the photos, but today, here, now, I can see some of the pictures I would plant. They all come from albums that she herself devised, for even though I am the historian in the family, she was the archivist, and the bearer of our family memories. On holidays, I was always off taking Leica photos of impoverished people in third world countries while her camera was focussed toward the children. That was her – the devoted Mum. So I want to share some of those images that I see, and imagine Kerryn compiling them with me.

1. There is the photo of me and Kerryn taken 33 years ago, plus one week. We are in the gardens of Leonda, it was a hot day like here, everyone was sweating, and we are posed by the photographer with our arms around each other. I look at my bride with love, and it is the start of a marriage. When I look at Gabe and Gabi today, here at Byron Bay, I see the same love that launches a marriage, only they had 8 years to nurture it. I’m so glad that Kerryn got to see your love grow, and while we know that the long road that will last till old age can undulate and become rocky at times, we have always felt that you are the most perfect match. Kerryn used to say as a couples’ therapist that who you love is a choice, but I think there is a part of us that also believed that you two are truly Bashert, fated to be together at the start of a journey of lifelong bliss.

2. I would plant a photo of us at Oxford standing in front of the meadows of Magdalen College in the mid 80s, dressed very pretentiously in tweeds and corduroy. It was the beginning of our dreams. We used to watch ‘Brideshead Revisited’ and imagined an exciting life ahead of us. And it is a blessing I wish for you. You’re both extraordinary kids – I should say adults - Gabe with a law degree and showing the guts to leave the security of his job and throw himself into a start-up, and now getting a job at Mckinsey which will open the most exciting doors for you. And Gabi a doctor like so many in the family, and specialising in radiation oncology. We wish you both, like all of our children, a life that is not staid and boring, but full of risk, wonderment, purpose and growth.

3. This one’s hard. I want a holiday picture. I have more photos than a pack of cards to choose from – the annual pilgrimage to Kibbbutz Seahaven at Noosa, the Club Med holidays with friends where you’d dress up as circus animals or fly on a trapeze or sing Hands Up, photos from palaces in India where you all chanted ‘No More Silly Palaces!’, the sand dunes of the Atlas Mountains in Morocco, treks in Thailand. I know Gabe would want me to choose the one from Kenya where we went on Safari, but I want to choose a photo from a trip in an island off Africa called Llamu where we got sand banked on a dhow, an ancient sailboat, at dusk. Kerryn had broken her leg on the Seychelles island and the only way back to shore was swimming on the shoulders of a couple of local sailors. I remember that photo now because it was one of those moments of terror when we all got separated in the dark, calling out each other’s names, and lived to tell the story. I know how much you love Bondi but I wish you a lifetime of travel, adventure, measured risk, and where you will always protect each other in the dark as well as light.

4. I can’t resist the photo of you Gabe, and Sarah, at Rachel’s batmitzvah – the two of you singing this crazy song, hamming it up and letting yourselves go. It was a moment that only siblings can share, and a memory we will always cherish. What I wish is that as the years go on that all your siblings on both sides – and their partners whoever they choose – do weird and wonderful things together, let the inevitable fights blow over, and share fun times together. Always think back to this year and how you had each other’s backs. Nothing comforted me more this year than sharing laughter, and tears with you all.

5. Then there’s the photo I have to include of you on March of the Living. I have the same photo of each of our kids in successive years – Gabe, Sarah and Rachel, standing at Auschwitz in the same spot where Zaida once stood. We also have a picture of Rachel at Belzec with me, where Buba’s whole town died, leaving her as the only child survivor. You knew you wouldn’t get away without me mentioning the Holocaust but what I want you to remember is that today when we smash the glass, we are reminded of not only the responsibilities that come with carrying the torch of those memories, but the joy and spirit my parents – your Buba and Zaida embodied in defiance of death. Two years ago was the seventieth anniversary of the annual Buchenwald Ball, which more than anything captures what we’ve come to call ‘dancing through our pain.’ Mum became an honorary Buchenwalder through marriage, which makes you one Gabi. At last, you’re a descendant of Holocaust survivors and not just a Lithuanian and South African immigrant. That 70th anniversary was organised table by table by Mum, one month before she was diagnosed with cancer, and will remind us always that our legacy is to always celebrate life and dance through the pain until we find double doses of joy to make up for the sorrow. Like tonight.

6. There are so many other photos. I think of the pictures of you in Israel when we lived there again in 1995, and how after the Second Intifada, we all arrived the day after a bomb went off at a Café on Emek Refaim. I was frozen and didn’t want to leave the hotel, but Mum pushed us to go out and light candles and by the end of the trip, at your insistence Gabe, we left you for a few months at a school while you were in Year Ten. There was something about that moment that made us realise that you’re your own man. I’m proud that all of my kids and Gabi have this love of Israel, even if it’s mainly to the Tel Aviv party life, and as you know, I hope that you express that love through concern for building the best, most just society, not only in Israel, but here in Australia and in other parts of the world.

7. We don’t really take photos of Seders but we’ve got lots of images. So I have to include a picture of us seated as is our custom on the floor, me in the days when I wore a white kittl and did magic tricks to keep you interested, the times we shared each night with the Wollners, Weins, Weins and Bakers. You’re so lucky to have a close set of Aunties and Uncles who would do anything for you, cousins you love; remember, they and your siblings are always there for you, as we say on Pesach, bechol dor vador - in this and all the generations to come.

8. Rabbi Ralph already talked about a picture I would include by tying Mum’s bridal veil on a pole around the chuppa – of me and Mum on Simchat Torah when Mum was Kallat Torah and I was Chattan Torah. Mum learned to read from the Torah the end of the story in Devarim and I would chant the beginning part from Bereishit, joining our ends and beginnings together in one story as we rolled back the Torah scroll. That moment captures not only the fun spirit we had, Mum squeezing into her dress and me into my suit, but through this ritual we re-enacted our marriage, reigniting some of what gets lost in the routines of life, especially when it comes to bringing up kids. We did the same for Buba and Zaida on their 50th wedding anniversary, when we organised a treasure hunt for them in the city, and then dressed them up like a young married couple. Learn from that – how in marriage it’s not just tonight, but if you can, make every day your marriage day and don’t let go of what you are feeling now. Nurture it, and remember: Love means having to say you’re sorry.

9. The next photo is of Gabe’s proposal where he involved the whole family in the process, but the main picture I want to plant is of you Gabi being let out of a car in town. It was raining and we walked up Swanston St, with Kerryn holding your hand, up to Cookies restaurant in the city, and found the same table we’d sat on when you first came out for dinner. You said in your speech I intimidated you – do I still? But we have that most precious photo of the 3 of us, drinking a cocktail, celebrating the Gabi who has come to be part of our family. You’re one of the kids to me now, and you and Kerryn showed so much love and respect for each other. Your parents have been extraordinary to Gabe, providing a second family for him in Sydney. We get to do the same with you at Aroona and on holidays and I promise you, if you do stay in Sydney, once you have kids, I’ve told Karen and Colin that I’ll be in Bondi as often as I can babysitting… and sunbaking.

10. Then there is the photo of us dancing at your engagement after Gabe cried and said, I’ll never be happy again. But look how happy we were then and now. And part of the reason is that as a family we hold each other up – not only on our side, but with the special bond that we’ve all created with Karen and Colin, and how Marlene and Sydney have bonded with Buba and Zaida. I love that you all, Deena and Josh, Sarah and Rachel, with your partners, Matt, Benj and Charlette, are so close. I don’t know about you Josh because you’re in LA marketing Tindr – maybe in a couple of years you can show me how it works. But what I want to emphasise is how lucky we are to have Karen and Colin as our machetunim. Now that’s a new word for me. We just get on so well and I know that the three of us are the village you will need to build a strong home and marriage.

11. There are pictures of us from the past ten months that I want to cherish tonight. The four of us in Byron, running to the lighthouse, searching from farm to farm, until Gabi said, This is it and we knew it was. And then there is the photo of us in Bryon, the four of us sitting on a huge deck chair over the beach, oblivious of the mosquitos that would zone in on me and give me Dengue Fever, and you reading the manuscript of my memoir about Mum, and crying together. What was Hillary’s campaign. Stronger Together. And as much as I hate Trump, We’ll make our lives great again.

12. And then there is this photo, today. Me walking you to the chuppa, you giving a speech Gabe and Gabi with strength and tears. One of the last things me and Mum did was search in the Yarra Valley for the perfect venue. It wasn’t meant to be but those trips we took, with Kerryn barely able to walk out of the car, one with Gabe makes me realise how much she would have loved being here. I will never forget Gabi your strongest desire to marry Gabe under such a dark shadow. The shadow hasn’t lifted but you Gabi and Gabe deserve the best life.

13. The photo that really counts hasn’t been taken yet. It’s blank but I shall plant it. And in the years to come, you will fill it with everything you create together. Grandchildren, dreams realised, bucket lists, and more celebrations. As you all know, our marriage began with a lot of tragedy, but we were lucky to have 32 years of blessings. That is what I wish for you – only bracha, for a life as long as the years of your grandparents may they live till 120.

• Kerryn did have one request. She wanted me to sing a blessing that I used to sing to all of my kids when they were young, and that I sang at Gabe’s barmitzvah. Excuse my voice, but I want to include you in it Gabi. It’s a song that blesses the guardian angels, one of whom is Gavriel. So hard as it is, I will fulfil my vow as a blessing to you. Beshem hashem….

• And I end with the one bracha that breaks my heart, because it is the only thing I cannot share with Kerryn. Please join me in saying it, the prayer in which we show gratitude for being alive to see this day. Baruch ata …sheheyanu, vekimanu vehigiyanu lazman hazeh.

• And now, let’s dance. ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK

For Rachel and Josh: 'My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier" by Mark Baker - 2022

8 August 2022, St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia

Mark Baker the author of two memoirs, The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days and is writing a memoir of his recent diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. He’s also contributed some incredible eulogies to this site.

When Rachel and Josh came to our home to tell us they were getting married I had to act surprised. I say ‘act surprised’, not because someone had spoiled it, but because surprise usually signifies a disruption to the natural order of things. Something that makes you say, ‘Oh, I would never have guessed.’ But in this case, their announcement was the most natural thing in the world. Michelle and I have had the privilege of watching Rachel and Josh interact close up. Before they moved overseas to the north of Melbourne, they were our housemates. We were like two married couples occupying the same home. They cooked meals together, conversed together, did everything together though sometimes I caught Josh late at night sitting in one of the side rooms watching TV, usually sports, on his own.

So rather than talk about the surprise announcement, I’ve been searching for another word that captures my emotions as I stand under this chuppa (canopy). I could be corny and use the word naches and it goes without saying there’s an abundance of that. Afterall, how many parents get to boast that their daughter and son-in-law work together in a business that sells vibrators.

I tried a host of other words to encapsulate my emotions. For example, relief, but that’s not it. I mean, there’s definitely an element of relief. Ric and Leora will empathise when I say that after 7 years of going out together we were all privately and publicly saying Nu? When are they finally going to tie the knot? But no, there was always another plan ahead – living overseas for a year, that sense of what’s the rush we know we’re committed to one another, or afterall there’s another Swans footy game to watch, a business to build up, etc, so it did come with a sense of relief when Rach and Josh finally came into this house and announced that they were getting engaged, or was it married, I was too excited at the time to distinguish the precise arrangement.

Amongst all the other words, if there is one that captures what I felt and feel - and I’m sure I could come up with a better synonym - it’s gratitude. I felt the deepest gratitude when I heard the news which has deepened as I’ve had the chance to reflect over this past month, plus 3 days because of the COVID delay, upon hearing that Rachel and Josh were getting married. It was as if Rachel’s life flashed before me in a single screen image. I thought of her as a baby – the cutest baby with blonde wavy hair, who we’re reminded on almost a daily basis is a carbon copy of her Buba, ‘not now, God forbid when I’m old, but when I was young. My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier.’ Chandelier and fire are the right descriptors, because from the outset Rachel lit up a room, or in the words of the song that Kerryn gave you from the Carpenters, there’s stardust in your eyes that bestows a magical quality to your presence. And it’s for those reasons, but not alone for those reasons, that I feel sublime gratitude.

There was a period as Rachel grew up as the third child following Gabe and Sarah, when my gratitude was tested. Perhaps it was me and Kerryn who grew lax in our discipline, but Rachel had a ‘get out of jail card’ that her older siblings never possessed, and which instilled in her a bold dose of chutzpah. I’m reminded of the time when she was forbidden from going to a Puzza party yet had the chutzpah to escape in a taxi after we’d gone to sleep. Or when we sent her to Israel for a term and we received a midnight call in Australia that an ambulance had come to collect her because she must have mistaken Maccabi beer for a ticket to the Maccabiah games. Yet how could I not feel gratitude for her courage that year, living in an Israeli school dormitory, outside the security of an Australian program, with her cousin Dean as her only familiar companion.

The years flew by and soon Rachel was at uni. There she started off fulfilling a dream to study architecture. The only problem was that it wasn’t her dream but Kerryn’s. Once again, she showed courage in asserting her will after a semester and chose psychology and marketing. Since then she has exhibited business flair which she must have inherited from her Zaida Yossl, starting her own business in sexual wellness which might have an affinity to Zaida’s business called Swiss Models which I always thought sounded like an escort agency. Nothing could make me prouder and more grateful to see her working alongside Josh and developing the material foundations for their lives. She always said that the measure of her success would be destigmatising her product and selling it in David Jones and sure enough, she’s bettered that and now sells it in Selfridges on Oxford Street in London.

Yet the true test came when she was in her early twenties when Kerryn was diagnosed in the prime of her life with cancer. From the outset, Rachel was realistic about Kerryn’s illness. One of my strongest memories is driving to the beach with her and Rachel asking me directly, how long does Mum have? I didn’t have an exact answer for that question but I knew that Kerryn’s time was limited to months and I told Rachel the truth. Rachel’s next question. How will we cope? She wasn’t asking that as a form of denial, but she wanted to share with me her feelings and fears, and from then on, I found in Rachel a receptive ear and heart, one who could comfort, and be comforted, by the harsh reality that we were facing as a family. In Rachel’s characteristic way, she brought a positive spin to the terrible pain she experienced losing her mother at the age of 23, commemorating Kerryn by planning brunches with me and her siblings on Kerryn’s birthday and buying us presents, making a video to mark Kerryn’s 60th with messages from family and friends from around the world; Always eagerly curious to hear new stories or unknown tidbits of information about her.

Although she was at the age when most kids are interested in partying, Rachel was always present for her mother to the very end. For that, I know Kerryn felt enormous gratitude, as she did with all her children. I know that Kerryn has always been a burning presence for Rachel, especially so in the leadup to this wedding when her absence is so profoundly felt; and so it’s fitting that she wore her mother’s veil under the chuppah. Rachel – you have Kezz’s strength of character, integrity, her warm and amenable demeanour, and most of all, her deep loyalty to friendship and family. As I said at Kerryn’s funeral, and at funerals I’ve spoken at as a mourner for Johnny and your Zaida, the souls of the dead keep living if we carry and nurture them inside us. I know on this day, and all days, that Leora is carrying the memory of her parents Eddie and Lily for whom she deeply loved and cared, and Ric and Carmel sorely miss Rod who died ten years ago. While Kerryn said don’t look for me on a Ouijee Board after I’m gone, I don’t have to guess that she would not only feel gratitude for what you’ve become Rachel, but for the partner you’ve chosen.

Kerryn never met Josh directly, but I recall you telling us both about a boy you had started dating. I remember it so vividly, where we were sitting in the kitchen, and your description of him as a nice boy that we’d approve of. I didn’t know at the time that he was the son of a couple I’ve known since my youth movement days. Michelle and I feel so lucky to have Ric and Leora as our machetunim, in part because we share the rarest of attributes, a commitment to the same values. Ric and I in particular have played tag team with the same institutions, Stand Up, originally called Keshet, and New Israel Fund, which both Michelle and I are involved in. The youth movement Ric attended in his adolescence, Hashi, is housed in a building, Beth Anielewicz, built by Michelle’s grandfather and Josh attended King David and was taught by Michelle’s mother Yael, who remembers him fondly as one of the naughty pack, but considerate and kind boys. Leora too has shared with Michelle and me a Habo background, albeit in the case of Michelle a generation apart. All that makes for so many commonalities, but more than that, I feel profound gratitude for the way you’ve all integrated Rachel into your family, showing her the delights of gourmet cooking, and treating her with love, and yearning with us for this day. I feel gratitude to all of you – to Ric, and Leora, who treat Rachel as a daughter, and also to Ella, Gid and Noah, whose photos are always shared on our WhatsApp group, and Amy whose closeness is reflected in the fact that she has flown in especially from Israel. Thanks to her COVID she has spared us from a rainy day. And also Carmel, whose reputation as modern and youthful precedes her, and who Rachel tells me always takes an interest in all her activities, including the vagaries of her business.

But I mostly feel gratitude to you for giving us Josh, who is the gentlest, kindest, person one could imagine. Everyone loves Josh - how could you not? He somehow manages to straddle his self-perception that he’s shy and introverted, while in reality he’s so at ease with people, engaged in conversation, curious, an adventurer, and a loyal friend. He and Rach are the perfect couple. On the outside Rachel’s beauty may give the perception of a glamourous socialite but she is down to earth and this is something Josh has cultivated in her. I can assure you, her love and tolerance for camping doesn’t come from the Bakers. Rachel grew up with all the cleaning women in our household complaining about how messy her room was. Thankfully, Josh is a balaboos. Not only has he taught Rachel how to cook but also how to clean up a kitchen afterwards. Yet it is still Josh who comes to the rescue after a messy meal, and sprays and soaks the stains on Rachel’s top in the laundry.

Josh has high EQ and also IQ. He is perceptive, reflective, a thinker. He talks about emotions. He is curious about the world and up with the latest cultural wars. And thank God he is progressive in his politics, all attributes which come from an obvious address – the legendary dinners at the Benjamin household. He and Rachel complement each other – Rachel with her passion for healthy food, running, yoga, and physical and spiritual wellbeing, and Josh with his love of sport, on the basketball court or at the G. When I see how much Josh cares for Rachel, and Rachel for Josh, I feel like shouting Hallelujah to the heavens, gratitude in the form of prayer.

After Mum died a new chapter in your life started Rachel, in all our lives. Kerryn made me promise that I wouldn’t let us be – in her words, nebuch, which I have always translated as a mission to fill the chasm by being doubly happy. In that first year after her death, Rachel and I shared a yoga holiday in Puglia, where we supported each other, and our promise has continued to this day, as it has with Gabe and Gabi, and Sarah and Charlotte. As for me, it’s never easy when your father starts dating a new person, but from the outset you gave me your blessing before Michelle and I had become a true couple. Since then, you’ve embraced my relationship with Michelle through to marriage and parenthood. It’s fair to say that of my adult kids, Rachel and Josh have spent the most time with us. The extra room in our house is still called Rachel’s room even though she moved out with Josh over two years ago. And here I have to express gratitude to Michelle, who has always considered the feelings of my kids, pushed me to understand their grief, and offered them counsel on every topic. How profoundly fortunate is the husband whose wife buys the Yizkor candles each year for the memory of her husband’s former wife and for their children. How much gratitude can I express that Sarah and Charlotte and Gabe and Gabi discuss with Michelle everything relating to raising children and life in general, and ask her to be called Savta to their children. And how much gratitude do I owe, that after walking Rachel to meet Josh at the chuppah today, Rachel and Josh saw it as natural that Michelle would stand alongside me. That speaks volumes about Michelle, who is a blessing brought to me in life, as it does about my three kids and their partners.

But my greatest gratitude, I’ve finally thought of the most accurate synonym is revived through the Network series, ‘Shtissel’. Hasdei Hashem –for everything that the kindness or grace of God has brought us. Hasdei hashem that all of my kids love our new miracle child. In our family there are no half siblings or step-mothers, there is hasdei hashem Michelle, and Melila, and her nephews, Miro and Alva, and niece, Ellidy, my einiklech, my grandchildren. Anyone who knows Rachel knows that she sees Lila as her little sister, whom she loves, yearns to visit every day, even if it ends up as a Facetime call during bathtime, and who Melila loves in return, though sometimes Melila will pay more attention to Josh who she has a crush on and has a true gift with children, something new that we can kvetch about with Ric and Leora now that you’re married.

And then there is the head of our family, our matriarch Buba, who is loved by all of us. We know that at Buba’s age and with the unspeakable tragedies she has endured that bookend her life, it’s hard to feel gratitude. As she often says, her horizon is narrow. Yet she has found within this the space the ability to love her great grandchildren and grandchildren. And on this day, she has a wedding, Kol Sasson ve Kol Simcha, amidst everything, a voice of happiness and joy. Her chandelier is radiating with fiery passion, and marrying Josh. ‘Such a nice boy. Such a decent human being. And how he looks after Rachi. He is so good to her.’

And now, as I face my own illness, I have found yet another synonym for the gratitude and naches that Michelle and all my children and grandchildren bring me: bracha. Blessing, grace, pure love, the deepest expression of humanity. Their care for me, how they take me to chemo, worry about me, how all they want to do is go to the zoo with me on an excursion, or on a holiday to Daylesford, or Byron, or Noosa, or Cairns, or Israel, all of us together. We are a true family, now joined together with the Benjamin family. The Benjamin’s are gourmet cooks and I don’t know how Rachi and Josh will live up to the standards they’ve grown accustomed to. So I’ve decided to give you some help to complement your own gourmet skills. A keepsake, something that you will always cherish on behalf of the family, and that will forever sit in your kitchen and be passed down from generation to generation. Gabe and Sarah have agreed to this, though we all want it. This is Kerryn’s recipe book, a collection, in her handwriting, smudged with the foods she cooked on weekdays and on shabbes and chagim. We know you’ll bring her memory to life through taste and feasts we’ll all partake in, and I’m giving you this on the condition that you scan every page so that we can all share in this most precious gift to you.

So as I stand here today, not knowing the breadth of my own horizon, and bewildered by the illness that has struck me from nowhere, I feel truly blessed. Hasdei Hashem. Hallelulujah. Modeh Ani. Thanks. Rachel and Josh are married. The icing on the cake. And no matter what happens, in this moment of life, I feel its fulness, and can only express my gratitude with a bracha, a blessing.

Baruch ata Adonai shehechayanu, vekimunu, vehigiyanu lazman hazeh.
Blessed by God for renewing us and bringing us to this time.

Mark’s been one of our best contributors and we wish him well with his treatment. His books are amazing. You can purchase The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days, A Journey to the End of Love.

On Speakola:

Read Mark Baker’s beautiful eulogy to his wife Kerryn

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy for his father, Yossl.

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy to brother Johnny.

Watch and read Kerryn Baker’s engagement speech for Gabe and Gabi.

Bill Murray: 'Take that person and buy a plane ticket', advice to bachelor party - 2014

2 May 2014, steak house, Charleston, South Carolina, USA

Is it 100%. I want to know if it’s 100%

Is it 100% or not?

Usually I say, I have a little experience in this (marriage) ...

So listen here I’m going to give you all here this advice. Cause it’s too late for this man. Besides, she’s 100% riiiiiight? You know how they say funerals are not for the dead but for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they're for the uncommitted.

This is what I recommend to you. If you have someone who you think is the one, don’t just do what you think in your ordinary mind, and say let’s make a plan, let’s have a date, let’s then make a party we’ll get married.

Take that person, and buy a plane ticket, and travel all around the world. Got to places that are hard to get to, and hard to get out of, and when you come back,  and you land at JFK, and when you land at JFK, you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

Kerryn Baker: 'But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for', Gabe and Gabi's engagement - 2016

30 January 2016, Melbourne, Australia

When thinking of speaking today, all my family felt it was too hard. They didn’t want to get too sloppy and emotional in public – so I put up my hand and here I am. It’s not everyday that my darling son becomes engaged to the most beautiful girl in the world.

According to George Burns: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  I think Gabe is well on his way.

As most of you know, I come from a large traditional highly dysfunctional family. I guess the cat is out of the bag. My parents’ divorced in an extremely acrimonious way.  It made War of the Roses look like a garden party. As a result, a lot of my adult life has been focused on making my kids’ lives easier and more peaceful. It was my mission.

I did this with the help of Mark who could bring happiness and adventure into places in myself that were fearful and dark. And for the most part, we brought up our kids surrounded by warmth and acceptance. I’m very proud of our kids and who they have become.

2015 was in many ways a difficult year for our family. I was to learn that an aggressive form of stomach cancer had made a home in my body. I was always a high achiever. But 2015 was something very different as well. It was the beginning of a love story, a love story that enveloped every part of my life.

It started with me developing two shadows. One was Mark, whose every action was a symbol of love. The way he stayed with me in hospital each night when I was vulnerable. The way he keeps me safe and makes me feel I’m not alone in all of this. My smart husband who never cried started to cry a lot.

Then there was Gabe, my second shadow, who carefully followed me from appointment to appointment, quietly sobbing, holding all the sadness so I could be strong. He then arranged to come to Melbourne every week to be with me. He leaves Sydney, Thursday night and works from home Friday and stays the weekend. When in Sydney he calls me every evening after work on his way to the ferry to see how I am. He has a heart of gold and is incredibly reliable and present. I know he’s going to make a brilliant husband. He learnt from the best.

Then there are my gorgeous girls.

Sarah, who was the first to know and and as a doctor understood what my future might hold. Who could talk to me about her grief, and cry with me, and allow me to mother her. And for us both to find comfort in each other. I so admire Sarah – her integrity, honesty and spirit.

And that powerhouse Rachi – who is clever and thoughtful and practical and compassionate. Preparing food each night, ringing to see if I need anything to be picked up. Impressing me with the force of her will and still finding a place to be young and free.

And now, I have a third gorgeous girl. I couldn’t be more happy to welcome Gabi and her entire gene pool into our family. It’s a shame that most of you only know her outside, because what’s inside is way more beautiful. She is gentle and caring and considerate, smart as a whip, and I love her with all my being.

Indulge me a little so I can acknowledge the others who star in our tale.

Genia and Yossl who have loved me as a daughter. Yossl is the man with the twinkly eyes and enormous heart, who only knows how to be good and kind. He is devoted to his family to the point of selflessness; tells a killer joke and can laugh at himself with a knowing giggle. He is our example of what it means to be a true mensch. While Genia, with her witty tongue, and massive generosity, is the backbone of our family. She embraced me from the first time we met and if she could, would take my illness and make it her own, so I could be healthy.

My siblings are also a big part of this love story.

Ann, who is part sister part protector and is always there for me. Who immediately cancelled her overseas trip to be by my side when discovering I wasn’t well. Ralph, whom I respect greatly and with whom I share a special bond is one of the finest people I know.

Bradley, who began calling me his angel and shleps big baskets of food to my kitchen bench that are lovingly prepared by Tami, who cooks for me every week, twice a week, no excuses, no apologies, to make sure I’m nourished in more ways than one. And my baby brother Glenny who when I tried to tell him of my illness cried out in such deep pain and love that I felt it to my core. I have felt his pain and love every day since. And dear Julie, so supportive in the background with her humour and encouragement.

Johnny and Anita are as close to us as the house across the road, especially those two brothers, who while sipping wine, argue about politics as though the world is listening.

And then there are our nieces and nephews and extended family that I love and adore, and I know, who love and adore me. Because they show me with every interaction and communication.

And finally there are you, my cherished friends, who have researched medical journals. Who have fed me, even when I asked you not to. Who have spent time with me, and tried to spend time with me. Who have showered me in gifts and cards and texts and loved me from near and far. I’ve felt it and appreciate it more than you can know.

And how do love stories usually end? Well, with a proposal, and that is exactly why we’re here today. Not my engagement, thank God, but my beloved children Gabi and Gabe.

That’s already funny that they share a name. But there are more things that our families share. The Metz’s are like the Bakers’ Sydney Doppelgangers. There is Karen and Kerryn, both GPs. Colin a doctor of medicine and Mark, a doctor of history. The Metzs have 3 children - one boy and 2 girls as do we. We each had a dog called Simba. Their son Josh lives far away for work, as does Gabe. Gabi and Sarah are both resident doctors. And Deena and Rachi even look alike. The Metzs are a warm, close, beautiful family who have taken wonderful care of Gabe since he’s been living in Sydney, and I couldn’t be happier that our families are joining today.

Gabe’s proposal started yesterday in Sydney and finished in Melbourne. Could that be an omen? He included the most important people in Gabi’s life, and wanted them to be a part of their coming together. We’re so happy that Gabi’s grandparents, Marlene and Sidney, are here with us today and not on their cruise as originally planned.

I want to thank that handsome Josh for travelling from Los Angeles to celebrate with us all and our yummy Timnah for travelling from Boston. And I want to thank Gabi and Gabe’s friends from Sydney who hopped on a plane at the last minute to be with us.

Gabe is very protective of Gabi. He worries at a party if she goes to fetch a drink by herself, where is she, is she ok, will she manage at the bar? This is a girl who lived alone in Newcastle for four years, travelled to Norway & Tanzania to work in hospitals there and survived a 6 foot 2 inch stalker with a machete.

In some ways, they are a typical couple: one focussed on healthy eating – chicken salads, no carbs, no sweets – and that’s Gabe. Gabi is more of a chips and hamburger kind of girl. Their relationship is very playful and fun and loving. But beneath their charming exteriors they are fiercely ambitious and determined. It gives me so much pleasure to see them together.

In Love Story the movie, I never liked the line “that love means never having to say you’re sorry”. I believe that there are many times in a marriage that you have to apologise and many times you have to forgive each other. But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for. I feel so blessed, and despite my aching heart, I am filled with the happiness of a simcha that gives me a taste of all the good things to come. Lechaim to Gabi and Gabe, Lechaim to you all.

Kerryn died on 15 March 2016, just three months later. Her husband Mark Baker delivered this incredible eulogy.

Alan Kohler: 'Likes yum cha and Chinese on Sundays, tick!', for daughter Phoebe and Leigh - 2015

5 December 2015, Richmond, Melbourne, Australia

Hello everyone. My name is Alan and on behalf of my wife Deb and the groom’s parents, Marlene and Frank, I’d like to welcome you all here today and thank you for coming.

Thanks especially to those who have travelled far to be here today. (list a few) I think, in fact, that the farthest travellers are the bridesmaid Alice, who had no choice, and her delightful Englishman, Henry. So welcome back to the colony you two.

But we’re so glad you could ALL be here today to help us celebrate the union of this wonderful couple Phoebe and Leigh.

They didn’t rush into it. Took their time, got to know each other really well and then Leigh even asked me for my daughters hand in marriage, which I didn’t expect, and was quietly chuffed about. I’m afraid I didn’t do that with Deb’s dad, and rather wish I had.

On the subject of marriage – we are living through a pretty interesting time, in which what you might think were two very different trends are happening simultaneously.

The traditional wedding has made a comeback at the same time as the very non-traditional wedding, between people of the same sex. The common thread, of course, is love. I think old-style weddings between otherwise modern couples like Phoebe and Leigh have made a comeback because love has – strong, committed, long term love.

When he asked me if he could marry Phoebe, Leigh made it clear, in his endearingly low key way, that he loves Phoebe very much, and I know Phoebe loves Leigh.

She always had unusual taste.

The first food she loved as a toddler was olives, which she called erdelers and she ate one after the other. Is Leigh an unusual taste – is he an erdeler? I’ll let you judge, but I doubt that he’s extra virgin.

Let me tell you a bit about Phoebe Elizabeth Kohler, our first born child.

The first always do it a bit tough I think. They’re the ones we practice on, and Phoebe was no exception.

But she was such a happy kid that it didn’t matter. She stayed happy, always laughing.

Phoebe has had many nicknames. She’s been Sweet Pea, Pee Wee, Pippy Longstocking, Phoebe-liz and the Feebster but the truth is her name is usually mispelt in wild and wonderful ways.

She was born at the Queen Victoria hospital in the city after a 36 hour labour, during which I nipped out for Chinese takeaway and didn’t understand why bringing the fried rice back into the birthing suite caused so much aggravation.

Look, I always tried to be a good father. As soon as Phoebo could sit, I put her on the back of the bike and nipped down the shops to get some bread, leaving bikeand baby propped against the window. I do remember watching Phoebe slide down and the strangers picking her up and there was hell to pay when I got home just because her dress was all dirty. Young mothers can be sensitive creatures I soon learned.

Phoebe was an excellent Brownie, a terrible basketballer, an immovable hockey goalie, a very good trumpeter and her first pay packet for a day’s work was a box of red capsicums.

The stingy owner of the fruit shop at Point Lonsdale tried to fob the capsicums off on her off for a week’s pay but at 13, she would not have it! Instead she got a couple of dollars. Now she’d probably take the capsicums and make peperonata because as a cook our Phoebe is second to none.

She is without a doubt THE messiest child in the family. And when she got her first car, a blue mid eighties Telstar, she transferred the stuff under her bed to the car to drive it around, as a sort of mobile under the bed.  The Telstar couldn’t be locked so required some vigilance in protection. One night Phoebe caught someone rifling through the various contents of the back seat so she hid behind the hedge, yelled ‘BuggerOff!’ and watched the thief escape with a couple of CD cases and half an ancient souvlaki. It happened again and again. Not much to steal was the thinking.

Phoebe has always adored a party but they can have a way of ending badly. One night she was dancing in the backyard grooving away under the starsbarefoot and she decided to kick a tennis ball but instead slammed into ground and broke one of herbig toes. Accidents, they’ve been a few: she fell off the Glenferrie Road tram once and broke her foot, and removed her finger tips on the ham slicer at the Prahran Market.

I always knew she was diligent and conscientious but when she worked 16 hour days for Jones the Grocer, a herculean effort, she nearly ruined her back. None of it has been pretty, but she’s still here. A brave and wonderful soldier from what Joni Mitchell would call the petty wars.

But the Phoebe who I walked down the aisle with this afternoon was the same happy kid she was as a toddler, laughing often and completely, not holding back, and she was happier today than I’ve ever seen her.

Dads probably always say this, but I thought from a young age that she’d be a good partner – supportive, tolerant and fun to be with.

I wondered what sort of bloke she’d end up with. She never talked much about boyfriends and never really brought them home, preferring to shield either them from us, or us from them, not sure which, although I did get the sense that there was a succession of interesting, if fleeting characters.

Leigh, she brought home. Hullo, we thought, this one’s serious.

Turned out he barracked for Essendon. Tick.

Drove a white Mitsubishi Magna. Tick. (Solid car - not a flighty sports car type like her dopey dad).

Loves yum cha. Tick.

And most importantly he obviously loved Phoebe – he could see in her what we did. Tick.

So welcome to the family Leigh. We love you and really like having you with us.

Please join me everyone in raising your glass to toast the bride and groom.

For Vanessa: 'To Life, to life, l'chaim', from groom Lin Manuel and extended family - 2010

uploaded to YouTube September 2010

FATHER OF BRIDE: I want to thank all of you for being here, all our friends and family, and you know Lin, you're not expecting this but I think you can help me toast all our friends and family, so please come up and join me.

C'mon don't be shy, you've been here before.

Ah, how should I start. Well we all want money so -- here's to our prosperity.

LIN: To our health and happiness ...

And most importantly ...

'TO LIFE' FROM FIDDLER ON THE ROOF (ORIGINAL LYRICS BELOW: NAMES HAVE BEEN PERSONALISED)

(Tevye)
"Here's to our prosperity. Our good health and happiness. And most important,"

To life, to life, l'chaim

(Tevye & Lazar)
L'chaim, l'chaim, to life

(Tevye)
Here's to the father I've tried to be

(Lazar)
Here's to my bride to be

(Both)
Drink, l'chaim, to life, to life, l'chaim
L'chaim, l'chaim, to life

(Tevye)
Life has a way of confusing us

(Lazar)
Blessing and bruising us

(Both)
Drink, l'chaim, to life

(Tevye)
God would like us to be joyful
Even when our hearts lie panting on the floor

(Lazar)
How much more can we be joyful
When there's really something
To be joyful for

(Both)
To life, to life, l'chaim

(Tevye)
To Tzeitel, my daughter

(Lazar)
My wife
It gives you something to think about

(Tevye)
Something to drink about

(Both)
Drink, l'chaim, to life

(Lazar - spoken)
"Reb Mordcha."

(Mordcha - spoken)
"Yes, Lazar Wolf."

(Lazar - spoken)
"Drinks for everybody."

(Mendel - spoken)
"What's the occasion?"

(Lazar - spoken)
"I'm taking myself a bride."

(All - spoken)
"Who? ... Who?"

(Lazar - spoken)
"Tevye's eldest, Tzeitel."

(All - spoken)
"Mazeltove... wonderful... congratulations."

(All - sung)
To Lazar Wolf

(Tevye)
To Tevye

(All)
To Tzeitel, your daughter

(Lazar)
My wife

(All)
May all your futures be pleasant ones
Not like our present ones
Drink, l'chaim, to life
To life, l'chaim
L'chaim, l'chaim, to life
It takes a wedding to make us say
Let's live another day
Drink, l'chaim, to life

We'll raise a glass and sip a drop of schnapps
In honor of the great good luck
That favored you

We know that
When good fortune favors two such men
It stands to reason we deserve it too
To us and our good fortune
Be happy, be healthy, long life
And if our good fortune never comes
Here's to whatever comes
Drink, l'chaim, to life

Dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai
Dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai
Dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai
Dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai

(Russian)
Zachava zdarovia
Heaven bless you both nazdrovia
To your health and may we live together in peace

Zachava zdarovia
Heaven bless you both nazdrovia
To your health and may we live together in peace

May you both be favored with the future of your choice
May you live to see a thousand reasons to rejoice

(Other Russians)
Zachava zdarovia
Heaven bless you both nazdrovia
To your health and may we live together in peace

(There is an instrumental bridge here wherein the choreography encompasses the "bottle dance" featured in this number that
is performed by the "Russian" characters.)

We'll raise a glass and sip a drop of schnapps
In honor of the great good luck
That favored you

We know that
When good fortune favors two such men
It stands to reason we deserve it too
To us and our good fortune
Be happy, be healthy, long life
And if our good fortune never comes
Here's to whatever comes
Drink, l'chaim, to life

(Tevye)
To life!

Ray Wilson: 'Can you imagine how good it feels to have a son who sees so much good in others?', for Ned and Olivia

9th January, 2010, Red Hill, Australia

Thank you Harvey,

Welcome to this part of Ned and Olivia’s wedding. And on behalf of Margaret and Ned’s brother and sisters, welcome to our place at Red Hill.

This is a very special place for us as now all four of our children have been married on the hill up there. Each has been special in its own way, but before today, we’d never had the cavalcade of grandchildren precede the bride down the aisle. A sight I’ll not soon forget.

We particularly welcome the Carter clan and their friends, and look forward to catching up with you through the night, and tomorrow.

I just want to mention two things.

The first is that Ned is our lucky child. Good things happen to him with, how shall I put it, economy of effort. Later, his brother Tony may give examples of Ned’s ability to achieve terrific outcomes while simultaneously conserving maximum energy. It could be super-efficiency or it could be just luck. I’m going with a fair dose of luck.

Which brings me to Olivia. Here, Ned has excelled himself. He pulls the perfect match looking no further than the next street. Knock over a few trees, and he could almost see her front door from the couch. Even then it took him twenty-seven years to lift his eyes that high. But what a find when he finally did.

I’m sure others will speak at length about Olivia, but sufficient for me to say that she has been a wonderful addition to our family and we all love her very much.

The second thing is something I decided about nine years ago to say at Ned’s wedding. It concerns one of the best days of my life. I can’t remember where I was or what I was doing. Why this day is so special is that a particular thought crossed my mind. I then spent five quiet minutes testing whether it was true, and concluded that it was. Then I felt wonderful.

The reason is I could not recall one single time Ned had bad-mouthed a friend or complained about his or her character or personality. Can you imagine how good it feels to have a son who perpetually sees so much good in others, and if he sees short-comings, never thinks them important enough to make them the focus of his conversation. Ned personifies peace-on-Earth, goodwill to all men.

That day I was overwhelmed with pride, and Ned, I feel proud of you every single day, and I know Margaret, Samantha, Tony and Pippa join me in wishing you and Olivia the happiness two such intelligent, decent and loving people deserve.

Thank you, and enjoy the night.

Nathan Moshinsky: 'She saw him as odd but intriguing', for daughter Natasha and Michael - 2012

9 April, 2012, East Brunswick, Melbourne, Australia

As Natasha's father, I have been asked to say a few words on this occasion about the ceremony we are about to witness.
Firstly I would like to acknowledge the hospitality offered by Jenny and Dexter today and
to thank you all for being present to celebrate and witness this happy event.
When I was first asked by Natasha to make a few remarks today I could not help but
recollect Groucho Marx's famous quip:

"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce...
Or
"Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution"

However, Natasha and Michael have known each other for 19 years and met at a friend's 21st birthday party in 1992 when Michael was in his heavy metal days. She saw him as an odd but intriguing. Adonis and his musical ways won Natasha's heart. Soon after they started a relationship which has blossomed and deepened after living together in East Briunswick, and Clifton Hill and St. Kilda.
Their happy union has produced two super terrific grandsons - Archie and Charlie - so there is every good reason for them to make the formal commitment of marriage as an expression of their close relationship and commitment to each other.
As fond and foolish parents Anne and I see in Natasha everything we could hope for in a daughter. She is warm and funny and utterly dependable and caring. These qualities are evident in abundance in her role as a mother which she performs in a conscientious and dedicated manner.
It is therefore a wonderful thing that she will continue to share her life with Michael whose musical, gentle and practical ways will provide balance, harmony and strength to their lives and the lives of their family.
As we continue with the wedding ceremony one can almost hear in the background the stirring sound of the bagpipes and ram's horn and shofar which is now blended with an Australian sound because Natasha and Michael each reflect the influences of different cultures. Nevertheless they are independent and strong in their own identities and I can imagine that they will live their lives from such a standpoint and will pass on these values to Archie and Charlie.
Speaking of which Archie and Charlie have brought energy and life to all of us. They are beacons of light and the hope of the future being carefully groomed by me for careers in the finance industries by sustained regular sessions in Snakes and Ladders which they enjoy.
If all fails they can take up a career in Jungian psychoanalysis with a sound grounding in archetypal myths and fairy tales which I am providing for them. They are however stuck on Peter Pan and will have to move on to the more gutsy stories before they beome eligible for this career.
I think that I can speak for all of us present that Natasha and Michael have our good wishes for a happy and fulfilling future with a loving relationship which endures through the vicissitudes of life so that they can reach old age with a sense of a life well lived and a journey sustained by their love for each other.
On that note I would like to quote the words of a famous Englishman whose views about the steadfast nature of true love should always be remembered.

SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impedments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
0 no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616)