For Alexi & Ellie: 'Once Alexi finds something he loves, he fully embraces it into his life', by Daniel Wearne - 2023

3 February 2022, Wattle Grove, Tasmania, Australia

Hi I’m Dan – I didn’t grow up with Alexi, or Lek as I call him. We actually met 10 years ago through a religious movement at the time – Crossfit. We were the same age and had similar interests; He was always the last one still laughing at my Simpsons references and we loved quoting esoteric scenes from tacky 90s flicks.

When we trained together most days, the differences between us were easy to spot. He had remarkably long arms, a distinct toe-out walking gait, and I enjoyed guessing which of his eight outfits on rotation I would see next. I was the tattooed, always late to class, rough boy from Frankston, and Lek was the buttoned-up, meticulously neat athlete who rarely had a hair out of place. All his plates symmetrically stacked next to his platform – it was clear his belief system was anchored not to the crossfit methodology, but to his passion for routine.

This passion is easy to identify in Alexi when things diverge: an item misplaced; not having a meal at a specific time; running late for an event; or even being asked to do something outside his comfort zone. This is something that really resonates with me when I think of Lek, his gravitation towards routine.

Once Alexi finds something he likes or loves, he fully embraces it into his life.

It wasn’t long before Lek and I were hanging out very regularly; we quickly became best mates. Lek often enjoyed chauffeuring us around, so I recall many conversations we had in that White Honda. The infamous cassette-adapter-iPod situation powering the tunes as we would discuss anything and everything. Initially surface level topics; lots of sport and general banter, and then as the walls came down some of the more serious subject matter would surface. I’ve learned there is an unusual depth to Alexi. He is profoundly empathetic and listens with genuine curiosity. He invests so much in what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling about something.

You feel like he fully embraces you into his life.

When Lek was questioned about his dating life, he was coy; but behind his playful answers and deflection, I sensed real sorrow and loneliness. Lek was wondering where, when and how he would meet his soulmate.

In November 2015, The Annual Schwartz Challenge was taking place; Australia’s premier crossfit competition. It was an all-weekend event held in Altona, outer Melbourne, so Lek and I would carpool over. Lek’s days as a serious competitor were behind him at this point but, dedicated to the art, and being the stand-up guy that he is, he volunteered to MC the event.

Meanwhile in a remote township named Brisbane there was a girl named Ellie. An avid crossfitter too, she was seeking updates on how the athletes from her gym were performing at this event via Instagram. This is when she serendipitously came across a photo of the most handsome, tanned and ripped Annual Schwartz Challenge MC she had ever laid eyes on. Double tap.

Lek was particularly quiet on the drive over the Westgate Bridge that final day of the comp—Not ‘gloomy’ quiet. More of his famous head-shaking perplexed moods. “Missss Newman” he would utter under his breath as he was scrolling the profile of his latest photo like. Out the corner of my eye I noticed a lot of pinch zooming and enthusiastic nodding. It wasn’t long before they were sending flirty messages to each other and overusing emojis. This was an exciting development at the time. Ellie is the only person I’ve seen captivate him like this. A couple weeks had passed and Lek very matter-of-factly dropped the bomb that he and Miss underscore Newman were calling each other most nights. And only a month later in December, Lek decided to fly up to Brisbane to verify if he had been catfished.

On Friday the 4th of December, Alexi landed at Brisbane airport to a cautiously optimistic Ellie. Ellie has since confided that day she couldn’t believe he was real—pinching not herself but him the entire drive from the airport. They were never beyond a few meters from each other the entire weekend. And while the anxious voice inside Ellie’s head was wondering if she was going to see this Adonis again, Lek was not even home from the trip before booking his next flight back to Brisbane.

Once Alexi finds something he loves, he fully embraces it into his life.

 ‘How’d it go Lek?!’ I interrogated him as soon as he returned home. I can only describe Lek’s presence after that weekend as that of someone who had just found their soulmate; a confident glow that said ‘life starts now’. And what followed over the years was a steady progression of decisions and commitments from each other to integrate their lives.

Ellie flew down for the first time that following January to cheer along Lek swimming in the Portsea Classic, a routine event in his rigid calendar. She was boldly representing her home town in a fluro orange dress – which might have been the literal highlight of the night had Alexi not confessed his love for her at Portsea hotel that evening. They did long distance for two years, and Ellie - who is extremely close with her family and friends up north, and with a budding career ready to commence after completing her doctorate - decided to sacrifice it all and move down to Melbourne to be with Alexi.

It was a rocky start. Lek incorrectly assumed that given they had chosen Melbourne's coldest month to make the move, that a functional yet unromantic gift – such as a Northface jacket – would be well received. But Ellie is resilient – so after crying into the feather-downed sleeves of the Worst Present Ever™for 3 months straight – she started to come around to Melbourne; learned to love its quirks and fully embraced it into her life. She’s been with us ever since, and the rest as they say is history.

Ellie, on behalf of everyone of us that have loved having Alexi around for the last 7 years, I want to say thank you for giving up so much and we love you so dearly. You were so clearly the missing piece in Alexi’s life, and if it wasn’t for that thirsty like on Instagram, we wouldn’t have had the privilege of embracing you into our lives and witnessing our beloved Lekki become whole.

So if you’d charge your glasses, I would like to make a toast – To the amazing love story of Ellie and Aleix, we can’t wait to see the next chapters.

Brendon James: 'He has made you into a human being', for best friend Jodie and Jorge - 2012

Uploaded YouTube, 2012

For those of you that don't know me, from Jorge's family, my name is Brendon James, and I am the best friend of Jodi Ray Juan Fernandez, and her one and true maid of honour! One and true. This is not (?).

You know, like, to prepare for this toast, I talked to Jorge a couple weeks ago and asked him. I go, 'When was the moment that you knew that Jodi was the woman that you would chase down no matter what, or how many times she would refuse you. How did you know she was the one to persue?' And he said it was the first time, was it the first time you played together? (Jorge: Yeah)

It was the first time that they played together, and he used one of the smoothest lines in the books, he said, 'Hey, I forgot my guitar pick. Do you happen to have a guitar pick with you?', and Jodie, she reaches into her purse and pulls out like seven, and goes, 'Yeah, here's one.'

And Jorge, he says 'when I touched her hand it felt so soft, it felt downie-soft, it felt like the wings of angels were upon me, it felt like God himself reached down and grabbed the tears of every baby child and injected into my heart. That's how it felt.' He said 'it felt like Zoe Deschanel was singing karaoke. He said it felt like I was in an elevator alone with Ryan Gosling and he pulls me towards him and kisses me, the lights glow, everything dims, and he turns around and proceeds to kill a man who has been hired to kill me.' That's what he told me. He's very poetic. Did you guys know? He's great with metaphors.

And you know, and me, being like very true, I asked Jodi. I go 'Jodi, on that day, in that magical moment, where you changed Jorge's life forever, what did you feel when he touched your hand?' And she took a deep breath, she paused and she looked me in the eye and said, 'Well I was sick, I didn't even notice.'

Oh, I'm just getting' started. Here's the thing, If you know Jodi, you've heard it. Jodi is so cold she's got ice in her veins. Blood in her eyes. Everyone here, turn.  You guys are all sitting on chairs, turn and hug your chair. Hug your chair just a little. That's how it feels to be hugged by Jodi. There's no life, no empathy, no sympathy, no remorse, no emotion, no care, no love, no feeling... (film is cut here)... And after tonight, she will remember 'most' of you.

And so it wasn't until I, believe this or not, became a youth leader at church and she became the music ministry leader, -- around that time we became close to each other. So close, that in fact when she graduated from high school she moved to LA to go to this school, known as Cal. State University Northridge, AKA The Worst School of All Time. Am I right CSUB? Ah, and when she started going to school there, me, not knowing what to do with my life at the time - some of you are familiar with this feeling, some of you are there right now -- I went and followed suit, and I started my glorious career, working graveyard at Chevron.

And look I wasn't Jodi's only room mate, and I wasn't the only one working at Chevron. Mr Michael Neil Lepien, will you stand up and take a bow. This man, believe me, in his younger days, looked liked Rufio from Hook. This man was handsome. He's advanced 250 pounds 5 times, he's beautiful.

And we lived with Jodi. And it was amazing. We loved Jodi so much, she'd come home from school, and we'd be playing video games and we could hear her opening up the door and we be like 'Oh my god, Yodi's home, Yodi's here, Yodi!'

We'd come to the door, 'here, I'll grab your jacket for you' and he'd say'I'll grab your backpack for you,'.

She didn't know how to react to this. At first, we used to call her 'Chodie'. Until she found out what a chode was. So we changed it. We did a lot of things together. We'd go to Costco together. Jodi would buy wings so she could make her specialty wings, I would buy some sausages. Michael Niel Lepien, AKA 'Nipple', Nipple would buy sausages too. We loved sausages. And we'd have a chicken, sausage and sausage fest.

Where we'd get together, and you know what living together (sic), that was the first time, I'm sorry, that was the first time I had a girlfriend, it was while I was living with Jodi that this word appeared. It's this wonderful lady named Kirsten. Kirsten Crook. From a place called Smallville. And she would come every ah, what Wednesday, Thursday night? I don't remember. Tuesday night, I don't even know. 'Cos I don't care about it any more, she cheated on me with some guy named Kal El. I don't know if you guys know what I'm talkin about.

But we lived together, we loved each other, it was the best times in the world, until Nipple betrayed us and moved away. In all those times I'd go with Jodi to buffets, restaurants and we'd eat. We'd go to beaches, we'd go to Malibu, we'd go to Pepperdine University, we'd go to different churches, and some of you here, through those weird trips, is how you met, not only Jodi, but I myself. And we just went everywhere together.

And during this time, she became a woman. She learned to pluck. She knew how to put on some lip gloss and be popular. She knew how to wax. She learned to shave -- everything. And she became beautiful. She went from tea cups at Disneyland, to tea cups at Magic Mountain, you guys know what I'm talkin' about? And it was during this time that she just looked like, and she became this woman that looks like Megan Bier's younger sister, that I thought to myself, 'Man. If I can't find an amazing and beautiful woman that I love, I wouldn't mind settling for Jodi. She'd make a beautiful and wonderful back-up plan.' It was amazing. She's a wonderful woman, she's great, she's spectacular.

And then Jorge came. And he ruined this. So you gotta understand, I didn't like Jorge. In fact I don't like him now. But, dammit I respect you. You lucky son-of-a...

And let me tell you why I respect Jorge, let me get next to him, so he can punch me after I'm done.

I respect him, because he put up with disgusting Filipino tux which I probably could not do, and I am Filipino. He put up, no I really don't wanna say 'put up', he's been made..., this ring, this whole wedding, this ceremony, this is just for show. He's been married to her for years. And if you've ever saw how he treats her, you know what the hell I'm talking about. This man treats this woman like he loves this woman, and I know a lotta guys who say they love their woman and don't treat them like they love them. But this man treats her like he loves her, because he does, and he's not afraid to show it. Oh believe me! ...oh stop.

But he didn't just marry her, he married us. And you guys know what I'm talking about. I know plenty of guys who would take the woman and just keep them to themselves and never let the girl go out. He let her have her freedom, he never took anything away from her. He added himself into the equation, you understand? And he got to know us.

He became close to my brother, who's one of the most conceited and self-centred man that I've ever met. He thinks he's a king. He is not the king. Umberto is the king.

He befriended Boney, who is a jerk. He thinks that 9/11 was a conspiracy! He doesn't believe in Obamacare. What the?

And you know he befriended Tim, Timmy boy. Who agrees with everything. No matter how negative it is. He will agree with you.

He's a very positive man. But more than that, you know, he married the women in Jodi's family. Who are absolutely crazy. Who are absolutely bi-polar and loud. Here look, Johad, Gilbert, they're married to the family, they know what I'm talkin about! They crazy! These women are insane.

And he took the time to get to know them, to get to know all of Jodie's nieces and nephews and god-kids, and more than anything, he took the time to get to know me. And look, you don't even got to say it, I know I'm weird. More than that, I'm manipulative, I'm a hypocrite, and I'm a know-it-all. And he puts up with that.

It's disgusting how much he loves me. This man is sick. And if he can put up with me, and my loud-mouth-ness, and my horrible-ness, he can put up with anything that Jodi has to put on, 'cos, you know, Jodi doesn't have that much to put on. Like I said, she's emotionless, she's cool, chill. But the way that he, the way that you love her, man. I'm gonna tell you this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for not taking my best friend away from me. For not becoming a jealous douche and cutting me away from her. That you trust her enough that she wouldn't do anything to betray you, and Ima tell you, there's a lotta times where I tried to trick her into saying something negative about you, and she doesn't say nothin.

This woman, I don't know how, loves you so much, she loves you so much, man.  And me, you guys, together, you have my undying loyalty. And let me tell you this, the one thing I can tell you is to constantly grow and grow and grow and constantly strive to be that man, to live up to this woman. And you, you live up to this man's heart, because this man's heart is huge! He has made you into a human being. I have never seen her affectionate, until he came along. Never once.

So love each other and love you both. You have my loyalty, you have my ears, you have everything that I have to give, I love you both. And more than that, continue to grow together. T'wards God, T'wards God, T'wards God. God bless you guys.

Emma Race: 'Since meeting Paul, Rosie walks taller - she now tips 5 ft', for Rosie and Paul

It’s an honor to be asked to speak tonight. In fact it’s an honor to be here, without this wedding I was looking down the barrel of spending New Year’s Eve watching Andrew G commentating fireworks with bottle of cheap champagne and a packet of Tim Tams.

There is a book Rosie once bought called, “Why first borns want to rule the world and last borns want to change it”.  I found it ironic that Rosie would be drawn to such a book- when as a second born- the title clearly had no mention of her. 

It got me wondering if first borns and youngests can be so easily pigeonholed – what do the experts forecast for second borns.

It turns out Rosie is the poster girl for middle children. It is said that, “Second borns are the ‘people’ people, the compromisers, the flexible operators, people who always wear really great shoes”.  So Check Check Check Check

The experts go on to say “They may need other people to motivate them (probably only to do their tax and stuff) but SECONDS keep the peace, are the glue that holds groups together. And, above all else put their loved ones first.

Rosie shows her love for her family and friends daily, in the things she does.  Whether it be a cheeky joke that makes Caroline and Richard wipe their eyes at the kitchen table, an impersonation or story retelling for Sophie and Ben’s entertainment or a perfectly scripted poem she will write for one of her friends. 

Rosie always represents, is an enthusiast a wonder and a gift.  If we could describe people by comparing them to a day of the week Rosie would be New Year’s Eve. Exciting and colourful, a ray of limitless possibilities and really really hot!

Paul would be Grand Final Day.  Because he creates and exciting buzz and serves delicious cold beer.

The love Rosie and Paul have for each other is palpable.  It is as bright and optimistic as the dawn of a summer day, so tangible that we can all take a piece home with us tonight as the bonbonaire.

However most remarkable thing I have witnessed about Rosie and Paul’s love is that it is as dedicated and blinding among a messy flat or peak hour traffic as it is today among the pomp and ceremony of their wedding day.

I am in awe that no matter what time of the day it is, whether it be during try on session at the Chapel Street Bizarre or midway through a joke Rosie will always receive a phone call from Paul, heralding him with AMORE.  Her excitement to hear his voice wields the same weight should he be calling from a stinky payphone in Europe or out the front of the Canteen where he is double parked waiting to pick her up.

That she beams with the pride usually reserved for tales of Kitty and Isabel’s cuteness, when she recounts Paul’s achievements, whether she’s talking about the invention, his heeling hands at Beauie a delicious new amendment to his recipe of Paul’s Spicy Beef and Nuts.

I love that Paul cannot tear his eyes away from his girl and when he does it is only to review the latest most amazing photo he has taken of her, and upload it to Facebook post haste.

And that Paul so effortlessly got that Bromby Street is not just bricks and mortar but the heart of the Travers family, a hub of laughter and community for so many of us over the years.  I love that it was no coincidence that he asked Richard for his blessing to marry Rosie, in the library.

Theirs is not the love of mere mortals.

Cupids from all corners of the world reserved arrows for Rosie and Paul to ensure their paths would cross.

We should thank the Cupids wearing the strips of the Socceroos.  Specifically Aloisi for his goal against Uruguay 2005 which paved the way for Harry Kewell to equalize in Stuttgart on 22 June last year. I imagine these little cupids as you said the I do’s in the church– Aloisi shirt over the head doing the aeroplane and Kewell on his knees punching the air.

We should thank the Cupid’s who are Back in Black, for providing the anthem of You Shook Me All Night Long- which is not  a typical love song, but one which provided the opportunity for you to meet across a crowded tabletop.

We must thank the ANZACS for eating bully beef and fighting for our flag, so that you could share the most romantic kiss in history under a canopy of the southern cross.

And we should thank the Cupid of bureaucracy who didn’t renew Paul’s Italian residency visa.

The road to find each other was like a delicate puzzle that fortuitously came together but the life you have created together is the result of your dedication and passion for each other.  Since meeting Paul, Rosie walks taller- she now tips 5 ft.

I have noticed that when Rosie is by Paul’s side his smile is wide and beaming and there is an audible “ting” off his front teeth.

Together you look like you have found the meaning of life. It is privilege for us to bask in the glow that together you emit. I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.

Abe: 'We combined forces, and we built a dynasty', For Greg and Lynette - 2013

3 August 2013, Minnesota, USA

[Series of thankyous]

Greg’s family has been so good to me, I’ve known Greg since 1996, which is how many years ago, seventeen? I’m not a mathematician. I was actually talking with Ben and Lexi, the cousins, and I was with Greg and I was saying I’ve known him since 1996, when I was ten years old, and Ben said, ‘yeah I was four’ and Lexi said,  ‘yeah I was one’ and it was like, yeah, I get it, I’m not in college anymore, thanks for rubbing it in.

Thank you so much to the guests that are here. I know there are some here from Florida. Some people from Michigan, Virginia? Anyone from Minnesota? Thanks a lot for getting here. It’s a lot with the travel, but we do it for these two.

Thank you to the wedding party, the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, the true MVPs of tonight. And most importantly, thanks to Lynette and Greg. I guess we’re all here for you guys, it’s a big night, it’s a special night, everyone is here for you.

It’s a big honour to be Greg’s best man. I guess we met in 1996, we went to Blessed Trinity, any BT grads in the house? In # Minnesota. We were in fourth grade and myself [names friends] we were the top dogs in the playground. Not so much in the classroom but definitely in the playground. We were not scholars. AndGreg comes in, Greg was at Burroughs, public school kid coming into a private school, and everyone liked him. The girls liked him, a lot of the guys liked him, and I could not stand Greg. He walked in, and he was a little too confident, you know he’s coming into our playground, coming into my territory, trying to take my girls, and I wasn’t cool, I wasn’t cool with it.

And everyone liked him, everyone liked him. Like I said the girls did, the guys did, and I figured I better join forces. I’m not going to beat him, so I better join his team. So we met in a dark alley. I told him where to meet. I told him not bring anybody. I wanted to be one on one. Because I knew i could take him.  So we met and shook hands and we made an agreement. And you know, we combined forces, and we built a dynasty. So myself Greg, Scott and Zac. It was really great ... so. [applause] Thank you.

So I was talking with Greg on the phone one day, and you know, we talk all the time, saying hey how’s your day going, and he says, yeah I’m pretty good, I took this girl Lynette out, and I said,  ‘ok, tell me a bit about her,’ and he said ‘she went to [names colleges] and so I said, ‘ok clearly a smart girl’, and said ‘what does she do now?’ and he said ‘she’s a teacher, she’s a special education teacher, working with younger kids,’ I said, ‘ok, she’s got a heart, that great, that’s great.’ I said, ‘Ok, how does she look?’ and Greg said, ‘oh, she looks good man. She looks real good.’ And then I ask him the most important question, the question that I think every best friend, every best man should ask his best friend, when he starts seeing a girl. ‘Does she have a sister for me?’ And he said ‘no’ and I said, ‘you gotta cut it off! You gotta cut it off! This isn’t going to work. This isn’t going to work for us, we’re a team.’

Clearly, he never listens to me, he did the opposite to what I said, and I’m glad he did. I’m really glad he did. So like I said, it’s a great day, it’s a special time for the families, for the friends, but I guess most importantly we’re here for two people and that’s Greg and Lynette.

And so because it’s such a special day, I thought I’d write a poem. And I don’t, I don’t really write poems. The last poem I wrote was in fifth grade so – it was haiku. It was a haiku. And so, I thought I might brush off the poem skills, and see what we could do. The title of the poem is ‘Greg’s Most Embarrassing Moments ’96 to 2013’. I’m kidding. It’s actually called ‘My Brother’.

[To Greg] You good? Right. You’re giving me that look man!

August 3rd, 2013. Here we are on your wedding day.

On such an occasion I think it’s a must that we take a trip down memory lane.

We met in third grade, you were the new kid in school

The girls liked you immediately, they thought you were cool,

At first I was not, Greg’s biggest fan

But we spent more time together, and I realised he was the man

He’s really not, but it rhymes, so I had to make it work.

Greg was an only child, just like me

His dad’s name was Mike, and his mom Mary

His favourite team was the Packers, (Booo, Booo!)

That made me want to hurl

And his favourite band at the time, the one and only Spice Girls

The fact he liked the Packers, while friends laughed and jeered

And Greg knowing all the Spice Girls dance moves, was just plain weird

We got close fast, we created a wolf pack

The four of us together, Greg, Scott, Abe and Zac

Has anyone seen The Hangover? Does anybody remember Alan? Greg was our Alan. It was eerie how much he was like Alan.

Our friend would cause mischief, harmless little fun

Throwing water balloons at cars, and teepeeing on the run

I wanted Greg on my side, we made a killer team

And if angry parents ever chased us, they would catch him before me

Like most great friendships, there were some bumps and cracks,

But we kept looking forward, and never looked back

Greg was always in my corner, he pushed me to improve

And whenever I had doubt, he helped me fight through em

Not sure of the month, not sure of the day,

But at some point, something changed

No longer a friend that you see,

But so much more, a brother to me,

My brother all day, my brother all night

My brother tomorrow, my brother for life

Loyal, fun, popular, honest

The shorter, less-good-looking brother that I’ve always wanted.

Now here we are, on your wedding day

It’s time to party, to celebrate

You stand beside, your beautiful queen,

She’s smart, genuine, the opposite of mean,

And warm and caring and lovely and kind

How you pulled this off Gregors, really blows my mind.

Enough of this poem, you know that I care,

Just one last thing, that I’d like to share,

There will be times in your marriage, when you’ll be frustrated with Lynette

Just know that you can call me, if you ever need to vent

You’ll say she’s done this, you’ll say she’s out of line

Just know that I’ll be siding with Lynette, one hundred percent of the time.

You know I love you guys, this is a huge honour, this is major, everyone can raise your glass. To Mr and Mrs Gregory Manderfeld.

Love you guys.