4 June 2017, Los Angeles, California, USA
When I first received this Nobel Prize for Literature, I got to wondering exactly how my songs related to literature. I wanted to reflect on it and see where the connection was. I'm going to try to articulate that to you. And most likely it will go in a roundabout way, but I hope what I say will be worthwhile and purposeful.
To view the ful transcript visit Nobelprize.org
7 June 1970, Los Angeles, California, USA
Duke was the first actress to win for a telemovie role. She was criticised at the time for being on drugs for this speech. She later spoke of battling a bipolar disorder.
Thank you
Thank you.
Thank you Mr Evans?
I know your over there somewhere.
You, mom, Happy birthday.
I've also been taught not to say thank you for too long.
But the best words I ever learned, were hello, enthusiasm and thank you.
8 February 2013, Los Angeles, California, USA
Thank you, thanks a lot. It’s kind of a freaky experience, the whole thing, it’s – it is
a bit like, this is the Italian wedding Patti and I never had. It’s a huge Bar Mitzvah.
Your life does – did kind of pass and John legend made me sound like Gershwin, I
love that. Neil Young made me sound like the Sex Pistols, I love that.
You know, what a night, quite a night, uh makes me proud to be a musician. Here
tonight with my mom, she is 87, she is here with me, yeah. My sister, it’s her
birthday, happy birthday sis. My lovely daughter is with me tonight, her boyfriend,
and Ricky and Marian are my cousins who raised our children with us, thank you
Ricky and Marian for being here with me.
Got to walk through red carpet, that was – it was fun. And Patty, what can I say,
you know, 20, 25, years we’ve been together, love you, love you. I’m glad you
could all share this night with me. I’m glad to be here for MusiCares, it’s a great
organization, it takes care of musicians. They take care of the people who is taking
care of us with their voices and with their songs, with their blood, with their sweat
and tears and with their lovely and great artistry.
The people whose music have inspired us and soothe their broken hearts, angered
us, whose music we’ve got married to, divorced to, music that’s been with us on
our blackest days, stood by us in war and in peace, made us laugh, made us be
strong, helped us not be stupid and formed us and loved us.
Music, do you believe in magic? There is no faith required, none whatsoever,
because it’s all like this evening, right? Here in front of you. I’ve seen it, I’ve been
a part of the miracle of music. I’ve seen people tired and depressed and weary and
worn out, soul off. And I’ve seen them revived, rise from their seats and dance.
The Taliban will never win, not now or not ever, not here, not in Timbuktu by
banning the music and dancing, don’t tell them. The minute you do that, you label
yourself a tyrant and your cruel days are numbered. The minute Timbuktu was
liberated, what did people do? They played music, and they danced. I was so happy
to read that in the paper. I was happy for them, and happy for us.
“Vive la France!”
You can’t triumph without music because music is life; music is the birds singing,
the wheat rustling in the fields, strumming of the wind through the leaves of that
tree that was in the backyard of your childhood home. The earth and the stars
rolling through the heavens at night, before man or a woman heard their name,
they heard music. They heard the wind rushing past their eardrums, the grasses
humming with insects, the birds knocking and rocking in the trees.
Thank you MusiCares for taking care of musicians, because we are bad with our
money, we spend it too freely, and on too many stupid things. We drink it away, we
do drugs, we love too many and the wrong people, we are the wrong people. You
know, we fuck up many people’s lives, many people’s lives, while setting fire to
our own dancing down the street. We are a brother and sisterhood of magical fuckups,
and we need you.
Because once in a while we get it right, and then we sing about it, and we sing
about it and we are musicians. Take me for instance, I am here tonight under totally
false pretenses, because whatever philanthropy I’ve ever done, it usually just
involves me playing the guitar, making a few bucks and bringing some attention to
the folks that are really doing the work, shouldn’t count really much. I mean, I was
going to be playing the guitar anyway.
You know, and I am actually, I’m here tonight because last year, Mr. Landau, my
manager called me up and said, “Boss, what do you think about opening the
Grammys this year with your new song, and we had a new record, and I thought it
was one of the berst records that I ever made, and so I wanted to promote it, right?
And I said, “It sounds great.” Because I am going to call Ken Ehrlich right now, all
right, he is the Grammy producer, I met him, I don’t know maybe back in ‘96 when
I sang The Ghost of Tom Joad, and he had me under like 10,000 lights, it looked
like I was going to be abducted by aliens.
We sort of – but anyway, I said go ahead call Ken; John calls back the next day
says, “Ken loves the song, and he would love to have a 63-year-old man open the
Grammys, and – and would you like to be MusiCares Person of the Year?” Now,
I’m pretty sure he said, “And” though he might have said “If.” He might have actually said, if you will be MusiCares Person of the Year or he might have said,
“And”, and then he left a really long pause so that the “And” became “if” while it
was hanging out there. And he said, we’re going to be out there anyway for you to
pick up your best album award, because we are optimists. So even though I have
gathered all of these people, some of my great heroes, all these new youngsters
here tonight is fabulous musicians. The evening actually had its origins in a
mercenary promotional opportunity.
Um, but, it’s a great night anyway, because people played music. So I’m having
one of the loveliest nights of my life tonight, I was just, I got the auction, you
know; just some I’ve really – the circle is a strange thing.
You know Ben Harper had Charlie Musselwhite playing with him on the
harmonica, you know, I opened for Charlie Musselwhite in a little club in San
Francisco, he will not remember me, right? When I was my daughter’s age, you
know, and I have Patty Smith here in my life again. We always called that song our
song, but really it’s her song, right? I would have never finished it, I couldn’tdidn’t
have a story and the beautiful story of Fred’s Telephone Call, and if I’d had
finished it, I would have never had a hit with you, I would have never had. And see
you gave me one of my greatest, and I play this song almost every night, so it’s
your song and thank you for being here along with all of the other musicians, that’s
the humbling thing.
I mean, it’s wonderful to see people come up and sing your music, the young
musicians. Musicians like the great musicians that are gathered here tonight, there
is a group of people who are always in search, born searchers, born to get lost, born
to get lost. Because that’s 98% of it and then suddenly, suddenly you’re home. All
people who are always in search of the power to sustain, the best of ourselves and
to seek out the best in you, our fans and our audience. We want to be great.
Like Neil says in his book, “Be great or be gone,” we want to be great, we want to
be important in your life, that was all that mattered to me. I didn’t care if I was
going to be a, I don’t know if it’s going to make it rich or be famous or but I
wanted to be great more than anything else, and I wanted to be important in your
life.
Because you keep us in search of the force that reignites our gifts, our ability to
make you want to move, to dance, to love, to make love, to be angry, to act. When
we play, we want the hair to stand up on your arms; we want you to feel the glory.
And we want you to be glad of being alive. And really at the end of the day, that’s
all there is to it. My fellow musicians, young and old tonight, thanks for taking
care of me and taking care of my songs this evening. I’ll never forget it and I owe
each and every one of you; one. You made me feel like: Person of the Year. Now
give me that damn guitar.
—————-
Springsteen Set List
with Jake Clemons, Nils Lofgren, Patti Scialfa, Cindy Mizelle, Curtis King
1. We Take Care of Our Own
2. Death to My Hometown (with Tom Morello)
3. Thunder Road (with Roy Bittan, Morello, Garry Tallent, Max Weinberg)
4. Born to Run (with Bittan, Morello, Tallent, Weinberg)
5. Glory Days (with Tribute Artists)
Tribute Set List
1. Adam Raised a Cain - ALABAMA SHAKES
2. Because the Night - PATTI SMITH
3. Atlantic City - NATALIE MAINES, BEN HARPER & CHARLIE MUSSELWHITE
4. American Land - KEN CASEY
5. My City of Ruins - ZAC BROWN & MAVIS STAPLES
6. I’m on Fire - MUMFORD & SONS
7. American Skin - JACKSON BROWNE featuring TOM MORELLO
8. My Hometown - EMMLOU HARRIS
9. One Step Up - KENNY CHESNEY
10. Streets of Philadelphia - ELTON JOHN
11. Hungry Heart - JUANES
12. Tougher Than the Rest - TIM MCGRAW & FAITH HILL
13. The Ghost of Tom Joad - TOM MORELLO & JIM JAMES
14. Dancing in the Sark - JOHN LEGEND
15. Lonesome Day - STING
16. Born in the U.S.A. - NEIL YOUNG & CRAZY HORSE
23 October 2011, Kennedy Center, Washington DC, USA
Oh, boy, okay. Um, wow, thank you, thank you, so much for that warm ovation. As I stare at this magnificent bust of Mark Twain, I’m reminded of how humbled I am to receive such an honor and how I vow to take very special care of it. I will never let it out of my sight. I will find a place of honor in my house for this magnificent bust. If my children try to touch it or even look at it, I will beat them. It means that much to me. In fact, I told my wife that maybe I should buy it its own seat for the plane right home, and no, no I’m not done, I’m not done, I’m not, I’m not, no. No, I just started the speech, why would you think I’m done?
I want to sincerely thank the Kennedy Center for this prize and this – and the fine folks at PBS for airing this special. I am the 14th recipient of the Mark Twain prize. And you’re probably asking yourself, why did it take so long? Well, for 13 consecutive years, I have been begged by the Kennedy Center to accept this award and for 13 consecutive years, I have emphatically said, no. For years, I had many questions about this Mark Twain, the first being, who is he? It’s been donned on me that, since I was a small boy I have thoroughly enjoyed his delicious fried chicken.
Then my wife informed me that I was thinking of Colonel Sanders not Mark Twain. It turns out that he is considered America’s finest author and humorist, but that his real name is not Mark Twain, it was Jerry Goldman. Before that, it was Judy Blume, and before that of course, we all know the name, Samuel Langhorne Chimmins. Despite my failings to grasp the importance of Mark Twain and what exactly he did, I decided to accept this award because of the prize money, $1 billion dollars, paid out over the next 10,000 years. To say that I’m thrilled to be here is a complete understatement, and to make this evening even more thrilling, I have just been informed that, I’m only the 11th Caucasian to receive this prestigious award.
Pretty cool, I can’t tell you enough how special it is to stand here on this stage at the Kennedy Center, in front of this amazing audience, while being watched on PBS by hundreds of people. It’s very surreal, you have to understand as a kid growing up in Irvine, California, where I would sit in my room and listen to records of Steve Martin and the original Saturday Night Live Cast or stay up late and watch Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show to see what comedians he would have on. I had one dream, one singular focus even at the earliest stage, I can remember wanting to do one thing and one thing only, sell insurance.
So to be standing here, feels somewhat odd, whether it was auto, home or life, fire, flood or earthquake, I just wanted to make people feel safe. Do you have enough inland marine insurance or business overhead expense disability insurance, these are the things I thought when I was a kid. But the insurance game didn’t happen for me. So I fell back on comedy, and here I am now. There is so many people I need to thank for helping me make tonight possible.
First off, I would like to thank all the wonderful people who spoke or performed tonight on my behalf, an amazing line-up, all of you taking time out of your busy personal and professional schedules to be here means the world to me and if any of you ever needs me to speak on your behalf, for any reason, just know that I sincerely mean this, I’m probably unavailable. But thank you and I’m sorry ahead of time.
One of the people you saw tonight to whom I owe a huge debt of gratitude is Mr. Adam McKay. Together Adam and I have created Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Stepbrothers and The Other Guys, a Broadway show and a comedy website. I would also not be standing here, if it weren’t for Saturday Night Live Executive Producer, Lorne Michaels.
Thank you, Lorne for taking a chance on me and giving me the opportunity to be on Saturday Night Live, the show I always dream to being on. And finally what makes tonight truly special is that I can share it with my family. I am so grateful to all of you guys for your continued support and love for the things that I do. But mostly I would like to thank my lovely wife, Viveca.
Before I do that, however, I should really thank my first and second wives Donna and Julie. Donna, what can I say, we were just too young, when we got married. I mean literally too young, we were 13. Ah, heck, you were 13, I was nine. You know. I was in the third grade and it wasn’t right or legal, but I hope you’re well and I thank you for your support. As for Julie, you left me for Gary Busey and I will never blame you for that ever.
Finally, Viveca, all I can say is thank you, and thank god I found you. You’ve given us three beautiful boys and we have a wonderful life together. But I do have to say sometimes you get a little lippy, okay. You got a big mouth and you like to run it. Now I’ll tell you one thing, and one thing only, okay tonight is my night, all right. I love you, but I’m really sick of that big mouth of yours okay? And I won’t stand it, okay? Do you hear me? You look at me when I talk to you.
I mean tonight, if I after the show, if I want to go on a bender with Gwen Ifill and buy a couple of spearguns and try to scale the Washington Monument, I’m going to do it, okay? And there is nothing, you can say to stop me. I love you.
So once again, I thank you for this magnificent night and this amazing honor and I want to thank the Kennedy Center for being one of the few places that upholds comedy, as what it truly is an art form. Thank you and good night. Now, you can play it, now you can play the music.
7 April 2017, Barclays Centre, Brooklyn, New York, USA
Thank you. That's very kind of you. I can't even begin to tell you what an honor and a privilege it is to be out of the house. I know Neil Young was supposed to be here. People are looking at me like I had something to do with it. Why isn't Neil Young here? The truth of it is the poor guy just can't stay up this late. That's what it is. Either that or he swallowed a harmonica. I'm not sure.
I'm so excited and you people know this but for 33 years every night I got to experience the blessing of live music. For 33 years. From the people in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and people who will be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then for two years that went away. CBS caught me using a copier and fired me.
When I came here to rehearsal and heard live music again I was reminded, oh my God what a gift live music is. I know all of these people and my band and Paul Shaffer were tremendous. Never take the opportunity for live music for granted and that's the message I can bring you folks tonight. It's a delight to be back here for this. By the way I've known Neil Young for many, many years. We met a long time ago on farmersonly.com. In 1988 is when I first met most of the people involved in Pearl Jam who were all in a band called Mother Love Bone. [Applause]
Then, in 1991 things in the world of musical culture changed with an album entitled Ten. It was like a chinook coming out of the Pacific Northwest. It had an anger to it and it appealed to twenty-something people who felt displaced and unemployed and left out. I was almost 50 and even I was pissed off and it was also easy to dance to but that's another deal.
Then, it turned out that these guys in Pearl Jam were something more than a band. They're true living cultural organisms. They would recognize injustice and they would stand up for it. Whether it was human rights or the environment. Whether it was poverty. They didn't let it wash over them. They would stand up and react.
In 1994, these young men risked their careers by going after those beady-eyed, blood-thirsty weasels. I'm just enjoying saying that. And because they did, because they stood up to the corporations I'm happy to say, ladies and gentleman, today every concert ticket in the United States of America is free. As I've got to know these gentlemen, they are very generous in spirit. As a matter of fact, listen to this, tonight the entire balcony is full of former Pearl Jam drummers. Stand up.
I wanted to say a couple of things about the music of this group. The nice thing about knowing them for as long as I've known them, I know them as friends as well as cultural icons. And I would just like to say one day I hope to come back here for the induction for my friend Warren Zevon.
Now, I'm going to start reading a list of the songs and you're going to start applauding and we won't get out of here until Sunday so: "Jeremy," "Corduroy." Now, here's one I like, the song, "Yellow Ledbetter." It doesn't make Ten because they have too much good material, they decide we don't want to put this song on there with all of this other really good material. So, later it's released, as like, a B-side. Twenty-five years, it's an anthem. It's a musical icon. For a lot of people, that song would be a career. "Sirens," "Given to Fly," "Kung Fu Fighting."
These guys, I used to have a television show, they were on my show 10 different times over the years. Every time they were there, they would blow the roof off the place and I'm not talking figuratively. They actually blew the roof off the place. For two years I did a show without a roof over the goddamn theater.
You know the song "Black." There was a period in my life when I couldn't stop doing this *mimics song* Great. Now we owe them a lot of money. Honest to God that's all I could hear running through my head. I kept wondering how many times does this refrain occur in the song. I finally had to go to my hypnotist to get it to stop *mimics song again.* One night on the show I'm doing it and the stage door bursts open, in walks Eddie Vedder, he sings the song with Paul and the band. Then he comes over to me and looks me right in the eye and he says, "Stop doing that." And I was cured, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to tell you a story that I'm very fond of. It's about friendship with a guy who has done something for me that I'll remember my entire life. I had three shows left to go and Eddie Vedder was on that show and he sang "Better Man." I like to tell myself it's because it rhymed with Letterman. There was something emotional in the air because as the show wound down the realization that we were saying goodbye, as I said before the experience that I miss most is the experience of live music every night. But that was in the air. It was palpable.
At the end of the show, Eddie Vedder came up to me, he handed me this, and I don't know if you can see that but that's the name of my son. He gave me this letter and said, "This letter, it's for your son I want you to give it to Harry." I think we have a picture of my son, Harry. [Shows picture of young boy smoking a cigarette from his old show.] Look at that, we've had him at all the best clinics taking a gap year in middle school.
So, if you're in show business it's likely there's a good strong streak of cynicism in you, and I would be the president of that club except for things like this. This letter to my son from Eddie Vedder made me keep 2015, three shows left. I'll read you this letter now if you don't mind.
"Hi, Harry. My name is Eddie Vedder and I'm a friend of your dad's. I wanted you to have this small guitar to start with. Try it out, make a little noise, I'll make you a deal. If you learn even one song on this guitar I'll get you a nicer, bigger one for your birthday. Maybe an electric one. You let me know." And my son loves to fish, Eddie adds here, "Playing guitar is kind of like fishing. Fishing for songs. Good luck, Harry, in all things. Yours truly."
It turns out that my son does play a string instrument, but it's the violin – close enough. There are quite a few reasons why these people are in the Hall of Fame, but forgive me if this personally is the most important reason.
10 March 2017, Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, USA
[Reviving The Dude from 'The Big Lebowski']
He's a good actor, he's a good man, John Goodman.
He's one of us, he loves the outdoors and acting. As a showman, he has explored the stages from Los Angeles to New York -- we're talking Broadway here, man -- he's done some weird little movies, too. And he's lived, like so many men in prior generations have lived their lives. He is a man of his times, a man of our times, and he has become a legend.
In your wisdom lord, you have lived through John as you have through so many other bright, flowering, young actors before him. I'm talking about men like Clark Gable, Gabby Hayes, Roy Rogers -- to keep in the whole Western thing -- Groucho Marx, Jimmy Cagney. We could go on and on, but you get the idea.
These men had lived for what they loved, and so to had you, Walter. You have lived for acting that you have loved so well.
And so Walter Sobcheck, John Goodman ....
In accordance with what we think may be your final wishes, we have committed to these sidewalks in Hollywood -- in the bosom of Hollywood that you love so well -- a star. A star for you, a star because we love you so well ... what time is it? Afternoon? Good afternoon, my sweet prince.
Jen Cloher recording album no . 4 - photo Xavier Fennell
3 March 2017, Melbourne, Australia
I came to Melbourne from Sydney 16 years ago because I’d heard the music scene was thriving and I wanted to find a scene. I think most musicians move to Melbourne for this reason, maybe even more so these days? I didn’t know anyone in music, I was a NIDA acting graduate. So I went out and watched bands, I read the street press, I rode my bike around from one open-mic night to the next. I got drunk, went to parties and slowly, I started to meet people. Most of them became my band The Endless Sea. I submitted a grant application to Creative Victoria because someone told me to, won 7 grand and went and made a record at Sing Sing Studios. We recorded the entire album live in 4 days because we didn’t have much money. We played our first residencies at The Empress and The Retreat Hotels. People came out to see us. A guy called Richard Moffatt started playing our music on RRR. The album was received well critically and nominated for an ARIA.
Just as things were starting to come together I moved to New Zealand to take care of my mother Dorothy who had been diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I returned to Melbourne 2 years later to release my second album and tour. This time I didn’t receive the same support at radio or in the media, the album wasn’t as successful and as a result I went into a lot of debt. I couldn’t work out how artists were managing to have sustainable careers in a massive country with such a small population, just touring a band to Perth would set you back thousands of dollars. How were other artists managing to stay afloat? I had to find out. So I started workshops for self managed artists that are still running today, in fact our next one is tomorrow, called I Manage My Music. I wanted to find out how other artists were managing to record, market, promote, tour a band, make clips and pay everyone when they were only playing to a couple hundred people in each capital city.
What I discovered was that they weren’t managing. Most of them were in debt, some of them were in tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt. So I made a decision to never go into debt again for my music business. Inspired by the independent artists around me I crowdfunded, went for grants, saved money, stopped touring my band and played solo, said no to shows or tours that would set me back financially and made records based on what was in my bank account, not what I wished was in my bank account. And a funny thing happened. More opportunities came my way, I was paid well, my next record made with half the budget of its predecessor was my most fulfilling creatively and professionally. I started a record label with my partner and applied everything I had learnt through my workshops and it worked! I saw a community of artists grow around me and I saw that two of my theories were true. As an independent artist I discovered the first golden rule for a career of longevity — never go into debt.
Another thing I discovered was that it was very difficult to sustain interest in this country from radio and media once you hit the middle of your career. If you hadn’t reached a certain level of success you were sort of shelved and ignored. With only one music dedicated national broadcaster, the minute they decided you were too old for their youth demographic also meant the end of a profitable touring circuit. I watched as both myself and my contemporaries’ audiences got smaller and smaller. We were doing all the right things, strong PR, servicing our music to all media and radio, putting aside money for a modest marketing budget, creating our best work and yet things weren’t converting into sales or a new audience walking through the door. What I discovered was that you had to use social media, a record label, collaborations with other artists and new projects to build a community. If you could build that community and relate directly to them, then you didn’t need to worry so much about radio or media. You had an audience, there ready and waiting for your next show or release. It was exciting again!
Here was the second rule — Find your community. This community also means those around you walking the same path. Other independent artists. Creative shoulders to cry on. People who understand how hard you have to work if you want to be an artist creating within your means. If you try to do it alone at home in your bedroom, uploading songs to Soundcloud and waiting to be discovered, you won’t last. Music is about playing with people to people. That much will never change.
During this time another quite incredible thing started to happen. Something I had never seen before. An Australian woman became famous around the world for her songwriting. Not her dance moves, or extensive wardrobe, but for writing great songs. She also happened to be the woman I was in love with.
This was where my own personal nightmare began. For the first two years of her career I grappled with my own feelings of failure. Stupidly I used her success as a marker for my own musical worth. I lost confidence. I played some of my worst shows. I questioned whether it was even worth continuing. Her career was what success looked like. Who was I trying to fool? Every great review from Pitchfork or public nod from Paul Kelly felt like a slap in the face. I was filled with envy and the worst thing was that this was my partner, the woman I should be celebrating and supporting.
And then one day I got over it. I did the work to address my envy and I grew up. I saw what a marvelous opportunity it was. How it shone a light on the community of artists on Milk! Records, that due to this, a younger generation of music fans started coming to my shows, opportunities for women in Australian music started opening up overseas, that more and more girls started to pick up the guitar because they could see a trail was being blazed. Without even realising it, Courtney Barnett opened the door for artists like Tash Sultana to walk through, and there will be more and more and more to come. This is just the beginning. There has never been a better time to be a woman in independent music.
The wave of ‘female singer-songwriters’ that was heralded by Missy Higgins’ Sound Of White will be remembered in Australian history books, because up-and-coming writers like Holly Pereira (also a keynote speaker at One Of One’s event) will write those history books. Romy Hoffman, Celeste Potter, Laura Jean, Mia Dyson, Sarah Blasko, Evelyn Morris, Liz Stringer, Adalita, Abbe May, Sia Furler, Jess Cornelius, Sally Seltmann, Holly Throsby — these women and many, many more — started the wave ten years ago that has now become a Tsunami. Women in Australian music can no longer be erased from history books.
So what more needs to happen? Women educating themselves around the business of music, learning how to manage their own careers and become sustainable in their practice. Women speaking up in music, props to Thelma Plum, Camp Cope and Bec Sandridge for calling out predatory and abusive behavior. And when they do face up to racist, sexist, homophobic bullies, knowing there is a supportive community of sisters there to hold a space for them. We have to continue building our community of women artists. To start in our own hearts. To not be threatened or envious of each other’s success but to celebrate wholeheartedly everyone’s contribution to our Australian story.
1 March 2017, CBS Ed Sullivan Theatre, New York, USA
I am Stephen Colbert and we are live from the Ed Sullivan Theatre. Right after Donald Trump's address to Congress. Now technically this was not a State of the Union, because I think in this timeline, the Confederacy won.
I've never seen this movie before, but I think that's how this one ends.
We've got to get back to the interdimensional portals as quickly as we can.
There was a lot of anticipation tonight - it's a huge evening for the President and for everybody in Washington, and the nation.
Before it even began, CNN trolled the nation with the caption, 'Trump Leaves White House Soon'.
'DON'T TEASE! Not cool CNN! Not cool!
What's next, covering the President descending a staircase with the caption 'Trump Steps Down'.
And as he was leaving the Whtie House, cameras caught President Trump as he was apparently rehearsing his lines in the back of the limo.
Now obviously, CNN's powerful microphones picked up what he was saying.
'AH, I'll have the clams casino,. and the side of steak' And the lady will have a coke no ice, and I will have her steak'.
CNN. Powerful microphones.
Of course it's a really big night, and some in Congress dressed for the occasion. The female members of the House Demorcratic Caucus all wore white, in honour of women's suffrage.
While the Republicans were white, in honour of who elected them.
You gotta give back.
You gotta give back. You gotta dance with the girl that brung ya.
Then, at long last, the big moment came.
Any chance there is a mistake and 'Moonlight' is the President?
And there he was, at long last, the moment we'd been waiting for. He was there in the chamber, being President and all. Trump entered the room and did the traditional handshakes with everybody, so many handshakes, such little hands.
When he took to the podium to deliver the speech, as usual, behind the President were the Vice President, Mike Pence, and the Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who immediately showed their commitment to fiscal responsibility by purchasing a buy one get one free suit and tie combo.
I mean men wearing a blue suit with a blue tie, that's ridiculous. [adjusts own blue tie]
Now the theme of the speech was ‘renewal of the American spirit,’ which, I’ve got to say, really just sounds like a Chinese bootleg of ‘Make America Great Again,’ And to begin the evening, Trump spoke in uplifting terms.”
Trump: Each American generation passes the torch of truth, liberty and justice — in an unbroken chain all the way down to the present.
Colbert: Then he extinguished that torch with a coconut and asked the Democrats to leave the island.
Trump on curtailing government: We have begun the commitment to ending government corruption by imposing a five year ban on lobbying by executive branch officials. And a lifetime ban on becoming lobbyists for a foreign government.
Colbert: Adding, obviously, yours truly excepted. I got your back Vlad. I got your back.
Trump on plans for small government: We have undertaken a historic effort to massively reduce job crushing regulations, creating a deregulation taskforce inside of every government agency.
Colbert: Yes, a new taskforce, in every government agency. We're going to reduce government, by adding people to the government. It's like how the key to not getting hung over is to never stop drinking.
Trump: We have withdrawn theUnited States from the job killing Trans Pacific Partnership
Colbert: Yes, the Trans Pacific Partnership is just one of the trans this administration is withdrawing it's support from.
Trump on his Executive Orders: We have placed a hiring freeze on non military and non essential federal workers.
Colbert: Non essential Federal workers? So Kellyanne Conway is out?
Trump on his immigration plan: Bad ones are going out as I speak tonight and as I have promised.
Colbert: “Bad ones out, good ones in'. This nuanced policy comes from Trump’s immigration director, Secretary Incredible Hulk. bad. Hulk. Smash.
Trump on his standards for immigrants: “It is a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially.”
Colbert: Just like the Statue of Liberty says, 'Give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor they can’t afford a two-bedroom apartment and, like, a Mitsubishi. We got standards.
Trump on terrorism: We have seen the attacks in France, in Belgium, in Germany and all over the world.
Colbert: And just because we haven’t seen the attacks in Sweden doesn’t mean they did not happen, all right? Invisible terrorists are everywhere.
Trump on the future: Tonight, as I outline the next steps we must take as a country, we must honestly acknowledge the circumstances we inherited.
Colbert: Honestly, I don’t know what we inherited; you inherited, like, $100 million dollars. Let’s be honest.
Trump on what to do next: So to accomplish our goals, we must restart the engine of the American economy.
Colbert: And in the spirit of bipartisanship, Trump then allowed Nancy Polosi to restart that engine.
[video GODFATHER SCENE, CAR BLOWS UP ON IGNITION]
Trump on government spending: With this $6 trillion we could have rebuilt our country — twice. And maybe even three times if we had people who had the ability to negotiate.
Colbert: Maybe even rebuild it 10 times if we had people who refused to pay their contractors.
...
Trump: Tonight, I am also calling on this Congress to repeal and replace Obamacare … [applause].
Colbert: I’ve got to say, that must have been hard on Trump: People got so excited just hearing Obama’s name.
Trump: Everything that is broken in our country can be fixed. Every problem can be solved.”
Colbert: Well, there’s one problem we can’t solve for four years, but, other than that, I agree with you.
And this surprised me. This next thing I did not expect at all. Trump came out as pro-choice when it comes to schools.
Trump: These families should be free to choose the public, private, charter, magnet, religious or home school that is right for them.
Colbert: Wait, you can choose a different home school? Then I choose your home — it seems really nice. Do I bring the kids over? Who teaches them? Maybe Eric teaches them.
Trump on law and order: And we must support the victims of crime.
Colbert: Unless they are plaintiffs against me. Those women are lying.
Of course, his goal is to make America great again, and for everybody wondering, the time Trump thinks America was 'great', well he gave his answer, the 1886 World's Fair.
Trump: Alexander Graham Bell displayed his telephone for the first time, Remington unveiled the first typewriter, an early attempt was made at electric light. Thomas Edison showed an automatic telegraph, and an electric pen. Imagine the wonders our country could know in America's 250th year.
Colbert: Who knows, maybe a cordless pen? That's not fair. When Trump says electric pen, he means where he plans to keep the immigrants.
Then he laid out a vision for the future
Trump: The time for trivial fights is behind us.
Colbert: Adding just one more thing: Suck it, Nordstrom.
So, as we come to end of tonight’s address to Congress, I think we can all agree on one thing — one down, seven to go.
27 October 2016, Readings Kids, Carlton, Melbourne, Australia
Kristen Hilton, far right, is a Commissioner at the Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commission
Acknowledge traditional owners of the land
Because this is a time slip novel I am going to go back about 20 years when Kim and I crossed paths in the ‘Tower of Babylon’ also known as the John Medley building at Melbourne University studying German. A few years later we ended up at the same law firm – not the spiritual heartland for either of us as it turned out and some years later found ourselves sitting side by side at the Professional Writing Course at RMIT. It was during that course, maybe a decade ago that I first heard the voices of Gert and Madeline and it is cause for celebration that those words and ideas now find themselves in this beautiful book, in this lovely new shop (Readings Kids) and I hope, in the future, on school syllabuses.
Because the story is not just a one of imagination, rich character development and intrigue - it tells, in part the story of the development and maturation of our country. As the golden, serious and disappointingly sleazy Master Williamson drafts the laws of the federation, his sister leads the suffragist movement from a clandestine printing press set in Drummond Street not far from here. I wondered as I read of the volatile relationship between these siblings how our country might be different today if Master Williamson has listened more closely to his sister – if the women were at the drafting table instead of holding séances.
The book also points to the other critical civil rights movement which took place around the time, as Percy returns to Corranderk, a thriving Aboriginal enterprise and place of activism. When I go to talk to students about the history of social justice movements and human rights many of them refer to Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parkes – this is right and true, but what goes shamefully undervalued is the strong Aboriginal rights activists who have positively shaped our national narrative – people like Peter Coppin, Margaret Tucker, William Cooper – there is enough defiance and spirit in Percy to imagine that he might have belonged to this kin.
In addition to When the Lyrebirds Calls I read another lovely piece of literature this week. It was by a little known writer, Tom Schroeder. He sent me a letter – compelling and brief. In it he wrote:
“Dear Commissioner, it is unfair that women don’t have the same rights as men. If they have the exact same job, they should have the exact same rights. For example, did you know that women don’t get the same payments as men in some jobs. Here is a fact: women were not allowed to vote until 1908. Isn’t that crazy?
Men and women should be treated the same and fairly.’
Yours sincerely
Tom – Grade 2, Wembley Primary School.'
This letter resonated with me for lots of reasons. It is a letter of which Aunt Hen would have been proud, unlikely for her to imagine maybe that it was written by a young boy, and like many of Madeline’s sharp observations, it reminds us that while much has changed - the unbinding of corsets, celebration of the physical prowess of women, greater understanding of gender equity - our progress is not linear and not complete. At one point Nanny scolds Madeline telling her that ‘forthrightness is terribly unappealing in the female sex.’ Today, even in our national discourse, strong women with ideas and assertion are described as ‘shrill.’ Nanny’s hard line did not die with her. If you a woman in this country you are four times more likely to be subject to violence, you are more likely to be poor, you are likely to be discriminated against and the picture is even bleaker if you are a woman of color.
I also used the letter to goad my own grade 2 boy into doing his homework. I read it to him and he said “He is lying Mum.”
I said, “What do you mean? I have been talking to you about the gender pay gap all year.”
“No,” he said. “There is no way that kid is only in Grade 2.”
But back to this author – when my 5 year old daughter finishes reading Ginger Green I will give her this book. This novel that is delicate in its detail and strong in its message. This novel within which you find characters across centuries of spirit, humour and passion – this book that is about ideas, loyalties and friendship – the collision of cultures and times. A work of lovely literature but also a girls’ handbook for activism.
Kim will tell you this book took 10 years to write and much has changed in her life in ten years and then again, maybe as Madeline reflects, not so much after all, because here we are a stone’s throw from Melbourne Uni, the RMIT writing class just around the corner, hanging out in Readings talking books.
It is a pleasure to commend your book Kim.
27 October 2016, Readings Kids, Carlton, Melbourne, Australia
Sofie Laguna is an award winning author for children and adults. She won the 2016 Miles Franklin Award for 'The Eye of the Sheep'.
First of all, Kim I want to say how beautiful the book looks and feels. Lovely sepia tones and like the story it takes me back to another time. I love the lyrebird in the centre, as you must, as the books central image – a keeper of the past, a symbol from the natural world, an enchanting, elusive and clever bird.
Like somebody else I know.
That was cheeky. I promised myself I would focus entirely on Kim’s book and not tell stories of how I first met Kim and things like that because its not a wedding it’s a launch. I do want to say that when I first met Kim it was through Tony Wilson and it was all about books and writing and it was another launch and Kim was wearing long striped socks – and I was impressed. With heels mind you! That was years ago and I have been impressed many times since then, and not more than I am impressed by this latest addition to her ever-growing body of work for children.
Kim this book, ‘When the Lyrebird Calls’, is wonderful.
I think a book is a kind of transaction between writer and reader. The writer plays her part in the transaction first; she travels with her character, establishing a world, developing relationships, suffering the pain of change alongside her characters. It is the writer who does the imagining first, she must pioneer the territory, chart the waters. Then it’s the reader’s turn, to imagine and travel and experience change and if the writer does her job well, imagines fully enough, goes to the places that the story requires with authenticity, with heart, and with skill, then the transaction is enriching and meaningful and the reader is expanded by it. That’s what happened to me when I read When the Lyrebird Calls; I travelled with the novel’s gutsy heroine, Madeleine, back through time, and I experienced what life was like in a very vivid and sensual way. And I felt expanded by it. This happened to me, because of Kim’s writing.
Kim describes pale yellow dresses as hayseed light, fish swim in a braid of silver, their scales shiny as coins and a lake is as muddy as caramel. Kim draws my attention to these ordinary things – dresses and fish and lakes – so that I consider them in unexpected ways. I see the world through a new lens. She draws my attention to them with elegance, and originality. The strength is in the detail, and Kim’s details are beautiful and they give life to the writing and the story. And they seem effortless, they are cleanly drawn, without a line out of place. Kim uses language, relishes language, its musicality and its playfulness and its possibilities, and that’s what I responded to in ‘When the Lyrebird Calls’.
But it wasn’t only the language, nor was it the playful and compelling young voice of its narrator. Kim’s book made me think. It’s good when a book does that, isn’t it? We take it for granted, but the artist suffers for her story, works the words to within an inch of their lives (and her own!) and because of this work, all this powerful imagining, the reader is given a new awareness. The reader thinks, and asks questions.
I think I have gotten away with taking a great deal for granted, so many years caught up in imaginary worlds, with made up characters – I had the right to vote so what did the past mean to me? When the Lyrebird calls didn’t let me get away with it. It made me think about being a girl, about education, about girls in sport, the media, and body image. It made me ask why is it like this? How has it changed? Why must it take so long? What is it like to be a girl now? What made it happen this way in the first place, why this inequality? This unfair representation? And it made me ask is there some way I can hurry up the change? How can I contribute to something more positive? It’s good when a book can do all this, don’t you think? It’s magic.
All this sounds serious, and it’s true that the questions are serious, but Kim’ writing is funny. Warm and funny. Madeleine’s grandmother watches renovating programs on telly and rushes out to stock up on tools, and Madeleine can’t stay at her best friend, Nandi’s house, because Nandi Mum just had a make-up baby with Nandi’s dad so the timing isn‘t right. And she couldn’t stay with her dad because he is on a cycling trip and nothing ever gets between dad and a bike except his bike pants. Humour, clever comical moments are everywhere in the story and I appreciated every one of them.
Humour brings the story to life, endears me to its characters and their struggles. When there is humour, there is life. It helps me to tackle the story’s more serious questions, it gives the story its humanity. Because life, and human beings attempting to live it, is funny.
Kim, your book, just as you describe the Lyrebird itself, is a keeper of history. Congratulations to you, I am thrilled for you, and I can’t wait for the world to read it.
It is now my great pleasure to declare this book launched.
To purchase 'When the Lyrebird Calls' click here
Kristen Hilton's launch speech
2 April 2007, California, USA
At moments like this I would like to quote my good friend Carl Reiner, who has often said to me: “You don’t give awards to comedians”. First of all, comedians don’t need awards, awards are for people that are looking for work, we’re not looking for work. If you’re any good as a comedian, you’ve got tons of work. We’ve all got wrinkled suits and smelly shirts from packing and unpacking and schlepping all over the goddamn country doing 10 million different kinds of gigs.
And secondly and even more important is your whole career as a comedian is about making fun of pretentious, high minded, self-congratulatory B.S. events like this one. The whole feeling in this room of reverence and honoring is the exact opposite of everything I have wanted my life to be about. I – I – I really don’t want to be up here. I want to be in the back over there – somewhere over there saying something funny to somebody about what a crook this whole thing is.
And I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I don’t want you to think that I’m not honored by this, because I’m, I feel very, very honored, and it’s – but it’s just that awards are stupid. Every real estate office has some framed, five-diamond president’s award thing by the desk, every hotel check-in has some gold circle service thing; every car salesman is a platinum jubilee winner. It’s all a big jerk off. It is, the hotel sucks, the real estate person is stupid, and the only thing the car salesman is good at is ripping you off.
And why? Because awards don’t mean a goddamn thing. It’s stupid, they’re all stupid. All of the award shows on TV. Honestly, it’s beyond me that we feel the need to set aside a night to give out these jaggoff bowling trophies six times a year, so all these people can pat each other on the back about how much money they’re making; boring the piss out of half the world. And if I hadn’t already won all these awards, I would not be talking like this.
(applause)
The truth is that the comedians should be the only one getting awards. We’re the only ones that have to actually think of something original and funny, and interesting to say, you know, how hard that is? Do you know how hard it was just to write what I’m saying to you right now? It was hard, this took a long time, but we can do it, we can do it.
(applause)
I’m just you know, sick of all these actors and you know, I don’t know why we’re so fascinated with actors in this culture. They haven’t got a thought in their stupid bed-head hairdo mini brains. Why are – we must honor this man, why? He pretended to be Bob Johnson. He is a genius, I tell you, it’s genius what he is doing, playing dress up and pretend is not genius ladies and gentleman, it’s not genius.
Roll the cameras, put on these clothes, stand there ready? Say what we told you to say! Fantastic, he did it! Give this man a huge golden trophy, he is a goddamn genius, walking down the red carpet in these ridiculous outfits like they are senators from Krypton, it’s just so stupid, but what can I do, I have to thank HBO, I have to.
All comedians, every, these three guys and me, oh, HBO, we owe them, that’s why they are here. You think these guys want to do this, they don’t want to do this, they owe. They gave me a one-hour HBO special, they were the first people that ever thought I should be on TV for more than six minutes. And I was introduced on that show by Carl Reiner.
And I don’t, you know, so that’s it, what can you say about it. And I’m very proud of this and it’s a thrill, I hope they do it again next year, this could be it, I don’t know. But this is a great, important, incredibly, you know, sweet thing and meaningful thing in my life. Thank you very much HBO and thank you all for coming.
12 February 2017, Staples Centre, Los Angeles, USA
This story it starts in Colombus Ohio, and it was a few years ago, and it was before josh and I were able to make money playing music, and I called him up, and I said, ‘hey Josh do you want to come over to my rental house and watch the Grammys’, and he said ‘yeah, who’s hanging there?’ and I said ‘It’s a couple of my roommates, just come and watch the Grammys with us.’
As we were watching we noticed that every single one of us was in our underwear.
And seriously, Josh turned to me, we were no one at the time, he turned to me and said, ‘you know if we ever go to the Grammys, if we ever win a Grammy, we should receive it just like this.’
So not only this amazing, but I want everyone who’s watching at home to know, that you could be next. So watch out, okay?
Because anyone, from anywhere, can do anything.
And this is that.
full transcript
11 February 2017, Pasadena, California, 2017
[Winner, Most Outstanding Actor in a Motion Picture]
Thanks writers of Fences
Without commitment, you’ll never start, but more importantly, without consistency, you’ll never finish. It’s not easy. If it were easy there’d be no Kerry Washington. If it were easy there’d be no Taraji Henson, (corrects himself) P Henson, it it were easy there’d be no Octavia Spencer. But Not only that, if it were easy there’d be no Viola Davis. If it were easy there’d be no Mykelti Williamson, no Stephen McKinley Henderson, no Russell Hornsby, if it were easy there’d be no Denzel Washington.
So, keep working, keep striving, never give up, fall down seven times, get up eight.
Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.
Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.
So keep moving, keep growing, keep learning.
See you at work.
Related content: Denzel Washington, UPenn Commencement, 'Fall forward', 2011
"Dress me up in army fatigues. Throw me on top of a moving train. Ask me to play Malcolm X, Rubin Hurricane Carter, Alonzo from Training Day: I can do all that.
But a commencement speech? It’s a very serious affair. Different ballgame. There’s literally thousands and thousands of people here."
8 June 2010, Hollywood, California, USA
This is a very emotional night for me because 10, 20, 30 years ago tonight I bought this dress ... I bought it for Mike's first lifetime achievement award
And at the time, he promised me that from then on he'd only do mediocre work so I wouldn't be inconvenienced again, and then year after year after year after year, he consistently broke his word.
So here I am tonight. And I think tonight, my speech for Mike will have a Yiddish theme.
Because as # said, not only is Mike a wonderful producer, a remarkable actor, a brilliant director, he's also, really Albert Einstein's cousin. It is true!
It really is. There's a show on PBS, that's hosted by - I can barely read my hand - Robert Gates Jnr - I have always suspected this, because years ago, I was leafing through a Gutenberg Bible that Mike keeps on his coffee table,
And I found a letter, one page of a letter, it was a letter obviously written by Eisntein. I don't know to whom it was written because it was the second page.
I took that letter, thinking it was one of those little things that mike would never miss, I have that letter with me tonight. I'm going to read it.
[reaches into bra]
I just don't want to take out the wrong thing.
It's the second page.
[reading]
"Agitated, I moved away from the dinner party, and wandered into the kitchen, where Little Igor [Mike Nichols birth name was Mikhail Igor Peschkowsky] was finishing his mashed potatoes with peas. He ate the peas one at a time. On impulse I said to him, how can I explain to dinner guests that relative time equals distance over speed, without sounding pedantic? '
Little Igor paused over his pea. He said, 'a mother is forced to send her little boy away. Sitting on the train the boy is grief stricken. Suddenly he looks through the window and sees that there is another train standing still on the track beside his. And a little girl is looking at him through the window and smiling. For a moment the boy’s grief fades and he smiles and then we pull back [gestures camera move] and we see the heatbroken mother watching the two trains, which are actually racing away, but to the children smiiling at each other, through the window, the train seems to be standing still, because they are both travelling in the same direction, at the same speed.
And here Einstein writes: ‘It was at that moment I gave up my dream of being a director, and decided to stay with physics.'
And the last line:
"I said to the boy, I had no idea where you were going with that story', and that's as far as this letter goes.
I knew immediately that Little Igor was Mike, because I knew his name was Igor, and that's the way he still eats peas. But I never know where Mike's story is going either. I watch his movies, and I have no idea where they are going to go, and then when they get there I think, well, yeah, of course.
I watched The Graduate kill himself over this girl, and then he's with the mother, and then he tears her away from this guy when they're at her own wedding, and then when they're on the bus and he's won, he has nothing to say to her.
And you think, oh yeah, of course.
If you kept the camera on after the prince put the glass slipper on Cinderella's foot, what would he say to her? He'd say, ‘nice shoes’.
You don't know where Carnal Knowledge is going because there are no cliches. you can go crazy, your mind can't drift, you can't get popcorn, you don't know what's going to happen. And Working Girl Away, you do know what 's going to happen, because Melanie Griffith is going to get Harrison Ford and she's beautiful and he's handsome and they’re both in business. They have something to talk about on the bus, because, they're in the markets.
They're probably one of the corporations that are funding this evening.
These scripts are all written by terrific writers, but if you're a writer, you really want Mike to direct your screenplay. Because you know that every shot and every costume and every piece of furniture and every shoe, and everything you see is going to tell your story. And never give it away.
I have to go back to my Jewish theme now, because I don't want to not be thematic. And here it is:
Albert Einstein was a very sad man when he died, because he never achieved a combined field theory and that’s gotta be depressing. In whatever dimension he may be in, if he’s watching tonight, I think he’d be immensely cheered up to discover he’s Mike Nichols’ cousin.
8 January 2017, Los Angeles, California, USA
Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you. Please sit down. Please sit down. Thank you. I love you all. You'll have to forgive me. I've lost my voice in screaming and lamentation this weekend. And I have lost my mind sometime earlier this year. So I have to read.
Thank you, Hollywood foreign press. Just to pick up on what Hugh Laurie said. You and all of us in this room, really, belong to the most vilified segments in American society right now. Think about it. Hollywood, foreigners, and the press. But who are we? And, you know, what is Hollywood anyway? It's just a bunch of people from other places.
I was born and raised and created in the public schools of New Jersey. Viola [Davis] was born in a sharecropper's cabin in South Carolina, and grew up in Central falls, Long Island. Sarah Paulson was raised by a single mom in Brooklyn. Sarah Jessica Parker was one of seven or eight kids from Ohio. Amy Adams was born in Italy. Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem. Where are their birth certificates? And the beautiful Ruth Negga was born in Ethiopia, raised in -- no, in Ireland, I do believe. And she's here nominated for playing a small town girl from Virginia. Ryan Gosling, like all the nicest people, is Canadian. And Dev Patel was born in Kenya, raised in London, is here for playing an Indian raised in Tasmania.
Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners. If you kick 'em all out, you'll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts. They gave me three seconds to say this. An actor's only job is to enter the lives of people who are different from us and let you feel what that feels like. And there were many, many, many powerful performances this year that did exactly that, breathtaking, passionate work.
There was one performance this year that stunned me. It sank its hooks in my heart. Not because it was good. There was nothing good about it. But it was effective and it did its job. It made its intended audience laugh and show their teeth. It was that moment when the person asking to sit in the most respected seat in our country imitated a disabled reporter, someone he outranked in privilege, power, and the capacity to fight back. It kind of broke my heart when I saw it. I still can't get it out of my head because it wasn't in a movie. It was real life.
And this instinct to humiliate, when it's modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody's life, because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose.
This brings me to the press. We need the principled press to hold power to account, to call them on the carpet for every outrage.That's why our founders enshrined the press and its freedoms in our constitution. So I only ask the famously well-heeled Hollywood Foreign Press and all of us in our community to join me in supporting the committee to protect journalists. Because we're going to need them going forward. And they'll need us to safeguard the truth.
One more thing. Once when I was standing around on the set one day whining about something, we were going to work through supper, or the long hours or whatever, Tommy Lee Jones said to me, isn't it such a privilege, Meryl, just to be an actor. Yeah, it is. And we have to remind each other of the privilege and the responsibility of the act of empathy. We should all be very proud of the work Hollywood honors here tonight.
As my friend, the dear departed Princess Leia, said to me once, take your broken heart, make it into art. Thank you.
29 O)ctober 2005, AFI Liftetime Achievement Awards, California, USA
Hi, I'm Mrs. Han Solo, and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm an alcoholic because George Lucas ruined my life.
I mean that in the nicest possible way. Fifty-seven years ago, I did his little 'Star Wars' film, a cult film that then went on to redefine what they laughingly refer to as "the face of cinema." And now, sixty-five years later, people are still asking me if I knew it was going to be that big of a hit.
Yes, I knew. We all knew.
The only one who didn't know was George.
We kept it from him, because we wanted to see what his faced looked like when it changed expression.
George is a sadist. But, like any abused child wearing a metal bikini chained to a giant slug about to die, I keep coming back for more.
Only a man like George could bring us whole new worlds populated by vivid extraordinary characters, and providing Mark and Harrison and myself with enough fan mail, and even a small merry band of stalkers -- it's lovely -– keeping us entertained for the rest of our unnatural lives.
George, the fact that you made me into a little doll that my first husband could stick pins into ... a shampoo bottle where people could twist my head off and pour liquid out of my neck – "lather up with Leia and you'll feel like a princess yourself!" ... and yes, the little Pez dispensers so my daughter Billie could pull my head back and pull the wafer out of my neck every time she doesn't want to do her homework ... I suppose I don't mind.
And though amongst your many possessions you have owned my likeness lo these many years, so that every time I look in the mirror I have to send you a check for a couple of bucks.
Not to mention you had the unmitigated gall to let that chick – the new girl, who plays my mother, Queen Armadillo, or whatever her name is? – she wears a new hairstyle and outfit practically every time she walks through a door!
I mean, I bet she even got to wear a bra, even though you told me I couldn't, "because there was no underwear in space!" I'm only slightly bitter, because you, my formerly silent friend, are an extraordinary talent, and let's face it, an artist -- the like of which is seen perhaps once in a generation, who helps define that generation -- and who deserves every award I now spend the latter half of my Leia-laden life helping to hurl your way!
And in conclusion, your honor, I hope I slept with you to get the job, because if not, who the Hell was that guy?!?"
23 December 2011, Austria
10 December 2016, Los Angeles, California, USA
First of all I want to say thanks to Labyrith, that was an amazing performance.
Can I put this down. Seriously? It’s better this way.
Madonna accepts, adjusting microphone stand between her legs.
It’s better this way. I always feel better with something hard between my legs.
[Crowd laughs.]
Thank you for acknowledging my ability to continue my career for 34 years in the face of blatant misogyny, sexism, constant bullying and relentless abuse.
When I started there was no internet, so people had to say it to my face. There were very people I had to ‘clap back at’, because life was simpler then.
When I first moved to New York, I was a teenager. It was 1979 and New York was a very scary place.
In the first year I was held at gunpoint, raped on a rooftop with a knife digging into my throat. And I had my apartment broken into and robbed so many times I just stopped locking the door. In the years to follow, I lost almost every friend I had to AIDS or drugs or gunshot.
As you can imagine, all these unexpected events not only helped me become the daring woman that stands before you, but it also reminded me that I am vulnerable. And in life, there is no real safety except self belief. And an understanding that I am not the owner of my talents. I am not the owner of anything. Everything I have is a gift from God. And even the totally fucked up things that happened to me, that still happen to me, are also gifts. To teach me lessons and make me stronger.
I’m receiving an award for being woman of the year, so I ask myself what can I say about being a woman in the music business, what can I say about being a woman? When I first started writing songs I didn’t think in a gender specific way, I didn’t think about feminism, I just wanted to be an artist.
I was of course inspired by Debbie Harry and Chrissie Hynde and Aretha Franklin, but my real muse was David Bowie. He embodied male and female spirit and that suited me just fine. He made me think there were no rules. But I was wrong.
There are no rules — if you’re a boy. If you’re a girl, you have to play the game. What is that game? You are allowed to be pretty and cute and sexy. But don’t act too smart. Don’t have an opinion. Don’t have an opinion that is out of line with the status quo, at least. You are allowed to be objectified by men and dress like a slut, but don’t own your sluttiness. And do not, I repeat, do not, share your own sexual fantasies with the world.
Be what men want you to be. But more importantly, be what women feel comfortable with you being, around other men. And finally, do not age. Because to age is a sin. You will be criticized, you will be vilified, and you will definitely not be played on the radio.
When I first became famous, there were nude photos of me in Playboy and Penthouse magazine. Photos that were taken from art schools that I posed for back in the day to make money. They weren’t very sexy. In fact I looked quite bored. I was. But I was expected to feel ashamed when these photos came out, and I was not, and this puzzled people.
Eventually I was left alone because I married Sean Penn, and not only would he would bust a cap in your ass, but I was taken off the market. So for a while I was not considered a threat. Years later, divorced and single — sorry Sean — I made my Erotica album and my Sex book was released. I remember being the headline of every newspaper and magazine. And everything I read about myself was damning. I was called a whore and a witch. One headline compared me to Satan. I said, ‘Wait a minute, isn’t Prince running around with fishnets and high heels and lipstick with his butt hanging out?’ Yes, he was. But he was a man.
This was the first time I truly understood women really did not have the same freedom as men.
I remember feeling paralysed. It took me a while to pull myself together and get on with my creative life — to get on with my life. I took comfort in the poetry of Maya Angelou, and the writings of James Baldwin, and in the music of Nina Simone. I remember wishing I had a female peer that I could look to for support. Camille Paglia, the famous feminist writer, said that I set women back by objectifying myself sexually. So I thought, ‘oh, if you’re a feminist, you don’t have sexuality, you deny it.’ So I said ‘fuck it. I’m a different kind of feminist. I’m a bad feminist.’
People say that I’m so controversial. But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.
[Crowd applause]
What I would like to say to all women here today is this: Women have been so oppressed for so long they believe what men have to say about them. And they believe they have to back a man to get the job done. And there are some very good men worth backing, but not because they’re men — but because they’re worthy.
As women, we have to start appreciating our own worth, and each other’s worth. Seek out strong women to befriend, to align yourself with, to learn from, to be inspired by, to collaborate with, to support, and be enlightened by.
As I said before, It’s not so much about receiving this award as it is having this opportunity to stand before you and really say thank you a s a woman, as an artist, as a human. Not only to the people who have loved and supported me along the way, so many of you are sitting in front of me right now, you have no idea…you have no idea how much your support means.
But to the doubters, the naysayers, to everyone who gave me hell and said I could not, that I would not, that I must not — your resistance made me stronger, made me push harder, made me the fighter that I am today. Made me the woman I am today.
So thank you.
10 December 2016, Stockholm, Sweden
Dylan did not attend ceremony. His banquet speech was read by Azita Raji
Good evening, everyone. I extend my warmest greetings to the members of the Swedish Academy and to all of the other distinguished guests in attendance tonight.
I'm sorry I can't be with you in person, but please know that I am most definitely with you in spirit and honored to be receiving such a prestigious prize. Being awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature is something I never could have imagined or seen coming. From an early age, I've been familiar with and reading and absorbing the works of those who were deemed worthy of such a distinction: Kipling, Shaw, Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck, Albert Camus, Hemingway. These giants of literature whose works are taught in the schoolroom, housed in libraries around the world and spoken of in reverent tones have always made a deep impression. That I now join the names on such a list is truly beyond words.
I don't know if these men and women ever thought of the Nobel honor for themselves, but I suppose that anyone writing a book, or a poem, or a play anywhere in the world might harbor that secret dream deep down inside. It's probably buried so deep that they don't even know it's there.
If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon. In fact, during the year I was born and for a few years after, there wasn't anyone in the world who was considered good enough to win this Nobel Prize. So, I recognize that I am in very rare company, to say the least.
I was out on the road when I received this surprising news, and it took me more than a few minutes to properly process it. I began to think about William Shakespeare, the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing literature couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing Hamlet, I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this literature?"
When I started writing songs as a teenager, and even as I started to achieve some renown for my abilities, my aspirations for these songs only went so far. I thought they could be heard in coffee houses or bars, maybe later in places like Carnegie Hall, the London Palladium. If I was really dreaming big, maybe I could imagine getting to make a record and then hearing my songs on the radio. That was really the big prize in my mind. Making records and hearing your songs on the radio meant that you were reaching a big audience and that you might get to keep doing what you had set out to do.
Well, I've been doing what I set out to do for a long time, now. I've made dozens of records and played thousands of concerts all around the world. But it's my songs that are at the vital center of almost everything I do. They seemed to have found a place in the lives of many people throughout many different cultures and I'm grateful for that.
But there's one thing I must say. As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried. The fact that the Nobel committee is so small is not lost on me.
But, like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years.
Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs literature?"
So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
My best wishes to you all,
Bob Dylan
coptright Nobel Foundation 2016
19 November 2016, Broadway, New York City, New York, USA
Thank you so much for joining us tonight. You know, we had a guest in the audience this evening. And Vice President-elect Pence, I see you're walking out but I hope you will hear us just a few more moments. There's nothing to boo here ladies and gentlemen. There's nothing to boo here, we're all here sharing a story of love.
We have a message for you, sir. We hope that you will hear us out. And I encourage everybody to pull out your phones and tweet and post because this message needs to be spread far and wide, OK?
Vice President-elect Pence, we welcome you and we truly thank you for joining us here at Hamilton: An American Musical, we really do. We, sir, we are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us — our planet, our children, our parents — or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights, sir. But we truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us. All of us.
Again, we truly thank you for sharing this show. This wonderful American story told by a diverse group of men [and] women of different colors, creeds, and orientations.
