For Emma and Mark: 'Mark is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double", by Alan Cooper - 2013

15 November 2013, Adelaide, Australia

Hello.

As father of the bride on behalf of the Emma’s mother, Jan, the groom Mark’s mother, Jeanette and her husband, Rob and the grooms father, Mark, I extend a warm welcome to all the relatives and friends who have joined us to celebrate this occasion.

I know that many of you have travelled long distances to be here. Thank you all for coming to help celebrate this very special day. Although it evokes a touch of sadness, I cannot let this moment pass without mentioning those loved ones who cannot be with us. Special mention should be made of Mark’s grandmother who died earlier this week. How they all would have loved to be part of today's celebration. Wherever they are, I'm sure our absent friends and family will be looking down on us and are very pleased and happy for Emma and Mark Please be upstanding and raise your glasses in a toast ……….to absent friends and family……

Today, I look at my daughter and I see an intelligent, independent, attractive, elegant, stunning young woman…. she obviously takes after her mother. The child that was a non stop chatterbox has grown into a beautiful, sensitive and caring woman.

Whilst preparing this speech I reflected on Emma’s childhood. From the day of her birth with her doting brother and sister Marcus and Sarah so keen to see their new sister that Marcus ran onto Anzac Highway and got hit by a passing car, resulting in a broken leg and about 6 weeks in ½ body plaster cast. It was a hell of a start.

Walking and holding intelligent conversations at 10 months of age, Emma has been in a hurry all her life.

Except for getting to school on time.

The 500 metre walk to OLSH school was always left to last minute resulting in Emma’s home group teachers total frustration.

When in Yr 9 walking home from school one afternoon, Emma clicked into her other love - her love of animals. In the bushes next to the intersection of Main North Rd and Regency Rd, she came upon a small black bundle of fur covered in vomit and blood. Today, about 14 years later, Henry’s old and deaf but still enthusiastically greets visitors into the yard today.

At 16 with a drivers licence in her hand, my car was no longer mine. I astounded me how often Emma needed to drive to school. At least it was more difficult to find stray animals.

I am really fortunate that my Emma has met her Mr. Right. Of course, marriage isn’t just about finding the perfect partner, but also about being one. Emma has made such a success of her life and career so far, that I’m sure her marriage to Mark will be just as successful. I must admit that I am the proudest dad in the world to have accompanied Emma today. I think that you will all agree that she looked stunning. Every Dad hopes his daughter will find a reliable, sensible, and considerate partner and as much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope your children will make the right choices in life. Emma chose Mark.

Mark, we are delighted to welcome you into our family. Any man who is prepared to gut his house…. literally, …and then proceed to rebuild it personally with new timber floors… polished, new ceilings…painted, new kitchen..fitted etc.. only months before his wedding has demonstrated his commitment. or does he just need to be committed. Has the paint dried yet Mark?

Even so, when you see how stunning Emma looks today, it proves one thing I’ve come to know about Mark– he is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double, but nonetheless a man of vision who’s been lucky enough to find my daughter. Plus when I saw he had a passion for motorbikes that earned him points in my book. So it’s a pleasure, Mark to formally welcome you into our family.

So onto the next part of the speech……offer bits of advice Mainly for Mark really:

I suppose that after 32 years of marriage I ought to be able to manage something a bit constructive. Mark just remember these 3 words …all, only and just. You will hear them many times. Such as all you need to do is, it only costs this much and it will just take 5 minutes. These are all gross understatements but as a great philosopher or was it a comedian said,”women are to be loved and not understood”.

Mind you, helping around the house is not a bad idea. I believe from the crime statistics that there has never been a case of a wife shooting her husband while he was doing the washing up. When you are wrong admit it, whenever you’re right…just shut up! There is no challenge in a marriage that can’t be overcome by one or more of the following: I was wrong! You were right! And ….yes dear I love You!

And finally remember: Marriage will teach you many things — loyalty self restraint…obedience. Jan says that I’m in the remedial class . Well we come to the last of my duties and that’s giving the toast to the bride and groom … Ladies and gentlemen, we have a radiant bride. We have a charming and handsome groom. If you could charge your glasses and be upstanding. Emma put out your hand and Mark take hold of it…..now Mark remember this moment because trust me it will be the last time that you ever have the upper hand [or Married 3 hours and Emma already has the upper hand]

May they be blessed with happiness that grows and with love that lasts. We wish them enjoyment for today, the fulfilment of all their hopes and dreams for tomorrow and love and happiness always. To the bride and groom…..Emma and Mark

for Zoe and Martin: 'The secret ingredient is LSD', by Ken Wilson - 2017

12 November 2017, Exhibition St, Melbourne, Australia

Good evening everyone.

On behalf of Sue and I, thank you all for coming to help us celebrate this wonderful occasion. I know some of you have travelled long distances to be here today and we really appreciate you making the effort.

Unfortunately not everyone we love could make it. Zoe’s grandfather Bernie was unable to join us, but I have no doubt that we are in his thoughts and he would have been thrilled with how the day has gone.

A lot of planning has gone into making today perfect and Zoe and Martin have done a fantastic job. I know a number of you have also contributed to the day’s success, so thank you.

Now today is about celebrating the marriage of two young people, who love and adore one another, but it’s also about the coming together of two families and we are delighted to welcome Nick, Pauline and the rest of the Doran’s into the fold.

It’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know you — albeit the Irish accents have stumped us occasionally, as you might have gathered from the blank looks on our faces!

We look forward to sharing many more happy family moments with you in the future, both here and in Ireland.

ZOE

Looking at you it’s hard to believe that 30 years have gone by. I can still see you as that vibrant little girl playing in the back yard doing her darnedest to master the handstand.

And now here you are, all grown up, sitting beside the man you love as you begin the next exciting chapter of your lives together.

Fathers are naturally biased about their daughters, but I’m sure you’ll all agree that Zoe looks absolutely beautiful.

Although Zoe might say: how could I be any more beautiful than I usually am!

I must admit to a little tear in my eye when I saw her for the first time in her wedding dress. Although I’m not sure if it was because I was caught up in the emotion of the big day, or I was reminded of just how much that dress cost… Perhaps a little bit of both.

Now I’m so supposed to add a bit of comic flair to my speech and share a few horror stories about the bride growing up, but I wouldn’t want to embarrass her — although it’s virtually impossible to embarrass Zoe!

Case in point, when Zoe was a student at the Star of the Sea school she had to give an impromptu performance and Zoe and troop chose childbirth.

Well Zoe did not hold back. She got right into it, knees up, screaming and thrashing around on stage. It was enough to put you off having kids but the audience was in stitches and it’s still one of the funniest memories I have of her.

Growing up Zoe was never really any trouble. Sure she could be outspoken and hold a good argument, but she was also lots of fun with a fantastic “can do” attitude and took whatever challenges in her stride.

I remember years ago she decided to take up tennis, which she seemed to enjoy, and to get her practice in she would hit the ball against the wall at home. Unfortunately for her we lived in a weatherboard house so the most responsive wall she could find was the back gate. Not terribly satisfying or successful, but that’s all there was so that’s what she used.

Then there was the time Santa brought Zoe a bike that Sue and I had had painted and tarted up for her. It wasn’t at all what she wanted and she cried in the beginning — we all did — but then in true Zoe style she got on and rode it like the champion she is, until she received a new one on her birthday seven weeks later.

As well as being able to make the best of any given situation, Zoe is effervescent with a sharp wit and cheeky sense of humour and this has seen her gather many friends over the years — as we can see here tonight — and her wide circle of friends bears testimony to the wonderful person that she is.

Zoe, you have grown into an exceptional young woman and your mum and I are so very proud of you.

You deserve all the happiness in the world, and with Martin, we are confident that you will find it.

MARTIN

Which brings me to my new son-in-law, Martin. Some call him Noddy, and Ned, as has been pointed out on Facebook he does bear more than a passing resemblance to Ned Kelly.

He’s quick-witted with a great sense of humour, he loves his sports, his ink and his drink and he swears as well as a good Irishman should.

Quite simply, Zoe couldn’t have chosen better and most importantly, he adores our Zoe and we are delighted to welcome him into the family.

BUT, that’s not to say he’s perfect. After all he is a Carlton supporter and that’s something I’ve struggled to come to terms with. If I had my way he’d be wearing yellow and black! But if Zoe has her way, he’ll be a Geelong supporter in no time. Although having watched Richmond dismantle Geelong with Brendan and I in the preliminary final this year, I think I know which way Martin is leaning!

Now many of you will know Martin can hit a pretty mean golf ball. Many of you might also have heard of what is referred to as the “son-in-law shot”, that is when you hit the ball - it’s not perfect, not what you wanted, not hoped for, but it ends up better than you thought so you take it anyway. Well that’s Martin!

Martin, every father hopes his daughter will meet someone worthy of her love and you are all that and more. You complement each other well and I know you will make each other very happy.

Now it’s traditional for the father of the bride to share some pearls of wisdom with the happy couple, and I’m reminded of something my father said to my sister at her wedding many years ago, that has always stuck with me.

According to my father the secret ingredient in a successful marriage is LSD. Not the hallucinogenic drug — although that would certainly make things interesting, no the LSD he was referring to is love, sincerity and devotion.

They are more than just three words – it is Love that is sustained by action, Sincerity in communication and a pattern of Devotion in the things we do for each other every day. If you can keep these three things as the cornerstone of your relationship you’ll be well on your way to a long and happy life together.

It’s also worth remembering that marriage is also about the fine art of compromise, Martin admit that your wrong and Zoe will agree. You’ll find it works every time!

On that note, ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses, stand and join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

To Zoe and Martin!

For Rachel and Josh: 'My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier" by Mark Baker - 2022

8 August 2022, St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia

Mark Baker the author of two memoirs, The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days and is writing a memoir of his recent diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. He’s also contributed some incredible eulogies to this site.

When Rachel and Josh came to our home to tell us they were getting married I had to act surprised. I say ‘act surprised’, not because someone had spoiled it, but because surprise usually signifies a disruption to the natural order of things. Something that makes you say, ‘Oh, I would never have guessed.’ But in this case, their announcement was the most natural thing in the world. Michelle and I have had the privilege of watching Rachel and Josh interact close up. Before they moved overseas to the north of Melbourne, they were our housemates. We were like two married couples occupying the same home. They cooked meals together, conversed together, did everything together though sometimes I caught Josh late at night sitting in one of the side rooms watching TV, usually sports, on his own.

So rather than talk about the surprise announcement, I’ve been searching for another word that captures my emotions as I stand under this chuppa (canopy). I could be corny and use the word naches and it goes without saying there’s an abundance of that. Afterall, how many parents get to boast that their daughter and son-in-law work together in a business that sells vibrators.

I tried a host of other words to encapsulate my emotions. For example, relief, but that’s not it. I mean, there’s definitely an element of relief. Ric and Leora will empathise when I say that after 7 years of going out together we were all privately and publicly saying Nu? When are they finally going to tie the knot? But no, there was always another plan ahead – living overseas for a year, that sense of what’s the rush we know we’re committed to one another, or afterall there’s another Swans footy game to watch, a business to build up, etc, so it did come with a sense of relief when Rach and Josh finally came into this house and announced that they were getting engaged, or was it married, I was too excited at the time to distinguish the precise arrangement.

Amongst all the other words, if there is one that captures what I felt and feel - and I’m sure I could come up with a better synonym - it’s gratitude. I felt the deepest gratitude when I heard the news which has deepened as I’ve had the chance to reflect over this past month, plus 3 days because of the COVID delay, upon hearing that Rachel and Josh were getting married. It was as if Rachel’s life flashed before me in a single screen image. I thought of her as a baby – the cutest baby with blonde wavy hair, who we’re reminded on almost a daily basis is a carbon copy of her Buba, ‘not now, God forbid when I’m old, but when I was young. My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier.’ Chandelier and fire are the right descriptors, because from the outset Rachel lit up a room, or in the words of the song that Kerryn gave you from the Carpenters, there’s stardust in your eyes that bestows a magical quality to your presence. And it’s for those reasons, but not alone for those reasons, that I feel sublime gratitude.

There was a period as Rachel grew up as the third child following Gabe and Sarah, when my gratitude was tested. Perhaps it was me and Kerryn who grew lax in our discipline, but Rachel had a ‘get out of jail card’ that her older siblings never possessed, and which instilled in her a bold dose of chutzpah. I’m reminded of the time when she was forbidden from going to a Puzza party yet had the chutzpah to escape in a taxi after we’d gone to sleep. Or when we sent her to Israel for a term and we received a midnight call in Australia that an ambulance had come to collect her because she must have mistaken Maccabi beer for a ticket to the Maccabiah games. Yet how could I not feel gratitude for her courage that year, living in an Israeli school dormitory, outside the security of an Australian program, with her cousin Dean as her only familiar companion.

The years flew by and soon Rachel was at uni. There she started off fulfilling a dream to study architecture. The only problem was that it wasn’t her dream but Kerryn’s. Once again, she showed courage in asserting her will after a semester and chose psychology and marketing. Since then she has exhibited business flair which she must have inherited from her Zaida Yossl, starting her own business in sexual wellness which might have an affinity to Zaida’s business called Swiss Models which I always thought sounded like an escort agency. Nothing could make me prouder and more grateful to see her working alongside Josh and developing the material foundations for their lives. She always said that the measure of her success would be destigmatising her product and selling it in David Jones and sure enough, she’s bettered that and now sells it in Selfridges on Oxford Street in London.

Yet the true test came when she was in her early twenties when Kerryn was diagnosed in the prime of her life with cancer. From the outset, Rachel was realistic about Kerryn’s illness. One of my strongest memories is driving to the beach with her and Rachel asking me directly, how long does Mum have? I didn’t have an exact answer for that question but I knew that Kerryn’s time was limited to months and I told Rachel the truth. Rachel’s next question. How will we cope? She wasn’t asking that as a form of denial, but she wanted to share with me her feelings and fears, and from then on, I found in Rachel a receptive ear and heart, one who could comfort, and be comforted, by the harsh reality that we were facing as a family. In Rachel’s characteristic way, she brought a positive spin to the terrible pain she experienced losing her mother at the age of 23, commemorating Kerryn by planning brunches with me and her siblings on Kerryn’s birthday and buying us presents, making a video to mark Kerryn’s 60th with messages from family and friends from around the world; Always eagerly curious to hear new stories or unknown tidbits of information about her.

Although she was at the age when most kids are interested in partying, Rachel was always present for her mother to the very end. For that, I know Kerryn felt enormous gratitude, as she did with all her children. I know that Kerryn has always been a burning presence for Rachel, especially so in the leadup to this wedding when her absence is so profoundly felt; and so it’s fitting that she wore her mother’s veil under the chuppah. Rachel – you have Kezz’s strength of character, integrity, her warm and amenable demeanour, and most of all, her deep loyalty to friendship and family. As I said at Kerryn’s funeral, and at funerals I’ve spoken at as a mourner for Johnny and your Zaida, the souls of the dead keep living if we carry and nurture them inside us. I know on this day, and all days, that Leora is carrying the memory of her parents Eddie and Lily for whom she deeply loved and cared, and Ric and Carmel sorely miss Rod who died ten years ago. While Kerryn said don’t look for me on a Ouijee Board after I’m gone, I don’t have to guess that she would not only feel gratitude for what you’ve become Rachel, but for the partner you’ve chosen.

Kerryn never met Josh directly, but I recall you telling us both about a boy you had started dating. I remember it so vividly, where we were sitting in the kitchen, and your description of him as a nice boy that we’d approve of. I didn’t know at the time that he was the son of a couple I’ve known since my youth movement days. Michelle and I feel so lucky to have Ric and Leora as our machetunim, in part because we share the rarest of attributes, a commitment to the same values. Ric and I in particular have played tag team with the same institutions, Stand Up, originally called Keshet, and New Israel Fund, which both Michelle and I are involved in. The youth movement Ric attended in his adolescence, Hashi, is housed in a building, Beth Anielewicz, built by Michelle’s grandfather and Josh attended King David and was taught by Michelle’s mother Yael, who remembers him fondly as one of the naughty pack, but considerate and kind boys. Leora too has shared with Michelle and me a Habo background, albeit in the case of Michelle a generation apart. All that makes for so many commonalities, but more than that, I feel profound gratitude for the way you’ve all integrated Rachel into your family, showing her the delights of gourmet cooking, and treating her with love, and yearning with us for this day. I feel gratitude to all of you – to Ric, and Leora, who treat Rachel as a daughter, and also to Ella, Gid and Noah, whose photos are always shared on our WhatsApp group, and Amy whose closeness is reflected in the fact that she has flown in especially from Israel. Thanks to her COVID she has spared us from a rainy day. And also Carmel, whose reputation as modern and youthful precedes her, and who Rachel tells me always takes an interest in all her activities, including the vagaries of her business.

But I mostly feel gratitude to you for giving us Josh, who is the gentlest, kindest, person one could imagine. Everyone loves Josh - how could you not? He somehow manages to straddle his self-perception that he’s shy and introverted, while in reality he’s so at ease with people, engaged in conversation, curious, an adventurer, and a loyal friend. He and Rach are the perfect couple. On the outside Rachel’s beauty may give the perception of a glamourous socialite but she is down to earth and this is something Josh has cultivated in her. I can assure you, her love and tolerance for camping doesn’t come from the Bakers. Rachel grew up with all the cleaning women in our household complaining about how messy her room was. Thankfully, Josh is a balaboos. Not only has he taught Rachel how to cook but also how to clean up a kitchen afterwards. Yet it is still Josh who comes to the rescue after a messy meal, and sprays and soaks the stains on Rachel’s top in the laundry.

Josh has high EQ and also IQ. He is perceptive, reflective, a thinker. He talks about emotions. He is curious about the world and up with the latest cultural wars. And thank God he is progressive in his politics, all attributes which come from an obvious address – the legendary dinners at the Benjamin household. He and Rachel complement each other – Rachel with her passion for healthy food, running, yoga, and physical and spiritual wellbeing, and Josh with his love of sport, on the basketball court or at the G. When I see how much Josh cares for Rachel, and Rachel for Josh, I feel like shouting Hallelujah to the heavens, gratitude in the form of prayer.

After Mum died a new chapter in your life started Rachel, in all our lives. Kerryn made me promise that I wouldn’t let us be – in her words, nebuch, which I have always translated as a mission to fill the chasm by being doubly happy. In that first year after her death, Rachel and I shared a yoga holiday in Puglia, where we supported each other, and our promise has continued to this day, as it has with Gabe and Gabi, and Sarah and Charlotte. As for me, it’s never easy when your father starts dating a new person, but from the outset you gave me your blessing before Michelle and I had become a true couple. Since then, you’ve embraced my relationship with Michelle through to marriage and parenthood. It’s fair to say that of my adult kids, Rachel and Josh have spent the most time with us. The extra room in our house is still called Rachel’s room even though she moved out with Josh over two years ago. And here I have to express gratitude to Michelle, who has always considered the feelings of my kids, pushed me to understand their grief, and offered them counsel on every topic. How profoundly fortunate is the husband whose wife buys the Yizkor candles each year for the memory of her husband’s former wife and for their children. How much gratitude can I express that Sarah and Charlotte and Gabe and Gabi discuss with Michelle everything relating to raising children and life in general, and ask her to be called Savta to their children. And how much gratitude do I owe, that after walking Rachel to meet Josh at the chuppah today, Rachel and Josh saw it as natural that Michelle would stand alongside me. That speaks volumes about Michelle, who is a blessing brought to me in life, as it does about my three kids and their partners.

But my greatest gratitude, I’ve finally thought of the most accurate synonym is revived through the Network series, ‘Shtissel’. Hasdei Hashem –for everything that the kindness or grace of God has brought us. Hasdei hashem that all of my kids love our new miracle child. In our family there are no half siblings or step-mothers, there is hasdei hashem Michelle, and Melila, and her nephews, Miro and Alva, and niece, Ellidy, my einiklech, my grandchildren. Anyone who knows Rachel knows that she sees Lila as her little sister, whom she loves, yearns to visit every day, even if it ends up as a Facetime call during bathtime, and who Melila loves in return, though sometimes Melila will pay more attention to Josh who she has a crush on and has a true gift with children, something new that we can kvetch about with Ric and Leora now that you’re married.

And then there is the head of our family, our matriarch Buba, who is loved by all of us. We know that at Buba’s age and with the unspeakable tragedies she has endured that bookend her life, it’s hard to feel gratitude. As she often says, her horizon is narrow. Yet she has found within this the space the ability to love her great grandchildren and grandchildren. And on this day, she has a wedding, Kol Sasson ve Kol Simcha, amidst everything, a voice of happiness and joy. Her chandelier is radiating with fiery passion, and marrying Josh. ‘Such a nice boy. Such a decent human being. And how he looks after Rachi. He is so good to her.’

And now, as I face my own illness, I have found yet another synonym for the gratitude and naches that Michelle and all my children and grandchildren bring me: bracha. Blessing, grace, pure love, the deepest expression of humanity. Their care for me, how they take me to chemo, worry about me, how all they want to do is go to the zoo with me on an excursion, or on a holiday to Daylesford, or Byron, or Noosa, or Cairns, or Israel, all of us together. We are a true family, now joined together with the Benjamin family. The Benjamin’s are gourmet cooks and I don’t know how Rachi and Josh will live up to the standards they’ve grown accustomed to. So I’ve decided to give you some help to complement your own gourmet skills. A keepsake, something that you will always cherish on behalf of the family, and that will forever sit in your kitchen and be passed down from generation to generation. Gabe and Sarah have agreed to this, though we all want it. This is Kerryn’s recipe book, a collection, in her handwriting, smudged with the foods she cooked on weekdays and on shabbes and chagim. We know you’ll bring her memory to life through taste and feasts we’ll all partake in, and I’m giving you this on the condition that you scan every page so that we can all share in this most precious gift to you.

So as I stand here today, not knowing the breadth of my own horizon, and bewildered by the illness that has struck me from nowhere, I feel truly blessed. Hasdei Hashem. Hallelulujah. Modeh Ani. Thanks. Rachel and Josh are married. The icing on the cake. And no matter what happens, in this moment of life, I feel its fulness, and can only express my gratitude with a bracha, a blessing.

Baruch ata Adonai shehechayanu, vekimunu, vehigiyanu lazman hazeh.
Blessed by God for renewing us and bringing us to this time.

Mark’s been one of our best contributors and we wish him well with his treatment. His books are amazing. You can purchase The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days, A Journey to the End of Love.

On Speakola:

Read Mark Baker’s beautiful eulogy to his wife Kerryn

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy for his father, Yossl.

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy to brother Johnny.

Watch and read Kerryn Baker’s engagement speech for Gabe and Gabi.

Alan Kohler: 'Likes yum cha and Chinese on Sundays, tick!', for daughter Phoebe and Leigh - 2015

5 December 2015, Richmond, Melbourne, Australia

Hello everyone. My name is Alan and on behalf of my wife Deb and the groom’s parents, Marlene and Frank, I’d like to welcome you all here today and thank you for coming.

Thanks especially to those who have travelled far to be here today. (list a few) I think, in fact, that the farthest travellers are the bridesmaid Alice, who had no choice, and her delightful Englishman, Henry. So welcome back to the colony you two.

But we’re so glad you could ALL be here today to help us celebrate the union of this wonderful couple Phoebe and Leigh.

They didn’t rush into it. Took their time, got to know each other really well and then Leigh even asked me for my daughters hand in marriage, which I didn’t expect, and was quietly chuffed about. I’m afraid I didn’t do that with Deb’s dad, and rather wish I had.

On the subject of marriage – we are living through a pretty interesting time, in which what you might think were two very different trends are happening simultaneously.

The traditional wedding has made a comeback at the same time as the very non-traditional wedding, between people of the same sex. The common thread, of course, is love. I think old-style weddings between otherwise modern couples like Phoebe and Leigh have made a comeback because love has – strong, committed, long term love.

When he asked me if he could marry Phoebe, Leigh made it clear, in his endearingly low key way, that he loves Phoebe very much, and I know Phoebe loves Leigh.

She always had unusual taste.

The first food she loved as a toddler was olives, which she called erdelers and she ate one after the other. Is Leigh an unusual taste – is he an erdeler? I’ll let you judge, but I doubt that he’s extra virgin.

Let me tell you a bit about Phoebe Elizabeth Kohler, our first born child.

The first always do it a bit tough I think. They’re the ones we practice on, and Phoebe was no exception.

But she was such a happy kid that it didn’t matter. She stayed happy, always laughing.

Phoebe has had many nicknames. She’s been Sweet Pea, Pee Wee, Pippy Longstocking, Phoebe-liz and the Feebster but the truth is her name is usually mispelt in wild and wonderful ways.

She was born at the Queen Victoria hospital in the city after a 36 hour labour, during which I nipped out for Chinese takeaway and didn’t understand why bringing the fried rice back into the birthing suite caused so much aggravation.

Look, I always tried to be a good father. As soon as Phoebo could sit, I put her on the back of the bike and nipped down the shops to get some bread, leaving bikeand baby propped against the window. I do remember watching Phoebe slide down and the strangers picking her up and there was hell to pay when I got home just because her dress was all dirty. Young mothers can be sensitive creatures I soon learned.

Phoebe was an excellent Brownie, a terrible basketballer, an immovable hockey goalie, a very good trumpeter and her first pay packet for a day’s work was a box of red capsicums.

The stingy owner of the fruit shop at Point Lonsdale tried to fob the capsicums off on her off for a week’s pay but at 13, she would not have it! Instead she got a couple of dollars. Now she’d probably take the capsicums and make peperonata because as a cook our Phoebe is second to none.

She is without a doubt THE messiest child in the family. And when she got her first car, a blue mid eighties Telstar, she transferred the stuff under her bed to the car to drive it around, as a sort of mobile under the bed.  The Telstar couldn’t be locked so required some vigilance in protection. One night Phoebe caught someone rifling through the various contents of the back seat so she hid behind the hedge, yelled ‘BuggerOff!’ and watched the thief escape with a couple of CD cases and half an ancient souvlaki. It happened again and again. Not much to steal was the thinking.

Phoebe has always adored a party but they can have a way of ending badly. One night she was dancing in the backyard grooving away under the starsbarefoot and she decided to kick a tennis ball but instead slammed into ground and broke one of herbig toes. Accidents, they’ve been a few: she fell off the Glenferrie Road tram once and broke her foot, and removed her finger tips on the ham slicer at the Prahran Market.

I always knew she was diligent and conscientious but when she worked 16 hour days for Jones the Grocer, a herculean effort, she nearly ruined her back. None of it has been pretty, but she’s still here. A brave and wonderful soldier from what Joni Mitchell would call the petty wars.

But the Phoebe who I walked down the aisle with this afternoon was the same happy kid she was as a toddler, laughing often and completely, not holding back, and she was happier today than I’ve ever seen her.

Dads probably always say this, but I thought from a young age that she’d be a good partner – supportive, tolerant and fun to be with.

I wondered what sort of bloke she’d end up with. She never talked much about boyfriends and never really brought them home, preferring to shield either them from us, or us from them, not sure which, although I did get the sense that there was a succession of interesting, if fleeting characters.

Leigh, she brought home. Hullo, we thought, this one’s serious.

Turned out he barracked for Essendon. Tick.

Drove a white Mitsubishi Magna. Tick. (Solid car - not a flighty sports car type like her dopey dad).

Loves yum cha. Tick.

And most importantly he obviously loved Phoebe – he could see in her what we did. Tick.

So welcome to the family Leigh. We love you and really like having you with us.

Please join me everyone in raising your glass to toast the bride and groom.