For Emma and Mark: 'Mark is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double", by Alan Cooper - 2013

15 November 2013, Adelaide, Australia

Hello.

As father of the bride on behalf of the Emma’s mother, Jan, the groom Mark’s mother, Jeanette and her husband, Rob and the grooms father, Mark, I extend a warm welcome to all the relatives and friends who have joined us to celebrate this occasion.

I know that many of you have travelled long distances to be here. Thank you all for coming to help celebrate this very special day. Although it evokes a touch of sadness, I cannot let this moment pass without mentioning those loved ones who cannot be with us. Special mention should be made of Mark’s grandmother who died earlier this week. How they all would have loved to be part of today's celebration. Wherever they are, I'm sure our absent friends and family will be looking down on us and are very pleased and happy for Emma and Mark Please be upstanding and raise your glasses in a toast ……….to absent friends and family……

Today, I look at my daughter and I see an intelligent, independent, attractive, elegant, stunning young woman…. she obviously takes after her mother. The child that was a non stop chatterbox has grown into a beautiful, sensitive and caring woman.

Whilst preparing this speech I reflected on Emma’s childhood. From the day of her birth with her doting brother and sister Marcus and Sarah so keen to see their new sister that Marcus ran onto Anzac Highway and got hit by a passing car, resulting in a broken leg and about 6 weeks in ½ body plaster cast. It was a hell of a start.

Walking and holding intelligent conversations at 10 months of age, Emma has been in a hurry all her life.

Except for getting to school on time.

The 500 metre walk to OLSH school was always left to last minute resulting in Emma’s home group teachers total frustration.

When in Yr 9 walking home from school one afternoon, Emma clicked into her other love - her love of animals. In the bushes next to the intersection of Main North Rd and Regency Rd, she came upon a small black bundle of fur covered in vomit and blood. Today, about 14 years later, Henry’s old and deaf but still enthusiastically greets visitors into the yard today.

At 16 with a drivers licence in her hand, my car was no longer mine. I astounded me how often Emma needed to drive to school. At least it was more difficult to find stray animals.

I am really fortunate that my Emma has met her Mr. Right. Of course, marriage isn’t just about finding the perfect partner, but also about being one. Emma has made such a success of her life and career so far, that I’m sure her marriage to Mark will be just as successful. I must admit that I am the proudest dad in the world to have accompanied Emma today. I think that you will all agree that she looked stunning. Every Dad hopes his daughter will find a reliable, sensible, and considerate partner and as much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope your children will make the right choices in life. Emma chose Mark.

Mark, we are delighted to welcome you into our family. Any man who is prepared to gut his house…. literally, …and then proceed to rebuild it personally with new timber floors… polished, new ceilings…painted, new kitchen..fitted etc.. only months before his wedding has demonstrated his commitment. or does he just need to be committed. Has the paint dried yet Mark?

Even so, when you see how stunning Emma looks today, it proves one thing I’ve come to know about Mark– he is clearly a man of vision … occasionally blurred, sometimes double, but nonetheless a man of vision who’s been lucky enough to find my daughter. Plus when I saw he had a passion for motorbikes that earned him points in my book. So it’s a pleasure, Mark to formally welcome you into our family.

So onto the next part of the speech……offer bits of advice Mainly for Mark really:

I suppose that after 32 years of marriage I ought to be able to manage something a bit constructive. Mark just remember these 3 words …all, only and just. You will hear them many times. Such as all you need to do is, it only costs this much and it will just take 5 minutes. These are all gross understatements but as a great philosopher or was it a comedian said,”women are to be loved and not understood”.

Mind you, helping around the house is not a bad idea. I believe from the crime statistics that there has never been a case of a wife shooting her husband while he was doing the washing up. When you are wrong admit it, whenever you’re right…just shut up! There is no challenge in a marriage that can’t be overcome by one or more of the following: I was wrong! You were right! And ….yes dear I love You!

And finally remember: Marriage will teach you many things — loyalty self restraint…obedience. Jan says that I’m in the remedial class . Well we come to the last of my duties and that’s giving the toast to the bride and groom … Ladies and gentlemen, we have a radiant bride. We have a charming and handsome groom. If you could charge your glasses and be upstanding. Emma put out your hand and Mark take hold of it…..now Mark remember this moment because trust me it will be the last time that you ever have the upper hand [or Married 3 hours and Emma already has the upper hand]

May they be blessed with happiness that grows and with love that lasts. We wish them enjoyment for today, the fulfilment of all their hopes and dreams for tomorrow and love and happiness always. To the bride and groom…..Emma and Mark

Kate for Conrad: 'I continue to see that fire every single day' - 2020

30 August 2014, Toronto, Canada

Today is the fourth Saturday in August, 2014. And I would like to take you back to exactly, to the day, 10 years ago, tonight.

The fourth Saturday in August, 2004,

It was Joe nightclub.

The 'it' spot at the corner of John and Richmond in the heart of Toronto's clubbing district. After one of our group's typical Saturday night, pre-drinks at Roger and Fifth's house. I found myself in the club's first floor dance floor. I remember distinctly Greg Jack and Rich were dancing to my left. Casey was doing her notorious two step bar move to my right, but I was really distracted. The, the elusive friend of this group, this Con kept catching my eye. I vividly remember him standing there. He was clothed in his favourite bar look at the time, which was bowling shoes from Aldo. Ripped and just slightly flared, light coloured jeans. And an open dress shirt that was too big, unbuttoned too far and untucked. Oh, and if few 'Live strong' bracelets on.

I noticed at the pre-drink that he was a little bit more chatty than usual. And here he was again, slowly creeping closer on the dance floor. Before I knew it. we were dancing and the rest of the group had gone upstairs. Soon. Dad, my young 19 year old self was pinned up against the walls of Joe nightclub. And so follows the story of our first kiss.

If Con has ever tried, or ever tries to tell you this story differently, I promise you he is lying.

Con and I have not been together since that night at Joe nightclub. While I spent a decent amount of time obsessing over him after that first night. For some reason, it took him a little while. However, this dynamic was never that obvious to me until I recently pulled up some old MSN history:

"November 1st, 2005, 8:50 PM. KT: Hey, your Halloween costume was hilarious last night.

8:57 PM. KT: It looked like so much fun.

<laugh>

9.15: Okay. Have a great night. TTYL

I was bold and I initiated our next chat:

 November 12th, 2005, 12:45 PM: Hey Con.

KT. I saw the picks from last night!

There were no pictures. I didn't see anything. CCM decides to respond three hours later. I, I remember running to my computer when I heard the little like 'uhoh' or whatever it was. <laugh>

His response: Ha! BRB.

Once we got past the hurdle of Con playing it just a little bit too cool, we have somehow always found our way back to each other. It has never mattered where our different paths have taken us. It has seemed like it has never been an option for us not to be together. Since the early days of our meeting, there really has been a magnet between the two of us. Everyone has their own love story, but for me, what's been so amazing about ours is that there's just been something between us that's impossible to describe. There's a feeling that I have to be around you.

I'm good [crying]

Um, I can't explain it, but I can feel it and I always have. You do something to me. And for me, that is our love story. Your mom always talks about the fire that's been inside of you since you were a little boy. And I continue to see that fire every single day. You constantly surprise me with your nonstop determination to drive forward and to never settle . From a hockey player, to an MBA grad, to a banker, to a saxophone player, You can literally accomplish anything that you put your mind to.

One of my favourite quotes reads: "you can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him". And if that holds true, Con you have the most incredible character. You always see the best in people. You see intentions and actions through a positive lens. You have more integrity than anybody I've ever met, and see things as right and wrong. Your heart is always in the best place. Your happiest when people you love experience success, finding such genuine pleasure in seeing those you care about do well through the way you live your life. You provide me with everyday reminders that all that's important in life is here in this room.

There is nobody who can make me laugh for a whole night straight, who knows me at my core better. Who makes me feel the most comforted in their presence, who enables me to find pleasure in everyday things simply because we are together.

And so, to my gorgeous husband, there's no one on this earth. I would've rather been waiting for me at that end of that aisle today, whatever life has in store for us, I will always be beside you and on your side.

Nikhilesh Sharma: 'Love is good, but respect is more important', for Selen and Greg - 2022

23 October 2022, Sydney, Australia

My name is Nik and I'm one from Greg and Selen's friends from the climbing group. And they asked me to write this speech. And when they did, I literally had two thoughts in my head. First was like, this is such a great honour, right? They asked me to speak at their wedding. Holy shit, I must be the best man for this job. Clearly not. Patrick as we saw over there did a fantastic job. And the second thought was, 'maybe they don't have a lot of friends'. But I'm going to stick with the first thought, I was the best man for the job. This is why I'm here.

Crowd: Obviously!

Optimism is after three drinks.

So when I first started writing this speech a few days ago, I searched up a few wedding speeches on YouTube. That's where you get the best content. How do you write a wedding speech? Now, most of the speeches that I've found on YouTube involve making a lot of fun of the bride and the groom, I'll be honest, especially the groom. So I thought to myself, I can do something similar. I'm going to make fun of tehm both, I can do that. I can make fun of Greg. And the way he says 'is nice'. I love how you say it Greg. I think that's one one of your best qualities. The way you say it. And even I can say make fun of Selen, and the way her veganism goes about. She's the first vegan that I've seen who eats meat from time to time.

But I decided not to make fun of them, okay. My speech cannot be that shallow. It has to be much more meaningful. Because it can be my first and only wedding speech ever.

So I decided to make it a bit more meaningful. So here I'm standing in front of you all, to talk about one thing that we are celebrating tonight, which is love. And we are celebrating the love between these two beautiful people. And now when I was searching about love, Rumi is one of the greatest poets in all the church. Are any church people in the house? Yes. You all know about Rumi, right?

Crowd: Yes.

The poet, greatest poet of all time. And Rumi said about love, 'let the beauty of what you love be what you do'. That's pretty powerful. I'm going to just repeat that again to sink it in. 'Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.' So I really hope that you two will spend the love that you have together and spread it around the people that you have around you. So you take that love that you have for each other and you make sure you multiply it and give it to other people. And not just the people existing right now, but the people who are coming... soon into this world.

And so the ups and downs are part of the season of life we go through, no marriage or no relationship is going to be just for better brother. It is not going to be just fun, kisses and laughs. It's going to be tears, sadness, and the feeling of being distant from the other person from time to time, of course.

Crowd: No

Really? Sir, you should start a YouTube channel. But I'll be honest, I don't have a lot of experience in the department of love. So me preaching this and as a person in a relationship that just ended, I didn't think I should be up here preaching about love. But there's one thing that I've noticed when it comes to love. Love is good, but respect is more important.

Because respect, I think respect for me personally is one thing that makes us feel really valued and cared for and wanted. So we have to respect each other's space, and you have to respect each other's space, each other's shortcomings. You can't really go pick around, 'Hey, you did this and you did that.' You have to really put down your own self-interest for the other person. And that is what respect is. Respect then equals love. And I know that you both come from different backgrounds and different faiths and you might have different families that think slightly differently. We all know how much we love the inlaws. Inlaws can be tricky, right. But it all goes down to one united factor that is respect for the other person. And I'm very hopeful, and I can say this with sincerity, that you'll have respect for each other throughout your life.

The next big thing that I wanted to talk is the bun in the oven that we have here today. Milan, who's going to be coming out into this world..

And it is an exciting and an interesting time to be bringing a boy into this world. The other day I was at a train station and this guy just caught me up and this random person and he is like, he's like, 'I don't think people should be having kids anymore'. That was a bold statement to come up to a stranger and just say to stranger. I'm not even having a kid, but yeah, sure. I'm like, 'why?' And he's like, ‘it's not a good place for kids to be in.' And I can see his perspective. It's a bad world out there. But I think it all depends on what we really want to teach our kids. And what you guys will teach Milan. Now, there's many conundrums that you can face, right? Milan can come up to you and he like, 'actually I don't want to open an account in Commonwealth Bank.' 'I want to go to Westpac. What are going to do then?' And what if he comes up to you and say, 'I want to be a bowler ... Greg would say that it's a crime to be a bowler. What if Milan comes up and says, 'I want to be a bowler'. What if Selen, what if he comes up to you and says, 'Hey mum, I don't like baclava. He can! Hee can say ‘it's too sweet’. You never know. Kids will make their own choices. And Greg, what happens if he comes up to you and says, 'Dad I don't think the Hungarian football team will ever have a chance at winning the World Cup.' What would you say back?

He can say a lot of things. He can say, 'Hey, I don't want to work in IT' He can say that. And he's allowed to. You see, kids are allowed to make their own choices. And I think the choices that really matter in life are actually the choice that he will make -- will he have compassion towards the people that we in society look down upon? Will he have kindness in the heart of people that has wronged him? And will he have humility even when he reaches the pinnacle of life?

Now these are the choices that really matter and I know that you will instil these values in him and he will become a great human being, because he has great parents.

[Applause]

Crowd: Also. hell have a cool accent, I'm pretty sure.

He'll have a best accent in the world for sure. Look, I'm just going to conclude , this page is empty so ... , I'm just going to conclude this speech and say that it's an honour to be a part of this celebration, which is this celebration of love that you two have, and the fact that you're bringing a beautiful human being into the world.

So what was the Hungarian word of cheers?

Crowd: Egészségére!

(08:42)

To the bride and the groom

Dot for Nick: 'Mum wasn't sure Nick had much to offer me', bride speech - 2014

2014, Frome, Somerset, UK

"Bad news. Underlined. John thinks I fancy him. I hate his guts, the bleed. Where did he geet the crashing idiotic idea that I even liked him? I hate him. <laugh> I mainly hate him because he laughed at me when I tripped over in my Spice Girl platforms." Um, it was around this time, the Wiltons first came to my attention. I must have been about 12 years old. My sister Susie came back from the swimming pool in tears as a mean boy called Chris Wilton. <laugh> said she had a moustache. In Chris's defence, he didn't say it directly to her. He actually told it to someone else who repeated it, and he was right because she did have a mosutache.

Spending the next five years at boarding school, I didn't hear much more. However, returning to Frome in sixth form. I saw Nick around college a few times. I say 'saw' as I never 'met him. I just knew who he was, that he was in a band and he was popular and that he would never, ever want to go out with me.. Five years later after we've been on a few dates, I searched through my year 12 diary convinced I'd written about him a handful full of times. Unfortunately, the only diary entry I can pinpoint to him is one that reads: 'loads of awful stuff has been happening, but I don't want to write it down. '

Uh, university over in 2007, Susie introduced me properly to Nick. I just graduated and I was unemployed. Nick was a student with one year of university behind him. I remember taking Nick back to Buckington, where we had kitchen units in the living room, an oven in the garden and cats running around weeing in the corners.

Despite this mum was concerned that Nick didn't have much to offer me. Thankfully, Nick, won everyone over as always does by being so charming and friendly. And also according to my friends and sisters, by just being really, really good looking. Susie stopped fanciying him a long time ago, when she realised, as she confided in me, he actually wasn't that cool. <laugh>

I was really delighted to be going out with Nick. I felt like a Z list celebrity as we spent our first day being stopped by so many people at Frome wanting to talk to him. He even got bought champagne <laugh> As it turned out, this was a complete one off and the other days were fairly [unremarkable] [inaudible.]
<laugh>.

Um, I knew I made it in Frome when a complete stranger tried to chat me up near the Blue Boar and was told by his friend 'Don't bother mate. She's with an operationer.
<laugh>

I had arrived. After seven years in Frome. We've made it to today. Nick, thank you for helping me to be more confident. Being patient and understanding with me and teaching me to look at things in a more positive way. Since I first met you, you've always seemed to be known and liked by everyone in Frome. And it's true that you put a lot of time and effort into all your relationships and you deserve to be as loved as you are. And I've even benefited from being able to steal some of your friends. And I'm very lucky to have met you. Frome is a small place and no offence, but there aren't really that many good boys to choose from. <laugh>

I'd always like take the opportunity to thank Nick's wonderful family who have always been so welcoming and supportive. Having John and Jackie down the road has been having like a second set of parents, and Nick's brother and Jen, his grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins are all very important to me. And it's love to see so many who we are here today to celebrate the last seven years of Nick and what is to come.

So I'm gonna stop now cause I'm the awkward one. Um, but thank you all. And I'd just like to pose a toast to a beautiful, talented musician who is the love of my life, um, to Taylor Hunt everybody!

For Alexi & Ellie: 'Once Alexi finds something he loves, he fully embraces it into his life', by Daniel Wearne - 2023

3 February 2022, Wattle Grove, Tasmania, Australia

Hi I’m Dan – I didn’t grow up with Alexi, or Lek as I call him. We actually met 10 years ago through a religious movement at the time – Crossfit. We were the same age and had similar interests; He was always the last one still laughing at my Simpsons references and we loved quoting esoteric scenes from tacky 90s flicks.

When we trained together most days, the differences between us were easy to spot. He had remarkably long arms, a distinct toe-out walking gait, and I enjoyed guessing which of his eight outfits on rotation I would see next. I was the tattooed, always late to class, rough boy from Frankston, and Lek was the buttoned-up, meticulously neat athlete who rarely had a hair out of place. All his plates symmetrically stacked next to his platform – it was clear his belief system was anchored not to the crossfit methodology, but to his passion for routine.

This passion is easy to identify in Alexi when things diverge: an item misplaced; not having a meal at a specific time; running late for an event; or even being asked to do something outside his comfort zone. This is something that really resonates with me when I think of Lek, his gravitation towards routine.

Once Alexi finds something he likes or loves, he fully embraces it into his life.

It wasn’t long before Lek and I were hanging out very regularly; we quickly became best mates. Lek often enjoyed chauffeuring us around, so I recall many conversations we had in that White Honda. The infamous cassette-adapter-iPod situation powering the tunes as we would discuss anything and everything. Initially surface level topics; lots of sport and general banter, and then as the walls came down some of the more serious subject matter would surface. I’ve learned there is an unusual depth to Alexi. He is profoundly empathetic and listens with genuine curiosity. He invests so much in what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling about something.

You feel like he fully embraces you into his life.

When Lek was questioned about his dating life, he was coy; but behind his playful answers and deflection, I sensed real sorrow and loneliness. Lek was wondering where, when and how he would meet his soulmate.

In November 2015, The Annual Schwartz Challenge was taking place; Australia’s premier crossfit competition. It was an all-weekend event held in Altona, outer Melbourne, so Lek and I would carpool over. Lek’s days as a serious competitor were behind him at this point but, dedicated to the art, and being the stand-up guy that he is, he volunteered to MC the event.

Meanwhile in a remote township named Brisbane there was a girl named Ellie. An avid crossfitter too, she was seeking updates on how the athletes from her gym were performing at this event via Instagram. This is when she serendipitously came across a photo of the most handsome, tanned and ripped Annual Schwartz Challenge MC she had ever laid eyes on. Double tap.

Lek was particularly quiet on the drive over the Westgate Bridge that final day of the comp—Not ‘gloomy’ quiet. More of his famous head-shaking perplexed moods. “Missss Newman” he would utter under his breath as he was scrolling the profile of his latest photo like. Out the corner of my eye I noticed a lot of pinch zooming and enthusiastic nodding. It wasn’t long before they were sending flirty messages to each other and overusing emojis. This was an exciting development at the time. Ellie is the only person I’ve seen captivate him like this. A couple weeks had passed and Lek very matter-of-factly dropped the bomb that he and Miss underscore Newman were calling each other most nights. And only a month later in December, Lek decided to fly up to Brisbane to verify if he had been catfished.

On Friday the 4th of December, Alexi landed at Brisbane airport to a cautiously optimistic Ellie. Ellie has since confided that day she couldn’t believe he was real—pinching not herself but him the entire drive from the airport. They were never beyond a few meters from each other the entire weekend. And while the anxious voice inside Ellie’s head was wondering if she was going to see this Adonis again, Lek was not even home from the trip before booking his next flight back to Brisbane.

Once Alexi finds something he loves, he fully embraces it into his life.

 ‘How’d it go Lek?!’ I interrogated him as soon as he returned home. I can only describe Lek’s presence after that weekend as that of someone who had just found their soulmate; a confident glow that said ‘life starts now’. And what followed over the years was a steady progression of decisions and commitments from each other to integrate their lives.

Ellie flew down for the first time that following January to cheer along Lek swimming in the Portsea Classic, a routine event in his rigid calendar. She was boldly representing her home town in a fluro orange dress – which might have been the literal highlight of the night had Alexi not confessed his love for her at Portsea hotel that evening. They did long distance for two years, and Ellie - who is extremely close with her family and friends up north, and with a budding career ready to commence after completing her doctorate - decided to sacrifice it all and move down to Melbourne to be with Alexi.

It was a rocky start. Lek incorrectly assumed that given they had chosen Melbourne's coldest month to make the move, that a functional yet unromantic gift – such as a Northface jacket – would be well received. But Ellie is resilient – so after crying into the feather-downed sleeves of the Worst Present Ever™for 3 months straight – she started to come around to Melbourne; learned to love its quirks and fully embraced it into her life. She’s been with us ever since, and the rest as they say is history.

Ellie, on behalf of everyone of us that have loved having Alexi around for the last 7 years, I want to say thank you for giving up so much and we love you so dearly. You were so clearly the missing piece in Alexi’s life, and if it wasn’t for that thirsty like on Instagram, we wouldn’t have had the privilege of embracing you into our lives and witnessing our beloved Lekki become whole.

So if you’d charge your glasses, I would like to make a toast – To the amazing love story of Ellie and Aleix, we can’t wait to see the next chapters.

for Zoe and Martin: 'The secret ingredient is LSD', by Ken Wilson - 2017

12 November 2017, Exhibition St, Melbourne, Australia

Good evening everyone.

On behalf of Sue and I, thank you all for coming to help us celebrate this wonderful occasion. I know some of you have travelled long distances to be here today and we really appreciate you making the effort.

Unfortunately not everyone we love could make it. Zoe’s grandfather Bernie was unable to join us, but I have no doubt that we are in his thoughts and he would have been thrilled with how the day has gone.

A lot of planning has gone into making today perfect and Zoe and Martin have done a fantastic job. I know a number of you have also contributed to the day’s success, so thank you.

Now today is about celebrating the marriage of two young people, who love and adore one another, but it’s also about the coming together of two families and we are delighted to welcome Nick, Pauline and the rest of the Doran’s into the fold.

It’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know you — albeit the Irish accents have stumped us occasionally, as you might have gathered from the blank looks on our faces!

We look forward to sharing many more happy family moments with you in the future, both here and in Ireland.

ZOE

Looking at you it’s hard to believe that 30 years have gone by. I can still see you as that vibrant little girl playing in the back yard doing her darnedest to master the handstand.

And now here you are, all grown up, sitting beside the man you love as you begin the next exciting chapter of your lives together.

Fathers are naturally biased about their daughters, but I’m sure you’ll all agree that Zoe looks absolutely beautiful.

Although Zoe might say: how could I be any more beautiful than I usually am!

I must admit to a little tear in my eye when I saw her for the first time in her wedding dress. Although I’m not sure if it was because I was caught up in the emotion of the big day, or I was reminded of just how much that dress cost… Perhaps a little bit of both.

Now I’m so supposed to add a bit of comic flair to my speech and share a few horror stories about the bride growing up, but I wouldn’t want to embarrass her — although it’s virtually impossible to embarrass Zoe!

Case in point, when Zoe was a student at the Star of the Sea school she had to give an impromptu performance and Zoe and troop chose childbirth.

Well Zoe did not hold back. She got right into it, knees up, screaming and thrashing around on stage. It was enough to put you off having kids but the audience was in stitches and it’s still one of the funniest memories I have of her.

Growing up Zoe was never really any trouble. Sure she could be outspoken and hold a good argument, but she was also lots of fun with a fantastic “can do” attitude and took whatever challenges in her stride.

I remember years ago she decided to take up tennis, which she seemed to enjoy, and to get her practice in she would hit the ball against the wall at home. Unfortunately for her we lived in a weatherboard house so the most responsive wall she could find was the back gate. Not terribly satisfying or successful, but that’s all there was so that’s what she used.

Then there was the time Santa brought Zoe a bike that Sue and I had had painted and tarted up for her. It wasn’t at all what she wanted and she cried in the beginning — we all did — but then in true Zoe style she got on and rode it like the champion she is, until she received a new one on her birthday seven weeks later.

As well as being able to make the best of any given situation, Zoe is effervescent with a sharp wit and cheeky sense of humour and this has seen her gather many friends over the years — as we can see here tonight — and her wide circle of friends bears testimony to the wonderful person that she is.

Zoe, you have grown into an exceptional young woman and your mum and I are so very proud of you.

You deserve all the happiness in the world, and with Martin, we are confident that you will find it.

MARTIN

Which brings me to my new son-in-law, Martin. Some call him Noddy, and Ned, as has been pointed out on Facebook he does bear more than a passing resemblance to Ned Kelly.

He’s quick-witted with a great sense of humour, he loves his sports, his ink and his drink and he swears as well as a good Irishman should.

Quite simply, Zoe couldn’t have chosen better and most importantly, he adores our Zoe and we are delighted to welcome him into the family.

BUT, that’s not to say he’s perfect. After all he is a Carlton supporter and that’s something I’ve struggled to come to terms with. If I had my way he’d be wearing yellow and black! But if Zoe has her way, he’ll be a Geelong supporter in no time. Although having watched Richmond dismantle Geelong with Brendan and I in the preliminary final this year, I think I know which way Martin is leaning!

Now many of you will know Martin can hit a pretty mean golf ball. Many of you might also have heard of what is referred to as the “son-in-law shot”, that is when you hit the ball - it’s not perfect, not what you wanted, not hoped for, but it ends up better than you thought so you take it anyway. Well that’s Martin!

Martin, every father hopes his daughter will meet someone worthy of her love and you are all that and more. You complement each other well and I know you will make each other very happy.

Now it’s traditional for the father of the bride to share some pearls of wisdom with the happy couple, and I’m reminded of something my father said to my sister at her wedding many years ago, that has always stuck with me.

According to my father the secret ingredient in a successful marriage is LSD. Not the hallucinogenic drug — although that would certainly make things interesting, no the LSD he was referring to is love, sincerity and devotion.

They are more than just three words – it is Love that is sustained by action, Sincerity in communication and a pattern of Devotion in the things we do for each other every day. If you can keep these three things as the cornerstone of your relationship you’ll be well on your way to a long and happy life together.

It’s also worth remembering that marriage is also about the fine art of compromise, Martin admit that your wrong and Zoe will agree. You’ll find it works every time!

On that note, ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses, stand and join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

To Zoe and Martin!

Laura Lexx: 'You are not a rock. You are more of a mattress' - 2016

April 2016, United Kingdom

I didn't trust myself that I'd be able to do this at all. So I've given him a list of things that I needed to say on the grounds that he has proven to be a much less moist public speaker.

Socially moist.

So there are just two people that I have to speak to myself.

To my sister, Sarah.

[Title … blah blah people cried]

And to my husband ... and when I started thinking about what I should say to you, I thought I might describe you as my rock, but the more that word sat there on the page, the less suitable it seemed for you.

Rocks are hard and cold and unmoving and you are none of those things. You are not a rock. You are more of a mattress ... and that's not just because I've had some of the best times of my life .... . You are warm, you are inviting, you are the centre of my home, you are my solace ... and very hard to get out of a house without help.

For Gabe and Gabi: 'The photo that really counts hasn’t been taken yet', by Mark Baker - 2016

4 December 2016, Melbourne, Australia

Gabe and Gabi were married just months after Mark’s wife and Gabe’s mother Kerryn died from cancer. She spoke beautifully at their engagement and that is on Speakola.

’When thinking of speaking today, all my family felt it was too hard. They didn’t want to get too sloppy and emotional in public – so I put up my hand and here I am. It’s not everyday that my darling son becomes engaged – autocorrect – married - to the most beautiful girl in the world.’

The problem is, as most of you know, those aren’t my words. They were spoken by Kerryn, who was always the brave one in the family; the one who killed the spiders in our house, stamped on the cockroaches, changed the lightbulbs, took my mother on shopping expeditions, and chased a burglar down the staircase while I hid under the covers.

I’m not here to eulogise Kerryn, but I also can’t leave her to a paragraph of acknowledgment in the middle of a speech, which is why I’ve been accepting those whisky shots even though I can’t stand the taste of hard spirits.

As you know, neither of us believed in souls that live on after death, and while I accept the sentiments of all those who grope for words of comfort, I don’t believe that Kerryn is looking down on us from the heavens, or that we will be reunited any time in the future. But Kerryn’s afterlife has been more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. Those of us who loved her - her children, her siblings and extended family, her friends, and me – her husband – carry her inside us and can’t let go of her. I go to bed at night staring at the emptiness beside me, but conjuring her shape as if she is still there, and then I wake at odd hours, because I feel the covers being tugged to one side, and for a second I think it is her.

There are recurring dreams, some too horrifying to share, but one which I dreamed this week, not for the first time. In it, she is still alive during her illness, and she turns to me and says, Marky, when I die, I want you to plant photographs on my grave. I toy with her and say - and you can plant them in mine too - but she won’t let me get away with it. No really. I negotiate: What about a video? and she shakes her head and so my mind drifts to the mound of earth in the cemetery which me and Gabe visited two weeks ago, covered with photographs from her head to her toes.

In my dream I don’t see the images on the photos, but today, here, now, I can see some of the pictures I would plant. They all come from albums that she herself devised, for even though I am the historian in the family, she was the archivist, and the bearer of our family memories. On holidays, I was always off taking Leica photos of impoverished people in third world countries while her camera was focussed toward the children. That was her – the devoted Mum. So I want to share some of those images that I see, and imagine Kerryn compiling them with me.

1. There is the photo of me and Kerryn taken 33 years ago, plus one week. We are in the gardens of Leonda, it was a hot day like here, everyone was sweating, and we are posed by the photographer with our arms around each other. I look at my bride with love, and it is the start of a marriage. When I look at Gabe and Gabi today, here at Byron Bay, I see the same love that launches a marriage, only they had 8 years to nurture it. I’m so glad that Kerryn got to see your love grow, and while we know that the long road that will last till old age can undulate and become rocky at times, we have always felt that you are the most perfect match. Kerryn used to say as a couples’ therapist that who you love is a choice, but I think there is a part of us that also believed that you two are truly Bashert, fated to be together at the start of a journey of lifelong bliss.

2. I would plant a photo of us at Oxford standing in front of the meadows of Magdalen College in the mid 80s, dressed very pretentiously in tweeds and corduroy. It was the beginning of our dreams. We used to watch ‘Brideshead Revisited’ and imagined an exciting life ahead of us. And it is a blessing I wish for you. You’re both extraordinary kids – I should say adults - Gabe with a law degree and showing the guts to leave the security of his job and throw himself into a start-up, and now getting a job at Mckinsey which will open the most exciting doors for you. And Gabi a doctor like so many in the family, and specialising in radiation oncology. We wish you both, like all of our children, a life that is not staid and boring, but full of risk, wonderment, purpose and growth.

3. This one’s hard. I want a holiday picture. I have more photos than a pack of cards to choose from – the annual pilgrimage to Kibbbutz Seahaven at Noosa, the Club Med holidays with friends where you’d dress up as circus animals or fly on a trapeze or sing Hands Up, photos from palaces in India where you all chanted ‘No More Silly Palaces!’, the sand dunes of the Atlas Mountains in Morocco, treks in Thailand. I know Gabe would want me to choose the one from Kenya where we went on Safari, but I want to choose a photo from a trip in an island off Africa called Llamu where we got sand banked on a dhow, an ancient sailboat, at dusk. Kerryn had broken her leg on the Seychelles island and the only way back to shore was swimming on the shoulders of a couple of local sailors. I remember that photo now because it was one of those moments of terror when we all got separated in the dark, calling out each other’s names, and lived to tell the story. I know how much you love Bondi but I wish you a lifetime of travel, adventure, measured risk, and where you will always protect each other in the dark as well as light.

4. I can’t resist the photo of you Gabe, and Sarah, at Rachel’s batmitzvah – the two of you singing this crazy song, hamming it up and letting yourselves go. It was a moment that only siblings can share, and a memory we will always cherish. What I wish is that as the years go on that all your siblings on both sides – and their partners whoever they choose – do weird and wonderful things together, let the inevitable fights blow over, and share fun times together. Always think back to this year and how you had each other’s backs. Nothing comforted me more this year than sharing laughter, and tears with you all.

5. Then there’s the photo I have to include of you on March of the Living. I have the same photo of each of our kids in successive years – Gabe, Sarah and Rachel, standing at Auschwitz in the same spot where Zaida once stood. We also have a picture of Rachel at Belzec with me, where Buba’s whole town died, leaving her as the only child survivor. You knew you wouldn’t get away without me mentioning the Holocaust but what I want you to remember is that today when we smash the glass, we are reminded of not only the responsibilities that come with carrying the torch of those memories, but the joy and spirit my parents – your Buba and Zaida embodied in defiance of death. Two years ago was the seventieth anniversary of the annual Buchenwald Ball, which more than anything captures what we’ve come to call ‘dancing through our pain.’ Mum became an honorary Buchenwalder through marriage, which makes you one Gabi. At last, you’re a descendant of Holocaust survivors and not just a Lithuanian and South African immigrant. That 70th anniversary was organised table by table by Mum, one month before she was diagnosed with cancer, and will remind us always that our legacy is to always celebrate life and dance through the pain until we find double doses of joy to make up for the sorrow. Like tonight.

6. There are so many other photos. I think of the pictures of you in Israel when we lived there again in 1995, and how after the Second Intifada, we all arrived the day after a bomb went off at a Café on Emek Refaim. I was frozen and didn’t want to leave the hotel, but Mum pushed us to go out and light candles and by the end of the trip, at your insistence Gabe, we left you for a few months at a school while you were in Year Ten. There was something about that moment that made us realise that you’re your own man. I’m proud that all of my kids and Gabi have this love of Israel, even if it’s mainly to the Tel Aviv party life, and as you know, I hope that you express that love through concern for building the best, most just society, not only in Israel, but here in Australia and in other parts of the world.

7. We don’t really take photos of Seders but we’ve got lots of images. So I have to include a picture of us seated as is our custom on the floor, me in the days when I wore a white kittl and did magic tricks to keep you interested, the times we shared each night with the Wollners, Weins, Weins and Bakers. You’re so lucky to have a close set of Aunties and Uncles who would do anything for you, cousins you love; remember, they and your siblings are always there for you, as we say on Pesach, bechol dor vador - in this and all the generations to come.

8. Rabbi Ralph already talked about a picture I would include by tying Mum’s bridal veil on a pole around the chuppa – of me and Mum on Simchat Torah when Mum was Kallat Torah and I was Chattan Torah. Mum learned to read from the Torah the end of the story in Devarim and I would chant the beginning part from Bereishit, joining our ends and beginnings together in one story as we rolled back the Torah scroll. That moment captures not only the fun spirit we had, Mum squeezing into her dress and me into my suit, but through this ritual we re-enacted our marriage, reigniting some of what gets lost in the routines of life, especially when it comes to bringing up kids. We did the same for Buba and Zaida on their 50th wedding anniversary, when we organised a treasure hunt for them in the city, and then dressed them up like a young married couple. Learn from that – how in marriage it’s not just tonight, but if you can, make every day your marriage day and don’t let go of what you are feeling now. Nurture it, and remember: Love means having to say you’re sorry.

9. The next photo is of Gabe’s proposal where he involved the whole family in the process, but the main picture I want to plant is of you Gabi being let out of a car in town. It was raining and we walked up Swanston St, with Kerryn holding your hand, up to Cookies restaurant in the city, and found the same table we’d sat on when you first came out for dinner. You said in your speech I intimidated you – do I still? But we have that most precious photo of the 3 of us, drinking a cocktail, celebrating the Gabi who has come to be part of our family. You’re one of the kids to me now, and you and Kerryn showed so much love and respect for each other. Your parents have been extraordinary to Gabe, providing a second family for him in Sydney. We get to do the same with you at Aroona and on holidays and I promise you, if you do stay in Sydney, once you have kids, I’ve told Karen and Colin that I’ll be in Bondi as often as I can babysitting… and sunbaking.

10. Then there is the photo of us dancing at your engagement after Gabe cried and said, I’ll never be happy again. But look how happy we were then and now. And part of the reason is that as a family we hold each other up – not only on our side, but with the special bond that we’ve all created with Karen and Colin, and how Marlene and Sydney have bonded with Buba and Zaida. I love that you all, Deena and Josh, Sarah and Rachel, with your partners, Matt, Benj and Charlette, are so close. I don’t know about you Josh because you’re in LA marketing Tindr – maybe in a couple of years you can show me how it works. But what I want to emphasise is how lucky we are to have Karen and Colin as our machetunim. Now that’s a new word for me. We just get on so well and I know that the three of us are the village you will need to build a strong home and marriage.

11. There are pictures of us from the past ten months that I want to cherish tonight. The four of us in Byron, running to the lighthouse, searching from farm to farm, until Gabi said, This is it and we knew it was. And then there is the photo of us in Bryon, the four of us sitting on a huge deck chair over the beach, oblivious of the mosquitos that would zone in on me and give me Dengue Fever, and you reading the manuscript of my memoir about Mum, and crying together. What was Hillary’s campaign. Stronger Together. And as much as I hate Trump, We’ll make our lives great again.

12. And then there is this photo, today. Me walking you to the chuppa, you giving a speech Gabe and Gabi with strength and tears. One of the last things me and Mum did was search in the Yarra Valley for the perfect venue. It wasn’t meant to be but those trips we took, with Kerryn barely able to walk out of the car, one with Gabe makes me realise how much she would have loved being here. I will never forget Gabi your strongest desire to marry Gabe under such a dark shadow. The shadow hasn’t lifted but you Gabi and Gabe deserve the best life.

13. The photo that really counts hasn’t been taken yet. It’s blank but I shall plant it. And in the years to come, you will fill it with everything you create together. Grandchildren, dreams realised, bucket lists, and more celebrations. As you all know, our marriage began with a lot of tragedy, but we were lucky to have 32 years of blessings. That is what I wish for you – only bracha, for a life as long as the years of your grandparents may they live till 120.

• Kerryn did have one request. She wanted me to sing a blessing that I used to sing to all of my kids when they were young, and that I sang at Gabe’s barmitzvah. Excuse my voice, but I want to include you in it Gabi. It’s a song that blesses the guardian angels, one of whom is Gavriel. So hard as it is, I will fulfil my vow as a blessing to you. Beshem hashem….

• And I end with the one bracha that breaks my heart, because it is the only thing I cannot share with Kerryn. Please join me in saying it, the prayer in which we show gratitude for being alive to see this day. Baruch ata …sheheyanu, vekimanu vehigiyanu lazman hazeh.

• And now, let’s dance. ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK

For Rachel and Josh: 'My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier" by Mark Baker - 2022

8 August 2022, St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia

Mark Baker the author of two memoirs, The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days and is writing a memoir of his recent diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. He’s also contributed some incredible eulogies to this site.

When Rachel and Josh came to our home to tell us they were getting married I had to act surprised. I say ‘act surprised’, not because someone had spoiled it, but because surprise usually signifies a disruption to the natural order of things. Something that makes you say, ‘Oh, I would never have guessed.’ But in this case, their announcement was the most natural thing in the world. Michelle and I have had the privilege of watching Rachel and Josh interact close up. Before they moved overseas to the north of Melbourne, they were our housemates. We were like two married couples occupying the same home. They cooked meals together, conversed together, did everything together though sometimes I caught Josh late at night sitting in one of the side rooms watching TV, usually sports, on his own.

So rather than talk about the surprise announcement, I’ve been searching for another word that captures my emotions as I stand under this chuppa (canopy). I could be corny and use the word naches and it goes without saying there’s an abundance of that. Afterall, how many parents get to boast that their daughter and son-in-law work together in a business that sells vibrators.

I tried a host of other words to encapsulate my emotions. For example, relief, but that’s not it. I mean, there’s definitely an element of relief. Ric and Leora will empathise when I say that after 7 years of going out together we were all privately and publicly saying Nu? When are they finally going to tie the knot? But no, there was always another plan ahead – living overseas for a year, that sense of what’s the rush we know we’re committed to one another, or afterall there’s another Swans footy game to watch, a business to build up, etc, so it did come with a sense of relief when Rach and Josh finally came into this house and announced that they were getting engaged, or was it married, I was too excited at the time to distinguish the precise arrangement.

Amongst all the other words, if there is one that captures what I felt and feel - and I’m sure I could come up with a better synonym - it’s gratitude. I felt the deepest gratitude when I heard the news which has deepened as I’ve had the chance to reflect over this past month, plus 3 days because of the COVID delay, upon hearing that Rachel and Josh were getting married. It was as if Rachel’s life flashed before me in a single screen image. I thought of her as a baby – the cutest baby with blonde wavy hair, who we’re reminded on almost a daily basis is a carbon copy of her Buba, ‘not now, God forbid when I’m old, but when I was young. My Rachel is fire, she’s a chandelier.’ Chandelier and fire are the right descriptors, because from the outset Rachel lit up a room, or in the words of the song that Kerryn gave you from the Carpenters, there’s stardust in your eyes that bestows a magical quality to your presence. And it’s for those reasons, but not alone for those reasons, that I feel sublime gratitude.

There was a period as Rachel grew up as the third child following Gabe and Sarah, when my gratitude was tested. Perhaps it was me and Kerryn who grew lax in our discipline, but Rachel had a ‘get out of jail card’ that her older siblings never possessed, and which instilled in her a bold dose of chutzpah. I’m reminded of the time when she was forbidden from going to a Puzza party yet had the chutzpah to escape in a taxi after we’d gone to sleep. Or when we sent her to Israel for a term and we received a midnight call in Australia that an ambulance had come to collect her because she must have mistaken Maccabi beer for a ticket to the Maccabiah games. Yet how could I not feel gratitude for her courage that year, living in an Israeli school dormitory, outside the security of an Australian program, with her cousin Dean as her only familiar companion.

The years flew by and soon Rachel was at uni. There she started off fulfilling a dream to study architecture. The only problem was that it wasn’t her dream but Kerryn’s. Once again, she showed courage in asserting her will after a semester and chose psychology and marketing. Since then she has exhibited business flair which she must have inherited from her Zaida Yossl, starting her own business in sexual wellness which might have an affinity to Zaida’s business called Swiss Models which I always thought sounded like an escort agency. Nothing could make me prouder and more grateful to see her working alongside Josh and developing the material foundations for their lives. She always said that the measure of her success would be destigmatising her product and selling it in David Jones and sure enough, she’s bettered that and now sells it in Selfridges on Oxford Street in London.

Yet the true test came when she was in her early twenties when Kerryn was diagnosed in the prime of her life with cancer. From the outset, Rachel was realistic about Kerryn’s illness. One of my strongest memories is driving to the beach with her and Rachel asking me directly, how long does Mum have? I didn’t have an exact answer for that question but I knew that Kerryn’s time was limited to months and I told Rachel the truth. Rachel’s next question. How will we cope? She wasn’t asking that as a form of denial, but she wanted to share with me her feelings and fears, and from then on, I found in Rachel a receptive ear and heart, one who could comfort, and be comforted, by the harsh reality that we were facing as a family. In Rachel’s characteristic way, she brought a positive spin to the terrible pain she experienced losing her mother at the age of 23, commemorating Kerryn by planning brunches with me and her siblings on Kerryn’s birthday and buying us presents, making a video to mark Kerryn’s 60th with messages from family and friends from around the world; Always eagerly curious to hear new stories or unknown tidbits of information about her.

Although she was at the age when most kids are interested in partying, Rachel was always present for her mother to the very end. For that, I know Kerryn felt enormous gratitude, as she did with all her children. I know that Kerryn has always been a burning presence for Rachel, especially so in the leadup to this wedding when her absence is so profoundly felt; and so it’s fitting that she wore her mother’s veil under the chuppah. Rachel – you have Kezz’s strength of character, integrity, her warm and amenable demeanour, and most of all, her deep loyalty to friendship and family. As I said at Kerryn’s funeral, and at funerals I’ve spoken at as a mourner for Johnny and your Zaida, the souls of the dead keep living if we carry and nurture them inside us. I know on this day, and all days, that Leora is carrying the memory of her parents Eddie and Lily for whom she deeply loved and cared, and Ric and Carmel sorely miss Rod who died ten years ago. While Kerryn said don’t look for me on a Ouijee Board after I’m gone, I don’t have to guess that she would not only feel gratitude for what you’ve become Rachel, but for the partner you’ve chosen.

Kerryn never met Josh directly, but I recall you telling us both about a boy you had started dating. I remember it so vividly, where we were sitting in the kitchen, and your description of him as a nice boy that we’d approve of. I didn’t know at the time that he was the son of a couple I’ve known since my youth movement days. Michelle and I feel so lucky to have Ric and Leora as our machetunim, in part because we share the rarest of attributes, a commitment to the same values. Ric and I in particular have played tag team with the same institutions, Stand Up, originally called Keshet, and New Israel Fund, which both Michelle and I are involved in. The youth movement Ric attended in his adolescence, Hashi, is housed in a building, Beth Anielewicz, built by Michelle’s grandfather and Josh attended King David and was taught by Michelle’s mother Yael, who remembers him fondly as one of the naughty pack, but considerate and kind boys. Leora too has shared with Michelle and me a Habo background, albeit in the case of Michelle a generation apart. All that makes for so many commonalities, but more than that, I feel profound gratitude for the way you’ve all integrated Rachel into your family, showing her the delights of gourmet cooking, and treating her with love, and yearning with us for this day. I feel gratitude to all of you – to Ric, and Leora, who treat Rachel as a daughter, and also to Ella, Gid and Noah, whose photos are always shared on our WhatsApp group, and Amy whose closeness is reflected in the fact that she has flown in especially from Israel. Thanks to her COVID she has spared us from a rainy day. And also Carmel, whose reputation as modern and youthful precedes her, and who Rachel tells me always takes an interest in all her activities, including the vagaries of her business.

But I mostly feel gratitude to you for giving us Josh, who is the gentlest, kindest, person one could imagine. Everyone loves Josh - how could you not? He somehow manages to straddle his self-perception that he’s shy and introverted, while in reality he’s so at ease with people, engaged in conversation, curious, an adventurer, and a loyal friend. He and Rach are the perfect couple. On the outside Rachel’s beauty may give the perception of a glamourous socialite but she is down to earth and this is something Josh has cultivated in her. I can assure you, her love and tolerance for camping doesn’t come from the Bakers. Rachel grew up with all the cleaning women in our household complaining about how messy her room was. Thankfully, Josh is a balaboos. Not only has he taught Rachel how to cook but also how to clean up a kitchen afterwards. Yet it is still Josh who comes to the rescue after a messy meal, and sprays and soaks the stains on Rachel’s top in the laundry.

Josh has high EQ and also IQ. He is perceptive, reflective, a thinker. He talks about emotions. He is curious about the world and up with the latest cultural wars. And thank God he is progressive in his politics, all attributes which come from an obvious address – the legendary dinners at the Benjamin household. He and Rachel complement each other – Rachel with her passion for healthy food, running, yoga, and physical and spiritual wellbeing, and Josh with his love of sport, on the basketball court or at the G. When I see how much Josh cares for Rachel, and Rachel for Josh, I feel like shouting Hallelujah to the heavens, gratitude in the form of prayer.

After Mum died a new chapter in your life started Rachel, in all our lives. Kerryn made me promise that I wouldn’t let us be – in her words, nebuch, which I have always translated as a mission to fill the chasm by being doubly happy. In that first year after her death, Rachel and I shared a yoga holiday in Puglia, where we supported each other, and our promise has continued to this day, as it has with Gabe and Gabi, and Sarah and Charlotte. As for me, it’s never easy when your father starts dating a new person, but from the outset you gave me your blessing before Michelle and I had become a true couple. Since then, you’ve embraced my relationship with Michelle through to marriage and parenthood. It’s fair to say that of my adult kids, Rachel and Josh have spent the most time with us. The extra room in our house is still called Rachel’s room even though she moved out with Josh over two years ago. And here I have to express gratitude to Michelle, who has always considered the feelings of my kids, pushed me to understand their grief, and offered them counsel on every topic. How profoundly fortunate is the husband whose wife buys the Yizkor candles each year for the memory of her husband’s former wife and for their children. How much gratitude can I express that Sarah and Charlotte and Gabe and Gabi discuss with Michelle everything relating to raising children and life in general, and ask her to be called Savta to their children. And how much gratitude do I owe, that after walking Rachel to meet Josh at the chuppah today, Rachel and Josh saw it as natural that Michelle would stand alongside me. That speaks volumes about Michelle, who is a blessing brought to me in life, as it does about my three kids and their partners.

But my greatest gratitude, I’ve finally thought of the most accurate synonym is revived through the Network series, ‘Shtissel’. Hasdei Hashem –for everything that the kindness or grace of God has brought us. Hasdei hashem that all of my kids love our new miracle child. In our family there are no half siblings or step-mothers, there is hasdei hashem Michelle, and Melila, and her nephews, Miro and Alva, and niece, Ellidy, my einiklech, my grandchildren. Anyone who knows Rachel knows that she sees Lila as her little sister, whom she loves, yearns to visit every day, even if it ends up as a Facetime call during bathtime, and who Melila loves in return, though sometimes Melila will pay more attention to Josh who she has a crush on and has a true gift with children, something new that we can kvetch about with Ric and Leora now that you’re married.

And then there is the head of our family, our matriarch Buba, who is loved by all of us. We know that at Buba’s age and with the unspeakable tragedies she has endured that bookend her life, it’s hard to feel gratitude. As she often says, her horizon is narrow. Yet she has found within this the space the ability to love her great grandchildren and grandchildren. And on this day, she has a wedding, Kol Sasson ve Kol Simcha, amidst everything, a voice of happiness and joy. Her chandelier is radiating with fiery passion, and marrying Josh. ‘Such a nice boy. Such a decent human being. And how he looks after Rachi. He is so good to her.’

And now, as I face my own illness, I have found yet another synonym for the gratitude and naches that Michelle and all my children and grandchildren bring me: bracha. Blessing, grace, pure love, the deepest expression of humanity. Their care for me, how they take me to chemo, worry about me, how all they want to do is go to the zoo with me on an excursion, or on a holiday to Daylesford, or Byron, or Noosa, or Cairns, or Israel, all of us together. We are a true family, now joined together with the Benjamin family. The Benjamin’s are gourmet cooks and I don’t know how Rachi and Josh will live up to the standards they’ve grown accustomed to. So I’ve decided to give you some help to complement your own gourmet skills. A keepsake, something that you will always cherish on behalf of the family, and that will forever sit in your kitchen and be passed down from generation to generation. Gabe and Sarah have agreed to this, though we all want it. This is Kerryn’s recipe book, a collection, in her handwriting, smudged with the foods she cooked on weekdays and on shabbes and chagim. We know you’ll bring her memory to life through taste and feasts we’ll all partake in, and I’m giving you this on the condition that you scan every page so that we can all share in this most precious gift to you.

So as I stand here today, not knowing the breadth of my own horizon, and bewildered by the illness that has struck me from nowhere, I feel truly blessed. Hasdei Hashem. Hallelulujah. Modeh Ani. Thanks. Rachel and Josh are married. The icing on the cake. And no matter what happens, in this moment of life, I feel its fulness, and can only express my gratitude with a bracha, a blessing.

Baruch ata Adonai shehechayanu, vekimunu, vehigiyanu lazman hazeh.
Blessed by God for renewing us and bringing us to this time.

Mark’s been one of our best contributors and we wish him well with his treatment. His books are amazing. You can purchase The Fiftieth Gate and Thirty Days, A Journey to the End of Love.

On Speakola:

Read Mark Baker’s beautiful eulogy to his wife Kerryn

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy for his father, Yossl.

Watch and read Mark Baker’s eulogy to brother Johnny.

Watch and read Kerryn Baker’s engagement speech for Gabe and Gabi.

For Rachel: 'For the person who made me believe that anything is possible', Groom toast - 2022

One of the best speeches I’ve witnessed btw 👍🏼😂😂

Someone get this to Ange 🍀 pic.twitter.com/OsZF3OcvYU

— beans (@fatboybeans1) June 15, 2022

11 June 2022, Scotland, United Kingdom

I want to raise a toast to one who makes me happy every time I see the face.

She’s not even looking at me!

The person who reminds me to appreciate a lot things in life, and made me believe that anything is possible.

You have truly turned my life around in such a short space of time, and I love you for it.

I would highly recommend that you all find someone who makes you feel the way that I do.

So I would very much appreciate it, if you could all raise a glass …

To Big Ange Postecoglou!

To Ange!

Sorry, sorry.

I wasn’t sure how that would go down, but, you know, I’m happy with that.

Ben Piper: 'To quote the bride, "I do not have a romantic bone in my body", pre wedding speech to Thi (with readings) - 2018

28 April 2018, The Strand, Williamstown, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

This was an interesting format, a pre-wedding speech delivered by the groom, Ben, at his wedding with Thi, with five readings by friends and family. Ben has written an ebook spruiking the merits of pre wedding speeches.

Introduction
Exit
Toilets

1. Photographers
During the evening you will note that we have not one, but 2, photographers wandering around taking photos for us. The bearded one is “Bill”, and the other one is “Peter”.

2. Outline of evening
I should give you a rough outline of what we are hoping will happen tonight. I am about to launch into an informal presentation that is intended to set the scene for our wedding. All up that will take about 40 minutes. We will then go straight into the wedding ceremony itself. That will take about 10 minutes. We hope to be serving entrees starting at about 7.00 p.m.. We will then have the main course. That will be followed by some speeches, the cutting of the cake, dessert, and then there will be dancing.
I note that nothing special is happening for the newly weds after this function is over, so therefore please don’t feel that you need to stay until we leave. Please just leave when it suits you.
Before we get properly going, I need to raise a few things with you.

3. Name problem
First, many Asian people, when they come to Australia, find that Australians have a problem properly pronouncing their first names. They therefore adopt a ‘Western’ first name.
Today’s bride was known by the first name of “xxxx” in Vietnam, and she duly discovered when she came to Melbourne that Australians couldn’t properly pronounce it. However, she did not adopt a Western name.
Instead, she decided to use her 2nd and 3rd names. Unfortunately, for reasons now lost in the mists of time, she used her 2nd name, yyy, with some people, and her 3rd name, Thi, with other people.
We were able to avoid this problem with the wedding invitation by producing 3 versions of the invitation, and then by sending invitations referring to her as “xxxx” to those who knew her as “xxxx” and so on.
Unfortunately, today, no such simple solution is available. In fact the problem today is even worse, because there are 2 ways of pronouncing each of her 2nd and 3rd names.
Her 2nd name, “yyy” is also pronounced by some as “yyyy”.
Her 3rd name, “Thi” is also pronounced “Thai”.
Thus, the woman I am about to marry is known to those of you present today by one of 5 names: xxxx, yyy, yyyy, Thi and Thai.
I know how disconcerting it is to go to an event featuring a person, and to have that person referred to by a name that you are not familiar with. However, short of using all of the names each time I refer to her, the options are limited.
I might mention that I had considered simply using “the bride”. I am not sure how many of you have seen the “Kill Bill” films of Quentin Tarantino, but those of you have will realise why I am not keen on doing that.
So what we have finished with is a mixture. Most of the story I am about to relate happened at a time that I knew the bride as “Thi”, so I have used that name. During the actual wedding the celebrant will use “xxxx”. I will also use “yyy” at times, which is the name I now usually use for her myself, and despite what I have said I will also use “the bride” occasionally.

4. Mingling
I also quickly need to tell you a bit about yourselves. A bit over a quarter of you are family, and in most cases you know no one else here. The rest of you are friends that we know individually. Again in most cases none of you know any one else here.
Therefore, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. I had hoped to seat you all in completely random order, but a wiser head prevailed. However, with my guests I have been a bit bolshie in mixing things up a bit.
I can tell you from our personal experience that you are all individually wonderful people, so it logically follows that everyone else that you might speak to in this room is also wonderful.
Therefore I strongly encourage you to mingle as much as possible.
And of course at an event like this you all have the same handy conversation starters available, namely:
1) how you are connected to the bride or groom ?; or
2) isn’t the bride beautiful ?
Of course that last one needs to be immediately followed by the compulsory universal follow up:
3) what could she possibly see in him ?
However, please do not ask me that last question. No, it’s not because I’ll be offended. Rather, it’s because I still do not know what she does see in me.
I also should mention that we have a fair number of young people in the room. In fact, judged on academic results, we literally have some of the finest young minds in Australia present in this room. But we all know academic results are only 1 measure of a person, so I can tell you from deeply personal knowledge that all of the young people in this room are quite remarkable in at least several ways, so I very strongly encourage you all to have a chat with at least some of them before you leave.
Also, I note that all of Thi’s family, except her parents, speak English well, so please waylay a few of them before you leave.

5. Non-romantic
Next, I need to warn you that although you are at a wedding, the bride and I both suffer from several unfortunate disabilities.
To quote the bride speaking about herself: “I do not have a romantic bone in my body”.
To further quote the bride, speaking about me: “You are even less romantic than me.”
In my own defence, I would simply like to say that it is difficult to be romantic with someone who doesn’t really like chocolate.
Compounding our non-romanticness, there is also the matter of our professions. As most of you are aware, I am an ex-public service lawyer, and the bride is a very active tax and superannuation accountant. When you hear mention of either of those professions, I daresay that the first thought that comes to your mind is NOT “Oh, how romantic !”
So you are about to see a non-romantic accountant marry a non-romantic ex-lawyer.
Frankly, we were surprised that so many of you accepted our invitation to attend today.

6. Summary of what will happen
Finally I need to give you a bit more information about what is about to happen. I am about to launch into the Ballad of Thi and Ben. I have used the word “Ballad” simply to indicate length, not style. Because of its length, I have divided it into 4 parts. To give you some relief from listening to me, in between the parts you will hear readings delivered by 5 readers.

We start with the first of our readings. The reader is my nephew, Luke.

Why we are here
Life is a journey
from an unknown place to an unknown place.
Like with every journey, there are obstacles to be overcome,
and there is fun to be had.
Obstacles are not best tackled, and fun is not best had, alone.
A good travelling companion is what you need to make the most out of a journey.
A good travelling companion needs to be tolerant, loyal and dependable.
A good travelling companion does not have to be beautiful, smart, spunky, or sexy.
But if a person should come along who has all of these basic and additional qualities, even if she is disguised as a tax and superannuation accountant, then there is only one sensible thing to do.
And that is why we are all here today.

The Ballad of Thi and Ben
So that’s the one minute version of why we’re here. I now start the half hour version. Incidentally, I do this because Thi and I are about to experience a very significant milestone in our lives, and I think it’s important for us to stop and reflect on what has brought us to this point. The 1st 3 parts of the Ballad describe the period from when we first met to now, and the last part describes where this milestone sits in the journey of our lives to date.

Part 1 – The first meeting
I would like to take you back about 3 years to May 2015. Donald Trump was not yet on anyone’s radar, Tony Abbott was prime minister of Australia and had just lost his 23rd consecutive Newspoll, but then, who was counting ? I had just returned from an 8 week trip to Europe.
I was asked to go to an event in my local area. It wasn’t an event I particularly wanted to go to, but I had nothing else on, and, to clinch things, someone then mentioned those magic words: “free lunch”.
The lunch was a buffet affair. I filled a plate and then looked for somewhere to sit. This is where destiny took a hand. As I walked around with my plate I saw there was an empty spot opposite an attractive young Asian female. I asked whether the spot was free, she said it was, and I sat down. She introduced herself as Thi and said she was an accountant.
We had a pleasant chat while eating during which it somehow came out that Thi had come to Australia from Vietnam when she was about 22, and that she had a 20 year old and an 18 year old son who had both been born in Australia. That was of interest because until that point I had her pegged as being way too young to be of any possible romantic interest. I might mention that up to that point in my life I had been a serial toy-boy rather than a cradle-snatcher.
Thi finished her meal and said she was going to get some dessert. She asked me if she could get me some cake.
Now, if I was required to nominate the moment when destiny made it clear to me that I had found a new life partner, this moment would have to be it.
“Can I get you some cake ?”
Has any more beautiful phrase ever been spoken in the English language ?
Thi returned to the table with cake. She gave me a piece, and then picked the icing off the piece she had got for herself, and ate it. She then asked me if I was interested in having the rest of her piece.
Now if there was a second moment when destiny made it clear to me that I had found a new life partner, this moment would have to be it.
It was as if to all intents and purposes my late wife Patsy was sitting reincarnated in front of me. It was exactly what she used to do – eat the best bits and offer me the remainder.
A bit later, at the end of the event I went to Thi to say goodbye. She gave me a copy of her business card. Although I would like to think that that moment had some significance, I think the better view is that it was the reflex action of a serial networker.
I advised her that I had no card to give her in return, but that I would email her my details.
Now I should perhaps do a recap of the state of play at this point. To my mind I had met an attractive person who deserved follow up if possible. In Thi’s mind, as she has been more than happy to tell me since on a number of occasions, she had met another forgettable male. If there had been no further contact she would have completely forgotten me within a few days. So, to be crystal clear on this, from Thi’s point of view, this was NOT love at first sight.
So ends this part of our story.
In the meantime, in one of the few romantic things you will hear today, Thi’s oldest son Edward, is going to read some Shakespeare for us.



Sonnet 116 - William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Just in case you are wondering why I included that reading, yes, it is a beautiful piece, and yes, it has raised the tone of this part of the ceremony, but really the main reason has to do with the future. In days to come, should you ever have cause to mention this ceremony to anyone, please remember that there was one reading by Shakespeare and 4 readings by Piper. It is likely to be the last time those 2 names appear on the same list.

Part 2 – The first date
The lead-up
I finished Part 1 of this Ballad on a Friday after lunch. Thi had given me her business card, and I had said I would email her my details.
The next morning I did that. I finished the email with the following:
It was a pleasure to meet you yesterday, and should you want to meet again … please let me know.
That resulted in our first date, almost exactly a week later.
But what a week that was.
There are 2 versions of what happened that week – the long and the short.
I am planning to publish the long version as a book in a few months. Well no, I’m not really. While the story is indeed book-length, I suspect it wouldn’t be worth the effort financially.
So, that leaves the short version.
As I have mentioned, on the Saturday morning after our Friday meeting, I sent Thi an email.
Between then and the following Thursday we exchanged 23 emails between us. And none of them were short !
I might just mention that it is clear from the emails that Thi was very busy at work that week, so all of those emails were sent at the weekend or in the evening. Goodness knows how many there might have been if she hadn’t been so busy at work.
Returning to my tale, late on the Thursday evening of that week, just after “The Footy Show” had started, Thi called me, completely unexpectedly. After I had got over my surprise, we had a fairly shaky, but long, like 2 hour long, conversation.
The next morning I then wrote a long email to try to repair some of the damage I had inflicted on myself during our phone call.
We then had a couple of shorter phone conversations later that day.
We then finally met on the Saturday morning for our first date.
Talk about having to earn a date !
And for the sake of the younger people present tonight, I might mention that none of the emails we exchanged contained any photos of any of our body parts ! So it is still possible for us oldies, at any rate, to get a relationship going without an exchange of photos.
I might also mention that there was a kicker. Despite all my efforts up to that time I found out subsequently that Thi came very close to not showing up for the date at all ! Between agreeing to the date and actually showing up she had consulted at length with her sons, her brother in Vietnam and with various friends. I think most of those people are present today, so I take this opportunity to thank you one and all for advising her to meet me.

The first date
So, what was our first date ?
We had finally agreed that we would meet to go for a walk along the Williamstown foreshore, starting near the Williamstown beach.
Thi arrived, about 10 minutes late. I discovered much later that she had seriously contemplated not turning up even as she was driving in Williamstown.
We greeted each other and set out towards Altona.
When we got to the Jawbone Reserve, I suggested we walk to the end of the boardwalk there. When we got there, we found that the seat that is there was empty. Although it wasn’t particularly warm, the sun was shining (how could it not be – we’re talking destiny here), so we agreed to sit for a bit and talk.
That we did. After about an hour and a half of very pleasant conversation, I thought we had got to a point that suggested to me that this was a relationship that was not going to go anywhere. I made some sort of comment to that effect, only to be told that I had completely misread the situation, and that Thi was interested in pursuing things with me. Clearly, in common with most of the males in this room, I am from Mars !
So we then spent the next half hour following up on how we might keep things going.
I might mention, although I risk a lonely night tonight in doing this, as it is information that has never been disclosed to anyone else before, that during this last half hour a first kiss was exchanged.
And so ends this part of the Ballad.
We will now hear from my nephew Sean.

Thank you, Lionel
If this wedding was taking place 50 years ago, we would not be where we are now. Instead, because Ben is a heathen, there would have only been 1 option open to Thi and Ben. So, they would be at a very dingy registry office with broken furniture and paint peeling off the walls. They would be there in public service opening hours. It would just be 4 of them: Thi, Ben and 2 witnesses. They would first have to wait in a queue with others also wanting to get married. They would eventually be called into an office. They would then go through a short purely bureaucratic process conducted by a disinterested public servant. There would be nothing that could be described as any sort of ceremony, and there would be no dignity whatsoever for anyone involved.
The fact that we are all here, able to enjoy this magnificent venue for both the wedding and the reception, is entirely due to the vision and actions of one man, Lionel Murphy.
In his capacity as the Attorney-General of Australia in the early 1970s, Lionel Murphy was responsible for one of the most momentous reforms in Australian legal history: he brought family law out of the 19th century and into a form that is still going strong well into the 21st century.
He is less well known for doing the same thing with respect to marriage. Until he began appointing civil marriage celebrants in 1973, the only way to get married was in a church, or in a registry office during public service hours.
And that was also the situation everywhere else in the world.
In 1973 Australia became the 1st country in the world to allow weddings to be held wherever, whenever and however the people getting married wanted.
This started off small, but these days over 76%, and rising, of all weddings in Australia are now conducted by civil celebrants.
Thank you, Lionel.


That reading was included because we couldn’t have any Ben event without at least a bit of trivia, but also because I think it is important to be reminded of how things have changed over time.

Part 3 – From then to now
The 1st overnight
So, by the end of our first date Thi and I considered ourselves to be an item.
Of course, to fully attain that status we needed to at least spend a night together. So in due course, we decided that that had to happen. We also agreed that it would perhaps be good to spend that night away somewhere.
It was left to me to make the arrangements. Owing to the circumstances in which our decision was made, there was not much time to do this. I decided that out of Melbourne would be best, but not too far out. I knew from experience that Geelong had a lot of good accommodation options, so that was the problem of destination solved. Unfortunately, owing to the short notice, none of the nice places I knew of were available. I therefore chose a mid-price range motel that was in the Geelong CBD.
So we set off for Geelong. The motel itself was okayish, its location was good, and we had a very pleasant evening.
Sorry, that’s all I can mention about that evening and still hope to be married tomorrow.
Now, I should mention at this point that in making the booking I had only hurriedly read over the booking information. In doing that I thought I had seen that the motel had an 11.00 a.m. checkout. While that’s not unusual in Europe, where I had just come from, it is in Australia, where the usual time is 10.00 a.m.. Thi had queried me on that, but I re-assured her that I was confident that this motel was different.
Thus, at 10.00 a.m. the following morning we were still lying comfortably in bed, confident in the knowledge that we still had time before we needed to get up.
Three minutes later there was a loud knocking on our door, followed by a fairly shrill female voice telling us loudly that we should have already checked out.
Now, the amazing part of this story is that about a month later Thi was prepared to embark on a 5 week trip to Europe entirely organised by me, the same man who had organised our first night in Geelong.
And then
Well, the rest is history. We survived that trip to Europe, relationship intact, much to the surprise of many, I suspect, and now here we are almost 3 years later, relationship intact, much to the surprise of Thi and many others. We’re not only still speaking to each other, but we’re ready to tie the knot.
But, of course, there is still the story of how we came to be in a position to meet 3 years ago. That story forms the last part of this Ballad, but before then I would like to introduce Thi’s son Andrew and her niece Cathie.

Love is: Sacrifices and compromises

Hers: Love is marrying him before he has even bought her an engagement ring.
His: Love is wearing a suit at what was supposed to have been a casual wedding.
Hers: Love is having to eat ice cream, cake, lollies and other sweets to keep him company, even though they are things she claims she would not otherwise have eaten.
His: Love is having the heater on in the car even when it is not really cold, and having the air conditioner on in the car even when it is not really hot.
Hers: Love is having to go to movies, concerts, theatre and other shows when she could better spend that time working.
His: Love is attending functions with her to hear speakers speak for an hour and a half in Vietnamese.
Hers: Love is getting up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning to going bushwalking with him, and then having to trek through bush even though it is windy and raining.
His: Love is going to dancing lessons with her even though he has no sense of rhythm or co-ordination.
Hers: Love is going to Europe with him even though she has only known him for a few weeks.
His: Love is “happily” swapping meals at a restaurant once she realises what she ordered was a mistake.
Hers: Love is going to Europe with him again even though she has already been to Europe with him.
His: Love is getting up first every morning so that she can laze in bed for half an hour longer.

Part 4 – The back story
As foreshadowed, in the last part of this Ballad I will describe how Thi and I got to be in a position to come together. I start with Thi’s fuller story.
Thi’s story
She was born in North Vietnam about 4 years before the end of what the Vietnamese called “the American War”. She was the 2nd child of her parents, and as it turned out, she was the only daughter of the 4 children that her parents eventually had. Her father worked as a marine engineer on ships. Thi’s parents were living in Hai Phong at the time she was born. It is a large port city and was subject to very severe bombing during the war by American bombers. In fact when Thi was about 1 the family house was destroyed during a bombing attack while Thi and her mother were still in it. Obviously they both somehow managed to survive that.
About 5 years after the war ended her family moved to Saigon.
Although she had a happy childhood, some might say, as the only daughter of the family, a “spoiled” (in the nicest sense of that term) childhood, at the age of 22 she decided to go to Australia to study.
I might mention that during her time in Vietnam young Thi was not short of suitors – in fact, she once compiled a written list of everyone who had expressed a romantic interest in her before she left for Australia. Apparently there were over 100 names on the list. You can imagine how busy she kept her poor father !
The move to Australia was supported financially by her parents, but otherwise she was entirely on her own – she knew no one here, and her English was not brilliant. Within 2 years she met and married xxxx xxxx.
She then had 2 sons, Edward, and Andrew. In the meantime she had studied accountancy, and then found work as an accountant. Several years ago her marriage ended.
At the time she 1st met me she was not particularly looking for a new relationship, although as with her Vietnam days, she was not short of potential suitors, something I only became aware of much later in the piece.

Ben’s story
I was born in Cooma, New South Wales, the gateway to the Snowy Mountains. My father had arrived in Australia in 1952 as a migrant from the north of Germany. After he had been in Australia for about 2 years he returned to Germany for about 2 months to have a holiday, and to visit his mother. While there he met my mother.
My mother was born in East Prussia, but when she was 7 she and her family became refugees in what was then the greatest mass movement of people in recorded history as those in Prussia fled the invasion by Russia towards the end of the 2nd World War.
My mother and her family finished up in the north of Germany. At the time she met my father she was 18. There was a whirlwind romance, followed by engagement and an engagement party, all within 6 weeks. Dad then had to return to Australia. Mum followed him as soon as she could, which was about 6 months later.
It was only when I was preparing this Ballad that I fully realised the parallels between Thi and my mother. They both were significantly affected by war when they were young. They both left their home countries alone, at roughly the same age. For both of them Australia was a place with a strange culture, and neither of them spoke English fluently. While Mum had support when she arrived here, that support was someone she had only known for 6 weeks, and who she had not seen for 6 months. Thi had financial support, but nothing else when she arrived here. All in all, each was incredibly gutsy to leave their home for the uncertainty of what awaited them in Australia.
Returning to me, I was joined by my sister Bianca 18 months after I was born. We then spent another 7 years in the Snowy Mountains in 4 different places, and then lived for 18 months in New Zealand, and then for 18 months in South America. Dad spent most of his working life in construction, so that was why we moved about so much. When I was 11 we finally settled for good in Melbourne.
After Uni I spent most of my working life in the Victorian public service. In 1988 I married Patsy Baudinet. In the late 1990s Patsy was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. This disease eventually killed her in 2012, after we had been happily married for 24 years. Two weeks after Patsy died my father died unexpectedly.
So by 2015, I was a free man.
I might say here that I consider myself to be amazingly blessed to have had the opportunity to hook up with 2 such amazing women. Obviously I must have done something particularly good in my previous life. In fairness I should also mention that Thi is of the view that getting stuck with me clearly means that she must have done something pretty horrible in her previous life.
So that is our story using a longer timescale.
I would like to finish this part of our Ballad by taking an even longer term view.
Before lunch today Thi and I went through a Vietnamese wedding ceremony. Unfortunately owing to logistical difficulties we had to keep attendance at this ceremony to a minimum, so it was primarily attended by family members only.
At the heart of the ceremony was an acknowledgement of Thi’s ancestors.
Thi’s ancestors come from East Asia.
My ancestors come from Northern Europe.
We are at present on land that was first settled by Aborigines many years ago.
Yet, according to the evidence available, particularly DNA evidence, all of us, Thi’s ancestors, my ancestors and the ancestors of the first Australians all ultimately have the same ancestors. Those original ancestors became human in Africa many years ago and then left Africa to populate the world.
Thus we here in countries like Australia and the US are slowly in the process of becoming one again.
I realised a few days after I wrote this that I should perhaps clarify that Thi and I only intend to make a cultural contribution to this process, not a biological one !

The final reading will be read by me. Unfortunately because of its nature, I am the only one who can appropriately read it.
This last reading arises because I read recently that a poem entitled “Because she would ask me why I loved her” by Christopher Brennan is one of the more popular poems recited at weddings. I twisted that title about a bit to bring it into line with a question that Thi had actually asked me a little while back. And don’t worry, what’s coming isn’t a poem – it’s just a bit of prose. This is the answer that I should have given, rather than the one I actually gave.

And you asked me why I loved you
That made me think, because up until then it was not something that I had given any thought to, as it is something that had just happened. So, I pondered…
Is it because you are physically attractive ? Well, it doesn’t hurt, but there are lots of attractive women around, so there has to be something else as well.
Is it the cheeky grin ? Well, again, it’s one of your enormously attractive features, although it usually means that you’ve done or said something naughty, but there has to be more to our relationship than that.
Is it because you are a tax and superannuation accountant ? Well, even though I am quite comfortable with the idea of not having to pay tax ever again, that’s not it either, particularly if one factors in the likely cost of the engagement ring and the Mercedes that I still have to get you.
Is it your sense of humour ? Well no, because I think everyone knows that while you have a very active sense of humour, it is perhaps a little bit warped. Not everyone would think it is funny to tell their poor dog how nice he would look roasting on a spit above the BBQ.
Is it the larrikin streak ? How you always make sure that there are Australians about when you tell your poor dog how nice he would look roasting on a spit above the BBQ. In fairness, I should perhaps mention that while Germans call dogs of Dante’s type Dachshunds, it is Australians who call them “sausage dogs”. But no, it’s not the larrikin streak either.
So what is it ?
Well, it is all of these things, but really above all it is 2 things:
it is because you are you; and
it is because I can also see what most people see so quickly after they meet you – the beauty of your soul.

Well that’s the end of my bit of this ceremony. We now get to the serious stuff, so I’d better put on my jacket and hand this to [the wedding celebrant] for the serious part of the day.


[If you are planning to marry in the next little while, and the idea of having a pre-wedding ceremony of the sort set out in this transcript appeals to you, I have written an e-book that provides detailed guidance on how you can create such a ceremony for your own wedding: “Ideas for modern weddings”. Buying the book gives you the right to use anything from my pre-wedding talk in your own wedding, but it will also give you lots of ideas about how you can come up with original material based on your own experiences and circumstances. It also has very detailed advice about how to give the talk, if you might want to do that yourself. If not, the book also looks at other ways in which your story can be told at your wedding.

I note that this idea is also something that can be used for a publicly celebrated wedding anniversary (be it a 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th or whatever anniversary).

To find out more, click here: The book

[If you would like to read a bit more about how the idea for this talk came about, how it was received, and how our wedding and reception went, please see: Origin Story ]

Dan Angelucci: "If they can take on long distance. I'm confident that they can take on anything", for Don and Katherine - 2019

May 2017

This speech is the result of an amazing and hilarious jounrey. Watch the background documentary first!

Dan Angelucci: 'The Best (Best Man) Speech of all time', for Don and Katherine - 2019

This hilarious 'making of’ documentary was submitted via submission tool by Vireo Films.

That guy right there. Standing on the precipice of history. That's me. And I'm about to give the best man speech at my best friend, Don's, wedding. A speech that could end up being...

Voice Over: The best speech of all time.

Don and I have been best friends since high school. Even through going to college in separate parts of the country, and living on separate coasts. In fact, Don gave the best man speech at my wedding in 2014. But this particular journey began in 2018, when I got a call from Don.

[Phone call]

Hey, what's up man?

Don: Yo.

What's up.

Don: I just wanted to ask if you would be my best man at my wedding.

Really? Several thoughts are now going through my head. Don is my best friend. Many of my other friends are already married. And the rate of marriage among millennials is steadily declining. These things lead me to one conclusion. This is my only shot to make the greatest best man speech of all time. And to honour my friendship with Don.

Yeah. Whoa, wow. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I will not let you down, Don.

Don: Okay.

I began by brainstorming everything I wanted to express about Don. After 14 years of friendship, I would have a lot to say. But being that I didn't see Don very much, it took a little more digging than I expected, to paint a picture of Don as I remembered him. Once I got my thoughts together, it was time to write.

Dan: (singing)

So, the writing started a little slow. I realised it was time to put my ego aside, and get some help. There's no shame in using a speech writer. Even the greats do it.

Video: The fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday. But as the day when the world declared it's...

My research led to me to Speechpublic.com, a site that promises the best speech ever. This sounded too good to be true. But then I saw, right on their front page, the guarantee that "Our linguist also proofread each speech." This was exactly what I needed to break me out of writer's block. After all, "A new breathe of ideas can make your speech of the highest quality." I couldn't have said it better myself.

So I asked them for a speech for my friend, Don's wedding. Within 10 business days, I had my speech. And I went to get some feedback from Eric, one of my fellow groomsmen, who also happens to work as an editor at - publishing.

So I'm going to, if it's okay if I read it.

Eric: Sur. Yeah.

Okay. "Good evening, everyone. I would first like to welcome you all on the most blissful and beautiful occasion of Don and Katherine's life."

Eric: Blissful?

Yeah. "I still remember the first time I met Don in school. We were in 7th grade and were in the same class."

Eric: You were not in 7th grade. Don wasn't here in 7th grade.

So, I'm going to be fact checking all this later.

"Katherine, you are one lucky woman, I must say, to have Don as your life partner. I will tell you some of the most memorable, happiest, and hilarious moments I have spent with this guy. Our childhood stories are filled with such moments. So I won't be going in that detail, as it will take tonnes of days. I would now like to request all of you to raise a massive toast to this beautiful couple."

Eric: You can't, what is a massive toast?

It's like a big toast. So give me your thoughts on this speech.

Eric: I feel like you can't use any of this. This all sounds like one giant throat clear. There is, like, no content. If you feel like there are good memories, just like say the good memories. So what is that memory that you're going to share?

Eric had a lot of opinions. But it didn't seem like his expertise was a great fit for wedding speeches. So I booked a session with Alexandra Levine, a writer and wedding speech consultant. If anyone could help me, it would be her.

I want to read you a little excerpt of my first draught. And you can tell me if I'm on the right track here.

Alexandra: Will do.

"Good evening, everyone. I would first like to welcome you all on the most blissful, and beautiful, occasion of Don and Katherine's life. May both of your love be an old classical school, so that it lasts long, and you both make the most of it. I would now like to request all of you to raise a massive toast to this beautiful couple." Is this... How do we feel about this, overall?

Alexandra: Sadly, it's not salvageable. There's nothing specific to you, or your relationship with Don and Katherine, or the relationship with each other, anywhere in the speech. And I think you should scrap the entire thing.

So, in your experience, what makes a good speech?

Alexandra: Having a wedding speech that is not generic. That doesn't sound like a Mad Lib that every other person in the room could have said, or could have written, is something that clearly takes a lot of time. It's something that clearly takes a lot of thoughtfulness. And it's something that clearly takes a lot of attention to detail in your friendship with both the bride an the groom. So, the wedding toast is your time to...

It seemed like writing a great speech would take more introspection than I thought. So I formed a writers room. And recruited several comedy writers to help me write the story.

Thank you guys so much for being here. I'm glad you're going to help me write this. Today, we are going to be writing a wedding speech, a best man speech for my friend, Don.

Hannah Trav: Wait. What?

Yeah. We're writing a best man speech. I need a little bit of help punching up jokes and stuff.

Robert Ecks: You said this was HBO.

Well, so it's actually "Helping a Best man Out", is sort of what we're doing.

Hannah Trav: So, not the television network?

No, no, no. I know. And this is a speech for Don. We're doing a speech for Don.

MIchael Watkins: Who is Don?

Okay. I'm very glad you asked that. None of the writers ever met Don. But if I wanted to follow Alexandra's advice, my writers needed to really know don. So I interviewed his friends and family. And edited together a documentary to give my writers the full Don experience.

New Speaker: [Documentary]

Leslie Lemire: He's fairly calm. He's good at math.

Kevin Sallah: He has a lot of friends. And I see why. Because he gets people.

Like any good documentary, I made sure to include alternate perspectives.

Nate Adams: I would say, having not seen Don for years, and probably never seeing Don again, I do not care for Don.

I could tell everyone was getting a lot out of this deep dive into Don.

Writer: He was talking today about how he won't fart in front of her. Like, if you're willing to do that after that many years of a relationship...

[End Documentary]

And soon, we were ready to start writing.

I'm going to do a little exercise. I'm going to... You tell me what you think of when you think of Don.

Hannah Trav: Cross country.

MIchael Watkins: I put down "grease ball".

Hannah Trav: He's also good at math, apparently. I mean, honest... Is he interesting?

He's like ... fun. It was a little bit of a slow start. But soon, we found our groove. And narratives started to emerge.

Hannah Trav: He's a less hot, gassier version of Katherine.

MIchael Watkins: Yeah.

Hannah Trav: But he doesn't fart in front of her.

MIchael Watkins: He's saving himself for after the wedding.

Hannah Trav: You could say something like, "Katherine is tall, and beautiful, and smart. And Don's blood type is AB-."

Joe Bell: Katherine, would you rather he farted in front of you? Or stopped playing hard [inaudible 00:07:39].

Robert Ecks: I thought you were out of Don's league. But it says here you like hint of lime Tostitos. So I guess you just, in general, have bad taste.

And before long, I got the material I needed. And the speech was finally coming together. Now I just needed to practise.

"And what can we say about Katherine? What can we say? I don't know her!"

Fortunately, I had a captive audience with my wife, who had recently lost her job.

"Favourite snack is hint of lime Tostitos. So we know she's got bad taste."

Are you listening?

Dan's wife: I didn't even know I was supposed to be listening. You've done this ten times already.

Listen, I know that times are tough. But I think that this speech should be perfect. Because if we can't afford a gift, I think this can be the gift.

Dan;s wife: We can afford a gift. What are you talking about? This doesn't... Your speech is the gift?

The journey is the gift.

Dan's wife: What journey? You're giving a best man speech.

I've taken on many trials to do this speech.

Dan's wife: Okay. I'm so happy for you that you are putting so much effort into this. And I think it's going to mean a lot to Don. But I just need to be able to focus right now. Is there somewhere else, maybe, that you could do this?

She was right. If I wanted to take things to the next level, I had to expand my horizons.

MC: Oh my God. Let's give it up for Dan Angelucci.

Thank you guys so much. It's such a pleasure to be here. Thank you first of all, to the [Lemiere 00:09:08] family. And thank you to the Grunberg family. This has been a wonderful wedding.

The only way I could truly get a gauge of my speech was with a real live audience. And there were audiences ready, and willing to listen throughout the city.

... Such an incredible hard worker. Even something as trivial as video games, Don will give it his all. He would do 100 super jumps. Two time legend on Hearthstone. Champion's road. And if you know what those are, then you know part of why I find this all so surprising.

I never had a brother. But with Don, I understood what it was like to have to drive someone everywhere because they weren't old enough for a licence. Again, [inaudible 00:09:43] Dante. I'm sorry. There's a lot of jokes at Don's expense. So you might want to just go to the bar. Or go back to the church.

And I know that she likes hint of lime Tostitos. So what we know is that she has bad taste. I hope that you remember this day years from now, and all the people who came here, together, to wish you guys a happy wedding. That's my time, guys. Let's give a toast to the happy couple.

After a successful run, I was ready to talk shop with the veterans.

Would you say it was one of the... If you had to say whether it was one of the great speeches, would you put it up there?

Chris O'Connor: No. You need to cut out the video game stuff. No in-law is going to want to hear about how their son-in-law beats hard levels in video games. You're supposed to fill the group with optimism about the union. I got nothing from you. What hope, what hope is there for these two? How are they going to survive the storm that is life?

What would you do, then?

Chris O'Connor: What would I do?

Yeah.

Chris O'Connor: First thing I would do is, I would throw the whole speech out. I'd get rid of it. I'd toss it. Right? It's a fake. It's a phoney . It's got no heart. No soul. You gotta fight. You gotta go out there, you gotta be honest. You gotta tell the truth. The crowd's going to know the truth. They know Don and Laura.

It's Katherine.

Chris O'Connor: They know them, is what I'm saying. They're going to know the difference between a lie and a truth. You go out there. You be you. You be honest. You be pure. You tell them the truth. And you're going to show them that you're the best man, and not just any man.

I realised it was time to get real. So I decided to toss my speech out, and speak from the heart.

Thank you. It's so wonderful to be here. Thank you very much to the [Lemiere 00:11:25] family. Thank you to the Grunberg family. It's been a wonderful wedding. Let me tell you about the first time that I met Don. Have you guys ever gone too far for a bit? I've got to tell you guys, I'm doing a wedding speech on Saturday. And I've been doing this thing where I've been going around, trying to do a good speech. It's not looking good. It's not looking good. I've been going to stand ups. It's not looking good. It's not playing in the room, that's for sure.

But the thing is, that I don't know... It's like a long distance friendship. So it's like I don't know that much about my friend anymore. You know? Like you go to high school with someone. They go away. And it's like, what am I going to talk about in this speech. It's like, remember that time...

It was clear that this was not the success that I thought it would be. And I couldn't help but wonder, how could I give a great speech about Don and Katherine if I didn't have anything to say? Do I even truly know them? And so, with no confidence in my speech, I went to the wedding. Ready to disappoint my best friend. And when I finally saw Don, I had to come clean.

I worry that my speech is not going to live up to honour our relationship.

Don: Okay.

I appreciate it. That means a lot-

Don: Do think [inaudible 00:12:58] is better?

Just, it means a lot coming from you. You've given me this freedom.

Don: You write down-

But to my surprise, Don didn't mind at all. Then I thought of something that I hadn't before. What if being best man isn't about a speech to adore? What if being best man, perhaps, means a little bit more?

Friend: What's up? How you doing? It's just me and you?

Yep. This is Don's favourite song.

Friend: Actually, it is.

I know.

Dan: In thinking about what I would say in my speech, I remembered something that kept coming up when I was filming my documentary. Don and Katherine had a long distance relationship of their own for two years. Between Chicago and San Francisco. And when I asked people about how they did it, I got a similar answer.

Interviewee: I remember Katherine saying, "It's really, really hard." But I think it didn't matter to them. I don't know.

Kevin Sallah: I didn't know anything about it. Don made a pretty big move to start a long distance relationship.

Leslie Lemire: Oh. I don't understand why she is with him.

I don't know. And really, do we need to know? If they made it this far, there's got to be something there. As we get older, our friendships stretch and change. Some people fade. And some people stay in your life forever. Why? I have no idea. But if Don and I had made it this far, there's got to be something there. And I don't have to understand it. But I should take every opportunity I can to celebrate it. So, here goes.

I remember the first time that I met Katherine. Don had invited Kristen and I to go to Longwood Gardens to meet her. And we were all walking together in the conservatory. And it was Christmas time. And I remember this sweet girl, Katherine, walking arm in arm with Don. And I just remember feeling so surprised.

Even something as trivial as video games. He will go to the hardest challenges. Things like 100 super jumps, champion's road, two time legend at Hearthstone. And if you know what those are, then you understand why I'm so surprised about all of this.

Don is someone who cares deeply about the people in his life. He cares so much, in fact, that he gives Katherine the courtesy of leaving the room when he has to fart. And I'm sure Katherine appreciates it. But I imagine she would prefer he just stop playing Hearthstone on his phone around her.

Many of us in this room have long distance friendships with Don. And it can be hard. You can feel like you're missing a lot of a person's life. But Don and Katherine did a long distance relationship for two years. From San Francisco to Chicago... I almost said Seattle. To Chicago. And they made it work. Despite the difficulty, despite the distance, despite all the times where they could have said, "Why don't we just quit?" And not only did Don not quit. He conquered his crippling fear of flying to frequently fly across the country to see Katherine. And if they can take on air travel. If they can take on long distance. I'm confident that they can take on anything.

And so, after all my work, I finally reached the end of my journey. Did it pay off? Was it the best speech? That's not for me to say. At this point, there's really only one thing I can say.

I would now like to request all of you to make a massive toast to this beautiful couple.

Here is the full speech.

Suzette Wearne: 'May your smoke alarm batteries be strong', for Phil Wearne and Rachel Thomas - 2018

22 March 2018, Parlour, Canberra, Australia

We never thought that Phil would meet some just as wonderful and accomplished as him and when it happened, he and Rach became one hell of a couple, two of the most complementary personalities you’re likely to meet. One is sensitive, emotional, loves romantic dinner dates and dancing around the lounge room singing into a hairbrush. And then there's Rach. The brains of the outfit, Rach’s exacting standards can be witnessed in her leadership role in no less than the department of Prime Minister and Cabinet and, even more impressively, when she’s trying to find the most drinkable cab sauv … available at Aldi ... for under $8.

Rach is beautiful, but that's not the point. After introducing her to the family for the first time, Phil took me aside and said ‘Don’t be fooled by the lovely facade, she takes no prisoners when something goes wrong with her restaurant order.’ He was of course exaggerating her no-nonsenseness. Rach is compassionate and thoughtful and generous, a true beauty inside and out.

So where did our power-couple begin? Early in 2012 I got a group email from Phil. It read:

Hi guys. It’s been confirmed that I'm to fly to Canberra on Monday to enjoy a secondment to the Federal Education Department to work on a project of national significance; the implementation of the Gonski Education Review.

To be invited onto this taskforce represents a wonderful opportunity. As I see it, this is recognition of the work I have put in recently to improve myself as a consultant and to develop my knowledge of education policy.

I wrote back:

Dear Phil, You are the biggest geek in the world. Seriously though, congratulations. With you on board, I'm sure Gonski will be done and dusted in no time.

Back then none of us knew that Phil was about to leave Melbourne and begin perhaps the biggest chapter of his life in Canberra. Phil has always been the heart and soul of his family and it was, to me at least, unthinkable that Phil would be more than a bike ride away.

Gonski was a ruse. We now know that Phil's main motivation for relocating to Canberra was to find a life partner who met a number of specific criteria. She had to be an ANU graduate. She had to share his staunchly moderate political views. She had to be able to tour the world if his side-hustle as DJ Beat Taskforce ever took right off. She had to be willing to participate in long-weekend holidays with his family and their partners, and in most instances, single-handedly organise these holidays. She had to be completely agreeable and she had to have naturally voluminous head of hair.

Mission accomplished. And may I say if there were a sister-in-law shop, you would choose Rachel without a moment's hesitation. On literally any subject, Rach is an excellent conversationalist — a veritable Leigh Sales to my Annabelle Crabb. By that I mean she brings the intellectual gravitas and I bring the scones. Rach is super fun. Just ask my Dad, who adored her from their first rollicking chat about Australia’s reporting obligations under ratified international labour standards.

The other day Dad was watching one of his grandkids playing with a plastic shape sorter and he said fondly 'Phil was good at that when he was a baby'. Ugh I thought, and I remembered what it was like growing up with an older brother as smart as Phil, and who brought home straight–A report cards without even trying. Annoying basically. There was no such thing as an enjoyable game of cards between us because Phil is an inveterate mathematician where I am not. Phil would routinely wipe the floor with me. In turn I would accuse him of brazenly cheating by using his memory, strategy and intelligence.

I want to finish with a memory about Phil and hope that it serves as a cautionary tale. Because while Phil was the golden child in our family, excellent at sport, excellent academically, musically gifted, a great storyteller, funny, kind, etc. If/when we hear the pitter-patter of little footsteps, they should know that nobody likes an overachiever. Even God will show his annoyance eventually. Many years ago, something happened at our childhood home which left us questioning what we knew about right and wrong. Not one of us was the same afterwards.

Phil was about 17 and looking after his brother Dan and cousin Ace both 8 or 9. Phil was indoctrinating Dan and Ace on an ancient martial art. Ok they were watching a Jean Claude Van Damme film. Halfway through, Phil paused the VHS and kickboxed his way to the kitchen to cook some hot chips. He peeled and sliced potatoes in perfect lengths and placed a saucepan of vegetable oil on the gas stove.

In the lounge 'No Retreat No Surrender' resumed.

Forty minutes passed. Smoke drifted across the tele. Phil leapt from the couch and hurtled towards the kitchen. It was too late. The range hood and surrounding cupboards were engulfed in flames and fire licked the ceiling. Standing at a safe distance from the fire, Phil looked upon it in shock. Dan and Ace hopped from one foot to the other, exhilarated. Eventually the inferno subsided and the damage was contained. While the smoke was thick throughout the house, one thing was clear. Phil was in deep shit.

A decades–long career as favourite child up in smoke. So sad…

I think he was grounded a week and Mum got the shiny new kitchen she always wanted so order was restored to the universe pretty quickly.

On that incendiary note I ask that you charge your glasses for a toast. To our dear Phil and Rach. Thank you for inviting us all to be here on this special day. I hope the story of your lives together is a long one full of laughter and adventure and frequent trips to Melbourne. May your smoke alarm batteries be strong. May you continue to provide the stability that is the bedrock of your relationship and may your love and admiration for each other remain as true as it is today.

Gordon Money: 'You are how I want to spend my time', for Gordon and Jane Money - 2005

26 March 2005, Hurstbridge, Melbourne, Australia

SMILE LOOK AROUND SMOOTH POSITIVE ENJOY CHEERFULL RELAX KISS IT ???

??? Wait …

Right everybody. It took too long for voices off and eyes and ears this way. We’ll have to make up that time by staying in for a bit longer at the end of the night.

 It is great that you are all here. I hope you’ve been having as good a day as me. Mine would be hard to top though, because Jane just married me.

 Please excuse the notes and choosing to read my speech. This way my bouts of repetition, irrelevancy and waffling might be less of a distraction for us all.

Jane, You always have a stunning presence about you. You look amazing today and have made me so proud….and gushy.

Mum and Dad. Can I publicly introduce you, to who you thought I might have been. Before the days of ultrasound it was always a good idea, as expecting parents, to have a name set aside for the arrival of either a boy or a girl. I can imagine that there may have been a hint of good karma in your thoughts today. You have not only a wonderful daughter in law, but one who bears the name you had ready for me but have never had the chance to use. Mum and Dad: The girl I hope I might have become had a Y chromosome been there for me. Jane Money. 

I feel honoured Jane, that you have chosen to take on our problematic family name.  However, it makes cents!! Ha Ha

I’m also very chuffed that the fact that there’s been no change in Jane’s initials, means I can keep referring to her the way I’ve always liked. My JEM.

I’ve become a great believer in the importance of time and place in the in the quality of the friendships and relationships that we make, keep and build on.  Over the past fifteen years, I have, when not completely impractical, or suspiciously creepy, made it a priority to be in particular places at particular times. Where Jane is. When she is there.

Here is how it Started back in 1990:

Tuesdays and Thursdays, 7:30 at hockey training.  Easy

Tuesdays and especially Thursdays 9:30 at Naughton’s after training.  Easy

Saturday or Sunday afternoons at our games.   Easy

Saturday nights 8:00 at Naughton’s.     Easy

After a few years it became harder work to find a way to get myself in the same place, at the same time, in order to spend some of my day with Jane.

Asking for a Neil Diamond ticket for me when she gets hers… She thought I was joking… No ticket

Getting in on the Federation Peak Tassie hike and wrangling it so she would share my new tent. The weather turned us back but it did cause a whole day to be spent in the tent with her.

Asking if I could come along with her in her Landcruiser and help out with her meals on wheels rounds. I got to drive and the clutch finally gave up. Sorry Jane. No more Cruiser.

Tried hard not to think about all the preparation needed the day before my first ever teaching job started. Instead hanging out in her pool all day. Margarita in hand. Thanks Diane for the advice about the importance of being prepared in teaching during the lift to Hurstbridge station that evening.

Then Jane spent about four years travelling, three living in New York and one in Sydney. I took any opportunity to see her when she came back occasionally. The queue however was pretty long.

I called Jane in Sydney on the way out to the airport when I spent most of 2001 overseas. I suggested she come and have a holiday back in New York with me later in the year. It never happened but a day after my return she called and offered me the spare room in her flat. Jane was now back in Melbourne. Time and Place was something I would not have to worry much about anymore.

After a month or so of long sessions of cooking, drinking, favourite song sharing and many travel, university days, and other conversations, Jane soon made it very clear to me, right where the bar is today, that all my hard work over the last decade or more, had paid off. We no longer needed separate rooms.

Since then; four years ago now; being in the same place at the same time as Jane has been a continual privilege. And today I have been able to let her and all of you know that it will be for the rest of my life.  It has been wonderful to be so welcomed into the Morgan family –  I am excited to be officially part of the clan.

Jane,…. My Bride. ……You are how I want to spend my time.  …….You’re a great place to be at. …..  I love you.

Neil Gaiman: 'And that's all I know about love', for Sxip Shirey and Coco Karol - 2017

21 October 2017, New York, USA

This beautiful poem first appeared on Neil Gaiman's blog. It was written for his friends, Sxip Shirey and Coco Karol.

This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,

a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet, 
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that's all I know about love.

Sxip Shirey, the groom, is a prominent New York producer and composer. His work is here.

Bill Murray: 'Take that person and buy a plane ticket', advice to bachelor party - 2014

2 May 2014, steak house, Charleston, South Carolina, USA

Is it 100%. I want to know if it’s 100%

Is it 100% or not?

Usually I say, I have a little experience in this (marriage) ...

So listen here I’m going to give you all here this advice. Cause it’s too late for this man. Besides, she’s 100% riiiiiight? You know how they say funerals are not for the dead but for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they're for the uncommitted.

This is what I recommend to you. If you have someone who you think is the one, don’t just do what you think in your ordinary mind, and say let’s make a plan, let’s have a date, let’s then make a party we’ll get married.

Take that person, and buy a plane ticket, and travel all around the world. Got to places that are hard to get to, and hard to get out of, and when you come back,  and you land at JFK, and when you land at JFK, you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

Alice Kohler: 'The story of Phoebe and Leigh will be strong, beautiful and forever', for sister Phoebe & Leigh - 2015

Great bridesmaid speech by Alice Kohler for sister Phoebe.

5 December 2015, Richmond, Melbourne, Australia

Hello, it’s so wonderful to see everyone here and see so many friends and loved ones in the room, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Alice, I’m Phoebe's sister, and I’m thrilled and excited to say a few words tonight.

To talk about Phoebe is to talk about stories, because she is in all of mine. I could tell you the story of Phoebe and me, but really it's the story that has told me, it is this story that has made me who I am.  Phoebe has been my story, and has taught me how to be a sister, how to love, how to be a good friend, how to be more patient (which I often fail miserably at), how to laugh, how to cry and how to listen.

Rebecca Solnit, a woman whose words I have come to love, says,  “Stories are compasses and architecture; we navigate by them, we build our sanctuaries and our prisons out of them, and to be without a story is to be lost in the vastness of a world that spreads in all directions like arctic tundra or sea ice. To love someone is to put yourself in their place, we say, which is to put yourself in their story, or figure out how to tell yourself their story.”

The truth is, Phoebe is my story.  She told me the other day that we've been mucking around for 30 years now, and even though it feels like 5 minutes, it's very true. Nearly 31 years now actually!  Since the first day we met on January 2nd, 1985, Phoebe has been a constant source of laughter, love and kindness.  Giggling Girties as our Mum used to (and still does) call us, we used to have sleepovers in each other’s rooms, just to continue laughing into the evening.

Phoebe has a wonderful ability to laugh, and make everything feel like it’s going to be ok.  She is brilliantly intelligent, and this, matched with her kindness is an unusual, and glorious combination.  This year has been her hardest yet, but she is brave, and level headed.  We speak nearly everyday when I’m in London, and these conversations are a gift I keep in my heart, and for which I will always be grateful.  Our story crosses oceans easily, and without it, I may not have been brave enough to make the leap.

When Leigh came into the story, or, musicguy75, the screen name we first knew him by, I saw him as a quiet, thoughtful, and … tall presence.  Perhaps the quietness was contagious, because soon Phoebe was also quiet about him.  What I soon realised was that this quiet stillness was a kind of certainty that has been there from the first glass of wine at the Black Cat, to this gorgeous dinner we are sharing tonight.

Leigh has felt very much like a big brother to me, with his incredible ability to cut any embarrassment out of any situation.  He makes one feel completely as ease.  I could illustrate this with a story – not about me – but about Phoebe.  When Leigh was living in Sydney, he was coming back to Melbourne for a much needed weekend.  Phoebe eagerly awaited his return by making a pizza, buying a bottle of wine, and lighting some candles.  Unfortunately, after a bit of a delay, the pizza became cold, and eaten, the wine was a little bit gone, and the candle wax had somehow spilled all over the new couch.

Now, a lot of people would have been dismayed to return home to this scene, after a long and tiring journey.  Not Leigh.  He pulled Phoebe into a hug, and they had a lovely night after all.

Phoebe and Leigh are, as our Nan, Noel would say, mates.  They are together in a way that makes total, and perfect sense to anyone who meets them.  Leigh remains calm when Phoebe loses her phone (because it’s always in her handbag), and Phoebe’s beautifully nurturing way is home to Leigh. In the last few years my admiration for Phoebe has grown, even when I thought it couldn’t get any bigger.  One of the things I’m most certain of, is that the story of Phoebe and Leigh will be strong, beautiful and forever. 

Chris Kohler: MC Phoebe and Leigh - 2015

5 December 2015, Richmond, Melbourne, Victoria

Kerryn Baker: 'But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for', Gabe and Gabi's engagement - 2016

30 January 2016, Melbourne, Australia

When thinking of speaking today, all my family felt it was too hard. They didn’t want to get too sloppy and emotional in public – so I put up my hand and here I am. It’s not everyday that my darling son becomes engaged to the most beautiful girl in the world.

According to George Burns: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  I think Gabe is well on his way.

As most of you know, I come from a large traditional highly dysfunctional family. I guess the cat is out of the bag. My parents’ divorced in an extremely acrimonious way.  It made War of the Roses look like a garden party. As a result, a lot of my adult life has been focused on making my kids’ lives easier and more peaceful. It was my mission.

I did this with the help of Mark who could bring happiness and adventure into places in myself that were fearful and dark. And for the most part, we brought up our kids surrounded by warmth and acceptance. I’m very proud of our kids and who they have become.

2015 was in many ways a difficult year for our family. I was to learn that an aggressive form of stomach cancer had made a home in my body. I was always a high achiever. But 2015 was something very different as well. It was the beginning of a love story, a love story that enveloped every part of my life.

It started with me developing two shadows. One was Mark, whose every action was a symbol of love. The way he stayed with me in hospital each night when I was vulnerable. The way he keeps me safe and makes me feel I’m not alone in all of this. My smart husband who never cried started to cry a lot.

Then there was Gabe, my second shadow, who carefully followed me from appointment to appointment, quietly sobbing, holding all the sadness so I could be strong. He then arranged to come to Melbourne every week to be with me. He leaves Sydney, Thursday night and works from home Friday and stays the weekend. When in Sydney he calls me every evening after work on his way to the ferry to see how I am. He has a heart of gold and is incredibly reliable and present. I know he’s going to make a brilliant husband. He learnt from the best.

Then there are my gorgeous girls.

Sarah, who was the first to know and and as a doctor understood what my future might hold. Who could talk to me about her grief, and cry with me, and allow me to mother her. And for us both to find comfort in each other. I so admire Sarah – her integrity, honesty and spirit.

And that powerhouse Rachi – who is clever and thoughtful and practical and compassionate. Preparing food each night, ringing to see if I need anything to be picked up. Impressing me with the force of her will and still finding a place to be young and free.

And now, I have a third gorgeous girl. I couldn’t be more happy to welcome Gabi and her entire gene pool into our family. It’s a shame that most of you only know her outside, because what’s inside is way more beautiful. She is gentle and caring and considerate, smart as a whip, and I love her with all my being.

Indulge me a little so I can acknowledge the others who star in our tale.

Genia and Yossl who have loved me as a daughter. Yossl is the man with the twinkly eyes and enormous heart, who only knows how to be good and kind. He is devoted to his family to the point of selflessness; tells a killer joke and can laugh at himself with a knowing giggle. He is our example of what it means to be a true mensch. While Genia, with her witty tongue, and massive generosity, is the backbone of our family. She embraced me from the first time we met and if she could, would take my illness and make it her own, so I could be healthy.

My siblings are also a big part of this love story.

Ann, who is part sister part protector and is always there for me. Who immediately cancelled her overseas trip to be by my side when discovering I wasn’t well. Ralph, whom I respect greatly and with whom I share a special bond is one of the finest people I know.

Bradley, who began calling me his angel and shleps big baskets of food to my kitchen bench that are lovingly prepared by Tami, who cooks for me every week, twice a week, no excuses, no apologies, to make sure I’m nourished in more ways than one. And my baby brother Glenny who when I tried to tell him of my illness cried out in such deep pain and love that I felt it to my core. I have felt his pain and love every day since. And dear Julie, so supportive in the background with her humour and encouragement.

Johnny and Anita are as close to us as the house across the road, especially those two brothers, who while sipping wine, argue about politics as though the world is listening.

And then there are our nieces and nephews and extended family that I love and adore, and I know, who love and adore me. Because they show me with every interaction and communication.

And finally there are you, my cherished friends, who have researched medical journals. Who have fed me, even when I asked you not to. Who have spent time with me, and tried to spend time with me. Who have showered me in gifts and cards and texts and loved me from near and far. I’ve felt it and appreciate it more than you can know.

And how do love stories usually end? Well, with a proposal, and that is exactly why we’re here today. Not my engagement, thank God, but my beloved children Gabi and Gabe.

That’s already funny that they share a name. But there are more things that our families share. The Metz’s are like the Bakers’ Sydney Doppelgangers. There is Karen and Kerryn, both GPs. Colin a doctor of medicine and Mark, a doctor of history. The Metzs have 3 children - one boy and 2 girls as do we. We each had a dog called Simba. Their son Josh lives far away for work, as does Gabe. Gabi and Sarah are both resident doctors. And Deena and Rachi even look alike. The Metzs are a warm, close, beautiful family who have taken wonderful care of Gabe since he’s been living in Sydney, and I couldn’t be happier that our families are joining today.

Gabe’s proposal started yesterday in Sydney and finished in Melbourne. Could that be an omen? He included the most important people in Gabi’s life, and wanted them to be a part of their coming together. We’re so happy that Gabi’s grandparents, Marlene and Sidney, are here with us today and not on their cruise as originally planned.

I want to thank that handsome Josh for travelling from Los Angeles to celebrate with us all and our yummy Timnah for travelling from Boston. And I want to thank Gabi and Gabe’s friends from Sydney who hopped on a plane at the last minute to be with us.

Gabe is very protective of Gabi. He worries at a party if she goes to fetch a drink by herself, where is she, is she ok, will she manage at the bar? This is a girl who lived alone in Newcastle for four years, travelled to Norway & Tanzania to work in hospitals there and survived a 6 foot 2 inch stalker with a machete.

In some ways, they are a typical couple: one focussed on healthy eating – chicken salads, no carbs, no sweets – and that’s Gabe. Gabi is more of a chips and hamburger kind of girl. Their relationship is very playful and fun and loving. But beneath their charming exteriors they are fiercely ambitious and determined. It gives me so much pleasure to see them together.

In Love Story the movie, I never liked the line “that love means never having to say you’re sorry”. I believe that there are many times in a marriage that you have to apologise and many times you have to forgive each other. But here tonight, in my love story, with you who surround me, there is nothing to be sorry for. I feel so blessed, and despite my aching heart, I am filled with the happiness of a simcha that gives me a taste of all the good things to come. Lechaim to Gabi and Gabe, Lechaim to you all.

Kerryn died on 15 March 2016, just three months later. Her husband Mark Baker delivered this incredible eulogy.